How to get my husband to accept me lifting heavy?
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Dragonwolf wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »Some_Watery_Tart wrote: »And if you'd like to avoid the "can of worms" in the future, I would suggest you avoid using the term "Stepford wife". It's not considered a positive thing. It was a horror story. Maybe June Cleaver would be more appropriate.
I'm sorry, I don't see the term Stepford wife as anything negitive. It would be the biggest compliment to me if someone said I was a Stepford wife. I didn't think I was the only one who thought this way.
Have you ever seen The Stepford Wives (or read the book)? Stepford was a dystopian, gated community where the wives were systematically replaced by (or turned into) robots that did the man's every whim without thought or question. Many of the women were formerly activists or otherwise very independent women. They were stripped of all independent personality, against their will.
Being a "Stepford wife" is in no way, shape or form a good thing, and has never been. To say that you're a "Stepford wife" means, by definition, that you've been stripped of all independence, both in thought and action. Is that something you really want?
Yes, I like the movies and the book. To me being a Stepford wife doesn't mean having no control (because they can't make me a robot). It means being everything my husband wants and making him completely happy in every way and doing it all with a smile. The Stepford wife ideal to me is basically being the perfect wife. I don't see it negitivly and I really thought more women thought this way. I guess I was wrong.0 -
LoneWolfRunner wrote: »Based upon your profile pictures, you look a bit younger than him. This is not about lifting and getting bulky. This is about you getting thinner and sexier. He is just feeling insecure because he knows that men are going to start paying attention to his young hot wife. When he sees that you still choose him and want to be with him, I think he will relax. And if the nature of your relationship involves have having set traditional roles and the two of you find that it works for you, then why change it?
I think that this is pretty much it.
OP, if you want to maintain this type of relationship, let your husband scoop the ice cream, etc. when he is around the way you always have. Once he sees that you can do those things but are choosing not to because you still like him to do them, I would think he would come around on the weight lifting issue. I'm sure that he is feeling a bit insecure and thinking "oh no, she won't need me as much" now that you are making these changes. He just needs to get past that and see that while you don't need him do that stuff, you still want him to do it, and that's more of a compliment anyway, right?
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I have a lot more reading to do, but in case the question wasn't asked -
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- What would be different if you were gone for the same amount of time to do a treadmill or spinning routine?
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- If you were signed up for 3 sessions at the gym to 'get cardio' - would he be supportive of your time at the gym for this?
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- And if this is a yes, why not tell him your doing a cardio routine, and then just stay 30 minutes later to do your lifting program?
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- Just because you're married doesn't mean you have to tell him what happens during every minute of the day. Tell him about the new friends you make at Zumba class, and enjoy your weights as your 'little' secret.
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GothyFaery wrote: »Dragonwolf wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »Some_Watery_Tart wrote: »And if you'd like to avoid the "can of worms" in the future, I would suggest you avoid using the term "Stepford wife". It's not considered a positive thing. It was a horror story. Maybe June Cleaver would be more appropriate.
I'm sorry, I don't see the term Stepford wife as anything negitive. It would be the biggest compliment to me if someone said I was a Stepford wife. I didn't think I was the only one who thought this way.
Have you ever seen The Stepford Wives (or read the book)? Stepford was a dystopian, gated community where the wives were systematically replaced by (or turned into) robots that did the man's every whim without thought or question. Many of the women were formerly activists or otherwise very independent women. They were stripped of all independent personality, against their will.
Being a "Stepford wife" is in no way, shape or form a good thing, and has never been. To say that you're a "Stepford wife" means, by definition, that you've been stripped of all independence, both in thought and action. Is that something you really want?
Yes, I like the movies and the book. To me being a Stepford wife doesn't mean having no control (because they can't make me a robot). It means being everything my husband wants and making him completely happy in every way and doing it all with a smile. The Stepford wife ideal to me is basically being the perfect wife. I don't see it negitivly and I really thought more women thought this way. I guess I was wrong.
You understand that your husband isn't giving you the same level of support you idealize giving him though and that's what we're all reacting to, right?
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ILiftHeavyAcrylics wrote: »Assuming that nothing else changes in your mindset, and the only thing that remains different for him is that you lift 3x/week, I think he'll adjust and be fine. Right now it's new and scary and he's worried everything is going to change about your relationship. If that doesn't happen, he'll likely calm down.
That said, it may not actually be the case that nothing else changes. When you change your mindset and becoming strong becomes a priority it has a tendency to change the way you see a lot of other things. So the best advice I can give you is to keep communicating and working things out.
