ADVICE NEEDED - "adults" telling me that what I want to do i

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  • sillygoose1977
    sillygoose1977 Posts: 2,151 Member
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    It is totally your life and you should do what you want. BUT (you knew there had to be one right?) When I was 21 I moved away from my roommates and family and lived in an apartment on my own for a year and a half. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. It gave me time to learn excatly who I was without the influence of anyone else. It taught be responsibility and gave me tons of strength and independence. I would suggest to everyone around your age to live alone at least for a year or two just for the experience of it.

    My two cents :flowerforyou:
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
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    move in together but do not go into debt together - no joint loans, credit cards, bank accounts, car loans, etc.... that way if it doesn't work out you can walk away,probably with a broken heart but at least not in debt up to your eyeballs!!

    this is really great advice!

    yes, reality speaking here. This is truth!!! These can be hard lessons to learn so take it from someone who learned it painfully...no joint money (I'm talking about BIG stuff they named above) until you're at least engaged.
  • NewToFitness
    NewToFitness Posts: 9
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    I went through the same situation, only I was with my boyfriend for approx. 3 years before moving into an apartment with him during college. There can be issues when you start commingling your finances, but as long as you discuss it properly with him there shouldn't be any issues. Financial management and budgeting is key to having a smooth transition -- we use mint.com and that helps a lot. If all you're doing is renting, there shouldn't be any issues at all -- even if things turn out badly for you and him, you can just find another place, no big deal.

    Ignore your coworkers, or politely tell them that your personal matters are none of their business -- you shouldn't have to put up with people's personal judgments in the workplace. Its unprofessional of them to discuss your personal life. If you're really unhappy about it, you could talk to your HR, or look around for another job where there are less judgmental coworkers.
  • dababers
    dababers Posts: 135
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    You're an adult...no judgements from me. Statistics do show that couples that live together prior to marriage typically have a higher divorce rate than those who do not cohabitate. That said....there are two questions to ask yourself: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Do the two of you respect yourselves enough (and value yourselves enough) to wait until marriage to cohabitate or have sex?
  • robin52077
    robin52077 Posts: 4,383 Member
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    You don't NEED to travel and do "all the stuff people in their 20s enjoy".
    What if you don't WANT to travel? I'm 34 and never left New England by choice.
    What if you don't WANT to go to bars and parties? Just because you turn 21 doesn't mean you HAVE to "party it up".

    My perfect life was ALWAYS to have someone to curl up with at night, the security of knowing you were NOT alone.
    I had my kids at 20 and 24. Now I am 34 and they are fairly grown, which makes it easier for me to do the things I want to do NOW, now that we can afford it and have a house and good jobs, rather than THEN, when it would be crappy apartments and paycheck to paycheck.

    Everyone is different, and if you want to settle down at 20 then GO FOR IT. I did, and I wouldn't go back and change anything. :)
  • NewToFitness
    NewToFitness Posts: 9
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    I agree, make sure to not commingle any debt, and keep separate accounts, and you should be fine.
  • aimstein
    aimstein Posts: 94
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    k.

    I'm really glad to see you edited your previous post. You are right....this is MFP....where supporting each other with weight and healthy lifestyle issues imperative. Stress and anger, precisely what this young lady is feeling and expressing through her post, can make a person want to emotionally eat or binge. Emotions can easily derail people's weight loss journey so we should be supportive, empthetic, and respectful. Once again, thank you for changing your post!
  • ahsongbird
    ahsongbird Posts: 712 Member
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    I know I'm 22 and I was married at 18 to my wonderful husband. We now have three children and a great life and I wouldnt trade a single moment of it. EVeryone gave me a hard time bc of a big age difference between us but love is love and its noone elses business unless ur being hurt.
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
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    It is your life and no one elses who cares what people say.
    Follow your heart
  • smithsara7272
    smithsara7272 Posts: 22 Member
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    DO IT!!!! You have to test drive the car before you buy it! Then you will not be saying what if i had lived with him before we got married... i would have seen that hes a total pig....

    Chances are the people telling you not to do it have a bitter taste in their mouth from their failed relationships. Negitivity breeds negitivity. Surround yourself with positive people that support YOUR decisions in YOUR LIFE!!!!!
  • aimstein
    aimstein Posts: 94
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    Do what is best for YOU! Only you can make decisions concerning your life. You will have to live with the happiness or consequences your choices bring, but your co-workers will not. Ask yourself, will you even know your co-workers in a few years....if not their advice really doesn't matter. Do you!
  • maparapa22
    maparapa22 Posts: 23
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    You are the adult, you have to make the choices and stick to them. Opinions are just that opinions, they don't make or break your life. I would talk to your boyfriend and you make the decision with him. BE ASSERTIVE
  • NikkisNewStart
    NikkisNewStart Posts: 1,100 Member
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    You don't NEED to travel and do "all the stuff people in their 20s enjoy".
    What if you don't WANT to travel? I'm 34 and never left New England by choice.
    What if you don't WANT to go to bars and parties? Just because you turn 21 doesn't mean you HAVE to "party it up".

