To spank, or not to spank!?!
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Everyone has there own way. Just because you have a rotten kid at times, does not mean that you are a rotten parent. I am a believer in spankings but at the same time, there are some other really good alternative approaches. It appears you have realized that he is not the type of child who responds to this type of discipline and the more you use it the more he learns that the violent nature of the discipline is an okay behavior. That is not to say that you were wrong for the spanking, it just means that now, you need to change the way you approach this problem. You know it is not working so you have to find something that will.
:drinker: Kudos to you for making this change. There are so many who don't.
I have 4 children and all of them responded in different ways to discipline. They DID indeed get spankings, I used time outs, punishments, mental games, psyche outs, dirty looks and even threats. There is no one solution. With my youngest who is now 10 years old, I use God - A LOT! It scares him to know that he is "being Watched and Judged" :noway: (it is really funny how well it works with him)
First I would advise for you to get a tougher skin. Young or not, You are a GOOD mother. I was 16 when I had my first and 26 when I had my last- I understand the insecurity but you have to take charge. You are the parent! The question and desire to do better by your son indicates this and you should not care what anyone thinks. I used to get embarassed by my kids in the stores and out in public when they showed off but once I turned the tables, that all stopped. One day I was the crazy, mean, bad mother in the store because my kids wanted to embarass me and I was having none of it. I yelled, not caring who heard and grabbed them up by their shirts and said in no uncertain terms that WE WILL BRAWL! :mad: , right then and there in front of everyone; in the middle of the store if I did not get the behavior I wanted. WHO CARES what other people think, you have to take his bad behind home. They don't!!! That response to my kids behavior not only surprised and scared them, but it embarassed them all at the same time. I have only had to do this a few times but the result was worth the embarassment and none of the onlookers ever mouthed a word. I have also taken to walking away from them when they decided to fall out and act all foolish. I do not mean just leave them but put distance between yourself and your child. Trust me he will follow because the reward of the bad behavior is your response. If he is not getting a response, he will learn that the behavior is for NOT. So ignore him and teach him that certain behaviors will not be tolerated or even acknolwledged. He will change it. When he does reward him.
Don't expect miracles over night. It will take a lot of time and DSCIPLINE on your part but eventually you can get what you want from your child. Just play this game by YOUR rules. And don't give up.
YOU are a good Mommy! :flowerforyou: Claim it for yourself and don't wait for others to acknowledge you.
GOOD LUCK! Trust me it will only get worse. At least he is still littler than you. Wait til he is a teen! God help you (LOL) :laugh:
BTW- I could never tolerate biting. Biting, spiting and Lying- are my pet peaves. I would bite him back. Not hard enough to injure him but hard enough that he knows that he can't bite anymore. Actually, kids are a great appetizer! (Smile)
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Hokay now that I have read what you wrote...
First of all relax... I am a fun, nutty, take it, but stop it, consistent type of Mom. I have an 11 year old son, and 6 year old daughter. My son I threatened already to sell him to gypsies, and my daughter I told her if she grabbed my hair (even thought she was playing), one more time today she would be doing her homework with a stub. Now is this "bad" parenting? No, they both know I mean business, and I have not yet sold or maimed a child thus far. LOL So relax. My kids are normal and I have worked my darnedest to warp them. LOL
A few thoughts...
BE CONSISTANT!!!
You and your hubby HAVE to sit down and make some rules on what is acceptable and what isn't. You can NOT just go changing rules on each other or over ruling each other in front of your child. You HAVE to make some rules, give them a try for a while, and then change things TOGETHER as needed. This is a MUST!
What do you and your hubby want your child to do differently?
Just like everything I do, I shoot for small goals, and anything above is success! So pick two "goals" which you would like to set for your child. And make a plan to on how you are going to change the behavior. For your son, the biting has GOT to stop. So write that one down. Then figure out what you are going to do when he bites. If spanking isn't working (didn't for my son either) then find another punishment and stick to it! Make sure the punishment is something YOU can stand. Taking away the kid's favorite toy which gives you 10 minutes without him hanging on you would not only stink for him, but your life will suck...so find things that you can handle as punishment.
Never let him see you sweat...Just like the commercial. LOL Once your child can see you out of control, you are done for.
I used the "naughty rug" method. I never give chances because if my kids even at that age were told they could have a cookie in six days, they'd remind me in six days about the cookie. So a simple rule is no chances. It takes out the guesswork and wear and tear on you.
