Article: 'Never Ever Diet With Your Partner'

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  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,868 Member
    edited December 2014
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    My wife and I made a commitment to each other to live healthier lifestyles...eat better...exercise regularly, etc. It really wasn't about "dieting" or losing weight...it was about being healthier and getting back to some resemblance of what both of used to be...pretty damned good athletes. We're also not getting any younger and had our boys later in life...which means we need to be healthy well into our later years if we want to watch them become men.

    I found that doing this together just made us even more awesome than we already were. It has also set a really good example for our kids. We'll be going on about 2.5 years now of all this good livin' and we're loving every second of it and at 40 we both feel about 25 (except for when my tendinitis flares up, then I feel 40 still).

    It's funny because we don't really think about it much anymore...we're both just so into what we do...but a friend of ours just returned from Afghanistan and we haven't seen him in over two years...we saw him last weekend and his jaw literally dropped and he was like, "damn...you guys got yourselves *kitten* fit!" Yes...yes we did...we are awesome.

    I think the key for us was that we didn't commit to losing weight or sticking to some weird diet...we committed to our health. Losing some weight (40 Lbs for me and all of her baby weight and then some for her) has been a nice bi-product of good livin'.
  • segacs
    segacs Posts: 4,599 Member
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    I have no scientific proof of this, but if I had to venture a guess, I'd say that when (heterosexual) couples diet together, it's probably more helpful for the man and less helpful for the woman in something like 80-90% of cases.

    I know this won't be true for everyone. But in MOST cases, men are (a) heavier to begin with, (b) drop weight more quickly in absolute number of pounds and (c) less likely to be the main grocery shopper and cook of the household.

    If a man sees his wife exercising and lifting weights and eating better, and getting herself in shape, he's probably more likely to find that motivating, and to want to do the same. Partly competitive nature, partly because she'll start cooking healthier foods so he'll eat better by default.

    If, on the other hand, a woman sees her husband exercising and lifting weights and eating better and getting himself in shape, she might be more likely to see it as discouraging, particularly if he's eating way more than she is and dropping pounds much faster (as is wont to happen). She's also likely to interpret competitive encouragement ("come on, honey, if I can do this, so can you!") as criticism ("I think you're fat and not beautiful anymore and I judge you for it.")

    Which is why I bet that this works better for men than for women in a lot of cases.

    **Yes, I realize there are LOTS of generalizations and gender stereotypes here. For every generalization there are lots of exceptions. But I'm talking sweeping averages here.
  • Toria718
    Toria718 Posts: 396 Member
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    my husband is a bean pole, he has a really hard time eating and wants to gain weight, or more specifically right now maintain where he is, he knows that he needs to focus and put in the effort, but he hasnt committed. I on the other hand am still rather heavy and was in denial for a long time. then reality hit and i have lost the same 25-30 lbs twice ( i dropped 30 then became pregnant) my daughter is 6 months old and now i feel comfortable enough to really focus because she is eating solid foods.
  • KBurkhardt08
    KBurkhardt08 Posts: 141 Member
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    Well I only started a little over a week ago but it seems okay right now. I need to lose weight but my boyfriend is basically perfect and really shouldnt lose any weight. My excuse for not eating right before was always "Well I have to feed Jared and he doesnt always want the healthy stuff". So I really had no idea what to do with that. Just came to a point where I said "I'm going to make dinner...this is what were having....if you dont want it you can go and get something else". And he is perfectly fine with that and its working well so far. :smile:
  • dopeysmelly
    dopeysmelly Posts: 1,390 Member
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    I think if we tried to do it together, it wouldn't work for us. It would feel like a loss of control for both of us.

    Having said that, DH is only too happy to eat the healthier food I prepare, has lost a few pounds as a result, but mainly is happy I log in MFP to maintain my 70 lb loss, so he can copy it all over and log to watch his sodium and keep his blood pressure under control. We are both in the best shape we've ever been in.