    Thank you for this!!! So true! Different strokes for different folks! It irks me to no end that everyone has this vision of the ideal young 20 somethings out there conquering the world... lol

    How about we all just do what makes us happy? I have 1 life and I'm not going to live in regret or the past. Make smart, educated decisions based on the information you have right now. That is all anyone can expect. No one can see the future.
  • X_C_X
    X_C_X Posts: 14
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    ive been living with my husband since i was 16, 1st house was a house share, then we moved into our own flat then when i was 18 we moved into our own house had some problems so we moved in with my mum with a son (who was about 8 months at the time!!!) and then last year in aug we moved into our own brand new house with 2 kids :D im 21 this year my partner is 23, no 1 ever tried to stop us from living together my mum wasnt happy but i moved in with him and his house mate so they could afford to live there it was nice to have that freedom aswell!

    do whats best for you i personaly say go for it :)
  • NikkisNewStart
    NikkisNewStart Posts: 1,100 Member
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    This is going to come out bad but I don't really know how to sugarcoat it: your first mistake was telling them that you would take their advice under consideration. If people believe that they have the power to influence your decision then they are going to continue to try to. Period. That wasn't really something I learned personally but I watched my older siblings get upset over adults telling them what they think they should do. My sister once complained that no one tries to give me advice and I told her because I don't give them the idea that taking their advice is an option.

    YOU are my hero. :bows down:
  • PeachyKeene
    PeachyKeene Posts: 1,645 Member
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    I know how it is. I was there and done that and now I can right the book. I thought that was the only thing that was going to make me happy in life, was to get out, live with someone that will love, or at least a little interested in me, have couple of kids and live happy ever after.

    WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I did just what I wanted then and now I look back and wish I did all the fun crazy things. I love my husband and children, but what if I finished college, got to go to all the fun parties, have lots of friends till the end. But, I don't. My husband got to experience some of the things a young adult gets to do, he is 5 years older than me and attended college at Georgia Southern, a school known for party harty.

    I always cry when the song from Reba McEntire, "Is There Life Out There" comes on. Look it up on Youtube and listen to it.

    Think hard and long about what you could be giving up.
  • NoExcuseTina
    NoExcuseTina Posts: 506 Member
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    make sure you are on the same page about important things (debt, religion and family...just to name a few)...if those are close to being similar...you should be ok

    you can still keep your financial independence by keeping your money separate (that's what my hubby and I did when we moved in together...separate checking accounts till 2 months before the wedding)

    I personally have lived with 2 men...both of which became my husband...the first one ended in divorce and the second one I am currently married to...I think I skipped the part the first time thru about the important things (debt, religion and family)...I thought love was enough...I was not quite as naive the second time thru!
  • musicgirl88
    musicgirl88 Posts: 504 Member
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    Consider the generation gap. These "adults" grew up in a very different time. Our generation is more open to things and less conservative than their generation. If your family approves of him then I say go for it!! I am the same as you. I always pictured myself getting married and having a family at a younger age. I want to be the active young parent that can actually do things with my kids, not the older parent that might be confused as a grandparent!!! LOL Everyone has the right to their opinions, but in the end it is YOUR decision.
  • kwardklinck
    kwardklinck Posts: 1,601
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    Try not to get too angry at them. They are probably just saying what they would've done if they had it all to do over again. I'm 44 and I got married at 19. I had my first child at 21. Sometimes I think I would've preferred to do the travelling and such because it's harder to do with a family, but I love my kids. I'm proud of the job I've done raising them. I wound up with a person who's been my rock throughout life and two children I can be proud of. So, I really doubt I would change a thing about the way I have lived my life. My kids are grown and nearly out of the house. We can do the traveling then. :)
  • ShandiH
    ShandiH Posts: 232 Member
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    Bottom line, it is your life. Take what all those who care about you say into consideration and make your on decision. Pro and con it and you'll find out for yourself. I lived WAY too much of my life being swayed by other people's opinions and I wish now that I had had the spine to stick up for myself back then. My life might be so different than what it is now (not that my life is bad or anything. But, instead of being an accountant I might have been an interior designer or architect). I was 26 before I "found" myself and yes, you can "find" yourself while being in a romantic relationship.

    Your co-workers are jaded by their past experiences and it isn't right for them to portray what they went through onto you and your boyfriend. However, be realistic about things. It is possible that it might not work out between you and your boyfriend. It might happen that you see a different side of him while living together. But, it might work out and you "live happily ever after." You never know. I agree, you can't live life based on fear and not do things because everyone tells you one way or the other. Out of everyone who's give you advice (solicited or unsolicited) trust you and your parents first . . . that's who knows you best

    You can live up your 20's while in a relationship too. It's when you start having kids and buying a house etc. that you're more tied down. Go on vacations, with or without your boyfriend. Experience life to it's fullest while your young and carefree (be careful and wise about it thought). Oh, and next time your co-worker(s) say something, thank them for their concern but you've listened to them before and there is no need to repeat themselves again and again. Stick up for yourself.

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