He is married :(
Replies
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Why waste your time? You have to remind yourself, he married SOMEONE ELSE......Don't waste your fun and independent years waiting for some guy to decide he wants to divorce the woman he just married, and this does not just effect you two anymore, there is another person involved.....
I really believe that you would be the one to end up hurt, so why even put yourself out there like that? Go have fun at being single and enjoy life!0 -
if he wanted a relationship with you he would've made that happen instead of marrying someone else.
don't be 2nd in line.
and as the others have said, if he cheats on her, he will cheat on you.0 -
he's married hun.
It's simply not your 'time' at the moment so you need to back away...
when the time comes, if the time comes, that he is 'free' for you to pursue more.. then sobeit... but this, newly married (?) is NOT your time.
If it is mant to be, it will be, when the time is right, and at no one else's expense or pain.0 -
It is so easy to hang on to things that just aren't good for us isn't it? You know the answer as well as any of us.
Cons:
You'd be with a guy who can't stick with something he'd committed to.
Every time he met a girl at work or the grocery store-you'd have to wonder if they're "just friends"
You will get emotionally attached further, which will hurt harder when he goes back to her.
Yes, she WILL find out.
No, he will not be blamed.
Pros:
ummmm....you'd get some? (btw, we can get some anywhere.)0 -
Listen to your gut feeling. He is married and if or until he is legally divorced, don't go out with him! You wouldn't like anyone to step out on you if you were married. Move on. The more time you spend wasted with him, the longer it'll take for the "right one" & single man to come along. Been there, done that. I could write a book about it. If you'd like more girl talk, feel free to inbox me.
Sharon0 -
Here is the point of view from a woman whose late husband cheated on her ALL THE TIME!!!! It is best to walk away. Cut ties. You are better than to be "the other woman". If he "cheats" on his wife with you, he will do it to you too! Feelings may be there, but sometimes those feelings are best left unanswered. Not only will his wife be angry, upset, and spiteful if she finds out, your relationship you want will be built on top of a relationship that never really stood a chance to begin with. I didn't find out about my husband's flings until his funeral and two women showed up with children that looked almost identical to mine - they were younger than mine too. It is a pain that will make her cold and unhuman. Do you want to be a part of that feeling in someone? You have to walk away and realize that your confidence in yourself is the only thing you need. You do not need a man that would do that to you or his wife.0
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Just don't do it......the best thing you can do is to cut all contact with him.....you don't need to put yourself through all that drama, it's definatetly not worth it.0
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If you sleep with him and he goes back to his wife, you're going to feel even worse.
Let him go. :flowerforyou:0 -
Don't even think about it.0
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Use your head for something besides a hat rack!!
I'll give you a very tiny bit of slack, because you are very young, but he needs a dent in his forehead. Do the math, if he was "really close friends" with a 14 yr old when he was 23, he is a predator in my book.
If you were my daughter his status would have already changed from predator to prey.
Wake up! You obviously know right from wrong. Doesn't matter how "genuine" your feelings are.
I see what you mean about the age but I can tell you he is a decent guy. Just this feelings are insane. I need to tell him that I can't see him.0 -
DONT BE A HOME WRECKER......would you want your husband doing this to you? Always look at it from an outside perspective, not your own. When you look at it from your own it's to gain something for your own interests.0
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He's clearly been able to manipulate you and your feelings for the past 6 - 7 years and even though these feelings were so insane, he went ahead and married someone else even when you were legal age...it makes no sense. It's not even worth seeing him. He sounds like a total douche bag.0
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I was once a WIFE and I knew what it felt to find out my ( dirty scum bag ***stab his face****) Husband was cheating. It hurt bad and broke up our family. Now I am happily with someone else and he's still with that Homewrecker and yes he still cheats on her and tries to hit on me ( we have a daughter) Trust me dont ever take someone elses man because KARMA will stick it to u ten times fold. She lives in hell with him but thats her dirty bed she must lay in it since she wanted him so damn bad it didnt bother her he was married
oh and FYI 95% of the guys that "leave" there wifes and tell u they are are BULL****TING you hes not over her and wont be.... like i said finish what u started DIVORCE than do what ever you want
until than ur either *kitten* ...or cash......someone to kill time with while he sees which side the grass is greener on0 -
If he's unhappy enough with his wife, then that relationship will end. UNTIL it does (officially, on paper), he's not available and no possible outcome will result in YOUR happiness.
I know the feeling, most everyone here does. If you truly feel you cannot resist instigating something, don't see him without his wife present.
Taking all morality out of it, he can't commit to you so won't really 'have' him. And, like someone already mentioned, if
he did leave her for you, could you really trust him not to move on to someone else as soon as you two started having problems? Marriages/relationships have problems.
Best of luck.0 -
You're attracted to the situation, because of the history.
