Do They Get It?
RaspberryTickleChicken
Posts: 629 Member
I have been in maintaining just past the 1 yr mark in Aug and I've noticed that there's seem to be an genuine disconnect between me & my friends who have not had to or want to lose weight.
It's not that they are unsupportive but I get this 'look' when I continue to log my food & watch my portions even though I've lost the weight. It's almost as if they simply do not understand my continued due diligence which sometimes makes lunch/dinner dates a little awkward.
Anyone else experienced or experiencing this? How did you deal with the feeling of being the 'freak' in the group? lol
It's not that they are unsupportive but I get this 'look' when I continue to log my food & watch my portions even though I've lost the weight. It's almost as if they simply do not understand my continued due diligence which sometimes makes lunch/dinner dates a little awkward.
Anyone else experienced or experiencing this? How did you deal with the feeling of being the 'freak' in the group? lol
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i often get the "why are you calorie counting? you run, you dont have to watch what you eat!" they simply dont get that without me being aware, i can so very easily fall back into my "fat girl" eating habits, which to be honest, havent entirely left me. My friends just have to deal with it. They know I calorie count, and they know ive lost alot of weight doing it, so they accept that i have to check calories before i eat anything. Yes I get the looks and the occasional comment, but i just tell them to deal with it.0
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One year maintaining this month for me. Some people think that when you are done, you do not have to continue to monitor. Hence, the extremely high percent of people that regain the weight and often times gain even more. What I do is just smile and say, this is just the way it is going to be for me for the rest of my life. I don't want to be in the statistic of people that gain back the weight.0
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RaspberryTickleChicken wrote: »It's almost as if they simply do not understand my continued due diligence which sometimes makes lunch/dinner dates a little awkward.
How do they even know? Do you make a big deal out of it? Log at the table? Comment about it?
If you log before or after, they'll have nothing to say about it. If you say, "no thanks, I'm full" when they offer you more food, that's just a normal response. How does it even become a topic of conversation?
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Sometimes people take others actions as a silent judgment of themselves. If you are logging your food at the table maybe they feel like you are throwing it in their faces. Maybe you can log your food before or after the meal and just enjoy your friends company when you are with them. You can't change their behavior and reactions, but you can change yours.0
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I'm not in maintenance, but I tend to log beforehand if I go out. Mostly to save the hassle of looking through the menu when I get there. I see no harm in logging at the table, but if the commentary or funny looks make you uncomfortable, you can always just plan ahead.0
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RaspberryTickleChicken wrote: »I have been in maintaining just past the 1 yr mark in Aug and I've noticed that there's seem to be an genuine disconnect between me & my friends who have not had to or want to lose weight.
It's not that they are unsupportive but I get this 'look' when I continue to log my food & watch my portions even though I've lost the weight. It's almost as if they simply do not understand my continued due diligence which sometimes makes lunch/dinner dates a little awkward.
Anyone else experienced or experiencing this? How did you deal with the feeling of being the 'freak' in the group? lol
I don't get this... YET. But I know it's coming, mainly from colleagues at work, who just see the results, not the hard work and diligence that went into achieving the results.
I don't log meals out, but I do carefully watch what I'm eating/drinking, avoid nibbles, desserts, freebie breads, cookies etc (basically everything at work events..), so I do get looks because I have to say "no thank you" every 5 seconds.
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RaspberryTickleChicken wrote: »It's almost as if they simply do not understand my continued due diligence which sometimes makes lunch/dinner dates a little awkward.
How do they even know? Do you make a big deal out of it? Log at the table? Comment about it?
If you log before or after, they'll have nothing to say about it. If you say, "no thanks, I'm full" when they offer you more food, that's just a normal response. How does it even become a topic of conversation?
Yup I log my food right before a meal. It's just how I like to do it. Many local mom & pop eateries do not have a menu online to pre-look and log.
I'm always on my phone so unless they ask specifically what I'm doing I don't make any mention of it.
Yes, quite often there is a few comments floating about.
