"I want to lose weight, but I don't want to get too skinny!"
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Sorry you're right my lean body mass was even higher, at that time I was very active, doing an insane amount of HITT training and weight training. I've since been ill for several years and my scale is showing the lower 110-120 LBM which I know may not be totally accurate. My target weight at 170lbs I know is still high. But I figured until I got closer to my ultimate weight and even more importantly, my ultimate fitness level, there was little point putting an arbitrary goal of 160 or 150lbs.
At 170lbs I fit into all my typical clothes (size 10-12) which even at 140lbs I wear that same size due to my body frame. It gets me close to the target, then I can just work on the fine details of my body recomp.
(edited for grammar)
I was a size 12 and close to a size 14 at 140 lbs and 5'4". Then I lost weight and am now a size 2.0 -
Perhaps we say "I don't want to get too skinny" to prevent people from telling "Wow, you've lost a lot of weight but you can stop now!" I had people saying that to me all the time when I was nearing the top end of healthy BMI. It was really annoying so I'd say it before they could.
Once I started fitting into size 10 (US 6), I did decide that I was thin enough (all by myself) and started maintenance. I've been maintaining for about 2 months and I still get people saying that I "mustn't get too thin" which is even more annoying now than it was when I was losing weight.0 -
amyrebeccah wrote: »Iwishyouwell wrote: »MsHarryWinston wrote: »Iwishyouwell wrote: »MsHarryWinston you look fine as hell in that pic.
But your weight doesn't surprise me. You're taller than average, blessed in the chest, and have some serious muscle mass. You look like our stereotypical image of a beautiful amazonian warrior, ala Wonder Woman. So no, your weight doesn't surprise me at all, and you're an obvious outlier for the typical BMI range.
Which most people aren't. Even though it's common to believe they are.
Why thank you dahling, that's the sweetest thing I've heard all day. I do tend to carry my Amazonian mantle with pride. That song "Brickhouse" is practically my theme song.
I just wanted to show an example of how sometimes there really ARE outliers. We tend to trash the whole "special snowflake" mentality on here because for the most part people ARE pretty delusional. I tend to roll my eyes at people too, but I DO try to keep an open mind and remember my own "oddities" because sometimes there really are random traits here or there that ruins the bell curve ya know?
Definitely. I love women of all shapes and sizes, but that "brickhouse" look? Unbeatable.
I appreciate a good outlier. It's just embarrassing when you have somebody who is obviously not working overtime to make people believe they are.
Hell I've never been delusional about my weight, but even I was convinced, because I carried my weight "well" as a big man, that I was an outlier; I just thought I HAD to be a larger frame, "big boned" (what a nonsense term), etc. Nope, no special snowflake here. Medium framed and just had too much damn fat on my body, like many folks.
So. . .tell me more about how this thread was started because of actual curiosity and not because you think people are setting their goals too high.
What are you going on about this time?
A lot of fat people, especially those of us who've been fat since childhood, like me for instance, grow up with distorted body image. A lot of us convince ourselves, or were convinced by others, that we were just naturally "big boned", hefty, "thick", large framed, etc people. For some that is true, like the lovely woman I was speaking to, and for many it's a lie. There isn't a single damn thing wrong with pointing that out.
This thread was created to explore the reasons why so many people seemed to be actively afraid and/or antagonistic about going lower. Lots of people actually aren't naturally "big", yet so many former overweight/obese people say they are and seem to actually be antagonistic against being thin/skinny/ultra lean, whatever adjective that suits you. I wanted to hear not only why it's so common for people to set goals still on the high side (like I once did), but to understand better why so many were downright adamant about never going to the mid/low side of whatever range their bodies exist in. Some people never considering the possibility that a lower body fat might leave them well below their goals and is quite possible. And some people stop while still overweight and fight against the idea that perhaps they actually aren't a "big" person, by nature, after all. I wanted to get some thoughts and some discourse going on why there is so much push back, especially since we collectively use to be a much slimmer set of people in most of the world. Our genes haven't changed in the last 30 or so years. So this is a shift psychologically, perhaps even socially.
