I'm 19 and have never had a boyfriend :(

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  • LeslieB042812
    LeslieB042812 Posts: 1,799 Member
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    I think that everyone who's said to focus on being happy with yourself are right. You can't really be happy with anyone else until you're happy on your own, with yourself. Once you find your own happiness, that will radiate out from you and will attract other people like flies to roadkill (sorry that's just the analogy that popped in my head).

    With that said, it's also good to expand your circles. It will help you find what makes you happy and help you meet people.

    And, one final note, while I don't know anything about tinder, I met my husband on POF, as did two of my girlfriends. Don't waste your money on the pay sites, they're no better.

    Good luck!
  • LokomotivMordor
    LokomotivMordor Posts: 23 Member
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    Try joining clubs and doing things you enjoy. You'll meet loads people with similar interests and who knows what can happen. At 19 I felt the exact same way as you, but I met a girl when I just turned 20 and least expected it.
    Don't judge yourself on it, it doesn't mean you aren't worth it, just that you haven't met the right person yet.
  • AbbiKarper
    AbbiKarper Posts: 1
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    Hi jazzy,
    I'm in the same boat as you. I'm 19, about to be 20, and I haven't really had a boyfriend (only those immature things we call "dating" in high school where we say we're dating someone but only hang out with them at lunch with our circle of friends) and I've never been kissed. Sometimes I get lonely and want someone to cuddle with too, but I have faith that God will bring the right man to me when I'm ready, and I can honestly say I'm not ready yet. I still need to work on me.
    Also, I learned a long time ago that the girls who've been dating since they were a freshman in high school and had their first kiss early and lost their virginity early are not as happy as those who waited until they found a person they really like. I was friends with a lot of girls that always needed to have a boyfriend, and they were constantly worrying about their looks, or what to say, or how to get a new boyfriend when their relationship ended. It was then that I realized I didn't want that for myself, so I stopped worrying as much. I'm not saying that I don't want a boyfriend: I do! I'm just saying that there are greater things in life than that. Having a boyfriend shouldn't be your life; it should add to the quality of your life.
    And, last thing, don't let people tease you about never being kissed and being a virgin. I haven't been kissed and I'm staying pure until my wedding night, and that makes me so much happier even though I'm "alone". It's better to share those experiences with someone you truly love and who loves and respects you in return.
    Don't give up! He's out there somewhere! Feel free to message me in case you need some moral support!
  • enterdanger
    enterdanger Posts: 2,447 Member
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    My best advice is to radiate confidence. I'm no Angelina Jolie and I've always been a little pudgy but never had an issue with dating (started at 14). However, I've always been happy with who I am with or without a boyfriend. People just seem to gravitate to that. Don't be afraid of making the first move, and remember that most 19 year old boys are probably a-holes anyway.
  • tidesong
    tidesong Posts: 451 Member
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    Charliecatesq wrote: »
    Boyfriends do not just fall out of the sky sadly!

    Mine did! Well actually, he stepped off a plane, but that's close right? ;)

    OP: I echo what many other have said. You have to love yourself, be confident in yourself, and be comfortable in your own skin before love can bloom. Having a relationship does not make you a better person. It can complement your life, but we are not defined by our relationships. I started dating in high school. It was sophomore year until my first year in college. But while it was fun at first, we weren't meant to be and I started getting more and more miserable until I broke it off. Met someone online and moved across the country. (This was in 1997 mind you...when nobody did this.) We ended up getting married...but I was young and stupid, and he was young and even MORE stupid. He turned into a jerk and the marriage ended quite traumatically. Then I got into a relationship with ANOTHER jerk who treated me like crap. Moved back home and swore I wasn't dating anyone for a long time. That's when my now-fiance appeared in my life. We met online, too...and we dated 4 years long-distance (lots of flying!) because I was too scared to move it faster. I had been so screwed up from the bad relationships I'd had, and how badly my first marriage had ended that I was positive this was just going to end the same way. I moved out here 4 years ago, and we got engaged last year. We will marry in March. He is not the same as any of my other boyfriends/husband, thank G-d. I have had to do a lot of healing for this relationship to finally have gotten to the point where I am comfortable, and that was because I jumped into too many relationships too quickly and paid dearly for it.

