So ladies, what would a short guy have to do to get you to date them?
So quick background before I go into the topic in question: I'm 39, and 5'4" straight male, who's never been on a date in his life and probably will never be on one, mainly because of social anxiety, that said.
We've heard about how for the most part women like taller men, it's a fact of life. You may be the exception to the rule. I'm mostly curious. I'm not interested in things that make guys datable because there is tons of info everywhere telling you how you should act and what to do. I'm talking strictly if a short male (shorter than you are) wanted to date you, what would he have to do to get you to look his way? Or if you would even consider a man shorter than you are as dating material.
I'm mostly curious because we short guys usually get short shrift in a lot of things, that's why you have guys with napoleon complexes and short dudes who really are jerks because of their height. (I'm not one of those however, I'm usually pretty personable when around people even though I'm normally too nervous for any social interaction.)
We've heard about how for the most part women like taller men, it's a fact of life. You may be the exception to the rule. I'm mostly curious. I'm not interested in things that make guys datable because there is tons of info everywhere telling you how you should act and what to do. I'm talking strictly if a short male (shorter than you are) wanted to date you, what would he have to do to get you to look his way? Or if you would even consider a man shorter than you are as dating material.
I'm mostly curious because we short guys usually get short shrift in a lot of things, that's why you have guys with napoleon complexes and short dudes who really are jerks because of their height. (I'm not one of those however, I'm usually pretty personable when around people even though I'm normally too nervous for any social interaction.)
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He would need to be confident enough to not think of his height as some sort of dating handicap. Confident in general really. So you're short, so what? It shouldn't even cross your mind. That's how you get it done.0
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Confidence and humor... my bf is 5'4"... and I'm 5'3". Technically he's taller than me? But it was his funnyness and confidence that won me over.
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Are women really that fixated on a man's height?0
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TastesLikeBurning wrote: »therealblackdahlia wrote: »Are women really that fixated on a man's height?
I know right. The nerve. Usually girth and length, but not height.
LOL oh you! I was being serious....it's definitely not the first thing I notice about a man
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You can be short but exude a BIG presence.
I don't think it's so much the height as a woman just not feeling safe enough with you. (i.e. not enough confidence, mousy, etc.)
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MsHarryWinston wrote: »He would need to be confident enough to not think of his height as some sort of dating handicap. Confident in general really. So you're short, so what? It shouldn't even cross your mind. That's how you get it done.
/thread
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The majority of my exes have been shorter than me (I'm a hair under 5'10''). I don't wear heels often unless I'm going somewhere solo or with platonic friends. I'm much more concerned about who a person is and their personality then their height. Confidence FTW. That being said, I think most people probably have deal breaker extremes. I would not feel comfortable dating a guy that was 5'2'' or had a face like the dude in Mask (1985 movie).
edited for typo0 -
I married a man who is my height (maybe an inch shorter than me, depending on how good his posture is that day). The first thing that caught my eye was that he was good-looking (which is subjective to the person). Other than that, he is a really sweet, loving, funny guy.
The short of it: I noticed him for his looks, but I married him for his personality/character.0 -
is 5'8 short......0
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I am only 5'3", so it doesn't take much to be taller than me. I have dated men who are pretty short, though, and didn't think much of it unless he said something about it. If I like someone, writing him off because of his height seems downright silly to me.0
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I'm married and have been out of the dating scene for a while... but I'd say someone who is genuinely themselves (not trying to impress or perform), kindness and sense of humor would make me pay attention to someone that I may not initially be drawn to (because I was bigger than him.. I'm 5'7). I think a lot of people have had someone who was the ideal package physically, but lacked on the emotional/personality front. While a shorter guy may not have the same quantity of initial female interest as a super tall guy... the quality of your interactions with women is totally in your court and not dependent on your height.
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Humor, cute face and look for a shorter woman. You need to get that confidence up!0
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Wear lifts in his shoes.
Kidding of course.
Seriously, I have never considered height to be a criterium when looking at men to date. For me it is a non issue. Of course I am not quite 5'3". But there are plenty of petite women out there who aren't looking for 6-footers. In high school I had a huge crush on a boy just an inch or two taller than me. But he always had another girlfriend. My college boyfriend was 5'4" (and ended up marrying a woman a few inches taller than him). My next serious boyfriend claimed to be 5'6"...but that's my dad's height and he was at least an inch shorter than my father.
I think there are a lot of women who say they won't date a man who is short, or fat, or bald but then they meet the right short/fat/bald guy and their mind is changed. I ended up marrying a tallish guy...but he's also overweight (the only thing thin about him is his hair). Bt I fell in love with his heart and his mind, and the body was art of the package...and I came to adore the whole package.