For the naughty rug (from the Nanny on TV) you will need to find a quite rug or spot in your house for your child to sit where he can't touch, yank, breathe, eat, snort, see, rub, grab, feel, or do anything to any object other than a rug or a wall. This spot is where you will place your child when he bites for a few minutes. However many minutes you choose. At the end of this time you go and tell your child his infraction, and help him up and out of the naughty spot. This will give you time to think and relax, and same with your kid. STICK TO IT! If he gets out, reset the timer. My son did this at 3 once for 45 minutes...I as so upset but I stuck to it. Now that he's 11 I laugh and threaten him with the naughty rug and he KNOWS I'm serious though if he pushes me.
Anyway...I have really good kids and they have amazingly good behavior. I guess my goal is to raise them to be smart enough to get a good scholarship, so they can get a good enough job to pay for their therapy for all the things I screwed them up about. LOL
Besides...once you find a way to perfect your child's behavior he will think of something new and your old ways will go to pot. Kids should come with warnings..."Subject will change behavior without warning!" LOL
Good luck with that girlie! You can do it!
OH GOSH YOU SOUND LIKE MY MOM!! haha... not you lecturing just your personality! thanks tho!! a big thing is that me and my husband dont agree on how to punish, i want to incorperate newer ideas and he wants to stick with spanking, which appearently isnt working because its gotten worse!! blah!! or to help things, tell younger teenagers ( i'm 18:laugh: ) that if you have a child young, you will get fat, lose hair, have an uncontrollable bladder, get tired, wrinkles, and go nutsss!!!! :bigsmile: :bigsmile: Its fun but boy is it tiring!! I will try the naughty rug (corner) (chair) something.... i just dont know how i am going to get him to stay there!! blah thats the next task!!0 -
Hokay now that I have read what you wrote...
First of all relax... I am a fun, nutty, take it, but stop it, consistent type of Mom. I have an 11 year old son, and 6 year old daughter. My son I threatened already to sell him to gypsies, and my daughter I told her if she grabbed my hair (even thought she was playing), one more time today she would be doing her homework with a stub. Now is this "bad" parenting? No, they both know I mean business, and I have not yet sold or maimed a child thus far. LOL So relax. My kids are normal and I have worked my darnedest to warp them. LOL
A few thoughts...
BE CONSISTANT!!!
You and your hubby HAVE to sit down and make some rules on what is acceptable and what isn't. You can NOT just go changing rules on each other or over ruling each other in front of your child. You HAVE to make some rules, give them a try for a while, and then change things TOGETHER as needed. This is a MUST!
What do you and your hubby want your child to do differently?
Just like everything I do, I shoot for small goals, and anything above is success! So pick two "goals" which you would like to set for your child. And make a plan to on how you are going to change the behavior. For your son, the biting has GOT to stop. So write that one down. Then figure out what you are going to do when he bites. If spanking isn't working (didn't for my son either) then find another punishment and stick to it! Make sure the punishment is something YOU can stand. Taking away the kid's favorite toy which gives you 10 minutes without him hanging on you would not only stink for him, but your life will suck...so find things that you can handle as punishment.
Never let him see you sweat...Just like the commercial. LOL Once your child can see you out of control, you are done for.
I used the "naughty rug" method. I never give chances because if my kids even at that age were told they could have a cookie in six days, they'd remind me in six days about the cookie. So a simple rule is no chances. It takes out the guesswork and wear and tear on you.
For the naughty rug (from the Nanny on TV) you will need to find a quite rug or spot in your house for your child to sit where he can't touch, yank, breathe, eat, snort, see, rub, grab, feel, or do anything to any object other than a rug or a wall. This spot is where you will place your child when he bites for a few minutes. However many minutes you choose. At the end of this time you go and tell your child his infraction, and help him up and out of the naughty spot. This will give you time to think and relax, and same with your kid. STICK TO IT! If he gets out, reset the timer. My son did this at 3 once for 45 minutes...I as so upset but I stuck to it. Now that he's 11 I laugh and threaten him with the naughty rug and he KNOWS I'm serious though if he pushes me.
Anyway...I have really good kids and they have amazingly good behavior. I guess my goal is to raise them to be smart enough to get a good scholarship, so they can get a good enough job to pay for their therapy for all the things I screwed them up about. LOL
Besides...once you find a way to perfect your child's behavior he will think of something new and your old ways will go to pot. Kids should come with warnings..."Subject will change behavior without warning!" LOL
Good luck with that girlie! You can do it!
