Rude or not?

That_Girl
That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
edited September 24 in Chit-Chat
Today, after work, while I was standing by the gate, a friend said, "Mrs. M, you're looking so thin! Your face, your body..."

I said thank you and then she said, "What are you doing? I want to work out but...yea right." She's a sweet gal and very overweight...it's all in her belly. Know those bodies? But she's awesome...a big help in my classroom. Anyway...

I told her I was just counting calories of the things I eat and really watching my sodium.

She said, "Oh I can't do that! OMG! No way. hahahah"

I told her that I'm doing it online and she still said she can't. :angry:

I really hate the "I can't" excuse...because--- you so can, but you don't want to and you won't. Big difference.

So I said, "Well, dying because I'm fat or getting some weird health issue because I'm fat is not an option. I want to be around for my grandchildren."

She is a mother...she is 20, but a mother. I am a mother, albeit I'm 30something.

Was that rude? She kinda laughed it off, but...then she got quiet. Maybe she was thinking? I don't know. I felt bad, but then didn't because hey, it is the truth. If I'm going to die of something, it's NOT going to be because I was fat...something I can completely control...even if it is hard.

What do you think?
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Replies

  • alecta337
    alecta337 Posts: 622 Member
    Totally justified
  • Atlantique
    Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
    Maybe a little blunt, but not rude.
  • JennsLosing
    JennsLosing Posts: 1,026
    not rude...its the truth. i wouldnt of taken any offense to it.
  • coderchris
    coderchris Posts: 79 Member
    sometimes a good dose of truth in a loving way is good. Sometimes that is what we need to hear. I do not think you were rude at all.
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    Maybe a little blunt, but not rude.

    HA! :laugh: I'm more than a little blunt. Maybe that helps because she knows me.
  • Vegas47
    Vegas47 Posts: 31
    I don't think it was rude, you were talking about your personal reasons for taking care of yourself.
  • leomom72
    leomom72 Posts: 1,797 Member
    not at all...i think more overweight people need to have a bit of reality pushed at them at some time or another..we all know how it is to want to lose weight, but not wanting to start...all it takes is a push, and a little motivation, so maybe you can show her how easy MFP is ? bring her over, or go to her place, or a library, or somewhere, and teach her how simple this place is..best of luck to you both :)
  • jon_dub
    jon_dub Posts: 166
    It could be concidered rude. Justified yeah but you can't live everyones life for them. If you did not say it in a manner that was snippy then it should be fine. Touch base with her tomorrow and tell her you hope you did not come off rude but you totally think she could do it if she tried.
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
    Who cares if it was rude?! Honestly! I wish people had been "rude" to me 60 lbs. ago. Then I wouldn't have stretch marks and be over 200 lbs. and be lethargic and wouldn't have had depression and ...shall I go on?

    I think it's good that you were honest about what's important to you. If she internalizes it, then good! But it's ultimately up to her how she's going to handle it.

    If you're feeling bad about it, might I suggest sending her an email with a link to MFP and your user name? Tell her it was really nice talking to her about your weight loss and tell her how great you feel already and you'd love it if she would join you. You can do it together! :)

    Just an idea.
  • Jlennhikes
    Jlennhikes Posts: 290 Member
    Since she's fat and your remarks, the way you explained them here and in the context that you think this lady is a bit of loser for saying she can't lose weight, yes, I think it was rude. But according to your profile, you're proud of your direct approach, so maybe she's used to you and wasn't hurt.
  • 2bFitNTrim
    2bFitNTrim Posts: 1,209 Member
    I don't think it was rude at all. She invited the conversation by telling you that you looked thin and asking about it. You answered for YOU; why you did it & how. You did not insult her. And maybe she got quiet because it struck a cord with her. Who knows? Maybe you inspired her.
  • polar5554
    polar5554 Posts: 576 Member
    The hardest thing about searching for the truth...Is that sometimes you find it.
  • Trishkit
    Trishkit Posts: 290 Member
    I think you said that about as well as anyone could. I wish I could bring myself to be that honest with some members of my family, primarily my in-laws. I'm so tired of hearing, "Yeah, weight loss just doesn't happen for me" excuse.
  • ShelleyBowman
    ShelleyBowman Posts: 54 Member
    As your comment was phrased as "I" as opposed to you,it was not rude at all. Not even a little bit. You're right... can't vs. won't is a lesson so many need to learn.
  • Higglyjiggly64
    Higglyjiggly64 Posts: 136
    I don't think it was rude, because you kept it about your goal. You didn't say "Well it's your choice if you want to die of something related to being fat".
  • flutterqueen04
    flutterqueen04 Posts: 278
    That attitude makes me so mad too!! I would have said something like that too. At least it wasn't confrontational. You were just making an honest statement about you that can be implied to her as well (and hopefully she did pick up on that!) Stating YOUR reason to lose weight was NOT THE LEAST BIT RUDE!

    Everyone has the ability to lose weight just like everyone has the ability to make money. It all boils down to how much work your willing to do to get the payday!
  • momogogo
    momogogo Posts: 159 Member
    Sometimes when we sugar coat things it doesn't get thru. You didn't lie. You spoke the truth and that may just set her free. I used to be the I can't do that person until someone woke me out of my slumber. Good job for saying what you really believe. She may come back to thank you later. Especially the fact that she is watching you progress.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    She asked and you answered,she didn`t like or want to hear the answer so as long as you were not personally degrading to her I think it was fine.:drinker:
  • jlrstone50
    jlrstone50 Posts: 3 Member
    Congratulations on your weight loss and your choices for eating healthy. Sounds like you know this young lady very well and in my opinion, you were being very honest. I don't see anything wrong with what you said and I would rather my friends be honest..sometimes the truth hurts, but it's what gets us really thinking..