    We have learned not to comment on what the other is eating (not always easy), although when he binges on candy I do feel I have to say something and I do nag a bit if he has more than a couple of drinks, but only because he snores like a train.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    edited December 2014
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    lemonlionheart wrote: »
    jezebel.com/never-ever-diet-with-your-partner-1671407159

    Have any of you had experience trying to lose weight with your significant other? Have you found it helpful or not?

    Sure. Experience was fine - able to act as each other's conscience, when needed. And got to....well...enjoy each other's new bodies as time went on, which was pretty cool. :drinker:
  • segacs
    segacs Posts: 4,599 Member
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    dopeysmelly wrote: »
    I do nag a bit if he has more than a couple of drinks, but only because he snores like a train.

    Been there. Sympathize. Recommend earplugs.
  • esjones12
    esjones12 Posts: 1,363 Member
    edited December 2014
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    I don't have a significant other to diet with....but it doesn't matter because I've made lifestyle changes, I don't diet.

    It's actually funny how it has effected my dating life though. Besides the fact that I don't have time for it much anymore because I'm always at the gym lol - I instantly rule out guys who party a lot or constantly eat out and have horrible diets. If they aren't active I don't give them a second thought. I am living the kind of life I want to live and anyone who wants to be with me will need to follow a similar active healthy path....otherwise we really won't have much in common :)
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    I've been doing this alone for so long I really don't particularly care if he gets in on the action or not.

    I have two/three complaints.
    1.) he eats more than I do- so going out to eat is harder.
    2.) He eats like crap-meaning- it's not balanced- meat and breads/starches- no veggies.
    3.) He's absolutely the epitome of skinny fat- he's completely squishy and I absolutely detest it.

    But none of those things impact me and my path- I am on a path of being the most awesome version of me- come hell or high water.

    This awesome waits on no man. or woman. Ever.
  • DjinnMarie
    DjinnMarie Posts: 1,297 Member
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    My husband lifts as well. I do all the cooking. So when I'm on a cut, he's on a cut. I'm not cooking spaghetti for him and turkey/fish/chicken for me. He can have extra sides if he wants. (He's twice my body weight anyways). My husband and kids eat what I eat, or they can make their own meals. They are free to eat as much as they want though.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    My dh and I mostly eat the same foods but different portion sizes. Sometimes the main item is the same but I skip the side dish or have a salad instead.
  • Mediocrates55
    Mediocrates55 Posts: 326 Member
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    esjones12 wrote: »
    I don't have a significant other to diet with....but it doesn't matter because I've made lifestyle changes, I don't diet.

    It's actually funny how it has effected my dating life though. Besides the fact that I don't have time for it much anymore because I'm always at the gym lol - I instantly rule out guys who party a lot or constantly eat out and have horrible diets. If they aren't active I don't give them a second thought. I am living the kind of life I want to live and anyone who wants to be with me will need to follow a similar active healthy path....otherwise we really won't have much in common :)

    This. When I first started to gain was when I married a much older, sedentary man. Instead of running with me in the mornings, we sat and had coffee and donuts and pastries. Instead of making my own meals, we'd go out and wine and dine. Constantly at the movies, nights were spent in the bars (he was a musician and I was a tour photographer). I crashed and burned and hit the 50 pound gain wall. I lost a large portion of it when we divorced, then gained it all back when I remarried years later and got pregnant twice.

    The Man now is naturally slim and muscular. Used to drive me crazy when I was at my fattest; he was so beautiful and I felt so awful. I try hard to keep him fed well to support his physique and it's a challenge. Hopefully once I hit maintenance it will even out a bit more.
  • bainsworth1a
    bainsworth1a Posts: 313 Member
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    not helpful at all dieting together or separately. We were eating buddies. If either one of us wanted ice cream we both had ice cream. We gave each other permission to break the diet.
  • segacs
    segacs Posts: 4,599 Member
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    bainsworth1a wrote: »
    not helpful at all dieting together or separately. We were eating buddies. If either one of us wanted ice cream we both had ice cream. We gave each other permission to break the diet.

    That reminds me of my last gym buddy. Whenever either of us didn't feel like going, the other would see it as permission not to go.
  • Sydking
    Sydking Posts: 317 Member
    edited December 2014
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    Nah its a freeking hassle now, all the tears and arguments.

