Getting your spouse on board...

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christinamcdermott
christinamcdermott Posts: 7 Member
in Motivation and Support
Any advice for getting your spouse on board?
My husband could eat a lot healthier and has attempted weight loss in the past, but mainly crash diets. I would love for him to diet with me....
But really I NEED him to at least support my weight loss goals... by not buying sweets and sodas for the house.
Any advice?
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Replies

  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,576 Member
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    None. My husband is the same way. He's actually pretty good about not buying sweets but I'd love it if he'd get on a fitness and healthy eating plan with me. It would be so much easier for me to stick with if he'd also do it.

    I'm going to try and follow this thread to see if you get any responses I think will work.
  • leggup
    leggup Posts: 2,942 Member
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    You cannot make anyone else change their way of life. The best you can do is lead by example and offer to help with the cooking and grocery shopping. Ask him if he would like to join you in your exercises and pick activities you think he would enjoy that are active. "Hey honey, do you have any interest in joining a kickball league?" "I really want to talk a walk to see the sunset. Would you like to come with me?"

    You also can't really ask that he not buy sweets. You can ask that he keep them out of the way (back of the pantry), but he has every right to eat what he wants. Let him know that you're not eating X or Y anymore, so he can buy less than he did when you were eating it.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    Mental note never stop working out.

    Buy him a safe where he only has access to these treats. Yes I know how hard it can be to not eating something in the house.
  • theglencoegirl
    theglencoegirl Posts: 69 Member
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    be a great example! i have been on the site for a few yrs on and off--often "hoping" my husband would join too--and u know what--he did!!! just keep logging and doing great and one day he might just follow in ur footsteps!! he has to want to do it!!
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    live by example.

    i love to see couples naturally bring out the best in each other.
  • jasonp_ritzert
    jasonp_ritzert Posts: 357 Member
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    Be honest with him about supporting you, not joining you. Tell him you aren't expecting him to give anything up, but if they can be kept out of your sight to avoid temptation, etc that you would appreciate it on your journey to become healthier. If you set the example he may follow, he may not, be prepared for either. Offer to cook all the meals, that way you control what goes into meals and what stays out. I do this in our household and I know my wife appreciates it since we have a toddler running around. Or ask him to help cook when you are planning a healthy meal with bright colors. Also, ask him to do healthy activities you know he enjoys such as taking a walk, suggest buying bikes (if you don't already have some), taking a hike, playing a sport, etc. One key thing is don't refer to it as a diet, that sounds restrictive and turns a lot of people off. Diet is too synonymous with deprivation for a period of time before you return to what you were doing previously. It's a healthy lifestyle change and changing your diet is only part of it.

    I had kind of the opposite since I really enjoy working out and trying to eat healthier and my wife wasn't really on board right away. She didn't eat bad, we both could just stand to eat better. I never told her to go to the gym, eat more vegetables, etc. I just kept going to the gym on my own, taking more initiative in making meals, and doing the vast majority of the grocery shopping. Since then, she has starting going to the gym on a more regular basis, she completed the Couch to 5K program and even finished her first 5K on New Years Day.
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
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    christinamcdermott wrote: »
    Any advice for getting your spouse on board?
    really I NEED him to at least support my weight loss goals... by not buying sweets and sodas for the house.
    Any advice?

    no you don't. you need to have self control and not eat sweets and drink sodas and set the example.
  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,293 Member
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    If you do the cooking just cook for yourself what you want and if he wants something else have him make it. and like others said, increase your self control when he has the stuff that you don't want to eat in the house.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    You really dont NEED him on board. There are millions of single people who get fit each year and most of us have roommates that aren't on board.

    glares at roommate.
  • TR0berts
    TR0berts Posts: 7,739 Member
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    christinamcdermott wrote: »
    Any advice for getting your spouse on board?
    My husband could eat a lot healthier and has attempted weight loss in the past, but mainly crash diets. I would love for him to diet with me....
    But really I NEED him to at least support my weight loss goals... by not buying sweets and sodas for the house.
    Any advice?

    He can support your goals and eat/drink things he likes. These two things are not mutually exclusive.
  • mz107
    mz107 Posts: 16
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    yoovie wrote: »
    glares at roommate.

    AMEN! Mine eats pizza quite literally 7 nights a week.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    yoovie wrote: »
    You really dont NEED him on board. There are millions of single people who get fit each year and most of us have roommates that aren't on board.

    glares at roommate.

    LOL you should hear my roommates goals. Then see there actions on how they work toward those goals.