    Take care :flowerforyou:
  • RussianLynx
    RussianLynx Posts: 83
    One of the things that motivated me to really get my weight and health in order was this quote: "Being fat isn't your fault. Staying fat is."

    With all the horrible things that are done to food these days, I think it's understandable that so many people are overweight.

    Refusing to change or being ignorant of what you are putting into your body are just stupid. Change takes effort and the ability to look at yourself in an honest way.

    You only have one body. If you had a really nice sports car, would you put **** in the gas tank? No. You would give it the best fuel possible. Why would you do any less for your body?

    I think it was blunt and honest, not rude.
  • adriayellow11
    adriayellow11 Posts: 140
    You gave her something to think about that could save her life. And she's the one who invited your input into the conversation about her body weight. I would say it was informative if you send her a link to the site and encourage her.
  • CalorieNinja
    CalorieNinja Posts: 645 Member
    Today, after work, while I was standing by the gate, a friend said, "Mrs. M, you're looking so thin! Your face, your body..."

    I said thank you and then she said, "What are you doing? I want to work out but...yea right." She's a sweet gal and very overweight...it's all in her belly. Know those bodies? But she's awesome...a big help in my classroom. Anyway...

    I told her I was just counting calories of the things I eat and really watching my sodium.

    She said, "Oh I can't do that! OMG! No way. hahahah"

    I told her that I'm doing it online and she still said she can't. :angry:

    I really hate the "I can't" excuse...because--- you so can, but you don't want to and you won't. Big difference.

    So I said, "Well, dying because I'm fat or getting some weird health issue because I'm fat is not an option. I want to be around for my grandchildren."

    She is a mother...she is 20, but a mother. I am a mother, albeit I'm 30something.

    Was that rude? She kinda laughed it off, but...then she got quiet. Maybe she was thinking? I don't know. I felt bad, but then didn't because hey, it is the truth. If I'm going to die of something, it's NOT going to be because I was fat...something I can completely control...even if it is hard.

    What do you think?

    I wouldn't consider that rude. Sometimes you can sugar coat things :) Maybe you will open her eyes!
  • alienblonde1
    alienblonde1 Posts: 749 Member
    If it was just you two standing there then I would say not. Sometimes people need to hear the truth. You could write down the name of this website and hand it to her, telling her to look around. The before and after pics here really motivated me. AND is she isn't ready now maybe she will someday soon.

    Theres a lady at work I keep telling about this site. I have even showed her a couple of before and after pics and she still wont really check it out. She has diabetes and weighs more then me.
  • coffeepleese
    coffeepleese Posts: 11 Member
    She brought the conversation & I think you're right, she doesn't want to. You not only gave her a tool to get her started (your response to her ? ) but you also gave her your reason you do it. You look good, she noticed, she will go home & think about that no matter what she chooses to do about it. Don't beat yourself up over it-
    I never thought counting cal's could do anything for me, but it is a wake up call that keeps me in check more than anything ever had. I'm pushing 40 & never fad dieted-just plus size almost my whole life. You are NOT rude, in fact you sound like a very nice person. maybe that was her way of making polite small talk. Don't we all have those "insert foot into mouth" moments ?
    Good luck & great job on those lbs already gone!
  • jmwolffyy
    jmwolffyy Posts: 212 Member
    I am guessing that, as a 20 something, she may need to hear multiple options from multiple people before she makes the choice to change her lifestyle. I became a mom before 20, which started my weight-gain journey, and it hasn't been until my mid-30s that I finally decided to get off that road and start a weight-LOSS journey instead. Over the years I heard many people tell how they were losing weight. Some sounded interesting, some I even halfheartedly tried. But I had to make the mental change for myself first. You were not rude, you were offering a possible option for her to consider. She knows her own health issues, I guarantee it. She knows what she is unable to do with her child(ren) as well. I would hazard the guess that although she may not do anything about her weight soon, she will remember the ways you have suggested at some point in the future.
  • ambie35
    ambie35 Posts: 853 Member
    Today a got a lot of compliments on the shirt I was wearing from my classmates. My friend who is overweight said "Wish I could be skinny and wear cute clothes!" rather cynically. I have introduced her to mfp recently ,but she didn't seem to take to it. The "I can't excuse is tiring". I know I can't say too much on the matter as I have never had to deal with loosing a significant amount of weight,however sometimes it seems some of my larger friends assume I am the size I am and still eat whatever I want. I was not blessed with fast metabolism trust me!
  • CarolHudson11
    CarolHudson11 Posts: 372
    Nope. You said that YOU didn't want to die or have some weird health issues because of YOUR weight. You didn't say she was fat, nor did you tell her that she needed to lose weight or that she should. If she internalized it, that's on her. You gave good reasons for why YOU want to be healthier. And hopefully she took some of that with her. I'm of the opinion that if you don't want the answer to the question - you probably better not ask it.
  • Nikstergirl
    Nikstergirl Posts: 1,549 Member
    I wish I could say that to a few people... I wish I would have heard that a few times!!! But I had to find my own way to start my journey and so does she. We've all been there, and hindsight is so much clearer sometimes!! I used to have the "I can't" attitude, but that's changed and I'm not even sure yet how it happened for me. If she got her feelings hurt then maybe she needed it, if she's ready, she will know who to turn to for advice and motivation!!!
  • kelika71
    kelika71 Posts: 778 Member
    Rude? I don't think so. She's the one that asked. The way I see it, if you don't want the hard truth told to you, then one shouldn't open their mouth and ask if they can't take it. Kind of like, if you've nothing good to say, keep your mouth closed. If she didn't like it, she should've kept it closed. :)
  • MobiusMan
    MobiusMan Posts: 385 Member
    not in the least. Just honest.
This discussion has been closed.

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