ADVICE NEEDED - "adults" telling me that what I want to do i

I'll make it short and brief. Honestly, I only read 1/2 way thru. Why? Because you are an adult now and can make your own decisions in life. Others may approve or disapprove....doesn't matter. It's not their life. It's yours.

It took me a long time to learn that, but once you stop worrying about what everyone else thinks, you'll be so much happier. Good luck! :flowerforyou:

I agree exactly!!!

Next time the nosy biddy-bodies mouth off, tell them that you aren't stupid enough to marry the first loser that comes along like they did. You're smart enough to take this car for a test drive before you tie yourself to him for life. You may find that you can't stand him once you live with his habits day in and day out, at which point you'll be glad that you just moved in and didn't get married yet so you can easily move back out. But then again, you may be lucky like I was and realize after living with him for a year or two that yes, indeed, he is your other half. It's your life. Enjoy it. And don't worry about what co-workers or anyone else thinks.

Do what is best for you.

Personally, I am against moving in together before marriage. It hasn't worked out for anyone I know (including my brother), but that's not true for everyone. I met my wife in high school, started dating senior year, and maintained our relationship through college. She attended university about 700 miles away and in another country, so that made things pretty different. We stayed together and a month after both graduating, married. Four days later moved across the US to the West Coast, where we have been for the past four years.

We don't miss anything. I am her first serious (or actual) relationship. She is my second (or third) serious relationship. Do we feel like we've missed anything out of life? Nope! Because we have someone to share it with. That's the great thing about marriage...someone to share our experiences with and be loved and remembered by.

I had the same thought that JJs25th had. Why do you not want to get married?

I'm in school now (2nd career) in Marriage and Family Therapy, and I get the statistics and the studies and the whole 9 yards. I'm not going to cite any of that because it doesn't matter. Frankly, I'm not sure why you posted. You seem to have your mind made up as to your selected course of action. I don't mean that negatively. After all, a lot of people look for the opinions of others when their minds are already made up - and, yes, it bugs them when people disagree with them.

I think it would make more sense to consider what's really going on here. What is this about, for you? What is motivating this queston, this situation, etc? Sure, it's about what you ultimately want, for youself and for your relationships (I put that in plural because your decision, contrary to popular opinion, will affect more than just the central relationship with your boyfriend or even your relationships with your parents. Now, you can say that other people's opinions don't matter, but they do. They will affect how those other people relate to you.

I'm 37 and have been married for 13 years and have daughters 10 and 8. My wife and I did not live together until after we got engaged and that period of time was less than 5 months before our wedding. I had my own place in her apartment building, but I admit, it stayed vacant quite a bit. I am not sure about what I expect for my children, but I hope that they can come to me with what's going on in their lives (when they're older) and trust that I won't go ape$4!t on them.

What are you hoping to GAIN by living together? What do you think you'll not be GIVING UP living together?

Ultimately, too, what we do DOES affect others. Sure, it was more obvious 125 years ago when communities were small and, if something bad happened, the community rallied around the person who endured whatever misfortune. But, our actions still have consequences - and we never know what they might be.

I wish you well.

Do what is best for you.

Personally, I am against moving in together before marriage. It hasn't worked out for anyone I know (including my brother), but that's not true for everyone. I met my wife in high school, started dating senior year, and maintained our relationship through college. She attended university about 700 miles away and in another country, so that made things pretty different. We stayed together and a month after both graduating, married. Four days later moved across the US to the West Coast, where we have been for the past four years.

We don't miss anything. I am her first serious (or actual) relationship. She is my second (or third) serious relationship. Do we feel like we've missed anything out of life? Nope! Because we have someone to share it with. That's the great thing about marriage...someone to share our experiences with and be loved and remembered by.

I am the same. I am also against moving in together before marriage for many reasons. But I'm not here to try and push them down your throat or debate them with anybody else. Your life is your business. You sound like your mind is made up, and you are a bit upset that your co-workers were not in full agreement with you. It isn't worth getting mad about. Getting that upset over it sounds to me like you are not 100% secure with your decision-making skills or confidence. That's not an insult, either, so please don't take it that way. When you feel sure about something, make sure you are really sure. And you'll know when you are, because you will no longer need any advice or viewpoints from anybody else.

I moved in with my now wife when I was 23, she was 22, a year and a half later we got engaged, 10 months later got marred, and have been married for 6 years now and have a 5 month old son. I don't think there should be an issue if you want to do it. Just ignore them and do what is right for you. If it doesn't workout then you can get a place of your own, no harm in trying, and you will get to know each other even better than you do already. Good luck.

