He is married :(

135

Replies

  • IamOnMywayNow
    IamOnMywayNow Posts: 470 Member
    You need to leave him alone! If he is willing to cheat on his wife with you, it probably means he has already cheated on her with someone else. You know the right thing is to tell him to eff off until he is free to be with you if that is what he wants.
  • bbb84
    bbb84 Posts: 418 Member
    There is no such thing as no strings attached, someone always ends up hurt. Consider this, If he is such a great guy then why wasn't it you that he was dating, you were legal at 18. Why is he married to someone else if your connection is so strong? Every "positive" thing you have to say about your relationship with this guy is contradicted by the fact that he is with another woman. He is having his cake and eating it too, and you are letting him use you. Please listen to the wisdom on this board and don't do something you will regret, no good fairy tale ever started with, "he was married and seeing me on the side". Just saying. The sad thing is, you say you need to tell him you won't see, but you probably will...... Good luck!
  • misssuperstitious
    misssuperstitious Posts: 178

    I'll give you a very tiny bit of slack, because you are very young, but he needs a dent in his forehead. Do the math, if he was "really close friends" with a 14 yr old when he was 23, he is a predator in my book.

    If you were my daughter his status would have already changed from predator to prey.

    Wake up! You obviously know right from wrong. Doesn't matter how "genuine" your feelings are.

    I hope the poor wife is on MFP, she deserves to know she married trash.
  • Karleyyy
    Karleyyy Posts: 857
    You need to leave him alone! If he is willing to cheat on his wife with you, it probably means he has already cheated on her with someone else. You know the right thing is to tell him to eff off until he is free to be with you if that is what he wants.

    And if he is willing to do it now, he would do the same thing to you if you ever got together. And then you would truly see how it felt.
  • DeBlue
    DeBlue Posts: 254 Member
    Nope - you have to be a better friend to yourself. If I were your best friend with this same story what would you advise me to do?

    If this man is unhappy, don't let him use you for therapy. This doesn't end well even if it leads you two to be together in a rush. It would only get you someone you couldn't really trust, or the heartbreak of realizing you had only been used. And don't forget the bonus of guilt you will likely carry either way.

    Like with your weight and your health, this is a chance to really learn to take care of yourself and overcome unhealthy temptations!
  • JanerZzz
    JanerZzz Posts: 276
    Honestly, even if you have sex with him...I guarantee you'll be so dissapointed. He sounds like a self centered idiot, so I doubt he will care how it is for you, you'll be stuck counting ceiling tiles. Seriously, you'll have more fun sitting watching paint dry then doing anything with this skeezebag. I know you're young, but you are getting played, BAD.
  • brewingaz
    brewingaz Posts: 1,136 Member
    If he's not divorced from her, he's still invested in the marriage. PERIOD. If you two end up having sex, then he gets back to his wife, he's going to see you as a mistake. Do you want to be in his mind as a mistake? A regret? This is going to hurt you and hurt his wife. Not worth it.
  • krise31
    krise31 Posts: 53 Member
    Look everyone can say leave it alone blah blah because its the right thing to do and for good karma it def is but im sure there is a part of you that is actually enjoying the attention. There is this awesome rush you get knowing you have the attention of a married man and the fact his marriage isnt going well maybe seems alittle bit like a game? If you meet up with him and it causes more issues maybe you'll feel like your winning. I am only saying this because its human nature and its ok to feel like that alot of people do but wont admit it.

    I know what its like to fall for a guy at a young age who was older it messes with your head. It can take a long time to get over that I was 20 when I met this guy who at the time was 29 I'm 25 now and have just really moved on from thinking he was the most amazing thing since sliced bread last year.

    Point is this stop making yourself so available to him because some guys get off on that. The guy might not actually like you but instead like the affect he has on you. Think about that.
  • shakemybooty
    shakemybooty Posts: 681 Member
    I'm the ex wife of a cheater. I am also a full believer in karma because my two cheaters are now married to each other (although it took them 8 years to commit to each other).

