How to get my husband to accept me lifting heavy?
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hollydubs85 wrote: »How does it get in the way of sex life?
good question... me exercising regularly has improved mine greatly!0 -
My only advice is to stop seeing each other as archetypes -- and try seeing each other as actual people.
You are not a Stepford wife. Your husband isn't Man of the House. Those are roles you've taken on to satisfy needs that were once mutual but are now changing -- at least for you. Your husband can choose to accept this and embrace you as a fully developed, multifaceted, complex person ---- or he can lament your new found interest "changed" you and sulk.
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Based upon your profile pictures, you look a bit younger than him. This is not about lifting and getting bulky. This is about you getting thinner and sexier. He is just feeling insecure because he knows that men are going to start paying attention to his young hot wife. When he sees that you still choose him and want to be with him, I think he will relax. And if the nature of your relationship involves have having set traditional roles and the two of you find that it works for you, then why change it?0
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I'd only bring forth the health aspect of it. There is absolutely nothing undesirable about wanting a body that is healthy, strong and capable. You can even mention that it will work wonders for your performance in the bedroom, since that seems to be something the two of you enjoy. Again, health health health; you will increase the likelihood of living longer, you'll avoid osteoporosis, you'll carry yourself better if you focus on good posture, and so on. Because to be able to keep lifting, you need to eat in a healthful manner, so not even that is bad. And your lifting is some healthy "me time", which you need for your mental balance. Would this package work?0
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You're an adult in a free country. Do what you want. He can accept it or not, since he's also an adult in a free country.
And if you'd like to avoid the "can of worms" in the future, I would suggest you avoid using the term "Stepford wife". It's not considered a positive thing. It was a horror story. Maybe June Cleaver would be more appropriate.0 -
As silly as it may sound, don't tell him what you're doing....let everything else go as it has...and if there's something heavy to be lifted, have him do it....I think the fear is much greater than the reality of your situation, so make it like nothing has changed \m/0
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I believe people can choose whatever types of roles work for them in their marriage as long as both are content with it and it's not abusive....the problem you're running into is you're changing it up and he's not coming along. Sounds like your beliefs and wants are changing and his, so far, are not. The only way he can accept is if he starts massaging his beliefs a little. People can change their beliefs, but it takes time and effort. Talk about how he's feeling and what he's thinking and get him to start challenging the beliefs that are causing him issues. It won't happen overnight, but if he wants to keep the relationship, he'll make some progress. If he doesn't make effort to change his beliefs at least a little, you're headed for trouble, because it sounds to me like you're enjoying the realization of some independence and if he gets in the way of that too much for too long, I see you resenting it.0
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I'd only bring forth the health aspect of it. There is absolutely nothing undesirable about wanting a body that is healthy, strong and capable. You can even mention that it will work wonders for your performance in the bedroom, since that seems to be something the two of you enjoy. Again, health health health; you will increase the likelihood of living longer, you'll avoid osteoporosis, you'll carry yourself better if you focus on good posture, and so on. Because to be able to keep lifting, you need to eat in a healthful manner, so not even that is bad. And your lifting is some healthy "me time", which you need for your mental balance. Would this package work?
This is good advice too.0 -
jackpotclown wrote: »As silly as it may sound, don't tell him what you're doing....let everything else go as it has...and if there's something heavy to be lifted, have him do it....I think the fear is much greater than the reality of your situation, so make it like nothing has changed \m/
I agree with this. My husband has always been a bit resistant to my lifting, he has certain "ideas" of what a female who lifts looks like. Those ideas don't mesh with what he wants.
SOooooooooo. I just do the damn thing and don't worry about talking to him much about it.0 -
GothyFaery wrote: »My husband loves me dearly. He respects me and treats me like a princess. He opens doors for me. He does everything I was taught a man should do for a woman. Just because we have a 1950's mindset doesn't mean we aren't equils.
