Relationship Weight

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13

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  • janhiness
    janhiness Posts: 32 Member
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    I know how you feel. My husbands trying to gain weight. He's eating 3000 calories while I'm over here with my 1200. Right now he eats whatever he wants at work. He knows that's when it won't bother me and he supports me enough to do that for me. I just had to tell him it's kind of like someone with a drinking problem. You wouldn't drink in front of them. He can eat with me but we both agreed we'd eat the same at home so I don't feel I'm missing out and I stay on track. Now I'm finding he can eat certain things and it doesn't bother me as much. Just be honest with him and make sure he knows how important it is to you.
  • lishie_rebooted
    lishie_rebooted Posts: 2,973 Member
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    janhiness wrote: »
    I know how you feel. My husbands trying to gain weight. He's eating 3000 calories while I'm over here with my 1200. Right now he eats whatever he wants at work. He knows that's when it won't bother me and he supports me enough to do that for me. I just had to tell him it's kind of like someone with a drinking problem. You wouldn't drink in front of them. He can eat with me but we both agreed we'd eat the same at home so I don't feel I'm missing out and I stay on track. Now I'm finding he can eat certain things and it doesn't bother me as much. Just be honest with him and make sure he knows how important it is to you.

    With 70lbs to lose, you don't need to suffer on 1200 cals.
  • JTick
    JTick Posts: 2,131 Member
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    603reader wrote: »
    janhiness wrote: »
    I know how you feel. My husbands trying to gain weight. He's eating 3000 calories while I'm over here with my 1200. Right now he eats whatever he wants at work. He knows that's when it won't bother me and he supports me enough to do that for me. I just had to tell him it's kind of like someone with a drinking problem. You wouldn't drink in front of them. He can eat with me but we both agreed we'd eat the same at home so I don't feel I'm missing out and I stay on track. Now I'm finding he can eat certain things and it doesn't bother me as much. Just be honest with him and make sure he knows how important it is to you.

    With 70lbs to lose, you don't need to suffer on 1200 cals.

    But if we don't suffer, how will we ever feel accomplished with our weight loss????!!
  • workout_ninja
    workout_ninja Posts: 524 Member
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    wildwhisper96 wrote: »
    I want him to get his greasy goodness, but I need a middle ground where I can eat something too without needing a 5 mile run after to shed it all.
    Sounds like you want to put his needs before yours. I bet if you sat down and spoke with him, he would be more than happy to compromise. Your making this drama in your own head. Sit him down, talk to him. if hes a good guy, hell understand and support.

  • JTick
    JTick Posts: 2,131 Member
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    BFDeal wrote: »
    603reader wrote: »
    janhiness wrote: »
    I know how you feel. My husbands trying to gain weight. He's eating 3000 calories while I'm over here with my 1200. Right now he eats whatever he wants at work. He knows that's when it won't bother me and he supports me enough to do that for me. I just had to tell him it's kind of like someone with a drinking problem. You wouldn't drink in front of them. He can eat with me but we both agreed we'd eat the same at home so I don't feel I'm missing out and I stay on track. Now I'm finding he can eat certain things and it doesn't bother me as much. Just be honest with him and make sure he knows how important it is to you.

    With 70lbs to lose, you don't need to suffer on 1200 cals.

    This is true until it's not. "Eat more to lose weight." They say. Then when you stop losing what will people say? "You're eating too much."

    The argument can also be made that very, very few people need to be on 1200 calories anyway. Eating too much simply means they are eating too much for their activity level....it's not a 1200 calorie sentence.
  • SnuggleSmacks
    SnuggleSmacks Posts: 3,732 Member
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    Most burger places have a grilled chicken option. Also, why is he the only one who gets to pick the restaurant? Why aren't you picking sometimes? Also, if he just won't eat at the places you like, get it to go from two separate restaurants and have a picnic.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    I think the bigger concern here is that an 800 calorie burger will "kill you."
  • mfleeg
    mfleeg Posts: 137 Member
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    Check out the book Eat This, Not That on Amazon. It will tell you other things to choose if you want something. Yes, that other something may not necessarily be "good", but it is a better option? I think they've got a restaurant/fast food survival guide for most large chains.
  • ems212
    ems212 Posts: 135 Member
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    Do your research before going out. Pre-plan what you'll order and find the lower calorie options. If you feel like because he got a burger, you must get a burger, only eat half of it and save the other half for later or for the next day. My fiance isn't naturally slim, but he eats just about whatever he wants without any fluctuations in his weight. Usually, if he wants to go somewhere without any really good options for me to eat, he waits until guys night to go there. Otherwise, we work as a team. Maybe consider having date night at home and cooking him a nice meal...that way you control what you're eating, and you still get date night.
  • LolBroScience
    LolBroScience Posts: 4,537 Member
    edited November 2014
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    Sending via PM instead...
  • 365andstillalive
    365andstillalive Posts: 663 Member
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    Honestly, I've struggled with this a bit myself. I've been living with my SO for almost two years, and he works constructions, has a love for all things fast food, and while neither of us drink, we do like our weed which only enhances our appetite, especially for Timbits.

