"I want to lose weight, but I don't want to get too skinny!"
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[quote="In a woman's world, any attempt to better yourself is automatically a back handed insult against other women. In a woman's world, the quickest way to alienate yourself from all of your friends is to get fit. Truth.
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Not the "Truth" . Many women are supportive of other women in their pursuit of health and fitness.
This may be your experience but I don't think it's necessary to bash all women.
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forwardmoving wrote: »"In a woman's world, any attempt to better yourself is automatically a back handed insult against other women. In a woman's world, the quickest way to alienate yourself from all of your friends is to get fit. Truth.
Not the "Truth" . Many women are supportive of other women in their pursuit of health and fitness.
This may be your experience but I don't think it's necessary to bash all women.
I was wondering which woman's world was meant.
In mine, women who interpret another's success as an insult against them have the rest of the group of friends sit them down for a 'come-to-Jesus' moment if it proves to be more than a momentary fit of jealousy. If they don't straighten up, they're gradually excluded from the group.
No one likes the party pooper.0 -
I think it is a matter of what we've gotten used to. A lot of folks who want to lose weight have been overweight for long enough that we've forgotten what "skinny" looks like versus what "emaciated" looks like.
When I lost my first 15lbs, my hands seemed "skeletal" to me - for all of about two weeks. Then they looked normal. I got used to seeing how they're supposed to look without excess fat covering them. It shocked me that I'd gotten so fat that my hands were fat.
I think it also has to do with what others tell us. Again, generally people who are overweight will have friends, family or other social groups filled with other overweight or unfit people. My family is almost all overweight to morbidly obese. There's only about three cousins who aren't, myself included.
My parents are both obese and overeat. I'm within normal BMI now, but aim for the lower spectrum of normal for mainly aesthetic reasons. I have 25lbs more to lose. My parents tell me all the time that I'll be "too skinny" then. However, they haven't been or seen the lower end of the normal BMI (I'm thinking 19.5) on anyone for god knows how long. Well, maybe in passing they've seen a slim stranger, but it's hard to even when someone's wearing clothes.
If my family were more athletic, they'd probably be more used to "skinny" and they'd know that me without the extra 25lbs I have packed around my stomach, thighs and butt won't make me look like a "hangry skeleton". However, they aren't athletic and they haven't seen truly skinny folks enough to realize that their perception of "skinny" is very different from the reality.
Also - crab bucket and excuses. Someone who says "I don't want to get too skinny" about the idea of losing weight is like someone who says "I don't want to get too big" about picking up a goddamn barbell.
You don't get "too" anything without effort except for "too fat".0 -
Well, actually I have said this a lot. I am 5'7 3/4" if we want exacts and weigh in about 183lbs now. When I told my husband I wanted to lose weight, I was adamant that I did not want to be too skinny... unfortunately, I know what too skinny looks like on me and not because I tried to be.
When I was 18 and the same height, I joined the Army weighing in at a whopping 115lbs. I actually had to sign an underweight waiver and they made me EAT all the time to gain weight. I left basic training at 125lbs. I do know what too skinny looks like on me and I don't want to be 115lbs or 125lbs again lol
I know at my height and the workout I do that I can sit very comfortably around 150lb and be happy and slim
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I think it is a matter of what we've gotten used to. A lot of folks who want to lose weight have been overweight for long enough that we've forgotten what "skinny" looks like versus what "emaciated" looks like.
When I lost my first 15lbs, my hands seemed "skeletal" to me - for all of about two weeks. Then they looked normal. I got used to seeing how they're supposed to look without excess fat covering them. It shocked me that I'd gotten so fat that my hands were fat.
I think it also has to do with what others tell us. Again, generally people who are overweight will have friends, family or other social groups filled with other overweight or unfit people. My family is almost all overweight to morbidly obese. There's only about three cousins who aren't, myself included.
My parents are both obese and overeat. I'm within normal BMI now, but aim for the lower spectrum of normal for mainly aesthetic reasons. I have 25lbs more to lose. My parents tell me all the time that I'll be "too skinny" then. However, they haven't been or seen the lower end of the normal BMI (I'm thinking 19.5) on anyone for god knows how long. Well, maybe in passing they've seen a slim stranger, but it's hard to even when someone's wearing clothes.
If my family were more athletic, they'd probably be more used to "skinny" and they'd know that me without the extra 25lbs I have packed around my stomach, thighs and butt won't make me look like a "hangry skeleton". However, they aren't athletic and they haven't seen truly skinny folks enough to realize that their perception of "skinny" is very different from the reality.