He isn't respecting your desire to improve your body in a totally healthy way. He's being passive aggressive. He's criticizing you. He's telling you your totally reasonable amount of you time (45 mins 3X) is hurting your relationship as a "joke?" He's not being a man about this. He's acting threatened and being a bit of a bully. He sounds very immature.0 -
Some_Watery_Tart wrote: »You're an adult in a free country. Do what you want. He can accept it or not, since he's also an adult in a free country.
And if you'd like to avoid the "can of worms" in the future, I would suggest you avoid using the term "Stepford wife". It's not considered a positive thing. It was a horror story. Maybe June Cleaver would be more appropriate.
Right, weren't Stepford wives robots... thus had no free thought of their own?
In any regard, OP, you can either be the Stepford wife and fulfill only your husbands needs OR you can come into the 21 century and do what you need to do to be healthy and fit. Your husband will either be on board or not.0 -
If you can hear me over the raging anti-man crowd (masquerading as pro-woman) ...
I am so unbelievably sick of this false dichotomy that suggests you have only have two choices: be weak, scared, and lifeless, while handing over control of your life to your husband, OR be a cornfed hermaphrodite who prefers to spend all her time turning burping, farting, and spitting into competitive sports. It is possible to be physically, mentally, and emotionally strong and yet still allow the man in your life to feel like a man. I don't give a rat's *kitten* what year it is, and neither does biology. I wear a dress or skirt and high heels every day. I prefer dominant, hyper-masculine men. I can also squat 270 lbs, and the most masculine men I know actually find that very sexy, not threatening.
My advice to you is to get as strong as you want to be. When you get to that point, you will love yourself more, and that will be all the reality check your husband needs on this matter.-5 -
Mamahana82 wrote: »He is accustomed to you in an exclusively submissive role. Strength is not a submissive trait. So you are asking us how you can convince him, as his equal, why it is ok for you to be strong. But he clearly doesn't see you as an equal so no argument will work.
So you really have to decide how much you are willing to give up of yourself so that this man always gets what he wants. Personally, I never would have given my husband that much control over me to begin with.
This exactly.
I'm also trying to figure out how you do strong lifts in a skirt.0 -
My boyfriend was the same way when I first started lifting, but then he saw all the awesome non-manly changes that lifting did for my body and changed his mind! Give it time and as you get results, your hubby should hopefully see that women lifting is a great thing!0
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looks like there's an age discrepancy... and probably a fitness discrepancy now.. he's insecure and attempting some passive-aggressive manipulation to reduce your new found passion...You live with him... you know best how to counter his manipulations.. BUT I found it interesting that when I began the lift stron program that my sex drive increased... so maybe get him lifting too and you can both enjoy the benefits of lifting..0
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Some_Watery_Tart wrote: »And if you'd like to avoid the "can of worms" in the future, I would suggest you avoid using the term "Stepford wife". It's not considered a positive thing. It was a horror story. Maybe June Cleaver would be more appropriate.
I'm sorry, I don't see the term Stepford wife as anything negitive. It would be the biggest compliment to me if someone said I was a Stepford wife. I didn't think I was the only one who thought this way.
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Be as strong of a woman as you would like to be (physically & mentally). This is 2014, and if you want to lift or take out the trash, you have the power to do so.
Just know that it sounds like a strong woman does not fit into your current relationship, so if you decide to be stronger, you will not have a working relationship anymore and that will have implication, unless you can change your husband's mindset, which is doubtful.
I for one, and am very happy that my husband fully supports my strength training (and weight loss goals), to the point where my super thrifty husband has no issue with me paying a lot of money for a personal trainer. I don't think I would be nearly as successful without my husband's support.
Best of luck, but it is time to put yourself first.0 -
I am a 28 year old white male with 1/4 cherokee blood. I am 5'11" tall, 317 lbs., heavy frame with more than 1/3 of my body mass comprised completely of lean. I am the son of a Soldier, and of an Army Nurse. I was born in Womack Army Medical Center and the youngest of four brothers. I speak for Strength when I say this:
If he doesn't like it, he doesn't deserve it.
