"I want to lose weight, but I don't want to get too skinny!"
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My personal goal is to land in the higher part of the normal BMI range. Here's why:
-My primary goal is to be healthy. I'm about 20 pounds overweight now, but I've already reversed all the medical issues I was having because of my weight (and the lifestyle that got me there) such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol, GERD. Now I'm working on prevention efforts, reducing my future health risks by getting out of the overweight range. It isn't a health risk to be high in the normal BMI range, so it isn't a high priority to get lower than that.
--Aesthetically it isn't important to me to be that much lower. I have a larger frame and hourglass figure. In my college years I was low-normal BMI and was pretty lean. With some more pounds on me, I have a DD chest and round hips/butt. I like this "curvy" look on me, as long as I don't accumulate too much body fat in the waist/belly (as I did while obese). Am I perfect? No... I have some areas I might like to reduce and will gradually work on those things, but I don't feel an urgency to address them. My self esteem is not based on looking any particular way, but on the kind of person I am.
--When I hit the top of my normal BMI range, I will have lost 120 pounds from my all-time high. I'm worried that I will have a lot of loose skin if I go too far down. I'll have to wait and see.
--Also worried about the fact that a low-normal BMI will be harder to maintain and will set me up for another massive re-gain (this ain't my first rodeo). I love food, love to cook, have a hearty appetite. When I read posts by people who can't figure out how to eat enough calories I am mystified, I just don't get it. But everyone has his/her own struggle and mine is that I am always wanting to eat whether I'm hungry or not and am prone to binging. So I need to be realistic about what I can actually pull off, given my history and tendencies.
--Finally, I worry about not looking like myself. I guess my mental image of myself is someone a bit "large and in charge". I've literally been large... and at work, in charge... for some time, plus my personality is a bit large too. I don't want to be all WISPY and in charge ha ha. If I drop some body fat after hitting goal, it will be because I want to rock a more strong and muscular look. I might like that. But small or "skinny" would make me feel like tiny and weak.... doesn't match my mental image of myself. I can totally understand why another woman might have a self image as a slim and athletic person, or enjoy being petite and cute, or feel more sexy and feminine with less size or muscle definition ... Those are all perfectly good looks, they just wouldn't feel like "me". And I don't want a new me, just a healthier and more attractive version of me.
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AllOutof_Bubblegum wrote: »herrspoons wrote: »That and its equally bizarre twin: "I want to get toned, but I don't want big muscle LOL!!1!1!"
I haven't really seen this on here. I have seen a lot more people accusing women of thinking this than actual women who think this.
No, it is most certainly a thing. I've seen it and fought against it far too often to think it's a male propagated myth.
then that's strange. as a completely not muscular person, i wish it was just that easy for me to put on muscle, so hearing that women actually think they will bulk easily is strange to me. maybe they just aren't the bright.0 -
blktngldhrt wrote: »Have things really changed? I don't know. I know when I was younger and fitter my mother was concerned I wasn't eating enough and was getting too thin and that was 30 years ago.
I don't remember anything being called pro Ana then. There was no internet. Eating disorders were a real concern like now, but even less understood.
I think it's always been a debate. Most models and actresses now are considered medically underweight. This wasn't always so. Also, with the Internet and all other technologies.. people are having celebrity news and photos shoved into view. More and more kids think smaller and smaller weights are fat because of this.
The idea body type has fluctuated between women who look like Marilyn Monroe and Jennifer Lopez to women who look like Twiggy and Kate Moss. However, models are getting smaller and smaller. The sizes considered for plus sized models keep shrinking. I think they're size 6-12 now..which is ridiculous because something like half of American women wear a size 14.
The experience is different for everyone. I remember in college, my ecology professor commented on my weight. He asked if I had been eating. I was 125 lbs at 5'3".. Granted, I had dropped 35 lbs over the summer alone (insulin fluctuations cause my weight to fluctuate) ..but I was still on the high side of a healthy weight. My boyfriend at the time considered me to be overweight.