OH GOSH YOU SOUND LIKE MY MOM!! haha... not you lecturing just your personality! thanks tho!! a big thing is that me and my husband dont agree on how to punish, i want to incorperate newer ideas and he wants to stick with spanking, which appearently isnt working because its gotten worse!! blah!! or to help things, tell younger teenagers ( i'm 18:laugh: ) that if you have a child young, you will get fat, lose hair, have an uncontrollable bladder, get tired, wrinkles, and go nutsss!!!! :bigsmile: :bigsmile: Its fun but boy is it tiring!! I will try the naughty rug (corner) (chair) something.... i just dont know how i am going to get him to stay there!! blah thats the next task!!
you dont MAKE him forcefully sit there but if he gets up you put him bac... and time out starts over ... eventually he will get that he has to sit and wont get up anymore...make sure you keep putting him back though dont give in because corners(rug, chair, whatever) wont work if you give in...even if you do it a hunderd times putting him back ... the first few times will be hard because you will be doing it over and over but it will eventually get easier if your consistent!!0 -
Jackeh you are not alone! I have 3 children ages 23, 20 and 10.
DO NOT SPANK! :noway: It really doesn't do any good. As you said previously he is only 1 1/2 and it is already starting to lose its effectiveness. What are you going to do when he is 5 or 10 or 15? When he is bigger and stronger than you?
We had similar advice from my parents- "Spank and keep on spanking" like they did with us when we were little. Only my Mom kept it up even after I was menstrating. It didn't do any good, we just got better at hiding what we did. It did not internalize the behavior lesson she was trying to teach.
We paid a few thousand for family counseling 'cause my 1st son was a real handful. We couldn't ever go out with him. Honestly, by the time he was 2, I seriously considered giving him up for adoption. :sad: I felt that I must be a horrible mother and he would do so much better with someone else. :sad:
One of the 1st things the therapist had us do was "Compliance training". We used poker chips. We would spend 5 minutes a night and for the first week we would ask him to do something like "hand me the pencil on the counter please." And when he did we would give him a white chip. We would think of 5 commands, like a game. It had been so long since he had done something to make us happy he really ate it up. He loved holding his chips. We made a jar just to hold his chips. Do this for a week till he gets used to doing what you ask . Keep it short. After a week, put a few white chips in your pocket and when you are out in say, a grocery store, ask him to do something like hand you an apple. Give him a white chip when he does. Try and "Catch him being good" at least once a day.
If you don't see a behavior change fairly quickly- 2 weeks say, then I would take him to his pediatrician to rule out allergies, and clinical behavior problems.
When he is a little older, like 3, add "Family Special Playtime". This is using the same expanded to a 15 minute block of time (15 for EACH child if you have more than one) and letting them have you as a playmate. Two rules -"Nobody gets hurt", and "Nothing gets broken". They can paly a "normal game" like a board game or a crazy game like "Ballistic Barbies" ( my daughters personal fav when she was 6). I know you are tired at the end of the day and it really helps if there are both parents to do this but it is so worth it.!!!!! Later, when they are aware of the concept of purchasing and marketing, the chips can be "cashed in" by you for real money. We exchange at a rate of : white=dime, blue=quarter, red=dollar. Needless to say, red is stellar behavior! This worked like magic in our family. I hope it helps you.:flowerforyou:0 -
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This is going to sound really bizzare, but I asked my doctor and its doesn't hurt them.
NAUGHTY WATER!!!
Its vinegar with water in it; but mostly vinegar. I have a little syringe that I put just a little in...half a teaspoon or so and make my daughter open her mouth. It only takes a few times of getting naughty water for her to really straighten up.
My daughter is very strong willed, (as it sounds like your son is) and I strongly believe that strong willed children NEED TO KNOW WHO IS BOSS. Its going to be tough at first...but you can take back control. When my daughter does something she knows is wrong I get right down at her level. Have her look at me and I sort of stick out my neck a little and have a very serious, not mad, but serious look on my face and tell her. Reagan it is not okay for you to do _____. Mommy does not like when you do ___. This is your warning. If you do ____ again you will get naughty water. Then I give her a hug and pop up like nothing is wrong. She has had her warning and now its her choice. I use the word choice a lot because even as toddlers they know what is expected (if you set up expectations for them) and they know when something they do is wrong.
Then if she does that thing I warned her about. I grab her hand and walk her over to where the naughty water is. I fill up the syringe and tell her why she is getting naughty water. I make her open her mouth and take it. I don't force her with my hands, but I tell her to do it and I wait for her. Believe me it is going to take time.
This is just want has worked for us. And its just a thought.
