This is causing problems with my friends
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I feel so blessed that my friends are really supportive of my diet choices. More often than not, we go out for Japanese food - luckily, everyone around me loves Sashimi.
But also, I am not as restrictive on calorie counting these days as I had been. I try to keep under 2000, and if I go over - there's always adding more exercise.
But, it is just one meal. - if your friends mostly support your diet, but just want something different for the one day - it won't kill you to take that meal off from extreme calorie counting. Try to choose the healthier option, and let it go.
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »It's surprising that some people seem to be acusing the OP of being a bad friend or person because she doesn't want to switch restaurants, which would seem to indicate that they think the friend that wants to switch is perfectly justified in insisting on a restaurant she knows her friend doesn't want to go to.
Is this considered Motivation and Support?
Motivation and support isn't all about holding people's hand and saying "There, there...it's okay. You're absolutlely right." If my MFP friends did that, I'd still be fat. Yoovie is right. OP needs to take some responsibility in this siualtion and sometimes that means having frank and honest conversations with your friends when really all you want to do is rant on an online forum. Sucks to be adult sometimes, but such is life.
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If this were my situation, and I really didn't want Thai food, I would get a GREAT salad from somewhere (or whatever your liking from whichever restaurant) and take it in with you. I've done this with my son (got him something or I gotten something else) and you know what, I wouldn't think twice about what any one thought. Act like it's no big deal, go and enjoy the time with whomever, and eat what you PREFER to eat.0
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If this were my situation, and I really didn't want Thai food, I would get a GREAT salad from somewhere (or whatever your liking from whichever restaurant) and take it in with you. I've done this with my son (got him something or I gotten something else) and you know what, I wouldn't think twice about what any one thought. Act like it's no big deal, go and enjoy the time with whomever, and eat what you PREFER to eat.
Most restaurants don't allow people to bring in outside food. Plus, IMO, it's extremely rude.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »
Oh that is sad. Man, this site is only for those with a thick hide. Some people here are not nice.
yes...some people once banned should stay banned
cute.
truth and honesty > glitter and unicorn farts.
this ain't the place to be coddled.
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skullshank wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »
Oh that is sad. Man, this site is only for those with a thick hide. Some people here are not nice.
yes...some people once banned should stay banned
cute.
truth and honesty > glitter and unicorn farts.
this ain't the place to be coddled.
Oh I see. Thanks so much for the clarification. Go on with your bad self.
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Maybe just say no..?
P.S. didn't read the thread
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Seems like the problem here is you and not your friend. If you say she's a friend then she will understand if you tell her to piss off and you're not going to the restaurant she picked unless you can get the calorie info.
Also, you should be able to look up most foods online regardless if its' from a specific restaurant. It doesn't matter where you get cashew chicken you can get a pretty accurate guesstimation from the internet.
However if it's important to you that tracking calories is easy and available then that's cool, just tell your friend to shut up. She'll still be your friend. If not then find another friend, or buy a volley ball.
Good luck.0 -
You and your friend agreed on a place. She changed the venue. You gave her good reason why you can't go. She whines.
Instead of evaluating your calories. You need to evaluate your relationship with this person and dump her!!0 -
it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
Wow - you really are insensitive. I guess you don't have support in your life so please don't project onto someone else. Friends ARE supposed to be supportive.0 -
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The reason she is upset is that the friend changed the venue that they agree upon! She's not asking people to change their lives for her!!! Geez! She wouldn't have agreed upon the new restaurant in the beginning0
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MooninCancer wrote: »it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
Wow - you really are insensitive. I guess you don't have support in your life so please don't project onto someone else. Friends ARE supposed to be supportive.
People are not reading this in context of what the OP originally said.
Editing to add: And the reality, which several people pointed out, is that often times when it comes to calorie counting, weight loss and fitness, friends are anything BUT supportive. In a perfect world, friends are supportive. But they are not perfect people and they are susceptible to jealousy and other emotions which can hold you back from your weight loss goals. This was one of Yoovie's points, but it got lost in the reactions over how this was worded.
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MooninCancer wrote: »You and your friend agreed on a place. She changed the venue. You gave her good reason why you can't go. She whines.
Instead of evaluating your calories. You need to evaluate your relationship with this person and dump her!!
Wow - you really are insensitive. I guess I don't throw away my support system so easily just because we don't agree on a restaurant and my scale isn't her priority. Friends ARE supposed to be supportive, but that doesn't mean drop everything and adopt your issues.
The best thing about changing your life is embracing that personal power to change for the better. And finding your independence and loving yourself and making your own way in life.