Another thing about the Internet and weight..has anyone else seen all of the pro Ana sites around? There are girls posting pictures on instagram pretty much enabling each other's eating disorders. They post body checks, things that say they'll fast one hour for every like they get, etc. It's like Ana support.. That wasn't around when I was young. It's unnerving..especially since I have a daughter.
What I think the 'too skinny' thing boils down to is aesthetic preference. I prefer Jennifer Lopez' body to Kate Moss'. I would rather keep my butt and the little breasts I have than burn them all away in order to weigh less.
With vanity sizing, sizes just aren't the same now as they were 20 years ago. I lost enough weight that I'm around the same weight as I was 20 years ago, however, my pants size is not the same. At 106'ish pounds, I'm a size 2 now. 20 years ago at the same weight, I was a size 6 or even sometimes 8. I suspect that at age 40, I probably have more fat on me at the same weight than I had at age 20, but the size is still smaller due to vanity sizing. You can't say that plus sized models are shrinking based on pants size. Pants sizes based on a specific number are just bigger now.0 -
Iwishyouwell wrote: »MsHarryWinston you look fine as hell in that pic.
But your weight doesn't surprise me. You're taller than average, blessed in the chest, and have some serious muscle mass. You look like our stereotypical image of a beautiful amazonian warrior, ala Wonder Woman. So no, your weight doesn't surprise me at all, and you're an obvious outlier for the typical BMI range.
Which most people aren't. Even though it's common to believe they are.
Why thank you dahling, that's the sweetest thing I've heard all day. I do tend to carry my Amazonian mantle with pride. That song "Brickhouse" is practically my theme song.
I just wanted to show an example of how sometimes there really ARE outliers. We tend to trash the whole "special snowflake" mentality on here because for the most part people ARE pretty delusional. I tend to roll my eyes at people too, but I DO try to keep an open mind and remember my own "oddities" because sometimes there really are random traits here or there that ruins the bell curve ya know?0 -
you look good in that pic. I also think that boob size and where you hold your weight matters a lot. I have tiny boobs at pretty much every weight and I am extreme pear shaped which is a bad look at a high bmi for me. I also had a double chin at 24.9 bmi and was bordering on a size 14. I really looked fat at 24.9 bmi. I didn't look like you at all. I also don't have muscles naturally which makes it worse. probably should lift.
Ack, me too. When I was at my highest weight, at an obese BMI, I achieved a full B cup. But normally I'm an A, and my weight gain seemed to show on my stomach and thighs, with a healthy dose on my face. I don't look good at a higher BMI like some people (including several on this thread) do.
That said, I picked a goal of 130 which isn't a bad weight for 5'3.5" but it's higher than I might choose if I was basing it on looks alone. I have a GI disease that, if it flares, can cause rapid weight loss. It's happened once to me and it was scary. I do want some fat reserves for that, being underweight is not something I want to risk.0 -
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actually, my highest bmi was 24 now that i checked, not 24.9. i was terrible at that.0
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Yeah, I generally think of "skinny" as a negative word, not a positive one. Lean, fit, or healthy all sound better to me. But, honestly, they are just words.0
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At 5'9", the lowest my weight has ever been was 152 lbs. This put my BMI at 22.4, mid to high normal. I aspired to be 145 but never got there, and I don't think I could have maintained it very long if I had, as I was already doing twice-daily workouts to train for triathlons, plus doing P90X, which got my body fat down around 20%, again, my lowest ever. The lowest healthy weight for my height is 125 lbs according to BMI. My LBM now is more than 125 lbs. Thus, do I think 125, or even 135, would ever be a good, or practical, weight for me? No. Plus, I thought I looked damn good at 155 lbs, and a lot of people seemed to agree.