Your height is not the issue. But your social anxiety is. I don't know if you have sought therapy for this...but I imagine it could really be beneficial.0 -
As long as he's not a jerk and have a great personality and ooze confidence then he is a winner to me.. i think you should work on yourself first before anything else.. good luck0
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I don't see the point in trying. Unless you're tall, super confident and a bit arrogant and straight forward, women aren't interested and will make you feel as *kitten* as possible about it.0
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Agreed with those that said confidence is key. If you point it out and show you're not confident in yourself because of your height, we'll notice it. Just like maybe some guys don't notice that a girl has love handles until she points it out and displays her insecurity. I prefer a guy that makes me laugh and is a good guy. Height not being an issue.
That being said, I have dated a couple of guys that were my height or shorter. Didn't work out for various reasons, but how tall they were had nothing to do with it. In fact, it's easier to kiss shorter guys in my opinion.
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My husband is short. His sense of humor and his compassion toward others attracted me.
PS: I wouldn't just automatically assume that "women like tall guys." It's not a fact of life. None of my friends care about how tall a man is.0 -
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MsHarryWinston wrote: »He would need to be confident enough to not think of his height as some sort of dating handicap. Confident in general really. So you're short, so what? It shouldn't even cross your mind. That's how you get it done.
This .. If it doesn't bother him, why should it bother me?
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Ask?
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My husband is about an inch shorter than I am. I never considered it an issue at all. For me it was all about the personality/ person. Yes he is confident and has a great sense of humor which were likely what attracted me in the first pace- along with us both loving Science!0
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ask me out? My husband is my height 5'5"0
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As a 5'9" woman, I will say height does come into play for me as far as initial attraction goes. However, 2 of my most significant relationships were with men about an inch shorter than me, lol. I do admit to now being kinda hung up on this height thing now. It is my issue though - not any potential guy. My issue being someone who has always been the 'big' girl (not so much anymore) but my mind still associates as the amazon chick wanting a man bigger than her, physically, mentally, intellectually, etc...So, I am sad to say it would be very difficult for a man shorter than me to get my attention right now. Maybe one day that will change if I can change my own head space about it...0
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Sadly, most women are as stupid about men's height as most men are about women's weight.
However:
- many women are as short as you or shorter. A lot of women are uncomfortable (for some stupid reason) being with men taller than them, so short women should be fine with your height.
- many women don't care about height one way or another
- a few women (like me!) actually prefer short men. I don't think it's any stranger than how some men prefer larger women.
- Be realistic. You're not perfect, and neither are most women. You will not attract a "perfect 10". However, there are plenty of women who get very little attention from men due to not being traditionally beautiful, model-thin, or whatever. You'll do just fine with the over-40-and-overweight crowd. You may need cougar repellent
- focus on friendship first. Dating, romance, and physical intimacy may come later. I won't say that physical attractiveness doesn't matter. Maybe it shouldn't, but it does. But for many women, emotional and intellectual connection trumps any physical features. Be genuinely interested in women, and seek out women with the same interests as yourself.
- There's been a few times I've dated a man who on first glance wasn't just "okay" but I actually thought was unattractive. Usually it was because he had a very strong personality, more than just "OK" but either really fun/funny, or else we really connected on a deeper level.
- you can't control your height, but you can control your weight and fitness level. Work on the parts you can control. A man who's 5'4" and very fit will be far more attractive than a man who's 6'0" and seriously out of shape. Unfortunately, at your height, even a little extra weight makes a big difference.
Good luck!0 -
I've only dated one man shorter than me, the problem was lack of chemistry not height. My ExH was only two inches taller than me but our respective postures made people assume he was the shorter one. He had no shortage of female attention, but he also had an attention grabbing personality.
I'd recommend meeting women in places outside of the bar, where you both have a reason to be there. Like volunteering in the community, or local theater (start by helping out backstage if being in front of people makes you nervous) . Also remember superficial people judge you superficially. Feel free to judge anyone who thinks you're too short to be too shallow for you to waste your time on anyway.0 -
I tend to think that those women who've dated shorter guys that "didn't work out" had at least something to do with their height even if just slightly psychologically.
MsHarryWinston - I like your attitude :-)
madrose0715 - You *might* be the only honest person here ;-)
Therealblackdahlia - I wouldn't say fixated, however there are studies showing women generally prefer taller men here's a link to a (random) forum post that links a few studies in the first post - http://www.city-data.com/forum/relationships/676363-its-fact-short-men-dont-stand.html (you can ignore the rest of the thread, as I just didn't want to place multiple urls in here)
Silverdracos - Looked at your profile, points for Krull.
I realize confidence is a big deal, but that's with anything really and as I said there's tons of info on what you should do to be able to date was just more curious with your perspectives on the height thing with regards to dating.
For me my height is kind of an issue, but since I've never dated I don't know about if it would be an issue for that. People tend not to notice you (in general not just women) as much unless you're loud and obnoxious (hence napoleon complexes). Then there are things like being able to see over the heads of people in crowds. For instance movie theaters (and it's usually some big dude that sits in front of me), or watching parades (been to Disneyworld since I moved down here and watched a few). Seeing over counters (this is not totally bad, but sometimes can be a thing). Not to mention public restrooms and clothes that properly fit (exacerbated by my obesity).
In any case thanks for the responses :-)0
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