Also - crab bucket and excuses. Someone who says "I don't want to get too skinny" about the idea of losing weight is like someone who says "I don't want to get too big" about picking up a goddamn barbell.
You don't get "too" anything without effort except for "too fat".
I agree with much of what you've said, but not to start anything, but you can become "too skinny" with effort. EDs aren't easy, they take work and effort.0 -
Am only a few pages into the thread, but wanted to go ahead and jump in the comment pool....
I spent more than a decade being well over the 'normal' BMI for my height. When I set up my goals on MFP, I intentionally set my goal weight about 8 lbs above what I consider to be my absolute ideal weight (128 vs 120) because I didn't want to set myself up to feel like a 50 lb loss is a failure just because I couldn't shake those last several pounds.
I'm not afraid of being 'skinny'/thin/whatever, I just don't want to tell people that is my goal and then have my actual successes diminished if I don't achieve it.
TL;DR - I agree with the guy who was talking about self deflection.0 -
A person's goals, are a person's goals... who am I to criticize how they state them.
I have found, however, that goals usually end up being stepping stones.
For example...
When I started here, I was 185. I wanted to lose ten pounds.
I lost those ten pounds... but was still not quite where I wanted to be.
I extended my goal posts, and set my goal to 165.
I am now hovering around those goal posts, and now have different posts of strength and physique.
My point is this. Rather than skin someone alive for using the word "skinny", or judge them for the way their goal is worded... as long as they aren't hurting themselves, support them as they reach their goals, and then help them if they want to move the posts.0 -
170-175 is the ideal range for 5'8"?I find it strange too. People claim to have different body types though and claim to be more muscular naturally whereas they look emaciated at a low weight, but I do wonder if they are fooling themselves. Without purposely lifting weights to bulk up, I question if they are right. I look best at the low end of the bmi scale or a little underweight according to bmi.
Well, there are such things as different body types, so I'm not sure why you think someone is fooling themselves if they say this. I'm 5 foot 8. My goal is to be between 170 and 175, which is above my ideal weight range. I got down to about 173 years ago, and even my doctor told me not to lose any more weight. I am built big though. I wear size 12 shoes, and have big hands. I just have a larger body type, and I can carry more weight and still look thin. I was about a 10/12, sometimes an 8 at that weight. Going any lower just isn't sustainable for me. Not fooling myself, just being realistic.
I'm sorry but that's just out of the healthy weight range. 5 to 10 lbs over.
Never said it was ideal weight range. Read my post again. I said it was above but it's where I'm most comfortable...what is sustainable for me personally...I've never been able to sustain a lower weight without being miserable....Just my experience with MY body.
I find this interesting, because the number of calories to maintain at that weight is virtually identical to the number of calories needed to maintain at 10 pounds lighter. There's no meaningful difference.0 -
What's it to anyone, really.. I like a plump look, I always have. Just because someone's goal is to reach 18% body fat it doesn't mean it should be everyone's. I'm striving for the very top of healthy BMI, probably even a little higher if I find myself too thin for my liking. Why is that even an issue?0
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Iwishyouwell wrote: »OK, this has always intrigued me because I've seen in on just about every weight loss or fitness board I've ever even cursorily passed through.
Overweight and obese people setting goals that are still pretty high, or are right at the high end of the "normal" scale, with a disclaimer of "I don't want to be skinny!!!".
Why do you think that is? What's with this apparent fear of becoming too low in body fat and/or weight? Many of the weights I see where people believe they will, or did, look too skinny/thin/emaciated use to be commonplace, average and normal a few decades ago (or in parts of the world today). Yet there seems to be this apparent backlash these days about conceptualizing a body that's relatively lean or light.
What do you think is the root of the big thin scare?
Because if I get too skinny then I do not have enough insulating body fat to do cold water long-distance swims under Channel rules.
(Really, no kidding, sometimes the reason is utterly practical)
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Noel: are you seriously going to swim across the Channel? That is awesome!NoelFigart1 wrote: »Iwishyouwell wrote: »OK, this has always intrigued me because I've seen in on just about every weight loss or fitness board I've ever even cursorily passed through.
Overweight and obese people setting goals that are still pretty high, or are right at the high end of the "normal" scale, with a disclaimer of "I don't want to be skinny!!!".
Why do you think that is? What's with this apparent fear of becoming too low in body fat and/or weight? Many of the weights I see where people believe they will, or did, look too skinny/thin/emaciated use to be commonplace, average and normal a few decades ago (or in parts of the world today). Yet there seems to be this apparent backlash these days about conceptualizing a body that's relatively lean or light.
What do you think is the root of the big thin scare?