Thankfully most have offered great insight and have kept this discussion civil, intelligent and forward moving. Most.0 -
I am large-framed according to my wrist measurement
on standard BMI charts I am 26.4 as mentioned earlier - on large-framed version I'm 24 BMI
Either way I like my body but am concerned about getting too thin - because that's not a good look as you get older, at the moment I'm unlined and could easily pass for late 30s rather than late 40s, I'm fit and a size 12 (US 8) but I'm still gradually losing whilst trying to bear in mind that at my age I will probably have to start to choose between my *kitten* and my face0 -
ive been uk 6 (us 2) and ive been a uk 16 (us 12) and im happiest in the middle which is where I am now im not skinny in my opinion as you cant see too much bone just a bit of hip bone and im working on defining abs by losing body fat. I think everyones perception of skinny is different I think me at a uk 6 was skinny I now have curves and shape and I love it0
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Perhaps we say "I don't want to get too skinny" to prevent people from telling "Wow, you've lost a lot of weight but you can stop now!" I had people saying that to me all the time when I was nearing the top end of healthy BMI. It was really annoying so I'd say it before they could.
Once I started fitting into size 10 (US 6), I did decide that I was thin enough (all by myself) and started maintenance. I've been maintaining for about 2 months and I still get people saying that I "mustn't get too thin" which is even more annoying now than it was when I was losing weight.
ugh...RIGHT?! I've had people telling me for a good 6 months now that I "need to stop losing weight". Except up until these last few weeks when I decided to drop below my goal weight to avoid gaining to overweight while sedentary after an upcoming surgery, I have been maintaining within 3 pounds for those 6 months. And even when I told people that (not that it was any of their business, really) they would argue with me and say "no I can tell that you've been losing more". oh really? you can tell? you're either clearly more reliable than my digital scale or you're straight up calling me a liar. awesome. you'll excuse me for ignoring everything you say from now on
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I stay on the highish end of normal. I'm 6'1" and 175-178 lbs at size us 10. At a bit closer to "normal" for me (148-150 lbs), you could count my ribs and I was still as us 8. Being "blessed" with 36G boobs at both sizes means I wear my weight a bit differently than most people. I just go with how I feel and how well my clothes fit
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Iwishyouwell wrote: »OK, this has always intrigued me because I've seen in on just about every weight loss or fitness board I've ever even cursorily passed through.
Overweight and obese people setting goals that are still pretty high, or are right at the high end of the "normal" scale, with a disclaimer of "I don't want to be skinny!!!".
Why do you think that is? What's with this apparent fear of becoming too low in body fat and/or weight? Many of the weights I see where people believe they will, or did, look too skinny/thin/emaciated use to be commonplace, average and normal a few decades ago (or in parts of the world today). Yet there seems to be this apparent backlash these days about conceptualizing a body that's relatively lean or light.
What do you think is the root of the big thin scare?
I can't speak for everyone else, but I was born (genetics) with a nice hour glass figure. I've never been below a certain weight in the healthy range, and am not sure where the fat will come off once I get to that point. It is complete and total vanity for me. I had originally set my goal to the middle of the healthy weight range, but decided I would have better chance at keeping most of my curves by setting my first goal weight towards the top and then bulking and cutting until I get to a place I'm happy with.
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I was thin throughout high school and college (105-120). I prefer myself a bit heavier. I've got big boobs and a big butt. I feel more confident around 140. That's on the higher end of a "normal" BMI, but I honestly don't give a rip. I'm more concerned with how *I* feel than what other people think.0
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I was 95-97 lbs my whole life. I still had curves though. I never gave a hoot what anyone thought because that was my natural body type and I felt great. I was called anorexic on numerous occasions… despite none of my bones showing and stuffing my face throughout the day. Haters gonna hate ;D0
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I haven't made the exact statement of not wanting to be too skinny. However, I've hesitated towards picking final goals because the range for my height feels so low when having started at over 220 lbs. I'm almost 5' tall and female. Just over 10 years ago, I did lose some weight on weight watchers but I never made a final goal when I was in the program. While it was helpful at the time and made me more mindful of what I ate that year in college (other years that lesson soon found itself forgotten), the end goal weight is an important goal because you pay until you reach and maintain the healthy weight. Even if given the weight for the "older" range based on my height, they recommended in the 120's and I could never visualize that because I've been overweight for so long. From the older elementary school days till present, I've been heavy to varying degrees. I did play sports often when younger, but always too round and just not in quite good enough shape.