I wish you much luck because those strong little wills are tough...but properly molded...strong willed children grow up to be the leaders of our society.
i LOVE this response! so yeah, what she said lol no honestly, have you watched supernanny on abc? this sounds like a similiar discipline style and it really can be effective when done properly. also, you could use a naughty spot, stool, step, etc, if you don't feel comfortable doing the water thing. if you do the time out or naughty spot methods, the time he's there is a minute for each year of his age, so 4 years=4 mins
remember to:
-give a warning
-give a stern voice when correcting, not a yelling or nagging voice
-tell ahead of time the consequence
-and do not make empty threats. kids know when adults aren't going to follow thru on whatever they say and they will push boundaries as far as they are set.
-also, do not give in just to make the behavior stop. if your child does throw a fit in the grocery b/c he wants the scooby doo snack pack, don't give in b/c it's embarrassing b/c that teaches him that if he throws a big enough fit, he's gonna get what he wants.
a few other pointers:
-dont set unrealistic expectations: i.e. a 1 1/2 yr old is gonna be bored out of his mind in the shopping cart and start acting out so have him "help" you get the groceries, even if it takes a little longer. dont go out to dinner w/out an activity bag so that he's not chucking crayons across the restaurant b/c he's bored, etc
-reward positive behavior: sometimes it's just a classic case of i need some attention and i'm gonna get it however i can get it,so when he's behaving properly, let him know that, shower him with positive attention so that he doesn't feel the need to act out to get attention
-look into why he thinks his reactions are okay: has he not been corrected for that before or does he see other adults or children react in that way?
-clarify your expectations for him: explain before you go into the grocery how you want him to act and what's going to happen when he does or does not meet those expectations
i don't know why i have all grocery examples lol but anyways, those are just some quick tips i could think of off the top of my head, hope they help
and above all else. .. remember, he's a toddler, thats just their thing lol don't worry bout what other people say or react like "my child would never act like that" , he's your son so don't worry about their opinion. either that or tell them they have one hour to whip him into shape then and you'll be back in an hour to pick him up! lol good luck! i'm sure you're doing a great job and the fact that you're asking for suggestions shows that you really care and want to improve your care for your son, good luck!:flowerforyou:0 -
I have just scanned this thread and must say that my blood is boiling.
In today's society I cannot for the life of me figure out why anyone thinks that physically abusing a child could in any way be acceptable. How many of you would allow your boyfriend or husband to hit you? If he did it once you'd be shocked. If he did it twice, you'd be furious. If he did it a few more times you'd call the police and get a restraining order.
Why does anyone think it's acceptable to hit a child? It makes me cry to even think about a little 1 1/2 year old just doing what they know to do....and then being hit for it. If I saw a parent, or anyone else for that matter, do that I am OBLIGED BY LAW to report the abuse......and it's for a reason....because it's wrong.
I don't understand why threads where ADULTS are having ADULT conversations with each other have been taking off here yet a post which promotes physical abuse of children is allowed to continue. That , in my humble opinion is quite %#@^'ed up!!!0 -
I have only spanked when my daughters did something that put their lives in danger...such as run into the street. My parents were spankers and I can remember the humiliation of it, and to be honest, I have some anger towards my mom for it. The difference between my mom and dad was this: my mom hit me in anger with anything she could find, my dad sat down and said it hurt him more than it hurt me but he was spanking me because... My dad earned respect by dealing with me that way. I didn't like the spankings, but I felt love from his discipline. Something to consider as you discuss this with your husband. Good luck!0
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I have just scanned this thread and must say that my blood is boiling.
In today's society I cannot for the life of me figure out why anyone thinks that physically abusing a child could in any way be acceptable. How many of you would allow your boyfriend or husband to hit you? If he did it once you'd be shocked. If he did it twice, you'd be furious. If he did it a few more times you'd call the police and get a restraining order.
Why does anyone think it's acceptable to hit a child? It makes me cry to even think about a little 1 1/2 year old just doing what they know to do....and then being hit for it. If I saw a parent, or anyone else for that matter, do that I am OBLIGED BY LAW to report the abuse......and it's for a reason....because it's wrong.
I don't understand why threads where ADULTS are having ADULT conversations with each other have been taking off here yet a post which promotes physical abuse of children is allowed to continue. That , in my humble opinion is quite %#@^'ed up!!!
I asked at the beginning of this post, that if you didnt have anything nice to say, dont post it!! I respect your opinon, as you should others. No one in here is talking about ABUSING our children! we are simply discussing ways of dicipline, and ways they were diciplined! I am sorry if what anyone said in here offended you. I am just a mother seeking help from other mothers. No need to be rude. Again, I respect your opinion, as well as the others on here. As you said, we are adults, having adult conversations. no lashing out necessary.