I think this was some of the best advice in the thread. Just wanted to point it out again in case you missed it amid all the questions about your sex life and lifting attire.0 -
The only question I have is....do you put the toothpaste on his toothbrush? Igloo?
All kidding aside, I don't see how lifting weights needs to change the dynamic. If it did change the dynamic, and you still wanted to lift weights, then you two have to get on the same page. There's no way that anyone here is going to be able to help you find ways to get him to accept it. He either does, or he doesn't. The rest is up to you.0 -
GothyFaery wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »Mamahana82 wrote: »I'm also trying to figure out how you do strong lifts in a skirt.
I work out at home so I don't have to worry about keeping everything covered.
you ACTUALLY work out in a skirt!?
Sports bra and undies.
And that is more acceptable than shorts or tracky bottoms?0 -
Clean and press him until he says sorry.0
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GothyFaery wrote: »I don't see it negitivly and I really thought more women thought this way. I guess I was wrong.
my curiosity has, yet again, been sparked.
are the majority of your friends in similar relationships?
reason i ask is because your belief that more women felt this way is interesting.
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ILiftHeavyAcrylics wrote: »Assuming that nothing else changes in your mindset, and the only thing that remains different for him is that you lift 3x/week, I think he'll adjust and be fine. Right now it's new and scary and he's worried everything is going to change about your relationship. If that doesn't happen, he'll likely calm down.
That said, it may not actually be the case that nothing else changes. When you change your mindset and becoming strong becomes a priority it has a tendency to change the way you see a lot of other things. So the best advice I can give you is to keep communicating and working things out.
I strongly agree with this. It doesn't necessarily mean big scary changes, but it might appear so to him.0 -
RoseyDgirl wrote: »I have a lot more reading to do, but in case the question wasn't asked -
-
- What would be different if you were gone for the same amount of time to do a treadmill or spinning routine?
-
- If you were signed up for 3 sessions at the gym to 'get cardio' - would he be supportive of your time at the gym for this?
-
- And if this is a yes, why not tell him your doing a cardio routine, and then just stay 30 minutes later to do your lifting program?
-
- Just because you're married doesn't mean you have to tell him what happens during every minute of the day. Tell him about the new friends you make at Zumba class, and enjoy your weights as your 'little' secret.
-
Well I work out at home and we don't have a treadmill so he might get a little suspicious. Also I don't believe in lying to my husband, even little white lies. I tell him everything. And finally, besides when we are at work, we are very rarely ever separated. We carpool to work together, we go grocery shopping together, we don't go out without each other. I married him because I want to be with him. We even do Christmas shopping online because we are basically never apart long enough to buy eachother anything.0 -
It's not about the lifting. You're changing and he's threatened by that. The next thing you know you'll be wanting to vote, drink, smoke, maybe have a career, or, God forbid, wear pants!0
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GothyFaery wrote: »
Yes, I like the movies and the book. To me being a Stepford wife doesn't mean having no control (because they can't make me a robot). It means being everything my husband wants and making him completely happy in every way and doing it all with a smile. The Stepford wife ideal to me is basically being the perfect wife. I don't see it negitivly and I really thought more women thought this way. I guess I was wrong.
While it is normal to want to please your spouse, it is unrealistic to think that anyone can "make him completely happy in every way and doing it all with a smile" absolutely all of the time. Because people are not perfect. What happens when something happens and you fail to do something? Does he react negatively? Do you beat yourself up about it? Also, people do change and grow as people. Sometimes interests change through the years. Are you going to suppress your own wishes in exchange for his happiness? Or are you going to develop a relationship where it is okay to have different interests?0 -
GothyFaery wrote: »RoseyDgirl wrote: »I have a lot more reading to do, but in case the question wasn't asked -
-
- What would be different if you were gone for the same amount of time to do a treadmill or spinning routine?
-
- If you were signed up for 3 sessions at the gym to 'get cardio' - would he be supportive of your time at the gym for this?
-
- And if this is a yes, why not tell him your doing a cardio routine, and then just stay 30 minutes later to do your lifting program?
-
- Just because you're married doesn't mean you have to tell him what happens during every minute of the day. Tell him about the new friends you make at Zumba class, and enjoy your weights as your 'little' secret.
-
Well I work out at home and we don't have a treadmill so he might get a little suspicious. Also I don't believe in lying to my husband, even little white lies. I tell him everything. And finally, besides when we are at work, we are very rarely ever separated. We carpool to work together, we go grocery shopping together, we don't go out without each other. I married him because I want to be with him. We even do Christmas shopping online because we are basically never apart long enough to buy eachother anything.