Now, I'm doing the basic watch what I consume and how much calories I use. I don't have a final goal set yet, but it's in the consideration process. I have several goals along the way, along with so many fitness goals to keep me active many years to come that I find enjoyable. 175 will be lower weight than I made it to on WW (I'm at 187 now, having weighed 211 at the end of August). 150 will get me at that barrier between the "obese" range and "overweight" range. And from there, we'll see.0 -
Sorry you're right my lean body mass was even higher, at that time I was very active, doing an insane amount of HITT training and weight training. I've since been ill for several years and my scale is showing the lower 110-120 LBM which I know may not be totally accurate. My target weight at 170lbs I know is still high. But I figured until I got closer to my ultimate weight and even more importantly, my ultimate fitness level, there was little point putting an arbitrary goal of 160 or 150lbs.
At 170lbs I fit into all my typical clothes (size 10-12) which even at 140lbs I wear that same size due to my body frame. It gets me close to the target, then I can just work on the fine details of my body recomp.
(edited for grammar)
Do you have a picture of yourself at 140lbs, 19% body fat and a size 10-12? because honestly this does not sound possible to me, unless this was a size 10-12 from before there was a massive amount of vanity sizing. I have a very wide frame and was a size 12-14 at 140lbs, but could get down to a size 2 by losing 35 pounds. I'm still wide now, but wide and flat, so I'm a size 2 instead of a size 0. I doubt my body fat percentage was anywhere near 19% at those stats.0 -
FatFreeFrolicking wrote: »I was 95-97 lbs my whole life. I still had curves though.
Yeah, lots of slimmer/smaller women are curvy. I'm not sure why so many people associate "curves" with weight on the higher end.
Are "curves" not more about a woman's body shape versus her weight, to a certain extent?0 -
I think it has a lot to do with the person. For example, if you're 300+ lbs and you've "always been big" then you don't know what you look like at 170, 160, etc lbs and you're afraid or worried about what it will look like on you. I know for me I don't have a petite frame - not excusing though, I do have a lot of weight to lose and I have to work at it but I am just not one of those women to be petite, it's not me. So at 5'9, if I were to weigh like 140 lbs with a naturally bigger frame, I don't think it would look right at all, although for another woman it might be the perfect weight.
It's a lot psychological that when you've been big you don't want to be too small because you don't know how it will look on you and you worry that you'll have all this saggy skin or you won't be yourself anymore. When you have a lot of weight to lose, it can be a really scary thing.0 -
Iwishyouwell wrote: »FatFreeFrolicking wrote: »I was 95-97 lbs my whole life. I still had curves though.
Yeah, lots of slimmer/smaller women are curvy. I'm not sure why so many people associate "curves" with weight on the higher end.
Are "curves" not more about a woman's body shape versus her weight, to a certain extent?
Yes - absolutely they are! A lot of women say "Real women have curves" to excuse the fact they are overweight. I'm not saying real women don't have curves, I'm saying real women come in all shapes and sizes. But it really bothers me sometimes that women who are just genuinely obese say real men want curves, only dogs want bones and so on. Some women are big, some are small, some are short and some are tall . . . we all have different frames/sizes/shapes. However, being curvy is about your body shape more than what you weigh, although if you have that body shape being a little on the heavier side can bring it out more and a lot of women who have that shape tend to look better (in my opinion) at a slightly higher weight.
Although that's for another board . . . somewhere . . .
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Iwishyouwell wrote: »Why do you think that is?
In my case, it's because if I get much below 10 stone I look gaunt enough that people worry that I'm ill. So plain, simple vanity in my case.0 -
Iwishyouwell wrote: »FatFreeFrolicking wrote: »I was 95-97 lbs my whole life. I still had curves though.
Yeah, lots of slimmer/smaller women are curvy. I'm not sure why so many people associate "curves" with weight on the higher end.
Are "curves" not more about a woman's body shape versus her weight, to a certain extent?
Well. As you get leaner and leaner, there's no telling where the fat will come from. Im 5'5 and 145. My hip bones have made an appearance. I have to sleep with a pillow in between my knees for the first time since I can remember, and the tops and sides of my chestises are making a run for it. Some people just casually say if I want bigger boobs I will save / pay for them. But for those of us who are poor or would rather spend our money on other things, or would rather not undergo surgery or general anesthesia, maintaining a higher level of body fat just may be a way to keep our figure a certain way
On the other hand I'm a bit perplexed when people with a significant amount of weight say I don't want to be too thin or I don't want to have x or y type of figure. I don't think there's anything wrong with this per se. I just suppose for me, getting down in weight or reducing the body fat percentage will be the most important if not the only priority. At the same time if a goal figure is more motivating and allows folks work hard, then I'm all for it!