And to make it clear, i am very aware that my son is only 1 1/2 years old, i know that he is not going to be perfect so there is not need for you to "cry at the thought of it" , because i dont HIT my child, i may swat his little hiney, or swat his hand if he is grabbing something that is going to hurt him twice as much as my little swat. Plus that why i started this thread, to find out new inventive ways that work.
go have a :drinker: and relax. the last thing people want to do on here is "promote child abuse"!!!0 -
There is so much good advice here, it's great!!
Well here's my $.02. I am a mother of four and have been running a child care for the last 6 years. Every child is different and what works for one doesn't always work for another. I am a parent who spanks my children, (NOT my daycare kids, not allowed). But I will say that we used spanking more with our first two (now 14 & 13) than we have with our younger two(now 9 & 7). And my younger two are pretty well behaved without that form of discipline. I think I can count on one hand how many times they have actually been spanked. BUT they know that it is an option and choose to avoid it. We tend to do the 3 strikes, your out method. Your out means time for a spank.
Your baby is only 18months old and he is definitely testing his boundaries. If you want to use time outs, maybe try a playpen. I had a little boy about the same age in my daycare that started biting and this worked very well because he did not want to stay in a timeout chair or corner. So I isolated him in a playpen and put a gate around it so the other kids couldn't go up to him. He was always where I could see him, but he hated that he couldn't play with the toys or other kids. And he could throw any kind of fit he wanted. I just don't pay any attention at all when they act like that. They will eventually stop when they see you aren't watching. He stopped biting after about a week or two.
It sounds like you are do a great job!!! And please don't discredit yourself just because you are young. Just be patient and praise him when he behaves correctly. These are the early years that you can change the behaviors with a lot of love and consistency.
So good luck, let us know what works for you in the end.0 -
For fear of getting drawn in to a debate I'm not interested in, I'm just going to skip the other posts and write my own response. You MUST READ the book 'Discipline Without Distress' by Judy Arnall or the book 'Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves' by Naomi Aldort. Please check out one of these books and you'll find answers that I think will really really help you and your child.
Best wishes!0 -
hey hope i can help.. i teach parenting.. and you should not feel like a bad parent, however, the more attention to pay to the biting, hiting etc. even negative responses, the more it will happen.. your child is screaming for attention.. so 1. give him positive remarks, statements, etc when he least expects it"wow great job" what a helper you are , etc".
2. when the screaming , biting, hitting starts, give no eye contact , make no statements and walk away
(when he is older, you can say "i will talk to you when you are calm" and walk away).
then make sure you do!!!!
3. if it happens in a public place, don't say anything, just leave!!!! i know this is hard to do , been there myself.... have had to leave walmart with an hours worth of shopping still in the cart, go home and try again the next day...
all of this will work , it may get worse before better, but once your son decides that he gets more attention when things are calm,,, that he can continue to be with you when calm,,,, it will become clear to him, even without words that the other behaviours are not necessary..
check out www.handinhandparenting.ca0 -
Hi, RME_wyfe. I have two children, 19 and 13. They are both great kids - most of the time. We spanked, mostly to get their attention. No matter what anyone says, there is NO reasoning with a 1 1/2 year old. One or two spats lets them know you mean business. That said, let me say that spanking is not the "be all and end all" of discipline. It has a time and a place, and your children definitely will get to old to be spanked. Then you have to find something else that gets their attention.
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I have just scanned this thread and must say that my blood is boiling.
In today's society I cannot for the life of me figure out why anyone thinks that physically abusing a child could in any way be acceptable. How many of you would allow your boyfriend or husband to hit you? If he did it once you'd be shocked. If he did it twice, you'd be furious. If he did it a few more times you'd call the police and get a restraining order.
Why does anyone think it's acceptable to hit a child? It makes me cry to even think about a little 1 1/2 year old just doing what they know to do....and then being hit for it. If I saw a parent, or anyone else for that matter, do that I am OBLIGED BY LAW to report the abuse......and it's for a reason....because it's wrong.
I don't understand why threads where ADULTS are having ADULT conversations with each other have been taking off here yet a post which promotes physical abuse of children is allowed to continue. That , in my humble opinion is quite %#@^'ed up!!!
I asked at the beginning of this post, that if you didnt have anything nice to say, dont post it!! I respect your opinon, as you should others. No one in here is talking about ABUSING our children! we are simply discussing ways of dicipline, and ways they were diciplined! I am sorry if what anyone said in here offended you. I am just a mother seeking help from other mothers. No need to be rude. Again, I respect your opinion, as well as the others on here. As you said, we are adults, having adult conversations. no lashing out necessary.
