"I want to lose weight, but I don't want to get too skinny!"
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I have said this statement before, and I still will, but it is literally because I actually don't want to be skinny. It's that simple. I am overweight and need to lose my belly and arms but I still look in proportion because my weight is balanced.
It's a personal thing I guess, I just don't think skinny looks good and would much rather keep a little to grab on to
The only reason I weigh myself is to make sure I am actually losing, but I don't have a goal weight. Apparently the 'healthy weight' for my height is around 140lbs, which personally I feel would be too much for me. Each to their own 0 -
Also you may be looking in the wrong pool for these people who are not terrified. The folks in my family who've never had a weight problem are not terrified of much of anything at all when it comes to weight. The comment on calorie counting that was summarily accepted with nods across the room as though she said the sky was blue was, "do you really think people would look at calorie information on a package before eating it? Really?"
Well exactly this. That's the pool.
I wasn't referring to people who once had a weight problem, but are normal weight now. They have a completely different psychological profile.
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Iwishyouwell wrote: »Also you may be looking in the wrong pool for these people who are not terrified. The folks in my family who've never had a weight problem are not terrified of much of anything at all when it comes to weight. The comment on calorie counting that was summarily accepted with nods across the room as though she said the sky was blue was, "do you really think people would look at calorie information on a package before eating it? Really?"
Well exactly this. That's the pool.
I wasn't referring to people who once had a weight problem, but are normal weight now. They have a completely different psychological profile.
I didn't write the above quote....hmmm
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Well for me it's about being able to live comfortably. And being able to maintain a decent amount of muscle. As someone who has lost a lot of weight and will lose more this year I can definitely say that there are some good things about being fat. You feel the cold less. And are generally more comfortable. Having quite a lot of body padding. It's like having your own portable sofa. When you get skinny I imagine you feel your skeleton a lot and that can be a disconcerting and uncomfortable experience for someone who isn't used to it.
There is also the fact that the skinnier you want to be the more you have to try. Some people just like eating too much to want to hit skinny. They just don't want to be obese. There are many reasons truth told for not wanting to be skinny. Nor is being "skinny" healthier than being at a normal weight and body fat %. Past a certain point the lack of fat begins to negatively impact overall health.
While I don't agree with some people these days who seem to think that being seriously obese is totally ok I think that as long as you maintain reasonable goals what you want your body shape to be and how it fits into your life should be entirely your own decision. It's true that being chubby probably impacts your health in a minor way. But no more so than being skinny. And neither are such a huge deal that we need to do anything about it. It's being emaciated or becoming obese that become a problem. It's all about keeping things within reason.0 -
I agree with much of what you've said, but not to start anything, but you can become "too skinny" with effort. EDs aren't easy, they take work and effort.
Oh, no, not at all! You're absolutely right.
I was responding more so on the general grounds that most people saying "I don't want to get too skinny" aren't going to have a history with ED or are not coming from a place where they're saying "I don't want to develop an ED". They're usually making excuses - same as someone who says "I want to lift weights, but I don't want to get too big".
But in the literal sense, you are correct. EDs do take a lot of effort and, by that way, someone can become "too skinny" through the effort of an ED - however, to do so would not be healthy nor advisable. Therefore, I excluded it from my general statement for impact's sake.0 -
Well for me it's about being able to live comfortably. And being able to maintain a decent amount of muscle. As someone who has lost a lot of weight and will lose more this year I can definitely say that there are some good things about being fat. You feel the cold less. And are generally more comfortable. Having quite a lot of body padding. It's like having your own portable sofa. When you get skinny I imagine you feel your skeleton a lot and that can be a disconcerting and uncomfortable experience for someone who isn't used to it.
There is also the fact that the skinnier you want to be the more you have to try. Some people just like eating too much to want to hit skinny. They just don't want to be obese. There are many reasons truth told for not wanting to be skinny. Nor is being "skinny" healthier than being at a normal weight and body fat %. Past a certain point the lack of fat begins to negatively impact overall health.