    Nothing good will come of this.
  • DaniiDean
    DaniiDean Posts: 162 Member
    Honestly, even if you have sex with him...I guarantee you'll be so dissapointed. He sounds like a self centered idiot, so I doubt he will care how it is for you, you'll be stuck counting ceiling tiles. Seriously, you'll have more fun sitting watching paint dry then doing anything with this skeezebag. I know you're young, but you are getting played, BAD.

    haha!
  • AngelaPowPowPOW
    AngelaPowPowPOW Posts: 293
    Im sorry i dont mean to be rude but you would not be a good person if you went along with this.I'm a firm believer in karma. I;ve been cheated on and it is the worst feeling in the world. I wouldnt wih it upon my worst enemy. Something tells me you've never been cheated on because if you have been...you wouldnt even have to ask this question...
    Exactly! Years later I still have trust issues because of what one single d-bag did to me.
  • DaniiDean
    DaniiDean Posts: 162 Member
    Thank you for all of your advice people of MFP.... I know what I gotta do.
  • Karleyyy
    Karleyyy Posts: 857
    Look everyone can say leave it alone blah blah because its the right thing to do and for good karma it def is but im sure there is a part of you that is actually enjoying the attention. There is this awesome rush you get knowing you have the attention of a married man and the fact his marriage isnt going well maybe seems alittle bit like a game? If you meet up with him and it causes more issues maybe you'll feel like your winning. I am only saying this because its human nature and its ok to feel like that alot of people do but wont admit it.

    I know what its like to fall for a guy at a young age who was older it messes with your head. It can take a long time to get over that I was 20 when I met this guy who at the time was 29 I'm 25 now and have just really moved on from thinking he was the most amazing thing since sliced bread last year.

    Point is this stop making yourself so available to him because some guys get off on that. The guy might not actually like you but instead like the affect he has on you. Think about that.

    NO ONE said that they haven't felt this way, and they probably would admit it. It is just how you handle it.
  • monkeybuttsmommy
    monkeybuttsmommy Posts: 343 Member
    Been there and it wasn't worth it. Don't do it. Vary rarely do these things work out in the unmarried half of the "relationship" and the men always say, "my marriage is on the rocks" blah blah blah. Its crap, I don't care how much you think you know him. I stuck around for 4 years! I chalk it up to temporary insanity. It never should have happened and he NEVER did leave her. She ended up leaving him 3 years after I did. He wasn't even the one that filed for divorce!
  • komplexlysimple
    komplexlysimple Posts: 48
    Awe.... I feel sorry for you!!! He is married Hun, you have to let it go. You are young and you will find love again.
  • jrusso28
    jrusso28 Posts: 249 Member
    Your young and a bit naive, and it sounds as if you might have some low self esteem issues.
    I think this person is taking advantage of you and unfortunately you will be the last one to realize that.

    Your a beautiful 20 yo young woman, there are tons of guys your age with a lot more to offer than this cheater.

    Walk away, and if he pursues teach him a lesson and tell his wife.

    Also, I am a firm believer in karma.
    What goes around comes around.
  • Atlantique
    Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
    I know that is the right thing but I can't help wanting him, this sucks

    Don't you deserve a relationship with a real, AVAILABLE man? Why would you want someone who is so immature and unreliable and incapable of making a commitment?
  • Jade_Butterfly
    Jade_Butterfly Posts: 2,963 Member
    My advice, if he's married leave it alone. Stay away other than friendship. If he expresses interest, keep it at friendship unless he actually gets a divorce. Otherwise it only hurts people.:indifferent:
  • JennaM222
    JennaM222 Posts: 1,996 Member
    he clearly has issues, and you are too young to realise it. gross.

    Move on. He is not worth your time no matter how much you think he may be right now. You will thank yourself in 4 years.
  • krise31
    krise31 Posts: 53 Member
    Look everyone can say leave it alone blah blah because its the right thing to do and for good karma it def is but im sure there is a part of you that is actually enjoying the attention. There is this awesome rush you get knowing you have the attention of a married man and the fact his marriage isnt going well maybe seems alittle bit like a game? If you meet up with him and it causes more issues maybe you'll feel like your winning. I am only saying this because its human nature and its ok to feel like that alot of people do but wont admit it.

    I know what its like to fall for a guy at a young age who was older it messes with your head. It can take a long time to get over that I was 20 when I met this guy who at the time was 29 I'm 25 now and have just really moved on from thinking he was the most amazing thing since sliced bread last year.

    Point is this stop making yourself so available to him because some guys get off on that. The guy might not actually like you but instead like the affect he has on you. Think about that.

    NO ONE said that they haven't felt this way, and they probably would admit it. It is just how you handle it.