My goal is to get back to 155, but I'm aiming for 160 first. I'd more like a body fat % of 18 or so.0 -
A BMI of 22.4 is flat out normal - not near high. BF of 18% is athletic. There is something wrong with your body image.
iAt 5'9", the lowest my weight has ever been was 152 lbs. This put my BMI at 22.4, mid to high normal. I aspired to be 145 but never got there, and I don't think I could have maintained it very long if I had, as I was already doing twice-daily workouts to train for triathlons, plus doing P90X, which got my body fat down around 20%, again, my lowest ever. The lowest healthy weight for my height is 125 lbs according to BMI. My LBM now is more than 125 lbs. Thus, do I think 125, or even 135, would ever be a good, or practical, weight for me? No. Plus, I thought I looked damn good at 155 lbs, and a lot of people seemed to agree.
My goal is to get back to 155, but I'm aiming for 160 first. I'd more like a body fat % of 18 or so.
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^^^ How is her body image "wrong" when she said she looked "damn good" at that BMI? She said it was "mid-to-high" because from 18-24.9 it IS definitely middle range. Is it just the word "high" that is qualifying you to diagnose her having a bad body image?0
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peachyfuzzle wrote: »Iwishyouwell wrote: »peachyfuzzle wrote: »When I got down to 190 I looked like I was about a week away from death.
Let me ask you a question; have you almost always been big?
190 is a pretty high weight for the majority of men. When you say that you looked "about a week away from death" do you think part of that was you being unused to seeing yourself in a much smaller body?
If you happened upon a nearly 200 lbs man who looked like you did, do you think he's look to you like he was severely emaciated?
Those of us who have been big sometimes don't have the same criteria for others as we do for ourselves. And that's can even be the case for people who know us. Which explains the family, friends and co-workers who implore you to stop losing weight, because you're looking "too skinny", even though you're still technically overweight or obese. Yet the thought would never cross their mind if they met you at that weight from day one.
Yep, I have been a fatty mcfatfat my whole life. I am generally very honest about my body, and try as hard as I can to see it for what it is; although, I do realize that is just about an impossibility.
The thing is, even looking back at pictures of me from that time, I still don't think I looked healthy at all. I'm on the lower end of tall at 6'1", so until I started to get over 285-300lbs, I wore the weight pretty well. One of the main reasons why I felt that I looked sickly is because I could actually see my ribs at that weight, and the effect only magnified when lying on my back. There are pictures of me where I look just like skin and bones.
It could have also been an effect of "skinnyfat" as I didn't do any weight training while I was losing that weight. It was all cardio, so while I lost nearly all of my fat, I lost a whole bunch of muscle as well.
I would like to believe that if I didn't know me, and just saw myself walking down the street at 190lbs back then, I would have offered to by myself a sandwich. lol
Thank you for your responses, I've enjoyed reading them. Would you be willing to post a pic of your past sandwich needing self for reference? Or upload it to your profile so you can take it down afterwards. Just curious if your perception of being too thin would match others
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peachyfuzzle wrote: »Iwishyouwell wrote: »peachyfuzzle wrote: »When I got down to 190 I looked like I was about a week away from death.
Let me ask you a question; have you almost always been big?
190 is a pretty high weight for the majority of men. When you say that you looked "about a week away from death" do you think part of that was you being unused to seeing yourself in a much smaller body?
If you happened upon a nearly 200 lbs man who looked like you did, do you think he's look to you like he was severely emaciated?
Those of us who have been big sometimes don't have the same criteria for others as we do for ourselves. And that's can even be the case for people who know us. Which explains the family, friends and co-workers who implore you to stop losing weight, because you're looking "too skinny", even though you're still technically overweight or obese. Yet the thought would never cross their mind if they met you at that weight from day one.
Yep, I have been a fatty mcfatfat my whole life. I am generally very honest about my body, and try as hard as I can to see it for what it is; although, I do realize that is just about an impossibility.
The thing is, even looking back at pictures of me from that time, I still don't think I looked healthy at all. I'm on the lower end of tall at 6'1", so until I started to get over 285-300lbs, I wore the weight pretty well. One of the main reasons why I felt that I looked sickly is because I could actually see my ribs at that weight, and the effect only magnified when lying on my back. There are pictures of me where I look just like skin and bones.