While I don't agree with some people these days who seem to think that being seriously obese is totally ok I think that as long as you maintain reasonable goals what you want your body shape to be and how it fits into your life should be entirely your own decision. It's true that being chubby probably impacts your health in a minor way. But no more so than being skinny. And neither are such a huge deal that we need to do anything about it. It's being emaciated or becoming obese that become a problem. It's all about keeping things within reason.
your first paragraph confuses me. I have never "felt my skeleton" even when I'm skinny. Sure I guess I'm probably cold more often than an obese person, but wouldn't I also be less hot in extreme heat?0 -
I just don't want my head to look too big lol0
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I buy into the idea of set point weight and think that my personal ideal weight will be a bit on the higher end. When I was in high school and playing multiple sports I was chubby. I can see that same body shape in my mom who is pretty careful about her diet and exercises more than 90 minutes a day. I think there is a distribution of natural weights and it would make sense those of us who end up obese are more likely to be on the higher end of the distribution.
I'm not at all scared of getting skinny, I just think that it is unrealistic for me. I don't want to aim for an ideal that would be problematic for me to maintain. At the same time, I have no idea right now where this journey will take me. I want to get to a place where I feel healthy and beautiful, a body size that I can maintain through paying attention and doing the right things food-wise most of the time, but not a body size that requires herculean efforts or effects me negatively.0 -
It seems like the OP is making the assumption that "my goal is X, since I don't want to get too skinny" means that you fear accidently getting skinny, and I suspect that's not the case for anyone.
I think I look best toward the lower end of the BMI scale (my frame is not that large and my current LBM is probably less than 100, I'd guess no more than 95 based on a DEXA of a few months ago), and so at one point I was tempted to set my goal weight at 115 or less (a weight I've not been as an adult, but that my sister, who is the same height but is built somewhat differently, maintained at for ages). One reason for this is that I tend to hold fat around my middle (sigh) and suspect I'd have to get down to a reasonably low BF% to get rid of it as much as I'd like. But looking at myself now, and photos, and how various other parts of my body look, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't look great getting down that low, at least not to my own taste. NOT because that's an improper weight in general for my height or that I don't think women my height and 110 or 115 are normal sized or anything. It's simply why my goal, currently, is 120. Not a fear of accidently getting skinny.
Of course, I wouldn't actually say I don't want to get too skinny anyway. I'd just say my goal is based on how I look and feel and I'll know it when I get there. ;-)0 -
Well for me it's about being able to live comfortably. And being able to maintain a decent amount of muscle. As someone who has lost a lot of weight and will lose more this year I can definitely say that there are some good things about being fat. You feel the cold less. And are generally more comfortable. Having quite a lot of body padding. It's like having your own portable sofa. When you get skinny I imagine you feel your skeleton a lot and that can be a disconcerting and uncomfortable experience for someone who isn't used to it.
There is also the fact that the skinnier you want to be the more you have to try. Some people just like eating too much to want to hit skinny. They just don't want to be obese. There are many reasons truth told for not wanting to be skinny. Nor is being "skinny" healthier than being at a normal weight and body fat %. Past a certain point the lack of fat begins to negatively impact overall health.
I can definitely sympathize with this. Even at my current weight, after losing almost 30 lbs, and still having 30 lbs to go, I feel my hip bones much more than I did before. I actually bruise myself at the bony points when sitting on a hard chair now.
I also will only get to a weight that I can maintain while living my life. If I have to eat so little I am hungry all the time, or I have to exercise 2 hours a day, I'd rather keep the extra 10-15 lbs. I could never get below 152 in the past (and that was before, boobs LOL), but I maintained at 165 for years quite easily, so 160 is my goal for now. Not saying I wouldn't love to get to my original goal of 145, but at 5'9", and with my large frame (I have 7 inch wrists at any weight), I don't think it's realistic.0 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »It seems like the OP is making the assumption that "my goal is X, since I don't want to get too skinny" means that you fear accidently getting skinny, and I suspect that's not the case for anyone.