You forge your body in the fires of your will, if he can't appreciate the beauty of a strong woman then he needs to get someone who enjoys that attitude.0 -
Being stronger will only improve your sex life, trust me.
My SO thinks it's sexy that I can take the lug nuts off the backhoe without his help. And shoot a bow, and scoop his ice cream, and open a pickle jar, and carry a 30 pound bag of dog food in one hand while unlocking the door with the other hand. It doesn't mean I don't need him. He is indispensable because of who he is to me, not what he has to do for me because I can't do it.0 -
GothyFaery wrote: »Some_Watery_Tart wrote: »And if you'd like to avoid the "can of worms" in the future, I would suggest you avoid using the term "Stepford wife". It's not considered a positive thing. It was a horror story. Maybe June Cleaver would be more appropriate.
I'm sorry, I don't see the term Stepford wife as anything negitive. It would be the biggest compliment to me if someone said I was a Stepford wife. I didn't think I was the only one who thought this way.
i like to look after my husband... i'm a great housewife, other than i hate cleaning... but at the same time my husband has never told me what to do or not to do, i think its that part that people are struggling to understand, not the looking after your husband part as such.0 -
Stepford wives are Barbie robots. Literally. I have a very hard time seeing that as a positive. But whatever works...0
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Sounds like he's really insecure. My ex never wanted me to work out because he was so insecure. I inevitably left him because he wasn't supportive of my goals.
The wonderful man I am with now is chivalrous as all get out and we have gender roles with certain things (we also break them if needed). But my man would support me no matter what I wanted to do with my body.
Sounds like you have some WAY bigger issues than lifting some weights. That's what you should be dealing with.0 -
GothyFaery wrote: »Some_Watery_Tart wrote: »And if you'd like to avoid the "can of worms" in the future, I would suggest you avoid using the term "Stepford wife". It's not considered a positive thing. It was a horror story. Maybe June Cleaver would be more appropriate.
I'm sorry, I don't see the term Stepford wife as anything negitive. It would be the biggest compliment to me if someone said I was a Stepford wife. I didn't think I was the only one who thought this way.
You want to be a robot? What kind of sex life is that?-1 -
This is affecting your relationship. You should listen to your husband and stop lifting. Maybe try gentle walks.
Or I guess get him lifting too. Really I would support either.0 -
is that your husband pictured with you in most of your pics?
this sex you speak of...it's solely for procreation right?
do you share a bed?-3 -
LoneWolfRunner wrote: »Based upon your profile pictures, you look a bit younger than him. This is not about lifting and getting bulky. This is about you getting thinner and sexier. He is just feeling insecure because he knows that men are going to start paying attention to his young hot wife. When he sees that you still choose him and want to be with him, I think he will relax. And if the nature of your relationship involves have having set traditional roles and the two of you find that it works for you, then why change it?
There is a larger than normal age differance between us. I really didn't think that would make that big of a differance. We have been together for a long time, married for 5 years, and I've never once thought of another man that way. I just always thought he understood that. And I've never known him to be insecure. It seems strange to me to even think he could feel that way.0 -
p.s. - I think it is likely that he doesn't want you to get looking any more hot, because then you will have a lot more men interested, and that possibly becoming a threat to your marriage.0
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skullshank wrote: »is that your husband pictured with you in most of your pics?
this sex you speak of...it's solely for procreation right?
do you share a bed?
Thanks for saying what we were already thinking.0 -
skullshank wrote: »is that your husband pictured with you in most of your pics?
this sex you speak of...it's solely for procreation right?
do you share a bed?
Ouch.0 -
LoneWolfRunner wrote: »Based upon your profile pictures, you look a bit younger than him. This is not about lifting and getting bulky. This is about you getting thinner and sexier. He is just feeling insecure because he knows that men are going to start paying attention to his young hot wife. When he sees that you still choose him and want to be with him, I think he will relax. And if the nature of your relationship involves have having set traditional roles and the two of you find that it works for you, then why change it?
I think this poster hit the nail on the head, then.
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