    But like Kristinemomof3 said: Your prince will show up when you're least expecting it. Be patient, and it will pay off. (I am 36 now, by the way. Ancient, I know....but take these words of wisdom from an old woman with too much experience in thinking I had to have a relationship to validate my own existence when I was so wrong about that....)

    All my best to you. It *will* happen. When it's meant to happen. Enjoy life until then. When you are glowing from your own happiness, your prince will find you.
  • helenarriaza
    helenarriaza Posts: 519 Member
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    I'm 24 and I've never had a boyfriend.

    Then again, I am a lesbian.
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
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    It's easy to say this looking back, but I wouldn't make finding a boyfriend a priority right now. I got my first kiss when I was in high school, but I didn't have a boyfriend or go on a date until I was around twenty years old.

    Even if it isn't by choice, own the fact that you haven't had a boyfriend yet. Do something with your life other than worrying about if you can get a man or not. Work on your confidence, and do whatever you have to do to improve your self-esteem.

    I know it's all easier said than done, but once you get to my age, you'll realize how silly these sentiments were at age 19.
  • SpockAdventures
    SpockAdventures Posts: 103 Member
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    I had never had a boyfriend by the time I was 19. My first one was when I was 21 and that was a nightmare. I didn't have another, I went on dates but no boyfriends, and then when I was 22, nearly 23, I met this guy who seemed kind of cool - figured it would just be a date or two - and nine years later I love him more than I ever imagined I would. We were SO different - he has big tattoos, was punk rocker chic, very stylish...me? I wore a purple corduroy skirt and a polo shirt to our first date. Love will come when you least expect it, I had to stop looking to find the person I will spend the rest of my life with. In the meantime, enjoy your youth and freedom, go on dates even if you know they probably won't go anywhere, become buddies with people in your classes - even if it's under the initial pretense of studying or sharing notes or whatever. Love will happen, I promise!!!
  • wibutterflymagic
    wibutterflymagic Posts: 788 Member
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    Seriously your 19. Enjoy being single. There is so much more to life at 19 then having a boyfriend. If you are feeling this way at such a young age then you must not feel good about yourself and feel you need someone to complete you. Go out with your friends and have fun, meet people, join social groups, volunteer. Stop focusing on finding someone to make you feel better because it won't until you feel good about yourself. Yes it can suck at times but focusing on what isn't won't make you feel any better.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    When is your deadline?
  • Jennisin1
    Jennisin1 Posts: 574 Member
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    I didn't go on a single date, wasn't kissed (so obviously didn't have a boyfriend) till I was 21. I would say put dating on the back burner for now. Focus on School and work and hobbies that you enjoy. You have your whole future in front of you and what you do now will mold the rest of your life.
  • jasonmh630
    jasonmh630 Posts: 2,850 Member
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    FaithfulJewel wrote: »
    You won't be happy with someone else until you can be happy with yourself.

    And once you're happy with yourself, you will gain confidence and that will open up doors in your life, be it love, career or other things.

    Don't panic, life isn't a race.

    This! Absolutely this! Being a guy myself, we LOVE women who are self confident and know what and who they are and don't apologize for it. Being happy with yourself is the most attractive quality in a woman (to me, at least lol). Just focus on you and once you're happy with yourself, your prince will come into your life. Probably when you AREN'T looking. That's how this thing called love works alot of the time.