And to make it clear, i am very aware that my son is only 1 1/2 years old, i know that he is not going to be perfect so there is not need for you to "cry at the thought of it" , because i dont HIT my child, i may swat his little hiney, or swat his hand if he is grabbing something that is going to hurt him twice as much as my little swat. Plus that why i started this thread, to find out new inventive ways that work.
go have a :drinker: and relax. the last thing people want to do on here is "promote child abuse"!!!
Call it what you will but laying a hand on a child to inflict pain of any sort IS abuse.0 -
:flowerforyou:OH GOSH YOU SOUND LIKE MY MOM!! haha... not you lecturing just your personality! thanks tho!! a big thing is that me and my husband don't agree on how to punish, i want to incorporate newer ideas and he wants to stick with spanking, which apparently isn't working because its gotten worse!! blah!! or to help things, tell younger teenagers ( I'm 18:laugh: ) that if you have a child young, you will get fat, lose hair, have an uncontrollable bladder, get tired, wrinkles, and go nutsss!!!! :bigsmile: :bigsmile: Its fun but boy is it tiring!! I will try the naughty rug (corner) (chair) something.... i just don't know how i am going to get him to stay there!! blah that's the next task!!
You and your DH have to show your kid you are a TEAM! That I think has made the greatest change for our son. He's so good but has always tried every trick with us. LOL My husband and I have to show as a driving force. Even the other day my husband thought I got onto our son too quickly about something. He totally backed me up and we let the punishment stand. After my son was out of the room and ear shot, hubby spoke to me and well, I was really too strict about it and wow...Thank goodness he showed restraint! I learned, and we both learned as a team. It was great!
You will end up wanting to strangle both you and your son many times over the naughty rug. Seriously. Set a timer, I use to keep one around the naughty rug area so I wouldn't forget to set it. I would then carry it around. It will be tough at first, but once your kid knows you aren't playing around anymore. He'll get it!
Another thing I did with my kids was on a "good moment" I explained the new rules. Something like, "Hey! We have a new way we are going to do things. From now on we are not going to bite or scream if we don't get our way. If you do this, you will go to the naughty rug for 5 minutes each time. You will sit there so you can cool off." Then get your kid to give you a high five to seal the deal. Also, maybe tell your kid something like, "Hey if you start to feel like you are going to get grouchy, walk up to me and ask for a hug. K?" Seriously...to this day (about two hours ago) my 11 year old STILL does this! I love it! So...
E-me always...It isn't easy, and I struggle daily. I shoot for complete failure as a parent and anything above that is success! LOL :flowerforyou:0 -
I thought we were trying to not ruffle feathers here people....
HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO DIET AND FITNESS???0 -
I don't understand why threads where ADULTS are having ADULT conversations with each other have been taking off here yet a post which promotes physical abuse of children is allowed to continue. That , in my humble opinion is quite %#@^'ed up!!!
Nobody said to beat your child. I would do a light tap on the rump.
I have threatened with humor to sell my kids to the nuns, make them walk with limps if they can't keep their feet off the walls, make them walk a plank (of course I had to explain that we would have to add onto the house first), Ummm... I don't know what else. But trying to add humor to my irritation when the are not following the rules helps keep them on track. I also grab their attention because they like to hear what silly thing I come up with. LOL
I would NEVER, send my kids to the moon, back to where they came from, sell my kids, send them out the door with a limp, or even a slight bobble or anything remotely hurtful. They just laugh and get back on task.
I also enjoy seeing the look on other parent's faces when I tell my kids I'm going to turn them into monkeys if they don't settle down. LOL I always get a ya, really look! :flowerforyou:0 -
I thought we were trying to not ruffle feathers here people....
HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO DIET AND FITNESS???
It is okay under "general discussion" to talk about different things as long as they keep clean I believe. And with crazy homes, how can we cook healthy and stay healthy! Home sin chaos are hard to keep straight and healthy. Good question though!:flowerforyou:0 -
I thought we were trying to not ruffle feathers here people....
HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO DIET AND FITNESS???
I think the fact that there has been two pages of constructive helpful hints, from both sides of the table, and only one person has chosen to go negative goes to show that feathers are not ruffled! Cant please everyone and if we are trying to, no one will ever voice an opinion.
I think this was a great topic and took some good points away for my 3 kids.