  • aplcr0331
    aplcr0331 Posts: 186 Member
    edited January 2015
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    As a husband who eats like a garbage can at a fast food joint and drinks enough Coke to give a horse diabetes, I can tell you that what worked for me was the happiness, pride, and joy that my wife got from eating healthy, losing weight and exercising. That and wanting to keep skateboarding with my sons.

    Hubby won't change until he's ready. I know its a cliche, but on a board full of cliche's that's one that is 100% true all the time.

    My wife's success has motivated me and she did it for herself. No nagging, no tsk-tsk'ing when I was eating Jack in the Box with a water tower sized Coke, just her own success.

    He'll come around, hopefully.

    Good luck (to both of you).
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
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    Capt_Apollo wrote: »
    christinamcdermott wrote: »
    Any advice for getting your spouse on board?
    really I NEED him to at least support my weight loss goals... by not buying sweets and sodas for the house.
    Any advice?

    no you don't. you need to have self control and not eat sweets and drink sodas and set the example.

    I kind of have to agree with this. If you depend on anyone else for support it's going to make it a lot harder. It's great when you have other people (especially your spouse) to do it with you but if you can't do it completely on your own it's going to be way harder for you to be successful!

    I lost 65 pounds over 2.5 years, and through out that time I had all of my closest friends and family do it with me at one point or another (even my husband) but they all stopped...which is totally fine, it's a personal decision, but if I would have relied on them to do it with me I wouldn't have made it that far.

    (side note- I have regained 20 pounds this year that I'm working on getting back off for good).
  • SwankyTomato
    SwankyTomato Posts: 442 Member
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    If he buys stuff for the house then have a stash box with a key that he only has. Tell him you have no power over sweets at the moment and ask for his support to keep the key away from you.

    My dh is finally on board and of course has lost 40lbs.

    Now he is on me with how I eat of course.

    Do NOT buy him any soda or treats if he asks for them. Tell him he has to buy his own stuff and stash it.

  • Rogiefreida
    Rogiefreida Posts: 567 Member
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    Another vote here to lead by example. My husband is on again off again about his fitness journey whereas I am more consistent than him but when I'm off at the gym most evenings and he sits at home before too long he will join me. As far as diet goes, I cook most of our meals. If he doesn't like what I make, he's a big boy and can get himself something else. You can't make someone change though. It just doesn't work.
  • samthepanda
    samthepanda Posts: 569 Member
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    I do more of the food shopping so I bought the treats that I knew that he liked but I didn't and didn't buy the ones we both like, so like the little chocolate bars he only got nutty and coconut ones for several weeks, til I'd got out of the habit of eating them lol!
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,780 Member
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    Capt_Apollo wrote: »
    christinamcdermott wrote: »
    Any advice for getting your spouse on board?
    really I NEED him to at least support my weight loss goals... by not buying sweets and sodas for the house.
    Any advice?

    no you don't. you need to have self control and not eat sweets and drink sodas and set the example.

    The last thing I wanted to do with my weight loss effort was disrupt what my wife ate. I mean I'm the one who got fat on my own, i shouldn't punish her for my fattiness. So I never make announcements, or requests. If I want something different to eat, I eat it. But usually, I just eat less of what is made, whether she makes it or I make it.

    This is something I need to do on my own, and the less she knows about it, the better I feel about it.

    You spouse has to want to get on board, and if he doesn't then you just have to find a way to do it on your own. Trying to make him will just start to sound like nagging to him, and then he might begin to resent you.

  • tibby531
    tibby531 Posts: 717 Member
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    I hide my sweets and treats on the top shelf of the pantry, and I keep all my quick-grab/daily foods eye-level or lower. during the week, I'm usually too busy to look for anything that doesn't fall in the first glance (the lower shelves). I seem to remember to look up on the weekends, though. ;)

    my boyfriend has expressed that he would like to lose weight. he HAAAAAAAATES my kitchen scale/portioned foods/calorie counting, though. so we're starting small by working on the "ten minute" challenge. if you finish your plate, before you jump up and get seconds, wait ten minutes, and see if you still want seconds. if you do, go for it. if not, don't.

    if you have a treat, log it. make it fit in. if you splurge at lunch, and only get a meager dinner, focus on that. and maybe next time you go to splurge, you'll stop and think about that piddly dinner, last time. will power and moderation are hard, but it gets easier with time. :)

    best of luck!!
  • Roxiegirl2008
    Roxiegirl2008 Posts: 756 Member
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    I am really lucky to have a husband that supports what I have accomplished and totally on board.

    You don't need him on board. Like others have said you can lead by example. I agree that you cook what you want and if he doesn't like it than he can cook his own meal.

    Good luck. I am sure it is really hard without support.

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