So there you go that's how THAT become a topic of conversation.
Just because one has not personally experience something that doesn't mean it doesn't happen ever. I think that's why we have the forums to exchange ideas & experiences. Namaste0 -
RaspberryTickleChicken wrote: »RaspberryTickleChicken wrote: »It's almost as if they simply do not understand my continued due diligence which sometimes makes lunch/dinner dates a little awkward.
How do they even know? Do you make a big deal out of it? Log at the table? Comment about it?
If you log before or after, they'll have nothing to say about it. If you say, "no thanks, I'm full" when they offer you more food, that's just a normal response. How does it even become a topic of conversation?
Yup I log my food right before a meal. It's just how I like to do it. Many local mom & pop eateries do not have a menu online to pre-look and log.
I'm always on my phone so unless they ask specifically what I'm doing I don't make any mention of it.
Yes, quite often there is a few comments floating about.
So there you go that's how THAT become a topic of conversation.
if was your friend i would be more annoyed at you constantly being on your phone... i find it so rude, regardless of whether its facebook, MFP or whatever...0 -
I wouldn't worry about what your friends think, it would be like you passing judgement on what they eat. I don't make logging obvious though, especially when I'm out with company. I'd either try and log before if I could see the menu, or make sensible choices and log afterwards.0
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I have maintained for 4 years now. I have been accused of being obsessive but I am honestly passed caring now. Sometimes I eat what I like within reason and sometimes I'm very diligent. I exercise regularly which I enjoy. I feel like I have found a good balance where food is concerned and I don't let it make my life a misery. If anyone else has a problem with it then I let it be their issue.0
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TavistockToad wrote: »RaspberryTickleChicken wrote: »RaspberryTickleChicken wrote: »It's almost as if they simply do not understand my continued due diligence which sometimes makes lunch/dinner dates a little awkward.
How do they even know? Do you make a big deal out of it? Log at the table? Comment about it?
If you log before or after, they'll have nothing to say about it. If you say, "no thanks, I'm full" when they offer you more food, that's just a normal response. How does it even become a topic of conversation?
Yup I log my food right before a meal. It's just how I like to do it. Many local mom & pop eateries do not have a menu online to pre-look and log.
I'm always on my phone so unless they ask specifically what I'm doing I don't make any mention of it.
Yes, quite often there is a few comments floating about.
So there you go that's how THAT become a topic of conversation.
if was your friend i would be more annoyed at you constantly being on your phone... i find it so rude, regardless of whether its facebook, MFP or whatever...
We're techies so ahhm yea we're all on our phones quite a bit - that's why we're friends I suppose. lol
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if was your friend i would be more annoyed at you constantly being on your phone... i find it so rude, regardless of whether its facebook, MFP or whatever... [/quote]
Yes! Thank you!
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RaspberryTickleChicken wrote: »RaspberryTickleChicken wrote: »It's almost as if they simply do not understand my continued due diligence which sometimes makes lunch/dinner dates a little awkward.
How do they even know? Do you make a big deal out of it? Log at the table? Comment about it?
If you log before or after, they'll have nothing to say about it. If you say, "no thanks, I'm full" when they offer you more food, that's just a normal response. How does it even become a topic of conversation?
Yup I log my food right before a meal. It's just how I like to do it. Many local mom & pop eateries do not have a menu online to pre-look and log.
I'm always on my phone so unless they ask specifically what I'm doing I don't make any mention of it.
Yes, quite often there is a few comments floating about.
So there you go that's how THAT become a topic of conversation.
Just because one has not personally experience something that doesn't mean it doesn't happen ever. I think that's why we have the forums to exchange ideas & experiences. Namaste
Have you told them their behavior bothers you?
Aside from that, it's been a year. Either you make a big deal of it, or you need to find new friends. IMO, I cannot imagine my friends continuing to harp on something that I do to better myself for a whole year. Unless I'm being obnoxious about it and that's their hint to shut up about it all already.0 -
jesiann2014 wrote: »
if was your friend i would be more annoyed at you constantly being on your phone... i find it so rude, regardless of whether its facebook, MFP or whatever... [/quote]
Yes! Thank you!