    But the reality is, you make your own decisions. Don't want to go out to the BBQ place on date night? Why not make him BBQ at home? I'm sure he'd love that. And then you have control of the sides; things like coleslaw, baked beans, even cornbread can be made to be fairly low cal or at least have the nutritional trade off to justify them. Plus side? You could always make yourself something like pulled chicken, with less BBQ sauce than a real restaurant would give you -- lots of protein, fairly low cal, and you have complete control over whether to add a bun, make it in a lettuce wrap or just eat it off the plate.

    Or, make date night plans that don't involve food. If you guys are just spending a couple hours together on a Friday evening or Sunday afternoon, you don't really have to eat. Go out and do something instead.

    Really, what "kills me" about your post is that you think that a single hamburger can completely undo all the work you've done. I don't know what type of deficit you're eating at, but chances are, you'll be fine. If you don't want to have the conversation with him and tell him that you're trying to lose weight and want some say in where you go for restaurants (which you should already have anyway since you're an adult with agency, and I'm assuming your own money) then there are other work arounds. Eat 100 calories lower on the days you're not together, come date night you've got an extra 600 calories to work with before you've started eating into your deficit. Research something like the 5:2 diet or try intermittent fasting. Know you guys are going out for dinner? Eat lighter calorie nutrient dense meals -- you'd be surprised how much 1/2 an acorn squash with a little bit of butter and salt and pepper will fill you up.

    I feel like if you're so worried about an 800 calorie burger that you're probably eating too little so I'm just going to encourage you to check out your BMR/TDEE. No use eating way less food than you need to.
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,949 Member
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    Try ordering things that you can just eat half of. I rarely eat an entire restaurant meal. Also, 800 calories for a burger is a pretty good burger (low cal for a burger I mean). If that's what you want, don't eat the sides. Then eat fish for your other meal. Or cut out the rice/pasta/potato with your other meal and stick to lean meat and steamed veggies. Even if you're only eating 1200 cals, you still have 400 for the day left when you go out (assuming 800 cals only for dinner). A baked chicken breast and steamed veggies will likely only run you about 250 - 350 cals.
  • into_fitness
    into_fitness Posts: 91 Member
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    I would just straight up talk to him about it. I have the same issue - my boyfriend is so lean, naturally, and can eat anything and it won't show - ever! Every time we would eat, it would be crappy stuff that he can consume, but would have a dramatic affect on my body. I told him that I need to eat healthier because not only is this what I want to do, it is what I need to do. He understood after a bit of me telling him I need to eat healthy and to support what I am doing. He eventually said "whatever makes you happy". So, naturally, guys are terrible listeners and although they care, he probably just doesn't keep it in mind that you need to healthy - he most definitely loves you for who you are and doesn't think anything about your weight! You just need to be clear with him about what you want to do and tell him it's something that you need to do for now! and maybe suggest healthier options and help cook with him or something!

    You just have to talk it through with guys and explain to them otherwise they won't understand ;)
  • into_fitness
    into_fitness Posts: 91 Member
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    or if he wants to make an "unhealthy" dish then learn to portion or just have yours with sauce on the side so you can better monitor or on different bread, whatever the case may be! it's just the little things!
  • allanakern
    allanakern Posts: 245 Member
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    just break up
  • ithrowconfetti
    ithrowconfetti Posts: 451 Member
    edited November 2014
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    OP, do tell your boyfriend about your concerns, and decide what's the best way to move forward. Perhaps, you could take turns between picking the places to eat out? So on days that you get to choose, you can pick ones that offer more options that are friendlier to your calorie intake. Relationships are all about compromise. If your boyfriend can agree to eating at a place of your choice, when it's his turn to pick, you can take it in your stride to make it work too, i.e. save your calories for a big meal when you see him, fill up on some foods before, so that you can order a smaller entree or meal later, et cetera. Don't let something relatively trivial like a single 800-calorie burger dictate how you lead other important aspects of your life (like dates!). Good luck!
  • snyder755
    snyder755 Posts: 1 Member
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    you could consider eating off the lunch menu assuming those meals have smaller portions.
  • yesimpson
    yesimpson Posts: 1,372 Member
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    I'd take turns picking between healthy and more indulgent places to eat, and make sure I exercised that day to earn a few more calories. Ultimately though, enjoy your food and eat til satisfied but not stuffed, and you won't set yourself back when you see that meal as part of a larger picture.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    OP should just read her OP to her Boyfriend. Problem solved.

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