Ethics Question..



  • ithrowconfetti
    ithrowconfetti Posts: 451 Member
    edited November 2014
    It really depends on the personalities of the cheater and the person cheated on. A lot of things can affect your actions, even if your intentions are great. Like a pretty extreme example would be if the couple are codependent or have an open relationship or something. Often, when we're not part of a relationship, it's difficult to know what both parties are going through, or what the true nature of their relationship is like. I'd speak out only if I know both parties really well.

    If I don't, yes I saw something suspicious...


  • jasonmh630
    jasonmh630 Posts: 2,850 Member
    People, she does say the words "best friend". That implies a good degree of closeness. lol
  • EMTFreakGirl
    EMTFreakGirl Posts: 597 Member
    Not my monkeys...not my circus. NOT my business.
  • besaro
    besaro Posts: 1,858 Member
    secrets secrets are no fun, secrets secrets hurt someone
  • LoneWolf_70
    LoneWolf_70 Posts: 1,151 Member
    Men: Stay out of it
    Women: OMG you have to tell him/her.

    Just interesting.
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,404 Member
    One solution for all of those who are afraid to approach their best friend about a possible unloyal spouse could also be to send an anonymous email or letter. That way - you said your piece and the relationship can either continue or end without guilt.
  • Veil5577
    Veil5577 Posts: 868 Member
    Not my business or my problem.
  • RoseyDgirl
    RoseyDgirl Posts: 306 Member
    I'd want to know. and, I would owe it to my best friend to give her the same honesty. but then, my best friends are 25 years and committed - we're like sisters. and, through thick and thin - friends are there forever - husbands can be transitory. ;)
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    I wouldn't say anything about it to anyone, except maybe my husband to see what he thought of it.

    If a friend saw my husband come out of a hotel room with someone else, I doubt I would believe the friend, so in the interest of saving the friendship, it'd probably be best not to tell me. These things usually come out anyway, regardless of how they get caught or who catches them.
  • AmigaMaria001
    AmigaMaria001 Posts: 489 Member
    edited November 2014
    Mind my own business in each of these scenarios...My motto is: NOT MY CIRCUS, NOT MY MONKEYS! Stay out of other people's business.
    But for those of you who would tell - everyone now days has a cell phone and a picture is worth a thousand words.
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
    You see your best friend's partner coming out of a hotel room with someone else (ie not your best friend). Its very obvious something has gone on between them - they're all over each other even as they leave the room. They didn't see you.
    Do you say anything to anyone about it ?

    What if it was your sibling / parent or child who's partner came out of the room ?

    If your best friend saw your partner coming out of a hotel room with someone else, what would you want your best friend to do ?

    If your 3 answers are different, why is that ?

    Scenario 1: Blackmail the partner and share with my best friend.
    Scenario 2: Sibling/Parent: Blackmail again. No sharing. Child: Inform them about what I saw.
    Scenario 3: I would want my best friend to get pictures so the *kitten* couldn't sue for alimony when I drop her.
  • RoseyDgirl
    RoseyDgirl Posts: 306 Member
    ps - both my best friends think I hate their husbands. (I give them grief, but it's tough love, eh?) ... I don't hate them, I just think my friends are worth their best effort and attention - and they really should try harder.
  • lorib642
    lorib642 Posts: 1,942 Member
    I would want to know if someone saw my husband because I am really scared of diseases and would want to know if he had safe sex. Then we would deal with the cheating part.

    The relative I think I would tell them. I would feel bad that they would be hurt but I think they would want to know.

    The best friend, if for some reason I didn't tell them, I would let the other person know that I know.

    Something did happen like this to someone I know where they told the person and the other person didn't want to believe it was anything.