    Hold your head up and worry about YOU right now. :)
  • michaelachallis
    michaelachallis Posts: 137 Member
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    Enjoy your life girl!!!! You are still young, the person will come along eventually. When you get out of high school and see more of the world the opportunities of meeting someone will be broader and it will happen.
  • AliceSwarthout
    AliceSwarthout Posts: 808 Member
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    Honestly, the guy I was dating between the years of 17 and 20 was a jerk and a total waste of time. don't sweat it if you're single now. I'm still recovering from some of the emotional damage from that relationship. Although, as far as online dating, I had some really good luck with dates from OK Cupid. the personality questions actually are pretty good, and I made a few really great friends as well. Only a couple jerks. All three of the guys I met in person from that site were awesome and super nice. I just wasn't ready for a relationship. plus, I think it is easier to do things the old fashioned way. It's hard to really know a person from typed words.
  • jasonmh630
    jasonmh630 Posts: 2,850 Member
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    AliceSwarthout wrote: »
    Honestly, the guy I was dating between the years of 17 and 20 was a jerk and a total waste of time. don't sweat it if you're single now. I'm still recovering from some of the emotional damage from that relationship. Although, as far as online dating, I had some really good luck with dates from OK Cupid. the personality questions actually are pretty good, and I made a few really great friends as well. Only a couple jerks. All three of the guys I met in person from that site were awesome and super nice. I just wasn't ready for a relationship. plus, I think it is easier to do things the old fashioned way. It's hard to really know a person from typed words.

    I'm going to add to the whole online dating thing... I agree with the above, but wanted to add that if you decide to meet someone from POF or OKcupid or whatever... Go into it with the mindset that you've never talked before and just want to have a friendly date. High expectations on first dates in this scenario have proven to be one of the main reasons that they don't go well.
  • blossomingbutterfly
    blossomingbutterfly Posts: 743 Member
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    FaithfulJewel wrote: »
    You won't be happy with someone else until you can be happy with yourself.

    And once you're happy with yourself, you will gain confidence and that will open up doors in your life, be it love, career or other things.

    Don't panic, life isn't a race.

    THAT

    And I didn't have my first boyfriend or first kiss until I was 21. And it wasn't that great. I should have waited longer!
  • Hockey_Winger
    Hockey_Winger Posts: 1,164 Member
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    FaithfulJewel wrote: »
    You won't be happy with someone else until you can be happy with yourself.

    And once you're happy with yourself, you will gain confidence and that will open up doors in your life, be it love, career or other things.

    Don't panic, life isn't a race.
    Because this hasn't been quoted enough already.

    Someone here had a quote on their profile that read:
    Don't be a woman that needs a man
    Be a woman a man needs


    First time I saw that I though, 'oh, I like her" :smirk:


  • jasonmh630
    jasonmh630 Posts: 2,850 Member
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    Hockey_Winger wrote: »
    FaithfulJewel wrote: »
    You won't be happy with someone else until you can be happy with yourself.

    And once you're happy with yourself, you will gain confidence and that will open up doors in your life, be it love, career or other things.

    Don't panic, life isn't a race.
    Because this hasn't been quoted enough already.

    Someone here had a quote on their profile that read:
    Don't be a woman that needs a man
    Be a woman a man needs


    First time I saw that I though, 'oh, I like her" :smirk:


    I see what you're saying, but I've never been fond of that quote... It's like it's saying that a man needs a woman, but a woman is weak for needing a man. In a good healthy relationship, both parties need each other. I may be completely misinterpreting that, but that's what I gather from it. :/

  • KrzyGal
    KrzyGal Posts: 139 Member
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    FaithfulJewel wrote: »
    You won't be happy with someone else until you can be happy with yourself.

    And once you're happy with yourself, you will gain confidence and that will open up doors in your life, be it love, career or other things.

    Don't panic, life isn't a race.

    This is exactly right! Enjoy life! You are young. Go have fun and explore the world. When it's meant to happen, you will find your partner. If you are looking, you'll never find the right one. It just has to happen.

  • Hockey_Winger
    Hockey_Winger Posts: 1,164 Member
    edited November 2014
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    jasonmh630 wrote: »
    It's like it's saying that a man needs a woman, but a woman is weak for needing a man.
    In a good healthy relationship, both parties need each other. I may be completely misinterpreting that, but that's what I gather from it. :/

    I can see how it could be read that way, but I don't see it that way. I also just ended a relationship that was as long as the OP has been alive so my view is tilted a bit.

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