[/quote]
Off Topic Much?
I guess that's why we're not friends? LOL
Has nothing to do with the OP ... just saying0 -
RaspberryTickleChicken wrote: »Off Topic Much?
I guess that's why we're not friends? LOL
Has nothing to do with the OP ... just saying
touched a nerve OP?! :laugh:0 -
A little yea -
Was just trying to survey if others have had similar experiences & what they did in the situation
Last time I looked that's what the forums are for ... sharing experiences
But it has turned to being critique of my phone etiquette from people who doesn't know me & obviously would not be rl friends so seems silly ... and doesn't even address the OP so yea a little perturbed0 -
Honestly, I used calorie counting for awhile to better understand things and get a better handle on things...but it was never anything I intended to do into perpetuity and honestly, I do think it's a little weird and obsessive.
I've been able to maintain for over a year and a half without logging...logging was like training wheels on a bike...eventually I just wanted to ride. When I did log, I generally did it in private and never made a big deal about it.
That said, most of my non-fitness friends don't understand my lifestyle in general...they don't understand why I wouldn't skip my Thursday lifting session to go to happy hour with them...or why I would choose the seared ahi tuna salad with dressing on the side over a big basket of fish and chips. They don't understand that I really can't go out and get ripped on a Saturday night because it will substantially interfere with my recovery, etc. In that RE, they don't understand how important it is for me to continuously make healthful choices day in and day out.
My fitness friends...and I've accumulated quite a few over the course of these last couple of years...they understand exactly where I'm coming from and what I'm doing0 -
I only log in front of people that understand my journey or are on my journey. Other than that, I make it a private issue. Log prior to seeing them, in the bathroom, whatever. If it's not a part of our lives we share, I don't find the need to invite them into it, especially if they don't understand.0
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i don't have a smartphone, so i just try my best to remember what i ate till i get home. i'm always reading package information though, and making decisions based on what i read. for the most part, my friends don't get it either. i've lost a couple, but actually had a couple sign up for MFP as well. my boyfriend even made an account and logged for a few days, then got bored. he's supportive, but many aren't. i've been called vain, ocd, orthorexic, addicted, an attention *kitten*... outside of my own home, i don't even do anything visible besides read the information and decline food that doesn't work for me.
i think it's because most people will automatically compare themselves to you when they see you doing something - if you are doing something they feel they "should" be doing (in this case watching what you put into your body), they will either try to get you to stop doing it, feel guilty for not doing it themselves, or in rare occasions actually be inspired to do it.
personally i just let them laugh it up and say what they want. at the end of the day i know i'm doing what works for me and i look forward to stepping on the scale or taking my measurements because i know i put the effort in, so i know i'm going to like what i see.
forget about what they think. you only have yourself to answer to, y'know?0 -
RaspberryTickleChicken wrote: »I have been in maintaining just past the 1 yr mark in Aug and I've noticed that there's seem to be an genuine disconnect between me & my friends who have not had to or want to lose weight.
It's not that they are unsupportive but I get this 'look' when I continue to log my food & watch my portions even though I've lost the weight. It's almost as if they simply do not understand my continued due diligence which sometimes makes lunch/dinner dates a little awkward.
Anyone else experienced or experiencing this? How did you deal with the feeling of being the 'freak' in the group? lol
So if everyone else is on their phone (per your subsequent comment) then is it normal for the group to ask each other what they are doing on their phone? Or are they only asking you?
Same question on the portion size. Does everyone else have the same portion size and you are the only one that is less? Do others give someone the "look" if they order the mega super-sized entree?
Everybody has different habits/mannerisms. Perhaps they just need more time to get the new ones you have.
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RaspberryTickleChicken wrote: »We're techies so ahhm yea we're all on our phones quite a bit - that's why we're friends I suppose. lol
Heh, my husband spends 60 hours a week developing your smartphone's brains and neither one of us owns a smartphone. That is $1200/year towards early retirement!