It's rewarding partially because it really is so difficult. It really does have a lot of awkward moments involved too tho. Changing your life is sometimes drastic, and it's weird for us in the beginning so of course it will be weird for our friends to see us acting differently. They will get used to it too, so it's no reason to throw anyone away.
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
What?? Why?? Is that a joke? Why would eating less need to be the hardest thing you ever do?
Eating less?
Why the hell would eating less be the hardest thing you do? I never said that.
I said that taking control of your own habits and become a fit individual is ONE OF the hardest things you can undertake.
You said:
"You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do."
In response to a post about wanting to know calorie counts. Sure sounds like you were saying losing weight was supposed to be the hardest thing we do, but perhaps it was just worded poorly.
Hopefully that is the case, and you weren't really saying that the OP not wanting to switch restaurants is somehow suggestive that she wants someone else to lose weight for her.
No, I said that losing weight and getting your habits under control is ONE OF the hardest things you ever do.
And eating less is not the same thing as losing weight and taking control of your habits and getting fit.
And no, it is NOT supposed to be easy.
It takes years and it's something you have to stick to the rest of your life. Changing a lifetime of bad habits is HARD.
why am I so completely wrong for saying that taking control of your life is hard?
Geez, calm down. First of all I never said you were 'completely wrong', and your synopsis of what you said is not really what you said, though it may have been what you meant. Only you know what you meant so I perfectly willing to accept your clarification.
Calories or weight loss aside, from the OP's post (which admittedly is one side of the story, but the only side either of us has), the friend seems to be the unreasonable person. If the OP wants to stick to original plans for whatever reason that does not mean she is failing to control her life or her weight.Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
What?? Why?? Is that a joke? Why would eating less need to be the hardest thing you ever do?
Eating less?
Why the hell would eating less be the hardest thing you do? I never said that.
I said that taking control of your own habits and become a fit individual is ONE OF the hardest things you can undertake.
You said:
"You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do."
In response to a post about wanting to know calorie counts. Sure sounds like you were saying losing weight was supposed to be the hardest thing we do, but perhaps it was just worded poorly.
Hopefully that is the case, and you weren't really saying that the OP not wanting to switch restaurants is somehow suggestive that she wants someone else to lose weight for her.
No, I said that losing weight and getting your habits under control is ONE OF the hardest things you ever do.
And eating less is not the same thing as losing weight and taking control of your habits and getting fit.
And no, it is NOT supposed to be easy.
It takes years and it's something you have to stick to the rest of your life. Changing a lifetime of bad habits is HARD.
why am I so completely wrong for saying that taking control of your life is hard?
Geez, calm down. First of all I never said you were 'completely wrong', and your synopsis of what you said is not really what you said, though it may have been what you meant. Only you know what you meant so I perfectly willing to accept your clarification.
Calories or weight loss aside, from the OP's post (which admittedly is one side of the story, but the only side either of us has), the friend seems to be the unreasonable person. If the OP wants to stick to original plans for whatever reason that does not mean she is failing to control her life or her weight.
I'm not clarifying for you. I said changing habits and losing weight and you decided that meant eating less. That's on you.
Stop quoting me to get my attention. Go back a few hours and quote other people now.
Hopefully in the future anyone who comes up against this situation can still go out and enjoy a meal with their friends even if the nutritional values aren't posted on the internet (just estimate or get an average) and they will all still be friends even though one of them doesn't like this one kind of food that's out there. And remember that sometimes other people won't care, especially once you've been doing this for years, so you gotta be your own awesome supportive best friend.
Wow, you are really a very superior and ‘my way or the highway’ type person, aren't you. What you posted is above in this post (if expanded) and in the thread. You said weight loss, you said it should be hard.
Hopefully, in the future people who are asked to eat somewhere they don’t want to eat, they will not waste calories on food they don’t like, unless they want to.
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This is all about personal choice.
OP - Right now, you are focused on counting your calories very strictly. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, because it's something you feel that needs to be done. If you said to your friend - "Hey, right now, I'm really serious about counting my calories and getting things under control, so I have to be mindful of where and what I eat" - I would say she's being a little insensitive to your wishes.
I'm a bit of a picky eater too, and there are tons of cuisines that I just don't want to waste money eating. To me, they just aren't that good. However, sometimes that's just what everyone is eating, and I can always manage to find something at a restaurant that fits my needs.