You don't believe anyone has an actual fear of accidentally getting too skinny...
Even though it's a rather commonly stated fear, either from the person losing, or the plethora of people who occupy space in their lives?0 -
Well for me it's about being able to live comfortably. And being able to maintain a decent amount of muscle. As someone who has lost a lot of weight and will lose more this year I can definitely say that there are some good things about being fat. You feel the cold less. And are generally more comfortable. Having quite a lot of body padding. It's like having your own portable sofa. When you get skinny I imagine you feel your skeleton a lot and that can be a disconcerting and uncomfortable experience for someone who isn't used to it.
There is also the fact that the skinnier you want to be the more you have to try. Some people just like eating too much to want to hit skinny. They just don't want to be obese. There are many reasons truth told for not wanting to be skinny. Nor is being "skinny" healthier than being at a normal weight and body fat %. Past a certain point the lack of fat begins to negatively impact overall health.
While I don't agree with some people these days who seem to think that being seriously obese is totally ok I think that as long as you maintain reasonable goals what you want your body shape to be and how it fits into your life should be entirely your own decision. It's true that being chubby probably impacts your health in a minor way. But no more so than being skinny. And neither are such a huge deal that we need to do anything about it. It's being emaciated or becoming obese that become a problem. It's all about keeping things within reason.
your first paragraph confuses me. I have never "felt my skeleton" even when I'm skinny. Sure I guess I'm probably cold more often than an obese person, but wouldn't I also be less hot in extreme heat?
Well as someone who has gone from borderline morbidly obese to just .. chubby I definitely feel my skeleton a lot more. And yes you are right you sweat more in hot weather when you are fat. But personally I always found being too hot less uncomfortable than being too cold. Being fat might not be very attractive. And might make you slow and nonathletic. But it IS comfy.
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I've never found excess fat to be remotely comfortable. It always felt decided uncomfortable.
Rolls on your back, thighs that rub together, pounds of flesh limiting your range of motion, that weighed down feeling, the hot, sweaty mess that is being fat in the summer, none of that equates to comfort for me.0 -
Iwishyouwell wrote: »lemurcat12 wrote: »It seems like the OP is making the assumption that "my goal is X, since I don't want to get too skinny" means that you fear accidently getting skinny, and I suspect that's not the case for anyone.
You don't believe anyone has an actual fear of accidentally getting too skinny...
Even though it's a rather commonly stated fear, either from the person losing, or the plethora of people who occupy space in their lives?
I think other people can worry that you are going overboard, but they usually don't think you are doing it accidently. But when people say "I don't want to get too skinny" I don't think that suggests either fear or that it might just happen without them trying (unlike when people worry about accidently getting big muscles). I have known people who worry about unintentionally losing weight, but they are typically people who struggle with being too thin or losing weight when upset or depressed, not people who are overweight.
What comments do you think mean "I hope I don't accidently get too thin"?0 -
Iwishyouwell wrote: »I've never found excess fat to be remotely comfortable. It always felt decided uncomfortable.
Rolls on your back, thighs that rub together, pounds of flesh limiting your range of motion, that weighed down feeling, the hot, sweaty mess that is being fat in the summer, none of that equates to comfort for me.
I agree with all this, but I have to say that I do find sitting for longer periods of time less comfortable now.
It's a tiny tradeoff, and definitely worth it.0 -
Iwishyouwell wrote: »OK, this has always intrigued me because I've seen in on just about every weight loss or fitness board I've ever even cursorily passed through.
Overweight and obese people setting goals that are still pretty high, or are right at the high end of the "normal" scale, with a disclaimer of "I don't want to be skinny!!!".