Because if I get too skinny then I do not have enough insulating body fat to do cold water long-distance swims under Channel rules.
(Really, no kidding, sometimes the reason is utterly practical)
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I am training to become a marathon swimmer. Yes, I fantasize about Dover, but at my present swimming skill, it is still a dangerous pipe dream. I am training for other, much less ambitious swims, with the idea that I'll get better. 0
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I personally prefer a slimmer look on myself. But, I have always been slim. (Until recently).
I know I have some muscle work to do too, but I really don't want to look muscular. At. All.
Just my preference0 -
Iwishyouwell wrote: »Iwishyouwell wrote: »MoiAussi93 wrote: »So while most overweight people realize they are too heavy and want to lose weight, most don't want to become a runway model who looks emaciated. That's all they are saying.
Good thing the vast, overwhelming majority of once heavy people will never even taste "runway model emaciated".
Which does make it odd that so many fat people run around claiming to be terrified of getting "too skinny".
Well. Most normal weight people will never be above 300 lbs. Does it make it completely irrational to be terrified of this possibility and take measures to avoid it?
How many normal weight people have you met, or talked to, who have an active fear of reaching 300 or more pounds?
So far, for me, it's 0. However I've lost count of the many people, from obese to just moderately overweight, who've expressed some fear, real or put upon, that they sooooo don't want to get too skinny.
I have a fear of being morbidly obese. I've been obese before, I'm 5'1 and my highest weight was 160. If I could get to 160, what was stopping me from getting to 200? 250? 300? If I had stayed on the path that I was on, I could have very easily gone up. It wouldn't have happened overnight, but it could have happened.
And besides you never know what can happen. I know a girl who went from I'm guessing a size 2/4 to I would say she's about 14/16 now. She got married, had 2 kids, and wasn't able to be as active as she used to be (she was a ballet dancer, so she was always moving). My point is, stuff happens. And it is entirely valid to have a fear/concern about getting heavy.
I feel you. Fear of getting fatter is real, especially for those of us who have struggled with weight.
But I was addressing an earlier point being made about normal weight people being scared of hitting 300lbs.
I have never met a person who is normal weight, and has never had a weight problem, be terrified of being 300lbs or more. It's not a rational fear.
Which makes it odd to see obese and morbidly obese people proclaim, almost proudly, that they will never get "too skinny" like one of those runway models or whatever other tag is going down.0 -
I see a few people who have set their goals at the high end of "healthy." That's what I've done too - 125 - but not because I don't want to be lower than that. I do. However, I'm not sure I can do it. I'm not trying to be pessimistic; perhaps I will get below 125. And that would be wonderful.
But in the meantime...my current goal is just to get to a healthy weight. Not "healthy" as in "overweight but that's okay because the whole nation is overweight, so by comparison, LAWoman, you look pretty thin," but actually healthy, a legitimately healthy weight.
But...medium to low end of my range? I won't kid anyone here (or myself). Sure, I'd love to be there some day.0 -
Iwishyouwell wrote: »Iwishyouwell wrote: »Iwishyouwell wrote: »MoiAussi93 wrote: »So while most overweight people realize they are too heavy and want to lose weight, most don't want to become a runway model who looks emaciated. That's all they are saying.
Good thing the vast, overwhelming majority of once heavy people will never even taste "runway model emaciated".
Which does make it odd that so many fat people run around claiming to be terrified of getting "too skinny".
Well. Most normal weight people will never be above 300 lbs. Does it make it completely irrational to be terrified of this possibility and take measures to avoid it?
How many normal weight people have you met, or talked to, who have an active fear of reaching 300 or more pounds?
So far, for me, it's 0. However I've lost count of the many people, from obese to just moderately overweight, who've expressed some fear, real or put upon, that they sooooo don't want to get too skinny.
I have a fear of being morbidly obese. I've been obese before, I'm 5'1 and my highest weight was 160. If I could get to 160, what was stopping me from getting to 200? 250? 300? If I had stayed on the path that I was on, I could have very easily gone up. It wouldn't have happened overnight, but it could have happened.
And besides you never know what can happen. I know a girl who went from I'm guessing a size 2/4 to I would say she's about 14/16 now. She got married, had 2 kids, and wasn't able to be as active as she used to be (she was a ballet dancer, so she was always moving). My point is, stuff happens. And it is entirely valid to have a fear/concern about getting heavy.
I feel you. Fear of getting fatter is real, especially for those of us who have struggled with weight.
But I was addressing an earlier point being made about normal weight people being scared of hitting 300lbs.