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Iwishyouwell wrote: »FatFreeFrolicking wrote: »I was 95-97 lbs my whole life. I still had curves though.
Yeah, lots of slimmer/smaller women are curvy. I'm not sure why so many people associate "curves" with weight on the higher end.
Are "curves" not more about a woman's body shape versus her weight, to a certain extent?
I definitely think it has to do with shape vs. weight. Everyone surely is familiar with the hand gestures that some men make that essentially means "women" when they move their hands to gesture the shape of an hourglass, sometimes even going further to gesture not just bust, waist, hips, but also including thighs and calves in a sort of vertical wave-pattern motion with their hands. A curvy wave pattern of the female form comes in many weights, and the curves vary in degree, but those feminine curves more often than not are hidden from view under layers of fat or disappear entirely from being very underweight.
I personally would feel foolish referring to my rolls of fat as "curves". My feminine curves, the only curves I care about, are concealed beneath unsexy and unfeminine fat.
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The only person I have said I don't want to get to skinny to is my husband. I am not even sure why he freaks out about my weight goal but he does major time. >.<
My BMI goal is on the lower side of it. My first goal is 20.0 BMI. However, the scale, measuring tapes, and body fat all play a part. Ideally I like to be around 18.6 (Up to 20.7) on the BMI scale, but being overweight my whole life, I am not sure I can get that low depending on how much skin I may carry. Just going to have to see. Current BMI is 23.4 so I have a long way to go and even though I am now labeled as healthy, I am borderline overweight still. I have 21 pounds to go for my first goal and 31 for ideal. I do aim to eventually increase my muscle mass, so I know I will weight more one day and be on the middle end of the BMI chart, maybe. However, I have known that I need to be no more than the middle of the BMI chart to be at a healthy weight.
Therefore, I can not understand anyone who wants to be on the larger side because I could not be there. And to me, no one should look at just one number, they should think of all numbers (scale, pant size, measurements, body fat, bloodwork etc.....) to determined what is truly best for them. I do think "skinny" is now a weighted word to mean something worse than what it is. I think what most people mean is they want to be healthy and not under weight? I want to be skinny/thin and I think there is nothing wrong with that.0 -
MsHarryWinston wrote: »My point is though that in that pic I'm 5'7 and about 160-165 lbs puting me in the "overweight" category of BMI. Does that look overweight to you? At that time you could also see 4-pack definition. So when I personally say I want to get down to 160 because I don't want too look too skinny, sure it sounds odd when for my hight "normal" is 130-150. But seriously? Taking another 30 pounds off of me in that pic? I'm I would NOT look healthy, I would in fact look too skinny.
So while people may pick a weight in the "overweight" category it doesn't always really mean they are "overweight", you know?
I understand that, (you are GORGEOUS by the way!!) when I got down to 150 at 5'3" I was very happy with the way I looked (God blessed me in the T&A department) and I plan on getting back there again. We all look different at different weights even if we're the same height. I have a ridiculously large rack and therefore look proportionally different to someone of the same height and weight that has none. It's all about body composition and muscles, I am a female that lifts, therefore I have more muscles which ways more than fat. So someone who doesn't lift will again look differently when in comparison to me.
But hey, to each their own, as long as you feel good and are confident, it doesn't matter your size because you are beautiful. I don't want to fit into someone's mold of what they think I should look like or weigh, I'll never be perfect and I'm ok with that. Once I get down to 150 and I evaluate how I think I look and how I feel, who knows, maybe I'll decide to drop another 20-30. *shrugs* It's very individualized. I personally wouldn't mind being "skinny" as long as you can't see my bones and there are still some curves because my husband likes an *kitten* to grab... just sayin'.
All that being said, interesting topic, I don't mind a healthy lively debate, I don't mind people who's views are different than mine.. I can respect that. I welcome it, because hmm.. it may or may not change my views on something. Always be open to others views, you might surprise yourself. Y'all rock! Keep up the good fight and support each other in our endeavors 0 -
Iwishyouwell wrote: »FatFreeFrolicking wrote: »I was 95-97 lbs my whole life. I still had curves though.
Yeah, lots of slimmer/smaller women are curvy. I'm not sure why so many people associate "curves" with weight on the higher end.
Are "curves" not more about a woman's body shape versus her weight, to a certain extent?
