Rude or not?

meggonkgonk · March 2011

From my perspective it was probably a step too far. No finger wagging, I can understand where it came from- it's a really frustrating situation! My best friend from home (we live about 200 mi away) ALWAYS complains about her weight and when I started to lose we had a similar interaction where she just declared that she wasn't "committed enough" to count calories and she preferred to just add work outs and cut back on her portions/getting take out. I WANTED to be like "well then don't bother" and list all of the reasons that that wouldnt help her adjust her habits permenently. But I kind of paused, and then went on to really encourage her- she got a trainer and he has her doing kettlebells and she loves the elliptical (both exercises I despise) but she feels great so I put in the enthusiasm.

Anyway, long way of saying that maybe the harsher words will help your coworker, but chances are they just made her feel like crap. None of us is perfect, and every single one of us has been in a position where we think "this" is nearly impossible. So to me, the better route is encouragement and gentle dispelling of common myths (SUGAR IS EVIL! POTATOES AND BREAD ARE THE DEVIL!) because ultimately you want them to come around to your way of thinking, and snapping (no matter how justifable and understandable) really won't get you there.

O.o I didn't snap at her. I didn't say it in a b*tchy way. I was smiling and just matter of fact. She brought it up. I don't shoot rainbows up people's bums lol. PCism is killing the country.

I think you just really wanted from this post is to feel good about not thinking this was rude. I'm sorry you got mixed opinions, but this is mine- if you really gave a crap about your friend at all, you should have approached it in a manner that would not turn her off or make her feel crappy. Just cuz you were smiling doesn't stop it from being b*tchy or snappy.

And people thinking their way is the only way is what's killing this country.

Next time, don't ask for an opinion if all you want is to hear your own.

tater8589 · March 2011

If your normaly blunt, then not rude. You may have hurt her feelings, but it was probably more of a wake up call to her. Maybe once she bandages her feelings she will consider a healthier lifestyle like you have. Since you work together, try "helping" her count her cals, for a week write what she eats on a note pad and figure the cals from MFP on the paper for her, at the end of the week show her what she's eating and show her (guesstimate if you need to) what she should be eating (cal count). Its more effort on your part, but she may see how easy it is and really appreciate it. Good luck.

NZGeekGirl · March 2011

I really agree with the person who said that often our friends enable us. Realistically everyone knows that our freinds normally do that, normally tell us what we want to hear. It's something I'm actually sick of. I would prefer someone who had the guts and trusted the freindship enough to talk to me like the OP did to hers. Even if it was rude (and I still don't think it was) the OP was in a position to give an honest answer and she did. I personally think that's something to value.

The best thing that happened to me was having a personal trainer take me on, since then I've heard from a reliable source what I NEED to hear...not what I WANT to hear. My decreasing dress size is proving it.

That_Girl · March 2011

From my perspective it was probably a step too far. No finger wagging, I can understand where it came from- it's a really frustrating situation! My best friend from home (we live about 200 mi away) ALWAYS complains about her weight and when I started to lose we had a similar interaction where she just declared that she wasn't "committed enough" to count calories and she preferred to just add work outs and cut back on her portions/getting take out. I WANTED to be like "well then don't bother" and list all of the reasons that that wouldnt help her adjust her habits permenently. But I kind of paused, and then went on to really encourage her- she got a trainer and he has her doing kettlebells and she loves the elliptical (both exercises I despise) but she feels great so I put in the enthusiasm.

Anyway, long way of saying that maybe the harsher words will help your coworker, but chances are they just made her feel like crap. None of us is perfect, and every single one of us has been in a position where we think "this" is nearly impossible. So to me, the better route is encouragement and gentle dispelling of common myths (SUGAR IS EVIL! POTATOES AND BREAD ARE THE DEVIL!) because ultimately you want them to come around to your way of thinking, and snapping (no matter how justifable and understandable) really won't get you there.

O.o I didn't snap at her. I didn't say it in a b*tchy way. I was smiling and just matter of fact. She brought it up. I don't shoot rainbows up people's bums lol. PCism is killing the country.

I think you just really wanted from this post is to feel good about not thinking this was rude. I'm sorry you got mixed opinions, but this is mine- if you really gave a crap about your friend at all, you should have approached it in a manner that would not turn her off or make her feel crappy. Just cuz you were smiling doesn't stop it from being b*tchy or snappy.

And people thinking their way is the only way is what's killing this country.

Next time, don't ask for an opinion if all you want is to hear your own.

I didn't approach her at all LOL She came to me. In fact, she asked me for this website yesterday. Maybe she'll join, maybe she won't. I asked her if she thought I was rude and she laughed and said, "What?! What was rude? I feel the same way!"

So...That's that.

And PCism is killing the country. Next time I want an opinion, I just won't ask for yours

123456654321 · March 2011

she asked me for this website yesterday. Maybe she'll join, maybe she won't. I asked her if she thought I was rude and she laughed and said, "What?! What was rude? I feel the same way!"

So...That's that.

Glad she didn't seem to take it badly.

...lol, what if she joins and finds this thread? :laugh:

That_Girl · March 2011

she asked me for this website yesterday. Maybe she'll join, maybe she won't. I asked her if she thought I was rude and she laughed and said, "What?! What was rude? I feel the same way!"

So...That's that.

Glad she didn't seem to take it badly.

...lol, what if she joins and finds this thread? :laugh:

:laugh: Well, I never said anything bad about her. I think she's great!

I don't know if she'll join, but I'm happy she asked.

Hotbysummer · March 2011

Just delete the post..solves that, no need to discourage her, our give her a bad taste, our idea about MFP:)

iamhealingmyself · March 2011

I think if she was to join and read the post that she would see that her friend really cares about her, not only to tell her what's on her mind but to reconsider HOW she said it as well. Everyone is bothered by something and it doesn't matter if it's our kids, siblings, friends or parents. That which is closest to you will eventually be a source of irritation. That doesn't mean we don't care about the people any more or that we don't want anything to do with them. It just means that we have to do what's best for us and sometimes, that means limiting the exposure to the irritant. Sometimes, like in the case of vaccines, the irritant is actually the cure.

We ALL think about things that bother us and maybe even talk to someone about it. How is this any different? OP had a moment to reflect on what she said ABOUT HERSELF but then realized that if the one asking the question was really ready for an answer or help, the conversation wouldn't have stopped there. It could have been the spark that changes her life, who really knows for sure but her. I'm sure that's why they remain friends. They are beneficial to each other in their own way and it is not for us to judge or decide anything about their relationship. If you find it offensive, you're free to stop reading and posting here. I don't feel compelled to post every response I might right. Sometimes I just need to vent and never click post because when I have a moment to think about what I've said, it's just not worth it, but the getting it out is very therapeutic

I hope she does join and comes to you for help and you are able to help her too so that she may be able to pay it forward to someone else.

Rude or not?

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