Nothing has happened for this long. There must be a reason for that.
You do not know what goes on in his home, or how things are really.
Until he shows up unmarried - there is nothing there for you. History or no history.
If he was single - there is still no guarantee that things would work with you.
There is no question if he's a cheater, then he will always have the capacity to cheat, on you or anyone else. If he's not a cheater, but leaves his wife and then comes to you - you'd still be cooked, cuz know what? Wifey never really goes away.
Sound like he was about your present age when you both met. The secret here is that there are many men out there with the same qualities that you are seeing in him. Go find one of them. An unmarried one. A 'your own age' one.
I.0 -
Your available, so you deserve someone who is just as available and he's not.So not sure why I am writing this here. Just would like a little advice I think. I do know right from wrong but the feeling is so fricken strong.... haha that could be a song!
Here's the picture. I have liked this dude since I was 14 I am now nearly 21 and he is 30 we are really close friends too, but age doesn't matter to me. We have always had a 'thing' but didn't go further than kissing because of my age. We would always meet up and hang out, we had a great relationship (not official) but would get on so well and it was clear there was always something there. He recently got married and things aren't going well with his wife. I am seeing him next week for the first time in a couple weeks. I want him so bad but obvy he is married. What should I do because my body says go for it and instigate something but my mind knows it's wrong. She would never find out and I know he wants something to happen. Ah I sound so terrible and like a homewrecker.
please don't hate me these feelings are genuine
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don't do it. would you want someone doing that to you?? you know things like that can ruin someones life??? what if she never dates again because of what her husband did to her and ends up alone, no kids, no grandkids?? and if she does have kids, why would you put thier kids throught that?? would you want your kids to go through that?? what if she goes into depression and kills herself?? knowing you were to blame for that?? NO GOOD EVER COMES OUT OF CHEATING!!! on no ones part... how could you sleep knowing you did that?? why would you even think about it?? do you know how selfish you sound?? i'm sure you can find someone else.
OH AND... KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS! IT'S NOT THAT HARD! HE'S TAKEN! FIND SOMEONE ELSE!0 -
Use your head for something besides a hat rack!!
I'll give you a very tiny bit of slack, because you are very young, but he needs a dent in his forehead. Do the math, if he was "really close friends" with a 14 yr old when he was 23, he is a predator in my book.
If you were my daughter his status would have already changed from predator to prey.
Wake up! You obviously know right from wrong. Doesn't matter how "genuine" your feelings are.
Good Point!!!!0 -
I feel for you sweetie, but have you ever stop to think you may want him so badly because he is not realistic? I mean sometimes what you can't have always seems like a challenge.
Value yourself more and if you guys are meant to be, then let him go, let his marriage do what ever it needs and know that you are doing the right thing. Think if you were his wife, how would you feel....take yourself out of the situation and know there is someone out there that will be even better for you, and not put you in a situation like this one.0 -
I don't hate you... no hard feelings here... but even tho your feelings are genuine they are wrong....
just think if the situation were reversed and you were his wife who was going through so much heart ache and pain because of how the marriage was turning out...
would you want some young thing coming along and trying to tear apart what little there is left, and what little chance there is of putting your marriage back together...
I think it is time for you to think of someone besides yourself here.
Leave the situation alone, and move on.
Yeah I know. I just want one night with him nothing serious. I know exactly what you are saying, I know wrong from right. Just gonna have to tell him straight
so basically what you are saying is that you want one night with him SOOO bad that you are willing to ruin a marriage, and hurt his wife soo terribly badly? its nothing serious to you because you are available... its a different story for him. I don't know you, and I don't know your religious stand point, but quite frankly, having sex really isn't worth tearing a marriage apart.... its cruel, and he may be a dirt bag and willing to cheat on his wife, but.... it wont end good, and you will be left with a life time of regret. Get over it sister! you will be better for it!0 -
Hi I'm not normally one to respond to posts but in this case I had to.. I'm coming from the perspective of a wife who has been In this situation. My husband and now ex best friend had been struggling with having feelings for each other since we all met in highschool, however they ignored their feelings, my husband and I continued to date and my best friend and I remained best friends.. Then about 2 yrs ago my husband and I had a huge argument and he decided now was their chance to be together. I moved out and they began a four month long affair .
Long story short after four months my husband came to his senses and we reconciled..and even though my stupid ex best friend gave him everything she had,in the end it wasn't enough. After massive amounts of counseling and ups and downs we are on solid ground again.
