Should i tell him that he is gaining the weight back
Replies
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Wow. You wouldn't be my friend for long. I'm sure he knows he's gaining weight - he doesn't need you to ridicule him for it.
did the OP say they'd ridicule him? my impression was that they would in a kind way discuss it. like any good friend would.
There is no nice way to tell someone you think they're too fat.
^^
Pretty much this! I had someone congratulate me on my weight loss the other day - via miming large hips & stating "Oh wow you've reduced so much!" - Umm thanks? & that was a compliment! :laugh:
Seriously OP they will already know!0 -
Wow. You wouldn't be my friend for long. I'm sure he knows he's gaining weight - he doesn't need you to ridicule him for it.
did the OP say they'd ridicule him? my impression was that they would in a kind way discuss it. like any good friend would.
There is no nice way to tell someone you think they're too fat.
there are plenty of ways of telling someone that you care enough about them and that you noticed they might be putting on a few pounds. sometimes you can do it in a joking way, or a more sincere way...being their good friend you would know which way is best.
the worst thing you can do is nothing and just watch your friend continue to harm themselves.
dont let your own insecurities interfere with helping a friend.0 -
Wow. You wouldn't be my friend for long. I'm sure he knows he's gaining weight - he doesn't need you to ridicule him for it.
did the OP say they'd ridicule him? my impression was that they would in a kind way discuss it. like any good friend would.
There is no nice way to tell someone you think they're too fat.
^^
Pretty much this! I had someone congratulate me on my weight loss the other day - via miming large hips & stating "Oh wow you've reduced so much!" - Umm thanks? & that was a compliment! :laugh:
Seriously OP they will already know!
already know? how many times do hear people say "i never knew i gained THAT much weight" people delude themselves all the time. there are studies done showing just how wrong people's self image is in either direction. do the right thing and discuss problems with your friends.0 -
Wow. You wouldn't be my friend for long. I'm sure he knows he's gaining weight - he doesn't need you to ridicule him for it.
did the OP say they'd ridicule him? my impression was that they would in a kind way discuss it. like any good friend would.
There is no nice way to tell someone you think they're too fat.
there are plenty of ways of telling someone that you care enough about them and that you noticed they might be putting on a few pounds. sometimes you can do it in a joking way, or a more sincere way...being their good friend you would know which way is best.
the worst thing you can do is nothing and just watch your friend continue to harm themselves.
dont let your own insecurities interfere with helping a friend.
I watched this play out in my office earlier this week - it didn't go well. My co-worker was hurt and furious by the "help" from the other co-worker... The dude knows he's gaining weight - he doesn't need help to figure it out. Pretending that you care so much about him doesn't make it less hurtful when you point it out.0 -
:laugh:No. No. No.
Do you really expect him to slap his forehead and say "OMG, I just thought all my clothes were shrinking!" He KNOWS he is gaining weight again -- just like everyone on this site (unless they are willfully ignorant) KNOWS when they are gaining weight.
He either will, or will not, get back on track. Not your business.
Here my script for the SNL skit:
OP approaches co-worker and gently, kindly reminds him that he is getting fatty fatty fat fat again. Or words to that effect.
Co-worker joins mfp.
Co-worker starts a thread about the cruel, insensitive remarks by "someone at work" who has cut his self-esteem to the core.
Hilarity ensues. Not.0 -
Pretty sure he's well aware.:indifferent:0
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Wow. You wouldn't be my friend for long. I'm sure he knows he's gaining weight - he doesn't need you to ridicule him for it.
did the OP say they'd ridicule him? my impression was that they would in a kind way discuss it. like any good friend would.
There is no nice way to tell someone you think they're too fat.
there are plenty of ways of telling someone that you care enough about them and that you noticed they might be putting on a few pounds. sometimes you can do it in a joking way, or a more sincere way...being their good friend you would know which way is best.
the worst thing you can do is nothing and just watch your friend continue to harm themselves.
dont let your own insecurities interfere with helping a friend.
I watched this play out in my office earlier this week - it didn't go well. My co-worker was hurt and furious by the "help" from the other co-worker... The dude knows he's gaining weight - he doesn't need help to figure it out. Pretending that you care so much about him doesn't make it less hurtful when you point it out.
like i keep saying in this thread im referring to discussing this with a "good friend" like the OP states. i would be much less likely to discuss anything like this with a random coworker.0 -
Trust me...he knows.0
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He knows.0
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It's like this....when you're losing weight, people will compliment you and cheer you on, but once you start gaining back.....you no longer hear those compliments and are met with only silence. I would say, mention a diet/exercise routine with him in conversation...chances are, unless he's stepped on the scale recently he may not physically notice a difference, or he has and will point it out himself. It's a sensitive issue for everyone of both genders.0
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NO, I'm sure he already knows0
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I just gained all the weight back that I lost, about 40lbs. I felt it happening but by the time I noticed I was too far gone. I wish that some one would have said to me privately hey how's that diet going? Its not really true until someone else notices and if you notice fast enough maybe they wont fall too far back into bad habbits0
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You don't think they already KNOW it is coming back? Trust me...they know and it is none of your business to say anything. When they really WANT to lose the weight they will do it the right way!0
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I wouldn't say anything. I lost 30 pounds two years ago and my friends at work told me I looked great... when I put it all back on again they were tactful enough not to say anything, and I appreciated it. I knew I'd regained it since I couldn't zip my pants... this guy has already noticed the same thing about his own clothes.0
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I'd ask him something along the lines of how his workout is going. I would, though, not touch on the weight issue - guys have a way of reacting rather aggressive. He is of course aware of the gain and might berate himself. No need to add to this.0
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After careful thought, and having been asked if I was pregnant when I wasn't, and having been told I was too "skinny" when I wasn't, I never comment on someone's weight other than wow, you look great today. no need for adjectives to modify great.0
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I get that it's supposed to be a good friend, but it is ALSO a coworker. If that conversation doesn't go over well, you still have to work with the person. When I'm working, my business is my job, not other people's waistlines.
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forkofpower wrote: »Maybe someone who never thought about their weight wouldn't notice a gain, but if he already went through a weight loss process, then he almost certainly would realize he's gaining it back. I wouldn't mention it.
This. 100%.0 -
Um, boundaries???0
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If you want to see if he bites, you could start a converstaion with something like "I have really been trying to cut out processed foods lately...hey by the way, how are you doing with your fitness goals?". He might just say he's fallen off the wagon a bit. If he doesn't though, I would't bring it up.0
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chubby_checkers wrote: »
The person already knows they're gaining weight. Pointing it out to them is an a-hole thing to do, regardless of how close you are.and for the people saying he knows...you'd be surprised at how deluded some people can become.
Even though I a not going to say anything, i do agree with you that its easy to pretend its not happening in early stages especially if its 5 to 10 lbs
So what? It's still not your business.
wow...some friend you are. maybe you arent close with your friends but for anyone i call a "good friend" like the OP i would speak up and would hope they would do the same.
I agree- it's kind of a-holish to point it out.
I think if you are close friends- you can make a generic comment- how's the food thing going for you? and that would be it at most- and seriously- that's on a really wells et up situation- not just randomly throwing it out there. Pointing out weight is just- so touchy and so personal.
My actual really good friends- I'll say- hey are you putting on weight- we are rather objective about the whole process. That's pretty much standard conversation for us.0 -
No. Trust me, he already knows and someone pointing it out isn't going to help.0
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