Why do you think that is? What's with this apparent fear of becoming too low in body fat and/or weight? Many of the weights I see where people believe they will, or did, look too skinny/thin/emaciated use to be commonplace, average and normal a few decades ago (or in parts of the world today). Yet there seems to be this apparent backlash these days about conceptualizing a body that's relatively lean or light.
What do you think is the root of the big thin scare?
Its difficult to maintain.
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I have met many people like that. Like my sister and one of my good friends. My mother was obese...VERY obese. 5'1" and probably close to 300. My sister, who has never been even one pound overweight, is absolutely terrified of ending up looking like our mother. She has a lot of anxiety over food despite the fact that she has been at a healthy weight every day of her life. My friend is the same way...because of her mother and other heavy women in her family.Iwishyouwell wrote: »I feel you. Fear of getting fatter is real, especially for those of us who have struggled with weight.
But I was addressing an earlier point being made about normal weight people being scared of hitting 300lbs.
I have never met a person who is normal weight, and has never had a weight problem, be terrified of being 300lbs or more. It's not a rational fear.
Which makes it odd to see obese and morbidly obese people proclaim, almost proudly, that they will never get "too skinny" like one of those runway models or whatever other tag is going down.
Is the fear rational? I don't know. Depends on your perspective, but it certainly seems rational to me. After all, we had the same parents and I did become obese.
One reason many healthy weight people would not express a fear of becoming 300 pounds....quite simply, they are not TRYING to gain any weight. They have always been at a weight they like and are not trying to make any changes in their life. MOst have no reason to worry about it. An overweight/obese person IS trying to lose weight. I think most of them are probably simply expressing that they do not wish to go from one extreme to the other. I have no problem with that.
Not all women want to be skinny. Most want to be at a healthy weight which THEY view as attractive. There is no one magic number at which you are healthiest. I believe everybody has a range. Within that range it is fine to pick the spot at which you feel best or most like how you look. Some look best a little lighter. Others look better a little heavier. If that is a little heavier than some people find aesthetically ideal, who cares? Taste is very individual.
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I used to look very bad when I dieted, even when my weight wasn't that low, because I did it with starvation diets. So bad experiences shaped me.
When I dieted properly, I wasn't so interested in a goal weight but rather how I looked.0 -
Iwishyouwell wrote: »I've never found excess fat to be remotely comfortable. It always felt decided uncomfortable.
Rolls on your back, thighs that rub together, pounds of flesh limiting your range of motion, that weighed down feeling, the hot, sweaty mess that is being fat in the summer, none of that equates to comfort for me.
Your opinion not mine. And believe me I'm hardly alone on this. I also find it very annoying frankly that you seem to take issue with people not wanting to be skinny. Someone can not want to be fat but apparently not wanting to be skinny is simply inconceivable to you. I will leave you to your obvious prejudices. I mean come on .. most of your descriptions only apply to obese people. Not people who are "not skinny". At least not to any meaningful extent. I can say for one that I have maybe one fold in my back. And my thigh's haven't "rubbed together" for a loooong time. I never at any point said it was fine to be obese. I said it was ok to not want to be skinny. And I gave my reasons for having that opinion. And you replied with the reasons someone wouldn't want to be OBESE.
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Iwishyouwell wrote: »I've never found excess fat to be remotely comfortable. It always felt decided uncomfortable.
Rolls on your back, thighs that rub together, pounds of flesh limiting your range of motion, that weighed down feeling, the hot, sweaty mess that is being fat in the summer, none of that equates to comfort for me.
Your opinion not mine. And believe me I'm hardly alone on this. I also find it very annoying frankly that you seem to take issue with people not wanting to be skinny. Someone can not want to be fat but apparently not wanting to be skinny is simply inconceivable to you. I will leave you to your obvious prejudices. I mean come on .. most of your descriptions only apply to obese people. Not people who are "not skinny". At least not to any meaningful extent. I can say for one that I have maybe one fold in my back. And my thigh's haven't "rubbed together" for a loooong time. I never at any point said it was fine to be obese. I said it was ok to not want to be skinny. And I gave my reasons for having that opinion. And you replied with the reasons someone wouldn't want to be OBESE.