Yep, curves to me just imply a big difference between your waist and hips, which can happen at any weight. I was curvy when I was bigger, I'm curvy now I'm losing weight after my baby, and I was curvy at my thinnest (well, I posted a pic earlier in the thread in my blue and white dress).
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I imagine the reasons for people not wanting to be "too skinny" or have very low BF would be all over the place.
I have no desire to be skinny or have a low BF%. My goal is at the upper end of the BMI scale and somewhere around 24% - 26% BF. My reasoning is that I think I'll look good at this size and there is no reason to believe it would be unhealthy.0 -
I didn't read all of the answers so apologies if I'm repeating this. I'm going to throw this in here...a lot of overweight or obese people have spent so much of their lives trying to be invisible, that they are uncomfortable with the idea of unwanted attention that comes from significant weight loss. They feel that if they are a "normal" weight, they can still fly under the social radar. Whereas if they are "skinny" (as in "OMG you look amazing), they will have some uncomfortable feelings to deal with. Weird but true.0
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People set goals that seem reachable and maybe once they reach it they can set a new one, and so forth.
But overweight people are usually insecure so often put down the lean athletic frame as a defence mechanism. If they make out that they don't want to be skinny/lean... then that gives them the excuse to not be.
There is an unhealthy level of skinny or course, but it's a lot lower than what today's western people see as skinny.
I have been told I was too skinny when my BMI is 23, which is healthy and the far end of healthy at that.
On body fat % charts there's lean, ideal, average, overweight. Average doesn't mean ideal! All these 'love your body' 'real women' things say that the average woman in the UK is a size 16 (or whatever it is now) but average does not mean it's good!!! If the average person murdered once a year it wouldn't make it okay!
So as the nation gets fatter and fatter the idea of what is healthy and normal gets clouded and moved to more unhealthy ranges. And to make themselves feel better about it they say that being slim and healthy is actually 'too skinny' and act like they don't want to be that way. When actually they do.
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I have not read anything in this thread except for the Original Post, so if I am rehashing something someone says I am sorry. That being said I am a man who is 6'1 with broad shoulders naturally big arms and bone structure. About 12 years ago I lost a lot of weight, down to the point that people in my life would tell me to stop losing weight because I just didn't look good skinny...and they were right. I even see pics of me from then and I don't like the way I look. Since then I gained a lot of weight, but I am headed in the right direction now and my goal is way out of the "Normal" range, because I feel that I just don't look good at 6'1 and 184 lbs0
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Iwishyouwell wrote: »FatFreeFrolicking wrote: »I was 95-97 lbs my whole life. I still had curves though.
Yeah, lots of slimmer/smaller women are curvy. I'm not sure why so many people associate "curves" with weight on the higher end.
I don't know about other people but I make this association based on myself. I don't look at other women to determine my weight goals because I've never looked at one and thought "wow, her body shape/fat distribution looks exactly like mine!"
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Lourdesong wrote: »I personally would feel foolish referring to my rolls of fat as "curves". My feminine curves, the only curves I care about, are concealed beneath unsexy and unfeminine fat.
The women on my mother's side of the family, including my sister, are like this. They're built more like humpty-dumpty when they get overweight because they gain a lot of weight in the middle. My sister had WLS and is in here 180s now, down from 300 lbs. She is only now starting to discover her actual, feminine curves. Prior to that the only curves she had was a fat apron and back rolls (something she'd say herself). I've heard her say she's lost a lot of her breasts, yet she has more of that hourglass than she's ever seen before.
Meanwhile my wife is very, very voluptuous. She was voluptuous when her weight was down in the "normal" range and she's still so with lots of extra fat on her body.HanamiDango wrote: »I think what most people mean is they want to be healthy and not under weight?
Which is a mind blower since most people are nowhere near in danger of becoming legitimately underweight, especially the fat or formerly fat.
It's NOT easy to become underweight. It just isn't. Yet so many people seem terrified, on the surface at least, of just somehow magically, accidentally dieting down to an underweight skeleton.
It doesn't work that way.0 -
I am 148 pounds (high end of BMI) which is my goal and I am very happy, healthy and strong. I used to be 114 pounds (which is still in my BMI range) and maintained that size for years with severe body dysmorphia. I now have a fear of getting "too skinny," partly because of my previous body dysmorphia and looking back, I didn't look good at that size, nor was I strong. I realize this isn't the same issue for everyone, but this is my reason for not wanting to get "too skinny."0
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