I've found that when I'm going out with individuals, or groups of people, sometimes I don't always get things my way, so I have to make best with what I have.0 -
I don't understand why where you eat is that big of a deal for her? If you set a place then why does she think she can just change and that be set in stone? You both should care more about the company rather than the food. Maybe try alternating who chooses the restaurants and make that compromise. Eat smaller portions of the foods you do like when it's her pick. Food is not the enemy. Just adjust and move on....with either the food and/or your friend.0
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Geesh people can be so hostile in these forums... anyways dinner is likely over by now but I do want to add my opinion. Don't allow something as foolish as a place to eat destroy a friendship. Even if it means eating somewhere you prefer not to eat. I'm positive there is something semi healthy and as others have said one meal even if it was bad (it doesn't have to be) is not going to ruin your efforts. Sometimes we have to check our own selves out and say "what kind of friend am I being?" Whether you went or not is irrelevant just don't throw away people you love for foolishness.0
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
What?? Why?? Is that a joke? Why would eating less need to be the hardest thing you ever do?
Eating less?
Why the hell would eating less be the hardest thing you do? I never said that.
I said that taking control of your own habits and become a fit individual is ONE OF the hardest things you can undertake.
You said:
"You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do."
In response to a post about wanting to know calorie counts. Sure sounds like you were saying losing weight was supposed to be the hardest thing we do, but perhaps it was just worded poorly.
Hopefully that is the case, and you weren't really saying that the OP not wanting to switch restaurants is somehow suggestive that she wants someone else to lose weight for her.
No, I said that losing weight and getting your habits under control is ONE OF the hardest things you ever do.
And eating less is not the same thing as losing weight and taking control of your habits and getting fit.
And no, it is NOT supposed to be easy.
It takes years and it's something you have to stick to the rest of your life. Changing a lifetime of bad habits is HARD.
why am I so completely wrong for saying that taking control of your life is hard?
Geez, calm down. First of all I never said you were 'completely wrong', and your synopsis of what you said is not really what you said, though it may have been what you meant. Only you know what you meant so I perfectly willing to accept your clarification.
Calories or weight loss aside, from the OP's post (which admittedly is one side of the story, but the only side either of us has), the friend seems to be the unreasonable person. If the OP wants to stick to original plans for whatever reason that does not mean she is failing to control her life or her weight.Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
What?? Why?? Is that a joke? Why would eating less need to be the hardest thing you ever do?
Eating less?
Why the hell would eating less be the hardest thing you do? I never said that.
I said that taking control of your own habits and become a fit individual is ONE OF the hardest things you can undertake.
You said:
"You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do."
In response to a post about wanting to know calorie counts. Sure sounds like you were saying losing weight was supposed to be the hardest thing we do, but perhaps it was just worded poorly.
Hopefully that is the case, and you weren't really saying that the OP not wanting to switch restaurants is somehow suggestive that she wants someone else to lose weight for her.
No, I said that losing weight and getting your habits under control is ONE OF the hardest things you ever do.
And eating less is not the same thing as losing weight and taking control of your habits and getting fit.
And no, it is NOT supposed to be easy.
It takes years and it's something you have to stick to the rest of your life. Changing a lifetime of bad habits is HARD.
why am I so completely wrong for saying that taking control of your life is hard?
Geez, calm down. First of all I never said you were 'completely wrong', and your synopsis of what you said is not really what you said, though it may have been what you meant. Only you know what you meant so I perfectly willing to accept your clarification.
Calories or weight loss aside, from the OP's post (which admittedly is one side of the story, but the only side either of us has), the friend seems to be the unreasonable person. If the OP wants to stick to original plans for whatever reason that does not mean she is failing to control her life or her weight.
I'm not clarifying for you. I said changing habits and losing weight and you decided that meant eating less. That's on you.
Stop quoting me to get my attention. Go back a few hours and quote other people now.
Hopefully in the future anyone who comes up against this situation can still go out and enjoy a meal with their friends even if the nutritional values aren't posted on the internet (just estimate or get an average) and they will all still be friends even though one of them doesn't like this one kind of food that's out there. And remember that sometimes other people won't care, especially once you've been doing this for years, so you gotta be your own awesome supportive best friend.
Wow, you are really a very superior and ‘my way or the highway’ type person, aren't you. What you posted is above in this post (if expanded) and in the thread. You said weight loss, you said it should be hard.
Hopefully, in the future people who are asked to eat somewhere they don’t want to eat, they will not waste calories on food they don’t like, unless they want to.
Weight loss (and keeping it off) requires lifestyle change. It is hard. You are talking to someone who has had a particularly hard road and is sharing out of her experience. It isn't coming from a place of superiority. Why are you spending so much time picking apart everything she says?
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This all day.scottacular wrote: »Don't like restaurant, don't go. Friends are supposed to like each other enough to agree on something both of you like. If you can't do that, maybe you need to review your friendship.
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