I have never met a person who is normal weight, and has never had a weight problem, be terrified of being 300lbs or more. It's not a rational fear.
Which makes it odd to see obese and morbidly obese people proclaim, almost proudly, that they will never get "too skinny" like one of those runway models or whatever other tag is going down.
Isn't that what people with EDs like anorexia fear? Or they feel they are already obese because of their distorted body perception? I don't know, because I've never been close to having an ED, nor have I researched it in depth, but what I have read gives me that perception.0 -
NoelFigart1 wrote: »I am training to become a marathon swimmer. Yes, I fantasize about Dover, but at my present swimming skill, it is still a dangerous pipe dream. I am training for other, much less ambitious swims, with the idea that I'll get better.
Wow. I've done the Dover to Calais ferry crossing loads of times, and can't imagine swimming it.
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TaraHancock827 wrote: »MsHarryWinston wrote: »My point is though that in that pic I'm 5'7 and about 160-165 lbs puting me in the "overweight" category of BMI. Does that look overweight to you? At that time you could also see 4-pack definition. So when I personally say I want to get down to 160 because I don't want too look too skinny, sure it sounds odd when for my hight "normal" is 130-150. But seriously? Taking another 30 pounds off of me in that pic? I'm I would NOT look healthy, I would in fact look too skinny.
So while people may pick a weight in the "overweight" category it doesn't always really mean they are "overweight", you know?
Im 5'8 and want to be 160...u look great in this pic and any more weight loss would definitely make u look too skinny.
Thank you very much Hun.
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CupcakeCrusoe wrote: »I personally set my goal at the high range of normal bmi because I have never, ever, been normal bmi in my life. Except as you know, an infant and small child.
I will re-evaluate when I get to normal bmi. I think a lot of people do.
This is me. I was probably four years old or younger when I was a healthy weight for my height. My current goal is set at 180 which is actually still considered overweight (but just barely). I've set it that way for a couple of reasons. 1) I expect to have a hard time upping my calories to maintenance and will probably still lose a little bit even once I switch to maintenance mode. 2) With a loss of 200 pounds (more than 50% of my body weight), I expect to have a lot of loose skin… so my so-called "actual weight" will be lower.
I'm not ignoring the BMI scale… but I honestly don't know what I'll look like or feel like at that weight… so for now that's my goal. I'll be re-evaluating when I get there. Decide then where I want to go.
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Iwishyouwell wrote: »Iwishyouwell wrote: »Iwishyouwell wrote: »MoiAussi93 wrote: »So while most overweight people realize they are too heavy and want to lose weight, most don't want to become a runway model who looks emaciated. That's all they are saying.
Good thing the vast, overwhelming majority of once heavy people will never even taste "runway model emaciated".
Which does make it odd that so many fat people run around claiming to be terrified of getting "too skinny".
Well. Most normal weight people will never be above 300 lbs. Does it make it completely irrational to be terrified of this possibility and take measures to avoid it?
How many normal weight people have you met, or talked to, who have an active fear of reaching 300 or more pounds?
So far, for me, it's 0. However I've lost count of the many people, from obese to just moderately overweight, who've expressed some fear, real or put upon, that they sooooo don't want to get too skinny.
I have a fear of being morbidly obese. I've been obese before, I'm 5'1 and my highest weight was 160. If I could get to 160, what was stopping me from getting to 200? 250? 300? If I had stayed on the path that I was on, I could have very easily gone up. It wouldn't have happened overnight, but it could have happened.
And besides you never know what can happen. I know a girl who went from I'm guessing a size 2/4 to I would say she's about 14/16 now. She got married, had 2 kids, and wasn't able to be as active as she used to be (she was a ballet dancer, so she was always moving). My point is, stuff happens. And it is entirely valid to have a fear/concern about getting heavy.
I feel you. Fear of getting fatter is real, especially for those of us who have struggled with weight.
But I was addressing an earlier point being made about normal weight people being scared of hitting 300lbs.
I have never met a person who is normal weight, and has never had a weight problem, be terrified of being 300lbs or more. It's not a rational fear.
Which makes it odd to see obese and morbidly obese people proclaim, almost proudly, that they will never get "too skinny" like one of those runway models or whatever other tag is going down.
I think they did address the point made about being terrified to become 300 lbs in the "200? 250? 300?" portion of their post. Also you may be looking in the wrong pool for these people who are not terrified. The folks in my family who've never had a weight problem are not terrified of much of anything at all when it comes to weight. The comment on calorie counting that was summarily accepted with nods across the room as though she said the sky was blue was, "do you really think people would look at calorie information on a package before eating it? Really?"
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