Before you said this, I kind of figured if they asked what you were doing, it was because they were ready for you to put your phone down.
But as for their attitude, they probably thought you were on a "diet," not a lifestyle change. That means, once you lost the weight, you should go back to being the old you.
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RaspberryTickleChicken wrote: »I have been in maintaining just past the 1 yr mark in Aug and I've noticed that there's seem to be an genuine disconnect between me & my friends who have not had to or want to lose weight.
It's not that they are unsupportive but I get this 'look' when I continue to log my food & watch my portions even though I've lost the weight. It's almost as if they simply do not understand my continued due diligence which sometimes makes lunch/dinner dates a little awkward.
Anyone else experienced or experiencing this? How did you deal with the feeling of being the 'freak' in the group? lol
So if everyone else is on their phone (per your subsequent comment) then is it normal for the group to ask each other what they are doing on their phone? Or are they only asking you?
Same question on the portion size. Does everyone else have the same portion size and you are the only one that is less? Do others give someone the "look" if they order the mega super-sized entree?
Everybody has different habits/mannerisms. Perhaps they just need more time to get the new ones you have.
ahhhm we Insta / Pin a lot so many times someone in the group may come across something that we want to ck out also. So yea we sort of do our thing on the phone & chit chat simultaneously - if that makes sense.
And I don't think it's really about the portions but more so that a lot of times when the question makes it's way around the table to me, I just happen to be logging my food. haha
Quite possibly ...
Some good advice all around & I'm glad others have had similar experiences.
Thanks to those who shared & advised.0 -
I just had a similar experience on the weekend. I invited a friend over to my house for wine and she gave me a hard time about measuring it out. Her comment was that I was being silly and I should just eyeball. My response was "honey I didn't lose 48 lbs in 5 months by eyeballing everything". End of convo. She and I joined MFP and signed up for a race at the exact same time. I've worked my butt off and been diligent and lost a ton of weight, she's actually gained weight during the same time. I've proven that my method works for me and I don't really care what anyone else thinks
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RaspberryTickleChicken wrote: »I have been in maintaining just past the 1 yr mark in Aug and I've noticed that there's seem to be an genuine disconnect between me & my friends who have not had to or want to lose weight.
It's not that they are unsupportive but I get this 'look' when I continue to log my food & watch my portions even though I've lost the weight. It's almost as if they simply do not understand my continued due diligence which sometimes makes lunch/dinner dates a little awkward.
Anyone else experienced or experiencing this? How did you deal with the feeling of being the 'freak' in the group? lol
Tell 'em your internal calorie monitor is broken and this is how you compensate. Would they shame someone for wearing glasses if they could not see well?
(At least, I like framing it like that. My internal "I've had enough" monitor doesn't work at all. And like any other disability, I have to use a certain level of technology to overcome it)
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I just had a similar experience on the weekend. I invited a friend over to my house for wine and she gave me a hard time about measuring it out. Her comment was that I was being silly and I should just eyeball. My response was "honey I didn't lose 48 lbs in 5 months by eyeballing everything". End of convo. She and I joined MFP and signed up for a race at the exact same time. I've worked my butt off and been diligent and lost a ton of weight, she's actually gained weight during the same time. I've proven that my method works for me and I don't really care what anyone else thinks
Exactly! Good for you!0 -
concordancia wrote: »... But as for their attitude, they probably thought you were on a "diet," not a lifestyle change. That means, once you lost the weight, you should go back to being the old you.
Quite possibly - Thanks very much for this insight.
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Yeah it happens all the time. A friend telling me I don't need to lose more weight so I should just eat that piece of pizza (which would not bother me except when I just don't really want to eat pizza, lol), or my mom making snide comments about why I keep weighing everything when I don't have more weight to lose.
I typically don't do it with other people though because I don't want to deal with the comments, then I just estimate, but it doesn't happen much anyway.