  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    BrettPGH_ wrote: »
    RoseyDgirl wrote: »
    I'd want to know. and, I would owe it to my best friend to give her the same honesty. but then, my best friends are 25 years and committed - we're like sisters. and, through thick and thin - friends are there forever - husbands can be transitory. ;)

    Tell your best friend of 25 years you saw her husband cheating on her and before you know it you're a lying *kitten* who's just jealous of her happiness. Seen it happen.

    Exactly why I wouldn't say anything.
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
    I'd want to know why you were at the hotel too
  • MLowe13
    MLowe13 Posts: 23 Member
    If it was truly my best friend or a family member I would have to say something. If it was a casual accquaintance I might be more reluctant because I don't know where thier marriage/relationship is at. Perhaps they have agreed to something between themselve that I have no knowledge of. But someone I am close to, that I know for a fact doesn't have an "open relationship" damn right I am saying something.

    I have been on the other side of that fence before...cheated on constantly by my first husband. Plenty of people knew, including a supposed "friend" I had known for 10 years at the time. He said nothing and admitted that he wouldn't have no matter what because it wasn't his business. That is a major reason he is no longer my friend.
  • stlhrs
    stlhrs Posts: 67 Member

    Reason: I don't know their relationship. Maybe they're open; it is 2014 after all. Not my business to intrude or presume they have the same type of relationship that I do.

    Yes on the third because I know my relationship boundaries. However, if my best friend has the same philosophy as I do (which is likely since we are best friends) they would not tell me because they don't know details of my relationship.

  • Tough one.
    Friends: I think I would call the person allegedly cheating and ask them what was going on before I jump to conclusions (even if it was obvious). If they were cheating, I would hope that they decide on their own to do the right thing. I doubt I would tell the other person, as much as it would eat me up inside.
    Family: This would include my best friend. I would push for the cheater to come clean. If they didn't, I would have to seriously consider telling the other person.
    My partner is seen?: as much as it would hurt, I would appreciate being told, and then the person that saw it needs to butt out so I can deal with my family issues in private.

    I don't really know why I have 3 different answers, and I truly don't know what I would actually do in any of those situations. I hope I never have to.
  • Missjulesdid
    Missjulesdid Posts: 1,444 Member
    The true question is... What does reporting what you see to anyone prove, and/or solve?

    In reality, one has absolutely no idea what occurred in that room. It's likely they had sex, but the witness doesn't know that for sure, unless that person was watching through the window... and that beckons an entire new set of ethical and legal questions.

    My statement above will likely lead to a, "But you have a moral obligation to your friend, etc etc.." Why? Who died and made me the Morality Police?

    Most people who "tattle on" other people's behavior mask their true intentions, albeit subconsciously most of the time.

    They're not reporting these details to "help their friends." They're propagating gossip in an effort to appear "noble" whilst condemning another party and "putting them in their place."

    It's crap.

    "But Uncle Gorilla, adultery is a sin..." (Gotta love the Bible-Beaters)

    A. Wooptie-doo
    B. Let's take the ever present-Bible-defense head-on...

    Adultery is a sin. So is Gossip. In fact, "gossip" is referenced as a mortal sin twenty-seven (27) times throughout the Bible. (I'm not a big religious guy. I'm a lawyer, and I love using the other side's facts against them. :) )

    Thus, for those riding your moral high-horse... while you're holding the Bible and dialing your friends to "report the details," you might want to pickup a few rocks while you're at it. Your glass house may be a bit stuffy.

    I don't give a fat rat's *kitten* if adultery is a sin or not. I'm not religious. And it has NOTHING to do with riding a moral high horse. If I witnessed my best friend's, or sister's partner in such a situation, I'd let my friend/sister know exactly what I saw. How they want to deal with the partner is up to them. Maybe he has a reason for being in the hotel room.. maybe nothing was going on... maybe they have an arrangement.. I don't know and I don't care... That's something for my BEST friend/sister to figure out I'd just give them the information and let them figure it out supporting them if my support is wanted/needed.

    If it was just an acquaintance or a casual friend then no, I'd keep my mouth shut.