Now Idk your situation or the guys situation, but he married her, not you for a reason... I'd hate to see someone else get hurt like this.. Allow him time to really decide what he wants, and if that's a divorce let the divorce go through and be final. And if you end up together great. A few months is nothing to soul mates.0 -
If you were his wife how would you feel to have another woman obsessing/seducing your man? Let them figure it out. If you wanted him so badly you should have jumped on him before he got married. Timing is off, accept it and move on. Don't be the one to sway him into something he will forever feel guilty about. A person doesn't get married and cheat on their spouse with out having some feelings of guilt somewhere down the road in life. Stay out the THEIR marriage and perhaps you will one day be married to somebody and will have the good fortune of having other women stay out of YOUR marriage. It's your choice but its a choice you have to live with.0
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I know I don't want anything other than sex with him. I need to tell him that nothing can happen, I am sure this feeling will pass.0
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You should stay far far away from him. There is no happy ending here. Like a previous post mentioned, even if you started something with him and he left his wife for you, you're still with a cheater that you will never be able to trust, plus you have to live with the guilt.
And speaking from the side of the wife, my husband and I have had our rough spots in the past, but we are stronger now than ever, and we might never have made it to this point if someone else had decided to interfer in our marriage. No one has a right to interfer in a marriage no matter how strong their feelings are for the person. You don't know anything about their situation, no matter what he tells you. You need to put yourself in the wife's shoes. How would you feel if the roles were reversed? I would bet that you would be deeply hurt, and you would probably want to do serious harm to "the other woman". If you don't think you deserve to be treated that way then you should have no part in treating another person that way.0 -
He's clearly been able to manipulate you and your feelings for the past 6 - 7 years and even though these feelings were so insane, he went ahead and married someone else even when you were legal age...it makes no sense. It's not even worth seeing him. He sounds like a total douche bag.
AGREED! DOUCHE BAG ALERT!0 -
We can't help what we feel but we can help what we do about it. We can't always act on our feelings.
Ever feel like punching your boss in the nose? Yeah, me too. Ever act on it? Of course not! Because you know that would be crazy. And sleeping with a married man is crazy. If he loved you, he would have married you instead of her. Don't lower yourself by sleeping with a married man. It doesn't matter how you feel about him. You just can't let yourself do it. Remove the temptation. I agree with the person who said to tell him to call you after he gets a divorce and not any sooner. You'll miss the friendship but it will be better for your sanity in the long run.
Good luck!0 -
My two thoughts are he chose to marry his wife and didn't choose to be with you. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't see you as top lady in his life? And likely if he cheated on his wife, he would cheat on you.
You are a beautiful girl and you deserve someone who will choose you first. Let him be his own demise, don't be caught up in that crap, it's more stress than you need. Forget about him and move on and find someone who wants to be with you and only you!0 -
Use your head for something besides a hat rack!!
I'll give you a very tiny bit of slack, because you are very young, but he needs a dent in his forehead. Do the math, if he was "really close friends" with a 14 yr old when he was 23, he is a predator in my book.
If you were my daughter his status would have already changed from predator to prey.
Wake up! You obviously know right from wrong. Doesn't matter how "genuine" your feelings are.
I see what you mean about the age but I can tell you he is a decent guy. Just this feelings are insane. I need to tell him that I can't see him.
If he were a decent guy he would be talking to his wife about their marital issues, not you. If he were a decent guy, he would not have been kissing you when you were a minor and he was not. If he were a decent guy he would not put you in a position to compromise your values, and if he were a decent guy he would certainly not - as a 30 year old - be interested in hooking up with a young lady barely out of her teens. You deserved better than that. Stay away from him and wait until you find a guy who values you for you.0 -
I don't hate you... no hard feelings here... but even tho your feelings are genuine they are wrong....
just think if the situation were reversed and you were his wife who was going through so much heart ache and pain because of how the marriage was turning out...
would you want some young thing coming along and trying to tear apart what little there is left, and what little chance there is of putting your marriage back together...
I think it is time for you to think of someone besides yourself here.
Leave the situation alone, and move on.
Yeah I know. I just want one night with him nothing serious. I know exactly what you are saying, I know wrong from right. Just gonna have to tell him straight
so basically what you are saying is that you want one night with him SOOO bad that you are willing to ruin a marriage, and hurt his wife soo terribly badly? its nothing serious to you because you are available... its a different story for him. I don't know you, and I don't know your religious stand point, but quite frankly, having sex really isn't worth tearing a marriage apart.... its cruel, and he may be a dirt bag and willing to cheat on his wife, but you are the bystander and should be able to look past the end of his penis even tho he cant.... it wont end good, and you will be left with a life time of regret. Get over it sister! you will be better for it!
I am not religious in any way and I know it is wrong because I am only thinking of my 'needs' but thank you for your advice. I have obviously fallen for him and I will leave it at that.0 -
Im sorry i dont mean to be rude but you would not be a good person if you went along with this.I'm a firm believer in karma. I;ve been cheated on and it is the worst feeling in the world. I wouldnt wih it upon my worst enemy. Something tells me you've never been cheated on because if you have been...you wouldnt even have to ask this question...0
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