    Was a general statement.
  • JDMPWR
    JDMPWR Posts: 1,863 Member
    Im sorry i dont mean to be rude but you would not be a good person if you went along with this.I'm a firm believer in karma. I;ve been cheated on and it is the worst feeling in the world. I wouldnt wih it upon my worst enemy. Something tells me you've never been cheated on because if you have been...you wouldnt even have to ask this question...

    One action in your life does not define you as being good or bad, sorry to break it to you.
  • melissahann2010
    melissahann2010 Posts: 44
    You are omly hurting yourself ... i think you should cancel the whole meet up and focus on you and finding someone who feels the same way cause obviously he doesnt feel the same way if he married someone else ! its not worth the heart break !
  • tamanella
    tamanella Posts: 500 Member
    Just try to imagine how hurt and devastated you would be if the shoe were on the other foot...and there would never be any trust there if he were to leave his wife for you. You'd wonder all the time if he were with someone else, especially if you were to run into some relationship problems of your own, you know what I mean? Don't do it hon...
  • Oompa_Loompa
    Oompa_Loompa Posts: 1,099 Member
    i dont get why people feel sorry for this girl lol. she wants to break up a marriage and ruin innocent peoples lives! Maybe she doesnt want to..but shes thinking about it
  • thecanface
    thecanface Posts: 1,180 Member
    he clearly has issues, and you are too young to realise it. gross.

    Move on. He is not worth your time no matter how much you think he may be right now. You will thank yourself in 4 years.

    i was 21 a few months ago.. and let me tell you she is not too young to know this is wrong... this is obviously wrong. my 3 year old nephew would know this is is wrong.
  • Oompa_Loompa
    Oompa_Loompa Posts: 1,099 Member
    Im sorry i dont mean to be rude but you would not be a good person if you went along with this.I'm a firm believer in karma. I;ve been cheated on and it is the worst feeling in the world. I wouldnt wih it upon my worst enemy. Something tells me you've never been cheated on because if you have been...you wouldnt even have to ask this question...

    One action in your life does not define you as being good or bad, sorry to break it to you.


    cheating is just a very touchy subject for me. its just wrong and i have friends that have cheated on there boyfriends and i say the same things to them. I understand that it doesnt make her a bad person. but its awful and ****ty and i dont take back my opionions
  • Whippy107
    Whippy107 Posts: 30 Member
    I know you will just do what you want to do regardless of what I say, but I'm tellin ya... leave him alone! LOL
    If you do not act on your impulses, you will look back some day and be very glad you didn't.

    It is perfectly normal to develop feelings or desires for other people and your body and soul do not really care if you or the object of your affection is in another relationship or not. This is a time when you must use your mind to choose the correct path for you. It is all a balancing act in life, so you must not ignore what part of you is saying. Your body says yes, but you KNOW what the right thing to do is, don't you?

    This guy is very vulnerable right now if he is having marriage problems, so he has enough to worry about without becoming involved in another relationship. Marital problems are very difficult things to go through emotionally, so give the man some time and space to get his life together.

    Best of luck to you <3
  • DaniiDean
    DaniiDean Posts: 162 Member
    Your young and a bit naive, and it sounds as if you might have some low self esteem issues.
    I think this person is taking advantage of you and unfortunately you will be the last one to realize that.

    Your a beautiful 20 yo young woman, there are tons of guys your age with a lot more to offer than this cheater.

    Walk away, and if he pursues teach him a lesson and tell his wife.

    Also, I am a firm believer in karma.
    What goes around comes around.

    Can I just say I am not naive one bit I have had to grow up fast my dad left me when I was 14 tears old, was homeless for 6 months and WAS addicted to drugs for a while didn't go to school... now all clean and starting university this september. Not naive one bit and indeed such a strong person. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. Just asking opinions :)
  • thecanface
    thecanface Posts: 1,180 Member
    Thank you for all of your advice people of MFP.... I know what I gotta do.

    may i ask you one question?? WHY THE HELL DID YOU EVEN CONCIDER IT???? did you really not know any better???? isn't it common sense?? didn't you learn when you were a kid that cheating is wrong and there are always conciquences, wheather its feeling bad or even worse?? c'mon girl, PLEASE tell me you have a brain!!
  • ejmcam
    ejmcam Posts: 533 Member
    He's married! Enough said.....don't even go there! Imagine he were married to you and it was someone else? If he's married and will screw around he is NOT worth it....
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