    I just train on my own now, and i usually cook for both of us so it dosnet bother me as i cant weigh and log all my food as i please.

    I have finally gotten her to use MFP and actually be constant. but if she stops that's her problem as its hard enough to worry about my own work, training and diet let alone someone else who dosent really care for it.

    being eating buddies was the hardest part as be both love our food.

    Still do just in moderation

    End of the day you can never force someone to do something. they need to want it.

    and at the moment i want is 10000X more :) and im getting the results i want

  • Sydking
    Sydking Posts: 317 Member
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    galprincess wrote: »
    Actually if im honest its a huge problem and the more he is eating and becoming lazy im finding him less attractive.

    This is also a big problem i find, its not even an issue of being shallow or whatever its just unattractive to see someone is lazy and no motivation to do something about it.

    There is ALOT to be said to sexual attraction in a relationship, i don't care what anyone says on it were are all human and thats life.





  • Amzing_amy
    Amzing_amy Posts: 10
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    segacs wrote: »
    I have no scientific proof of this, but if I had to venture a guess, I'd say that when (heterosexual) couples diet together, it's probably more helpful for the man and less helpful for the woman in something like 80-90% of cases.

    I know this won't be true for everyone. But in MOST cases, men are (a) heavier to begin with, (b) drop weight more quickly in absolute number of pounds and (c) less likely to be the main grocery shopper and cook of the household.

    If a man sees his wife exercising and lifting weights and eating better, and getting herself in shape, he's probably more likely to find that motivating, and to want to do the same. Partly competitive nature, partly because she'll start cooking healthier foods so he'll eat better by default.

    If, on the other hand, a woman sees her husband exercising and lifting weights and eating better and getting himself in shape, she might be more likely to see it as discouraging, particularly if he's eating way more than she is and dropping pounds much faster (as is wont to happen). She's also likely to interpret competitive encouragement ("come on, honey, if I can do this, so can you!") as criticism ("I think you're fat and not beautiful anymore and I judge you for it.")

    Which is why I bet that this works better for men than for women in a lot of cases.

    **Yes, I realize there are LOTS of generalizations and gender stereotypes here. For every generalization there are lots of exceptions. But I'm talking sweeping averages here.

    You have us to a tee! He has recently got the mfp app. He is so competitive! I'm not worried about him outdoing me though, I know my limits and I work at pushing them, not matching his. He's very encouraging, without hurting my feelings. i cook the meals too, which means we all eat what I eat. He plays football three times a week and has a very active job, by he eats way too much. Hopefully I can be a good influence on his diet and he can be a good influence on my activity level.
  • ChristineRoze
    ChristineRoze Posts: 212 Member
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    My partner and I are hopeless at dieting together, if one of us gives in the other follows hahaha.
  • lemonlionheart
    lemonlionheart Posts: 580 Member
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    Quoted in the article, in case people didn't read it:

    "We also found that among 50 overweight, romantic couples who made New Year's resolutions to lose weight, the more successful a partner was at restricting his or her diet and eating healthier, the less confident the other partner was in controlling their own food portions. Why might this be the case? Many factors contribute to why people deviate from their weight-loss goals, and the ability to regulate portion sizes is a critical piece for solving the weight-loss puzzle. When people strive to reach a goal, being close (in this case, romantically) with someone who is successfully reaching the same goal can make the other partner less confident in their own efforts to reach the goal. You heard that right: People feel less confident achieving their goals when they see others succeeding at the same goals."

    Anyone experience this in particular? I've never tried losing weight at the same time as a partner (though I did gain quite a bit with my last one, ha) but interested if this has happened with anyone here!
  • akuster0211
    akuster0211 Posts: 3 Member
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    My husband and I took up exercising and changing our diet together. I think I would have continued my change in diet/exercising even without my husband, but he has told me he would NOT have continued without me. I've heard from a coworker that her husband often 'thwarts' her by making excessive quantities of pasta and bringing home beer or pizza but is supportive of her lifestyle changes anyway.

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