"How does this apply to diet and fitness?" IT DOESNT....that is why we are under the general discussion board. Great topic ladies! I am glad you started it and very much enjoyed reading it!!
just my 2 cents
Ali0 -
Biting, spiting and Lying- are my pet peeves. I would bite him back. Not hard enough to injure him but hard enough that he knows that he can't bite anymore. Actually, kids are a great appetizer! (Smile)
EXSMACKLY!!!! OMG!!! I HATE SPITTERS TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! UGGGGGGG!!! I had a friend who would feed her kid juice and he'd spit it all over the house. She'd give him a cup and he'd wonder all over the house with this spitting juice. I have had a few friends who had this going on. It was awful!
My solution: Don't give him anymore juice to wonder with, serve it only at the table with one meal. Easy, right? But...She thought it was not nice to not give him the juice he wanted stating it, "wasn't fair" to deprive him. :huh: Anyway...This just goes to show we have different priorities as parents and what isn't okay with one parent is okay with another. yikes! LOL0 -
Well, sorry if I upset anyone, But lately anything being discussed under "general discussion" that does not have to do with people getting their periods and eating excerise calories has been jumped all over.
As far as spanking goes, I am a mother of 3, I do not spank. I use the re-direct and time out form of disipline.
It is funny that you say that you did not want any one to post rude comments, because you probably did not want to feel like you were being attacked. Ironic.0 -
I thought we were trying to not ruffle feathers here people....
HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO DIET AND FITNESS???
I think the fact that there has been two pages of constructive helpful hints, from both sides of the table, and only one person has chosen to go negative goes to show that feathers are not ruffled! Cant please everyone and if we are trying to, no one will ever voice an opinion.
I think this was a great topic and took some good points away for my 3 kids.
"How does this apply to diet and fitness?" IT DOESNT....that is why we are under the general discussion board. Great topic ladies! I am glad you started it and very much enjoyed reading it!!
Totally girlie!!! I HAVE to have ideas from friends, boards, family and so on...I have so many ideas from my friends who have older kids. I pick the things that will work for me and our situation and toss aside the things that I don't agree with for my family. It is like a filter, filter the useful, ditch the other. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO thankful to get ideas diet, family, kids, life, workout or otherwise from everyone here. Everyone here and their help is AMAZING to me!! Thank you!0 -
I thought we were trying to not ruffle feathers here people....
HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO DIET AND FITNESS???
I think the fact that there has been two pages of constructive helpful hints, from both sides of the table, and only one person has chosen to go negative goes to show that feathers are not ruffled! Cant please everyone and if we are trying to, no one will ever voice an opinion.
I think this was a great topic and took some good points away for my 3 kids.
"How does this apply to diet and fitness?" IT DOESNT....that is why we are under the general discussion board. Great topic ladies! I am glad you started it and very much enjoyed reading it!!
Totally girlie!!! I HAVE to have ideas from friends, boards, family and so on...I have so many ideas from my friends who have older kids. I pick the things that will work for me and our situation and toss aside the things that I don't agree with for my family. It is like a filter, filter the useful, ditch the other. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO thankful to get ideas diet, family, kids, life, workout or otherwise from everyone here. Everyone here and their help is AMAZING to me!! Thank you!
Princess - I used to feel the same way. You guys get what you need to out of this forum. Peace.0 -
I think not giving them the attention they are wanting is the key.
I can remember when we would go out in public and my kids would throw a fit I would walk away (keeping them in site, but they could not see me) they thought I had left them so they would stop and then if they did it again i would walk away again. soon enough they got it.
(I was a spanker when needed but only if it was really bad)
Don't let them know you are watching the fit.
it is just attention they are wanting and if they see it don't work they will stop.
As far as the talking back I have teenagers and I have NOOOOO advice there, I could probably use some :laugh:
yep. this is it. do it even in public. don't worry about what other people think. your kid is smart enough to recognize that they can get away with more in public - my daughter is EXACTLY like what you described. she is almost 3 now, and i did this many times. keep calm, walk away.
as for spanking - my philosophy is to spank if what they are doing could cause themself or another person harm,(meet potential pain with pain) otherwise it is the surprise element of spanking that works - not the actual spanking. Redirecting their attention seems to work better - at least for my kiddos.0 -
by the way -
as for the opinion of people who think any spanking is "abuse" and should be "reported" blah blah blah, i just have one question:
when our parents were kids, they really were spanked and a lot more - they were certainly more respectful of adults than kids today and there were many fewer problems in society with kids than their is today. not that spanking was all that made it that way, but just a thought.0 -
I have a fifteen year old and an eleven year old. my daughter I've never hit I always used the corner an bought her a special time out chair. she often put herself in it when she did something bad. Now that she is fifteen I take away books because she is a bookworm and yes she still gets the corner an gives me no lip about it. my son is a handful and I've learned that his playstation is his lifeline so I threaten to erase his memory cards I hide his remotes an have confiscated his game case. My son has been the spirited one but I don't feel that hitting them is okay espesially since my mother used to beat the sh@t out of us. I do believe every parent has a right to handle their kids as they see fit. As long as they're not bruising beating black an blue or causing mental damage to their kids.0
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SPANK!!!