I got married at 18 had 2 children and was divorced by the time I was about 22 ,was just me and the boys for the next 10 years I went out and had fun maybe once a week when the boys stayed with my mam and dad ,I then met my partner and within 1 week he had moved in we are still together 20 years later ,no one said it would last but if you love someone and know what you want things will work out .
Good luck in whatever you choose to do .

are you guys serious?

Yes, I am. If good relationship skills have been modeled, that's the important thing. That's why the divorce statistic is higher for 2nd and 3rd marriages. Many people have not learned good relationship (including arguing) skills in their earlier marriages. The issue isn't always the other spouse. Sometimes it is, sometimes, it isn't.

22 may be young, but if you BOTH have the skills and COMMITMENT to it, you can do it and have a beautiful marriage. 100 years ago, there was little to no divorce - certainly nothing hovering around the 50% statistic we have today. And people were getting married younger. Am I the only one who is fascinated by that?

BTW, I was 24 and my bride was 29 when we wed.

Hi.... your right, none of us know you and can't pretend to tell you what is best for you. But, in general terms your co-workers may be projecting some of their bad experiences onto you. In their eyes, they are most likely not trying to be mean, but merely trying to help you. The world is full of people that dated, married in thier 20s and divorced in their 30s or 40s and many of them blame "getting married too young" as the cause.
If one had to "generalize" things, people and their outlook on life change as they go through their 20s. Again, this is a broad generalization. Its no secret that we all mature at some piont. Hopefully the things we did when we were 22 are not as fun and important as what we do when are 32. (Well, there was that week in New Orleans at Mardi Gras that would still be fun today,.... But I digress).
As I was saying, your story reminds me of someone I know and love very much. My nephew. He married young (19). Married the first and only girl he ever dated. I was so against it. I thought he should have dated longer, perhaps date someone else, experience life a little. I had projected my experiences onto him. I went to college, went into the Navy, traveled the world, and have spent most of the last 20 years traveling the world. Throughout my 20s and 30s I literally partied on 6 continents and over 90 countries around the world. I was very fortunate in my career choice. I wanted him to experience some of that! He didnt need to leave the US, but I still wished for him to enjoy his 20s. Well, that "boy" became a man. He is 29 now and they are still married with 2 beautiful kids. Basically, I was wrong to project my wishes and what I "thought" was best for him.

As for your situation, it sounds like you know what you want in life. It sounds like you have a great guy and you guys are happy so to hell with what others think. Like you said, you are just moving in together, not planning to get married. I think that is pretty smart to be honest. As someone else said, the worse that happens is, it doesnt work out and you guys go your own way and get your own place. Bottom line, go with your gut instinct and do what is right for you!! Your certainly an adult capable of making your own decisions. I wish you all the best!!

I read like half of it too.It is easy to see what is actually wrong. There are too many cooks in the kitchen. You seem like your taking everyone else's advice AND involving them too much in your relationship. A solid relationship doesn't need more then 2 people to sort things out. You need to quiet them down then you will be able to make a more sound decision because it will be how you feel, not how they feel.

I'm 27... Live with my boyfriend in our own house. Obviously, I see no problem with the decision of what you want to do, considering that's exactly what I'm doing. And who says you can travel and do fun and crazy things just because you live with your boyfriend??? Do them! And take him along! He's your partner in crime, after all!

and you care what your co-workers think.. why?

I dont know why you're giving so much energy, credit or validation to coworkers who dont even know you as well as your family does. Honestly you shouldnt even ask them their opinion on personal matters. Im glad your family is all for it and are supportive. If in the future you need to ask an opinion from friends or coworkers remind them that ITS ONLY AN OPINION and NOT THER DECISION.

My son is 22 and I feel Ive raised him to make mostly good judgements and decisions just as your family feels. The fact that youre not rushing into it and have thought about all the nuances that go with it tells me your pretty smart and doing it the right way. So stick to your guns babe and move in with him. That'll shut em all up for a while.

If they dont, then ask them if you can move in with THEM. That'll definitely shut their traps.

I'm currently 31 and have never lived completely by myself. I've always had family or roommates, and now I have my husband. I love them all, but I do feel I missed out on some things by never living alone.

You may have a completely different experience. Or you may look back in 10 years and wish you'd done things differently.

When I was age 22 most people I knew couldn't really grasp the concept that you only get one life, and there are no do-overs. I certainly didn't 'get it' back then. That truth didn't surface until we'd been out of our parents' homes for 5+ years or so.

Best of luck, whatever you decide to do.