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Well for me it's about being able to live comfortably. And being able to maintain a decent amount of muscle. As someone who has lost a lot of weight and will lose more this year I can definitely say that there are some good things about being fat. You feel the cold less. And are generally more comfortable. Having quite a lot of body padding. It's like having your own portable sofa. When you get skinny I imagine you feel your skeleton a lot and that can be a disconcerting and uncomfortable experience for someone who isn't used to it.
There is also the fact that the skinnier you want to be the more you have to try. Some people just like eating too much to want to hit skinny. They just don't want to be obese. There are many reasons truth told for not wanting to be skinny. Nor is being "skinny" healthier than being at a normal weight and body fat %. Past a certain point the lack of fat begins to negatively impact overall health.
While I don't agree with some people these days who seem to think that being seriously obese is totally ok I think that as long as you maintain reasonable goals what you want your body shape to be and how it fits into your life should be entirely your own decision. It's true that being chubby probably impacts your health in a minor way. But no more so than being skinny. And neither are such a huge deal that we need to do anything about it. It's being emaciated or becoming obese that become a problem. It's all about keeping things within reason.
your first paragraph confuses me. I have never "felt my skeleton" even when I'm skinny. Sure I guess I'm probably cold more often than an obese person, but wouldn't I also be less hot in extreme heat?
Well as someone who has gone from borderline morbidly obese to just .. chubby I definitely feel my skeleton a lot more. And yes you are right you sweat more in hot weather when you are fat. But personally I always found being too hot less uncomfortable than being too cold. Being fat might not be very attractive. And might make you slow and nonathletic. But it IS comfy.
yes, this is probably true. it's 10 degrees in nyc today and i thought my limbs would fall off during my 2.5 mile walk home. i could have used some extra fat. so cold!
i don't mind the heat at all. used to hate it, but i like it now.
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I am not good with heat. At all. That's just me. My sister, for example, is the complete opposite. She says she wishes she had been born a lizard so she could sun herself all day on a rock. (And she's not thin.)
But me...no. Just no! And here in SoCal, inland, it gets up to 100F+ routinely for up to three months of the year. Feeling horrible when it gets hot is actually one of my big weight loss motivators. Every June I start thinking, "Oh my God. I just can't do this, I'll never get through this summer." I don't want to feel that way this June. I've had enough dread-filled Junes and horridly suffocating (suffocating in my own mass, actually) Julies through Septembers.0 -
I never had that issue. I didn't mind or enjoyed heat and hated cold when I was at my fattest, and still do. I haven't actually noticed being colder at all.0
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MoiAussi93 wrote: »
I have met many people like that. Like my sister and one of my good friends. My mother was obese...VERY obese. 5'1" and probably close to 300. My sister, who has never been even one pound overweight, is absolutely terrified of ending up looking like our mother. She has a lot of anxiety over food despite the fact that she has been at a healthy weight every day of her life. My friend is the same way...because of her mother and other heavy women in her family.Iwishyouwell wrote: »I feel you. Fear of getting fatter is real, especially for those of us who have struggled with weight.
But I was addressing an earlier point being made about normal weight people being scared of hitting 300lbs.
I have never met a person who is normal weight, and has never had a weight problem, be terrified of being 300lbs or more. It's not a rational fear.
Which makes it odd to see obese and morbidly obese people proclaim, almost proudly, that they will never get "too skinny" like one of those runway models or whatever other tag is going down.
Is the fear rational? I don't know. Depends on your perspective, but it certainly seems rational to me. After all, we had the same parents and I did become obese.
One reason many healthy weight people would not express a fear of becoming 300 pounds....quite simply, they are not TRYING to gain any weight. They have always been at a weight they like and are not trying to make any changes in their life. MOst have no reason to worry about it. An overweight/obese person IS trying to lose weight. I think most of them are probably simply expressing that they do not wish to go from one extreme to the other. I have no problem with that.