ETA: I've used the 'I need to go to the restroom' trick to log my food there, to make sure I was within my calories before ordering, lol.0 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »Honestly, I used calorie counting for awhile to better understand things and get a better handle on things...but it was never anything I intended to do into perpetuity and honestly, I do think it's a little weird and obsessive.
I've been able to maintain for over a year and a half without logging...logging was like training wheels on a bike...eventually I just wanted to ride. When I did log, I generally did it in private and never made a big deal about it.
That said, most of my non-fitness friends don't understand my lifestyle in general...they don't understand why I wouldn't skip my Thursday lifting session to go to happy hour with them...or why I would choose the seared ahi tuna salad with dressing on the side over a big basket of fish and chips. They don't understand that I really can't go out and get ripped on a Saturday night because it will substantially interfere with my recovery, etc. In that RE, they don't understand how important it is for me to continuously make healthful choices day in and day out.
My fitness friends...and I've accumulated quite a few over the course of these last couple of years...they understand exactly where I'm coming from and what I'm doing
Haha see, that's why I log. So I can have fish and chips and not have to skip outings with friends (ok... that's assuming I had some). I'm not sure what's more 'weird and obsessive' frankly.
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TavistockToad wrote: »RaspberryTickleChicken wrote: »RaspberryTickleChicken wrote: »It's almost as if they simply do not understand my continued due diligence which sometimes makes lunch/dinner dates a little awkward.
How do they even know? Do you make a big deal out of it? Log at the table? Comment about it?
If you log before or after, they'll have nothing to say about it. If you say, "no thanks, I'm full" when they offer you more food, that's just a normal response. How does it even become a topic of conversation?
Yup I log my food right before a meal. It's just how I like to do it. Many local mom & pop eateries do not have a menu online to pre-look and log.
I'm always on my phone so unless they ask specifically what I'm doing I don't make any mention of it.
Yes, quite often there is a few comments floating about.
So there you go that's how THAT become a topic of conversation.
if was your friend i would be more annoyed at you constantly being on your phone... i find it so rude, regardless of whether its facebook, MFP or whatever...
Who gives a *kitten*? What does this have to do with the OP's topic?
OP just keep doing you. In my experience some people like to make comments regardless of what you're eating, whether you're logging or not, if you're dining in a way that's out of the oridanry for that person or group.
Also, like somebody mentioned above, a lot of people project their food or weight issues on those around them who are making attempts to create a healthier life. Also there's the very common misconception, even amongst successful losers, that reaching your goal means you can finally eat like a "normal" person, who never had a weight problem, and still magically maintain your weight loss.
It's very tough for people to accept that there is no end.0 -
I thi
I think she should tell them NAMASTE! Right up their downwrd dogs.TheVirgoddess wrote: »RaspberryTickleChicken wrote: »RaspberryTickleChicken wrote: »It's almost as if they simply do not understand my continued due diligence which sometimes makes lunch/dinner dates a little awkward.
How do they even know? Do you make a big deal out of it? Log at the table? Comment about it?
If you log before or after, they'll have nothing to say about it. If you say, "no thanks, I'm full" when they offer you more food, that's just a normal response. How does it even become a topic of conversation?
Yup I log my food right before a meal. It's just how I like to do it. Many local mom & pop eateries do not have a menu online to pre-look and log.
I'm always on my phone so unless they ask specifically what I'm doing I don't make any mention of it.
Yes, quite often there is a few comments floating about.
So there you go that's how THAT become a topic of conversation.
Just because one has not personally experience something that doesn't mean it doesn't happen ever. I think that's why we have the forums to exchange ideas & experiences. Namaste
Have you told them their behavior bothers you?
Aside from that, it's been a year. Either you make a big deal of it, or you need to find new friends. IMO, I cannot imagine my friends continuing to harp on something that I do to better myself for a whole year. Unless I'm being obnoxious about it and that's their hint to shut up about it all already.0
This discussion has been closed.
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