So, is he reading this thread right now then?
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itsfuntobenormal wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »Dragonwolf wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »Some_Watery_Tart wrote: »And if you'd like to avoid the "can of worms" in the future, I would suggest you avoid using the term "Stepford wife". It's not considered a positive thing. It was a horror story. Maybe June Cleaver would be more appropriate.
I'm sorry, I don't see the term Stepford wife as anything negitive. It would be the biggest compliment to me if someone said I was a Stepford wife. I didn't think I was the only one who thought this way.
Have you ever seen The Stepford Wives (or read the book)? Stepford was a dystopian, gated community where the wives were systematically replaced by (or turned into) robots that did the man's every whim without thought or question. Many of the women were formerly activists or otherwise very independent women. They were stripped of all independent personality, against their will.
Being a "Stepford wife" is in no way, shape or form a good thing, and has never been. To say that you're a "Stepford wife" means, by definition, that you've been stripped of all independence, both in thought and action. Is that something you really want?
Yes, I like the movies and the book. To me being a Stepford wife doesn't mean having no control (because they can't make me a robot). It means being everything my husband wants and making him completely happy in every way and doing it all with a smile. The Stepford wife ideal to me is basically being the perfect wife. I don't see it negitivly and I really thought more women thought this way. I guess I was wrong.
You understand that your husband isn't giving you the same level of support you idealize giving him though and that's what we're all reacting to, right?
He gives me that level of support in every other aspect of our lives. That's why I made this post. I've never come across this side of him and I don't know how to handle it. I just want him to understand that me lifting isn't changing anything about our relationship. I still need and want him and I always will.0 -
"How can I get my sexist husband to be less sexist but still stay sort of sexist like I am?" /facepalm0
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I don't get it. If you really *want* to be the human equivalent of a robot wife who does everything her husband wants, and your husband doesn't want you lifting, it wouldn't be something to question, you wouldn't do it. You wouldn't do it, want to do it, or think about doing it. No discussion, no compromise, he's the man and *only he* gets what he wants.
I'm starting to think this is a troll post, because if you've seen/read it you would know what you have to do to be a Stepford wife. This weight lifting nonsense gets you replaced with a robot, sorry.0 -
GothyFaery wrote: »itsfuntobenormal wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »Dragonwolf wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »Some_Watery_Tart wrote: »And if you'd like to avoid the "can of worms" in the future, I would suggest you avoid using the term "Stepford wife". It's not considered a positive thing. It was a horror story. Maybe June Cleaver would be more appropriate.
I'm sorry, I don't see the term Stepford wife as anything negitive. It would be the biggest compliment to me if someone said I was a Stepford wife. I didn't think I was the only one who thought this way.
Have you ever seen The Stepford Wives (or read the book)? Stepford was a dystopian, gated community where the wives were systematically replaced by (or turned into) robots that did the man's every whim without thought or question. Many of the women were formerly activists or otherwise very independent women. They were stripped of all independent personality, against their will.
Being a "Stepford wife" is in no way, shape or form a good thing, and has never been. To say that you're a "Stepford wife" means, by definition, that you've been stripped of all independence, both in thought and action. Is that something you really want?
Yes, I like the movies and the book. To me being a Stepford wife doesn't mean having no control (because they can't make me a robot). It means being everything my husband wants and making him completely happy in every way and doing it all with a smile. The Stepford wife ideal to me is basically being the perfect wife. I don't see it negitivly and I really thought more women thought this way. I guess I was wrong.
You understand that your husband isn't giving you the same level of support you idealize giving him though and that's what we're all reacting to, right?
He gives me that level of support in every other aspect of our lives. That's why I made this post. I've never come across this side of him and I don't know how to handle it. I just want him to understand that me lifting isn't changing anything about our relationship. I still need and want him and I always will.
You have never come across it because you have always conformed. It is changing your relationship because you are doing something he is not happy with.
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I think you need to find what he is really afraid of with you lifting.
Is it really just that you will no longer need him to do "manly" things?
Does he not want you to be physically stronger than him?
Does he think you will become too hot and sexy and leave him for someone else?"
etc...
There has to be something more than him not wanting you to lift. I think if you can figure that out, you can figure out how to help him get over this.
Does he not realize the more secure and happy you are with yourself, the more you can make him happy...in bed, in life.0 -
You are only 25. You will change how you feel about your various roles in your life many times. Hopefully he will learn to accept these changes because allowing each other room to grow can actually be a very lovely sharing experience. This is good practice for you both. Maybe start defining yourself with a little less rigidity.0
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