Ethics Question..

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  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,783 Member
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    I would not confront him at all. I'd go straight to her and let her know what I saw and tell her you've been worried about telling her but thought about it and you'd want to know if it was happening to you. If you confront him first then he has time to make up a lie. To bad you didn't snap a photo of said interaction for proof cause she may believe him more than you. You may lose a friend over it, so you have to think if it's going to be worth it to tell on him
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    I would feel trulycstupid if i came to a friend/sibling with what i thought was a smoking gun only to be told..."oh we just separated/divorced". Or that they've decidedvon open marriage for reasons that are none of my business for a length of time that is also none of my business.

    If it were my child being apparently cheated on my son is an adult and we've actually encountered similar circumstances and ate quite open. He is also allowed to live his lifw as he pleases and condemn, forgive, make pacts as he sees fit. It would be harder to keep this from him if i knew his wishes were for loyalty so I hope I'd never be presented with this precise dilemma. Probably won't because I'm 1) not nosy 2)not judgy 3) oblivious to motels on my path and 4) nearsighted anyways.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    *are quite open
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    edited November 2014
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    It would really depend on the circumstances. It's between them to handle on their own, I wouldn't want to get involved. But, if I felt it was important to tell then I would. Like if my friend was worried about it, then I couldn't keep that from her. But, still might be better to talk to the person I saw directly. The thing is there may be circumstances I don't understand. But, if the person is hurting my friend (like if it's an abusive relationship) I would be there to help her.
  • Miss_1999
    Miss_1999 Posts: 747 Member
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    UncleGorilla wrote: »
    Miss_1999 wrote: »
    So, here's your tip, don't eat the yellow snow. We know about the kids. We've seen the heartbreak when their mom isn't at their sporting events. We've seen them cry because they don't understand why she made the decision she made, but you know, we aren't the ones who made that decision. We're just the ones who pick up the mess that's been made after the fact.
    Now... settle 5 to 8 of those lawsuits a week for as many years. Then come back and let me know if your opinion has changed. I'll skip ahead. It will.

    Exponentially more damage, harm, pain and anguish are caused by those who move to justify their actions, than those who actually effectuate the underlying "naughty" acts in the first place.

    As you noted, my ego is huge. I own it. And I'm very aware of it.

    What never ceases to amaze me are those who are completely oblivious to their own delusions of grandeur, when moving to "do what [they think] is right."

    In short... You "thinking" you're acting on behalf of "righteousness," does not make it true. In fact, your "act of self-proclaimed righteousness" may do more damage and have more negative collateral effect... than you could ever imagine.

    You are referencing one, maybe two personal accounts, from which you have a biased vantage.

    I am speaking from experience with thousands of cases, from which I was a neutral, charged with settling the conflict.

    And believe me when I tell you, the whistle-blower is NEVER remembered, nor favored, as a "hero," once the dust has settled.

    I'm not sure where you practice law, but I'd stand to wager it's not in this area. Well, that's another story in and of itself. There isn't a lot of rational thought in this area. I'd actually like to invite you come down here and practice law. Settle 5 to 8 lawsuits in this area, of the like, period, and let me know what you think. It's a WHOLE different world. It's a kind of crazy you can't even begin to fathom. Would I dare say that oh at least 3 of those would be Jerry Springer worthy? Same with child custody cases?

    How about this one for rational? If you called your child's school, and didn't get the answers you wanted from the teacher, or the principle, would your next call be to Fox News? Seriously. A special kind of crazy. Common sense, it's not for everyone.

    You may be practicing law where people actually do think logically, or perhaps with even more emotion, and are simply unforgiving. When presented with information, they go all to hell, and that's it for them. I can't say, all I can say, is in this area, we do have some really great people, and we've got some that are a special kind of crazy, and unfortunately, the crazy are outnumbering the sane more and more.

  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,874 Member
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    None of my business...I have my own problems and own *kitten*...I don't need to add other people's *kitten* to my life.
  • darkrose20
    darkrose20 Posts: 1,139 Member
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    totaldetermination wrote: »
    You see your best friend's partner coming out of a hotel room with someone else (ie not your best friend). Its very obvious something has gone on between them - they're all over each other even as they leave the room. They didn't see you.
    Do you say anything to anyone about it ? I would already know if they have an open relationship or poly dynamic. If they were open/poly, I'd mention it. If they were monogomous, I'd ask her if they'd broken up or opened the relationship and have a mature conversation with her regarding what I *thought* I saw.

    What if it was your sibling / parent or child who's partner came out of the room ? I don't have siblings. I don't have a child. If it was my only living parent, I'd laugh my butt off and tell my boyfriend for giggles.

    If your best friend saw your partner coming out of a hotel room with someone else, what would you want your best friend to do ? I would want my best friend to talk to both of us about it in a mature way.

    If your 3 answers are different, why is that ? My answers are different due to the feelings I have toward my only living parent.

  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    edited November 2014
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    UncleGorilla wrote: »
    The true question is... What does reporting what you see to anyone prove, and/or solve?

    In reality, one has absolutely no idea what occurred in that room. It's likely they had sex, but the witness doesn't know that for sure, unless that person was watching through the window... and that beckons an entire new set of ethical and legal questions.

    My statement above will likely lead to a, "But you have a moral obligation to your friend, etc etc.." Why? Who died and made me the Morality Police?

    Most people who "tattle on" other people's behavior mask their true intentions, albeit subconsciously most of the time.

    They're not reporting these details to "help their friends." They're propagating gossip in an effort to appear "noble" whilst condemning another party and "putting them in their place."

    It's crap.

    "But Uncle Gorilla, adultery is a sin..." (Gotta love the Bible-Beaters)

    A. Wooptie-doo
    B. Let's take the ever present-Bible-defense head-on...

    Adultery is a sin. So is Gossip. In fact, "gossip" is referenced as a mortal sin twenty-seven (27) times throughout the Bible. (I'm not a big religious guy. I'm a lawyer, and I love using the other side's facts against them. :) )

    Thus, for those riding your moral high-horse... while you're holding the Bible and dialing your friends to "report the details," you might want to pickup a few rocks while you're at it. Your glass house may be a bit stuffy.

    Awww...did you have fun knocking down all those straw men?

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