Not all women want to be skinny. Most want to be at a healthy weight which THEY view as attractive. There is no one magic number at which you are healthiest. I believe everybody has a range. Within that range it is fine to pick the spot at which you feel best or most like how you look. Some look best a little lighter. Others look better a little heavier. If that is a little heavier than some people find aesthetically ideal, who cares? Taste is very individual.
Very well said.0 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »I never had that issue. I didn't mind or enjoyed heat and hated cold when I was at my fattest, and still do. I haven't actually noticed being colder at all.
Just like to clarify that I totally get why some people wouldn't want to be even a little fat. Personally I find sleeping sitting on hard surfaces and generally leaning on things less comfortable now. Also after over a decade of being made of soft squishy stuff having hard muscular legs was just a strange and odd feeling to get used to. But that's just my opinion. I can totally understand why someone with a different outlook on these issues might hold a different opinion. That was really my point from the get go. That different people are happy at different places. And as long as we don't go to one extreme or another it really shouldn't be as much of an issue as it .. apparently ... is.
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lemurcat12 wrote: »I never had that issue. I didn't mind or enjoyed heat and hated cold when I was at my fattest, and still do. I haven't actually noticed being colder at all.
Just like to clarify that I totally get why some people wouldn't want to be even a little fat. Personally I find sleeping sitting on hard surfaces and generally leaning on things less comfortable now. Also after over a decade of being made of soft squishy stuff having hard muscular legs was just a strange and odd feeling to get used to. But that's just my opinion. I can totally understand why someone with a different outlook on these issues might hold a different opinion. That was really my point from the get go. That different people are happy at different places. And as long as we don't go to one extreme or another it really shouldn't be as much of an issue as it .. apparently ... is.
I get this ... also I don't like feeling my ribs as much as I can at the moment and am hoping I will get used to it0 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »I never had that issue. I didn't mind or enjoyed heat and hated cold when I was at my fattest, and still do. I haven't actually noticed being colder at all.
Just like to clarify that I totally get why some people wouldn't want to be even a little fat. Personally I find sleeping sitting on hard surfaces and generally leaning on things less comfortable now. Also after over a decade of being made of soft squishy stuff having hard muscular legs was just a strange and odd feeling to get used to. But that's just my opinion. I can totally understand why someone with a different outlook on these issues might hold a different opinion. That was really my point from the get go. That different people are happy at different places. And as long as we don't go to one extreme or another it really shouldn't be as much of an issue as it .. apparently ... is.
Oh, I get your point too and the sitting thing also. Just weighing in on the temps, since it seems to be a common experience I never had.
Agree that people should go with their own preferences and that it's pretty subjective. I hated how my body felt when I was obese and even significantly overweight, but I actually felt fine at, say, 150, even though that's still 10 lbs overweight for me. I am just better at running and look better when I'm at the mid to lower end of the BMI.0 -
Your opinion not mine.
Well yes sir, it is my opinion. I don't recall suggesting it was anything but.I also find it very annoying frankly that you seem to take issue with people not wanting to be skinny. Someone can not want to be fat but apparently not wanting to be skinny is simply inconceivable to you.
I'll find a way, somehow, to live with your annoyance.
And the fact that you absolutely missed the entire point of my thread. I have zero issue with "people not wanting to be skinny". Who cares? The premise of this thread was to explore the mindset behind why so many fat people set goal weights that are still relatively high and seem to have an, IMO, irrational fear of getting "too skinny" (or whatever term you'd like to use to denote a low body fat percentage). It was a simple observation I've noticed countless times and wanted to get thoughts on the reasoning behind it. The rest of your post is paranoia that is irrelevant to my inquiry. If you feel attacked, that wasn't my intention. If you felt physically comfortable with lots of excess adipose tissue on your body, or you've got a high goal weight, more power to you. Enjoy!0
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