To spank, or not to spank!?!

hey hope i can help.. i teach parenting.. and you should not feel like a bad parent, however, the more attention to pay to the biting, hiting etc. even negative responses, the more it will happen.. your child is screaming for attention.. so 1. give him positive remarks, statements, etc when he least expects it"wow great job" what a helper you are , etc".
2. when the screaming , biting, hitting starts, give no eye contact , make no statements and walk away
(when he is older, you can say "i will talk to you when you are calm" and walk away).

then make sure you do!!!!
3. if it happens in a public place, don't say anything, just leave!!!! i know this is hard to do , been there myself.... have had to leave walmart with an hours worth of shopping still in the cart, go home and try again the next day...


all of this will work , it may get worse before better, but once your son decides that he gets more attention when things are calm,,, that he can continue to be with you when calm,,,, it will become clear to him, even without words that the other behaviours are not necessary..


check out www.handinhandparenting.ca

I have just scanned this thread and must say that my blood is boiling.

In today's society I cannot for the life of me figure out why anyone thinks that physically abusing a child could in any way be acceptable. How many of you would allow your boyfriend or husband to hit you? If he did it once you'd be shocked. If he did it twice, you'd be furious. If he did it a few more times you'd call the police and get a restraining order.

Why does anyone think it's acceptable to hit a child? It makes me cry to even think about a little 1 1/2 year old just doing what they know to do....and then being hit for it. If I saw a parent, or anyone else for that matter, do that I am OBLIGED BY LAW to report the abuse......and it's for a reason....because it's wrong.

I don't understand why threads where ADULTS are having ADULT conversations with each other have been taking off here yet a post which promotes physical abuse of children is allowed to continue. That , in my humble opinion is quite %#@^'ed up!!!

I asked at the beginning of this post, that if you didnt have anything nice to say, dont post it!! I respect your opinon, as you should others. No one in here is talking about ABUSING our children! we are simply discussing ways of dicipline, and ways they were diciplined! I am sorry if what anyone said in here offended you. I am just a mother seeking help from other mothers. No need to be rude. Again, I respect your opinion, as well as the others on here. As you said, we are adults, having adult conversations. no lashing out necessary.

And to make it clear, i am very aware that my son is only 1 1/2 years old, i know that he is not going to be perfect so there is not need for you to "cry at the thought of it" , because i dont HIT my child, i may swat his little hiney, or swat his hand if he is grabbing something that is going to hurt him twice as much as my little swat. Plus that why i started this thread, to find out new inventive ways that work.
go have a :drinker: and relax. the last thing people want to do on here is "promote child abuse"!!!

Call it what you will but laying a hand on a child to inflict pain of any sort IS abuse.

I thought we were trying to not ruffle feathers here people....
HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO DIET AND FITNESS???

I thought we were trying to not ruffle feathers here people....
HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO DIET AND FITNESS???

It is okay under "general discussion" to talk about different things as long as they keep clean I believe. And with crazy homes, how can we cook healthy and stay healthy! Home sin chaos are hard to keep straight and healthy. Good question though!:flowerforyou:

Biting, spiting and Lying- are my pet peeves. I would bite him back. Not hard enough to injure him but hard enough that he knows that he can't bite anymore. Actually, kids are a great appetizer! (Smile)

EXSMACKLY!!!! OMG!!! I HATE SPITTERS TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! UGGGGGGG!!! I had a friend who would feed her kid juice and he'd spit it all over the house. She'd give him a cup and he'd wonder all over the house with this spitting juice. I have had a few friends who had this going on. It was awful!

My solution: Don't give him anymore juice to wonder with, serve it only at the table with one meal. Easy, right? But...She thought it was not nice to not give him the juice he wanted stating it, "wasn't fair" to deprive him. :huh: Anyway...This just goes to show we have different priorities as parents and what isn't okay with one parent is okay with another. yikes! LOL

I thought we were trying to not ruffle feathers here people....
HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO DIET AND FITNESS???

I think the fact that there has been two pages of constructive helpful hints, from both sides of the table, and only one person has chosen to go negative goes to show that feathers are not ruffled! Cant please everyone and if we are trying to, no one will ever voice an opinion.

I think this was a great topic and took some good points away for my 3 kids.

"How does this apply to diet and fitness?" IT DOESNT....that is why we are under the general discussion board. Great topic ladies! I am glad you started it and very much enjoyed reading it!!