It could have also been an effect of "skinnyfat" as I didn't do any weight training while I was losing that weight. It was all cardio, so while I lost nearly all of my fat, I lost a whole bunch of muscle as well.
I would like to believe that if I didn't know me, and just saw myself walking down the street at 190lbs back then, I would have offered to by myself a sandwich. lol
Thank you for your responses, I've enjoyed reading them. Would you be willing to post a pic of your past sandwich needing self for reference? Or upload it to your profile so you can take it down afterwards. Just curious if your perception of being too thin would match others
Haha, you're welcome.
I definitely can, but not until after work. I just went through the pictures I have of me online from that time period and came to the realization that I'm pretty much covered up by other people in all of them. lol0 -
If without any work or effort on my part, somebody could waive a magic wand and give me the choice of being a healthy 130 or a healthy 170 pounds. I'd pick 170. I'm not "afraid" of growing too thin because it takes too much damn work to just "happen" and even if it did happen, as long as my body is functioning and I can do the things I want to do, then my physical appearance is secondary. Remaining a little on the plump side just my personal preference from a purely aesthetic perspective. That said, I don't know if I'll ever make it down to even 170. I've been as high as 360 so really getting under 200 would feel pretty amazing to me.. Heck, I'm 230 now and even THAT feels pretty amazing. I don't HATE FAT. I just hate that I became so fat that it limited my activity. Just because I don't want to be 360 pounds anymore, doesn't mean that I have to have some goal of "ideal bmi" or "ideal bodyfat %" and it doesn't mean that I'm disgusted by fat.0
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I worry about exercise and dieting making me too skinny to the same extent I worry about
my anti-aging cream resulting in being carded at the liqour store.0 -
I know when I've said I don't want to be skinny, part of it is this:
I've spent years believing in the "real women have curve", "all about that bass", "fat bottom girls make the rockin' world go round" mentality. Losing weight, on some level, feels like a betrayal to the fat girl body love I was trying to give myself for so long. It's not rational, but it's real on an emotional level. It's a way of saying, "I want to be smaller, to be healthier, but I won't be one of THEM, I'm still this awesome fat chick that is relatable and 'real' and all of that."
Weird, huh?
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Up until now, I had never been a healthy weight, so I honestly had no idea what my body would look like as I reached my goals. I've always said "I don't want to be too skinny", but when I say that, I'm only referring to what "too skinny" means to me when it comes to my own body. My best friend is my height and probably about 10 lbs lighter than I am now, and I don't think she's too skinny, but I also don't really aspire to have the same body type as she does.
I started out at a BMI of 37.8 and approximately 48% body fat. I'm now at a BMI of 23.9 and approximately 25% body fat. I could certainly lose more weight and remain within the 'healthy' range, but I don't particularly want to be smaller than I am now. Over the 2 years I've spent losing weight and getting fitter, I've put some specific fitness goals in place, and those goals are much more important to me than the number on the scale, especially now that I'm at a healthy weight. I feel good in my body, and my body can do the things I want it to do, so I'm no longer concerned with being a particular weight or size.
Also, although I've always carried a lot of my weight in my lower body, I think losing weight has put more emphasis on my 'pear' shape. I still have plenty of body fat below the waist, but my upper body is considerably more lean. If I continue to lose weight, I may have even less body fat on my upper half than I do now, and that's not a look I especially want for myself. I don't really want a thinner face, and I don't want to be able to see my ribs, so I'm happy where I'm at. My priority now is becoming more fit and maybe adding some muscle.
Oh, plus, the smaller I get, the fewer calories I need, and the less I get to eat to maintain that weight. And I like to eat. So... it seems like a totally reasonable trade-off to me.
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CupcakeCrusoe wrote: »I personally set my goal at the high range of normal bmi because I have never, ever, been normal bmi in my life. Except as you know, an infant and small child.
I will re-evaluate when I get to normal bmi. I think a lot of people do.
Yep, that's exactly what I did.
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