Hokay, now what's the question? LOL
LMBO!! right... i just get so uncomfortable when I am in public, because of the controversy over it, and everyon is so quitck to judge, i live at an army post, and because most of the wives here are so "perfect" they dont have to spank their child cuz theirs would "never act like that", i couldnt count the times someone has said something to me, or just loud enough for me to hear, about me spanking him, all the while i'm thinking,"unless you have a child, YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!"
I have been in your shoes MANY times and I feel for you. And IGNORE the stuck-up rude people who stick their noses in where they do not belong. Just keep on doing what you are doing.
BTW, I agree with blueenvy completely. Within reason, parents have a right to discipline as they see fit. A couple of swats on the butt never hurt anyone, but it probably got their attention!0 -
I'm a firm believer in spanking (or 'popping', as the case may be when they are young); HOWEVER, with a thick diaper on the tush they don't feel the spanking, and you are teaching them to hit.
My daughter is the most independent, strong willed diva I have EVER met. She's three now.
I could spank her, in that quick popping fashion that would leave a handprint on her bare rear, and the child would give me an 'eat *kitten*' look over her shoulder and go back to doing whatever she pleased. I was there, where you are now!! Frustrated and not knowing what to do, ESPECIALLY when she started trying to 'spank' or hit me back!
I went to time out and removal of toys/treats/favorite things.
For time out, we placed her in a chair (her size) in the middle of the room. She was in time out for one minute for each year of her age (1 y/o = 1 min). I set the kitchen timer and she wasn't allowed up until it went off. If she got up early, my husband would put her back. If it was just me, I had to forcibly hold her butt in the seat. She hated time out and still does. Cries and wails. That works for 'at home' situations.
In public, more than once, she has pushed her limits, testing me. I have, on many occasions, taken her outside for a spanking or a firm talking to. When it comes to public outings, I try to limit them to a time when my husband can accompany us. It takes us both tag-teaming this kid. Some children are high maintenance like that..... So, for example, if she starts acting up at the grocery store, one of us takes her outside for a talk or possible spanking while the other continues shopping.
Overall, what we've seen.... kids want limits and boundaries, but they also want to test them REPEATEDLY each and every day. You must stay firm and constant with your response. Don't worry what other people think. As long as you stop with a 'spanking' and don't cross the line into abuse (BIG DIFFERENCE), then it's your perogotive. And if anyone says anything, tell 'em to shove it.
It's hard raising a strong willed, independent child. They are a different breed.
Good luck and keep your chin up. This shall pass. :flowerforyou:
EDIT: One other point to mention, and this is kinda sad, but we stopped going out as much when she started acting up. It was too frustrating for us so we kept her at home as much as possible and ran errands without her when we could. We gave up a little social life in exchange for less frustration with parenting. Also, be aware of naptimes, irritability, hunger and thirst. (You probably already thought all about those factors.) Even though we gave up a little, the 'fits' decreased as we stayed home with her more.0 -
i myself don't believe in spanking. i guess to me it just seems like you're teaching them its ok to hit. Im having a hard time with him hitting and biting lately, so to me to spank his butt is teaching him that its ok to hit, kwim?
i prefer the time out method. he's almost 18 months old, and for us a firm NO and being put in time out for a min or two really seems to work.
i think it all depends on the parent and what they're comfortable with doing, and on the child and what they seem to respond to best.
when i was younger, please believe i got my butt busted quite a few times. the neighbours phoned the police one time when they saw my mom swatting me and my brother in the butt. the police told the neighbours to mind their business and that spanking is NOT considered abuse (at least not in canada, not sure about the US)
if it comes down to a situation where i think a spanking is necessary when my kids are a little older, they'll be getting it no second thoughts.0 -
im actually a little surprised at how many people said spank.... apparently im the only non-spanker:huh:
Depends on the kid IMHO...My son would look at me like WTF? My daughter a light tap to her bum and she would move it now! My husband...errrr...Hokay, be good...be good! LOL
I don't mind being spanked either... but then that is a whole different blog!!!! (LOL) I probably offended some one with that - Oh well, WTF I thought it was funny!! :ohwell:
CAN'T SATISFY EVERYONE!!!0
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