Totally girlie!!! I HAVE to have ideas from friends, boards, family and so on...I have so many ideas from my friends who have older kids. I pick the things that will work for me and our situation and toss aside the things that I don't agree with for my family. It is like a filter, filter the useful, ditch the other. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO thankful to get ideas diet, family, kids, life, workout or otherwise from everyone here. Everyone here and their help is AMAZING to me!! Thank you!

I think not giving them the attention they are wanting is the key.
I can remember when we would go out in public and my kids would throw a fit I would walk away (keeping them in site, but they could not see me) they thought I had left them so they would stop and then if they did it again i would walk away again. soon enough they got it.
(I was a spanker when needed but only if it was really bad)

Don't let them know you are watching the fit.

it is just attention they are wanting and if they see it don't work they will stop.

As far as the talking back I have teenagers and I have NOOOOO advice there, I could probably use some :laugh:

yep. this is it. do it even in public. don't worry about what other people think. your kid is smart enough to recognize that they can get away with more in public - my daughter is EXACTLY like what you described. she is almost 3 now, and i did this many times. keep calm, walk away.

as for spanking - my philosophy is to spank if what they are doing could cause themself or another person harm,(meet potential pain with pain) otherwise it is the surprise element of spanking that works - not the actual spanking. Redirecting their attention seems to work better - at least for my kiddos.

I have a fifteen year old and an eleven year old. my daughter I've never hit I always used the corner an bought her a special time out chair. she often put herself in it when she did something bad. Now that she is fifteen I take away books because she is a bookworm and yes she still gets the corner an gives me no lip about it. my son is a handful and I've learned that his playstation is his lifeline so I threaten to erase his memory cards I hide his remotes an have confiscated his game case. My son has been the spirited one but I don't feel that hitting them is okay espesially since my mother used to beat the sh@t out of us. I do believe every parent has a right to handle their kids as they see fit. As long as they're not bruising beating black an blue or causing mental damage to their kids.

I'm a firm believer in spanking (or 'popping', as the case may be when they are young); HOWEVER, with a thick diaper on the tush they don't feel the spanking, and you are teaching them to hit.

My daughter is the most independent, strong willed diva I have EVER met. She's three now.

I could spank her, in that quick popping fashion that would leave a handprint on her bare rear, and the child would give me an 'eat *kitten*' look over her shoulder and go back to doing whatever she pleased. I was there, where you are now!! Frustrated and not knowing what to do, ESPECIALLY when she started trying to 'spank' or hit me back!

I went to time out and removal of toys/treats/favorite things.

For time out, we placed her in a chair (her size) in the middle of the room. She was in time out for one minute for each year of her age (1 y/o = 1 min). I set the kitchen timer and she wasn't allowed up until it went off. If she got up early, my husband would put her back. If it was just me, I had to forcibly hold her butt in the seat. She hated time out and still does. Cries and wails. That works for 'at home' situations.

In public, more than once, she has pushed her limits, testing me. I have, on many occasions, taken her outside for a spanking or a firm talking to. When it comes to public outings, I try to limit them to a time when my husband can accompany us. It takes us both tag-teaming this kid. Some children are high maintenance like that..... So, for example, if she starts acting up at the grocery store, one of us takes her outside for a talk or possible spanking while the other continues shopping.

Overall, what we've seen.... kids want limits and boundaries, but they also want to test them REPEATEDLY each and every day. You must stay firm and constant with your response. Don't worry what other people think. As long as you stop with a 'spanking' and don't cross the line into abuse (BIG DIFFERENCE), then it's your perogotive. And if anyone says anything, tell 'em to shove it.

It's hard raising a strong willed, independent child. They are a different breed.

Good luck and keep your chin up. This shall pass. :flowerforyou:



EDIT: One other point to mention, and this is kinda sad, but we stopped going out as much when she started acting up. It was too frustrating for us so we kept her at home as much as possible and ran errands without her when we could. We gave up a little social life in exchange for less frustration with parenting. Also, be aware of naptimes, irritability, hunger and thirst. (You probably already thought all about those factors.) Even though we gave up a little, the 'fits' decreased as we stayed home with her more.

im actually a little surprised at how many people said spank.... apparently im the only non-spanker:huh:

Depends on the kid IMHO...My son would look at me like WTF? My daughter a light tap to her bum and she would move it now! My husband...errrr...Hokay, be good...be good! LOL

I don't mind being spanked either... but then that is a whole different blog!!!! (LOL) I probably offended some one with that - Oh well, WTF I thought it was funny!! :ohwell:

CAN'T SATISFY EVERYONE!!!