The not-so-subtle 'fat' comments
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rossinator63 wrote: »Tell them they are rude (they are), and walk away. If you didn't ask their opinion, then you don't have to take their rudeness. It is not intended to motivate you, it is intended to make them feel better about themselves at your expense.
Not so sure about "rude" in the case of misplaced pregnancy questions.
If you look pregnant, people will want to celebrate with you and the questions will come.
People are just trying to be supportive and excited about a baby.
Ew, a stranger's baby???? I will never understand why people think that a woman's body is public property like that. To me, it's supremely invasive to the point of being disgusting.
Have you been pregnant? Most of the time people are very sweet. It's usually older women and they're genuinely happy for you! There are some people who are more obnoxious about it, but not many.
I was pleased to see people so excited about a new baby -- even strangers. It seemed like a sign that there is still hope for our society.
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rossinator63 wrote: »Tell them they are rude (they are), and walk away. If you didn't ask their opinion, then you don't have to take their rudeness. It is not intended to motivate you, it is intended to make them feel better about themselves at your expense.
Not so sure about "rude" in the case of misplaced pregnancy questions.
If you look pregnant, people will want to celebrate with you and the questions will come.
People are just trying to be supportive and excited about a baby.
Ew, a stranger's baby???? I will never understand why people think that a woman's body is public property like that. To me, it's supremely invasive to the point of being disgusting.
Yes! I feel like, even though I get called fat occasionally, I'm sure it isn't even close to 1/10th as often as heavy women are called fat. And, as someone else pointed out, if a woman is skinny, they get called out for being skinny instead. I believe you are right... men don't hear this as much, but society in general feels comfortable pointing out women's flaws because society in general feels like women have an obligation to make themselves look perfect for the rest of society.0 -
midwesterner85 wrote: »rossinator63 wrote: »Tell them they are rude (they are), and walk away. If you didn't ask their opinion, then you don't have to take their rudeness. It is not intended to motivate you, it is intended to make them feel better about themselves at your expense.
Not so sure about "rude" in the case of misplaced pregnancy questions.
If you look pregnant, people will want to celebrate with you and the questions will come.
People are just trying to be supportive and excited about a baby.
Ew, a stranger's baby???? I will never understand why people think that a woman's body is public property like that. To me, it's supremely invasive to the point of being disgusting.
Yes! I feel like, even though I get called fat occasionally, I'm sure it isn't even close to 1/10th as often as heavy women are called fat. And, as someone else pointed out, if a woman is skinny, they get called out for being skinny instead. I believe you are right... men don't hear this as much, but society in general feels comfortable pointing out women's flaws because society in general feels like women have an obligation to make themselves look perfect for the rest of society.
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Seriously an audience just went berserk in my head while reading this.0 -
rossinator63 wrote: »Tell them they are rude (they are), and walk away. If you didn't ask their opinion, then you don't have to take their rudeness. It is not intended to motivate you, it is intended to make them feel better about themselves at your expense.
Not so sure about "rude" in the case of misplaced pregnancy questions.
If you look pregnant, people will want to celebrate with you and the questions will come.
People are just trying to be supportive and excited about a baby.
If you don't know the person -- ie: complete stranger -- shut your mouth.
If it is a co-worker ASK someone before opening your mouth (there was a girl I worked with who I didn't know if she was pregnant or just gained weight so instead of approaching her and saying "CONGRATS!" I asked someone. Turns out she was indeed pregnant).
If it is someone you know, well obviously you'd know whether or not they were pregnant.
Rule of thumb: When in doubt: SHUT YOUR MOUTH.
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I've always wanted someone to ask me if I'm pregnant so I could use the following:
"Yes... I'm pregnant with a baby elephant. Want to see it's trunk?"0 -
Meh, just find something about them and insult them back
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I don't know - to me truth is truth. If it's not meant in a mean way then it's our own dang fault if we take offense.
For instance, if I saw two people in the same clothes and one was an Asian woman and one was black would I be wrong to identify one as 'Asian' and other as black?
If one was heavy and the other was thin, why would it be considered insensitive to use the most obvious distinguisher to identify one from the other? If I'm with a young brunette mom who is thin but otherwise we look alike, then for someone to call me the older mom (I have grey hair) or the heavier mom is not a big deal to me. It's truth.
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I started my weight loss journey a year ago and sometime in June 2014 I found I was losing motivation. Well there was an incident where I had a couple of "friends" who were and still are dating and they got into a huge fight at my house. I sent them to bed because they were a bit tipsy and the male came into my room to try and perform sexual activities with me. I tried kicking him out causing a scene in front of his girlfriend (who had been sleeping through it all) and all he said to her was "She's lying, why would I want to f**k her, she's fat as f**k?!?!?" At that point I grabbed him by his neck and threw him out of my apartment - never spoke to either of them again. That was a *kitten* situation but it pushed me to keeping going hard and I have steadily lost weight since (minus Christmas.)
Just felt like this story was worth putting in this thread. It was a *kitten* situation and sucked, but I turned it into a positive outcome 0 -
I find it a little sad and frustrating that when people in an argument with a heavy set person, the first thing they bring up is their weight. Oh we are breaking up? Well yeah you are fat. Oh you don't agree with my political views? Yeah well you are fat. It is so immature. Like that is the ONLY way to argue? Because they know that is where it hurts most.
And it annoys me that it seems like strangers think they have this right to bad mouth heavy people. Anywhere, any time around anyone. Heavy people have targets on them no matter where they go. Is it really any surprise so many become hermits and rarely leave the house?0 -
I started my weight loss journey a year ago and sometime in June 2014 I found I was losing motivation. Well there was an incident where I had a couple of "friends" who were and still are dating and they got into a huge fight at my house. I sent them to bed because they were a bit tipsy and the male came into my room to try and perform sexual activities with me. I tried kicking him out causing a scene in front of his girlfriend (who had been sleeping through it all) and all he said to her was "She's lying, why would I want to f**k her, she's fat as f**k?!?!?" At that point I grabbed him by his neck and threw him out of my apartment - never spoke to either of them again. That was a *kitten* situation but it pushed me to keeping going hard and I have steadily lost weight since (minus Christmas.)
Just felt like this story was worth putting in this thread. It was a *kitten* situation and sucked, but I turned it into a positive outcome
(O_O) ... Oh. My. Gosh. I am so incredibly sorry that you had to go through all of that. That was by far the most intense story I've heard so far today. Truly, I am so sorry.0 -
True story, In 7th grade I had a male TEACHER ask me why I'd wear a skirt with "legs like that". I don't think I ever wore that ruffled denim skirt again...hmmm...perhaps that's not a bad thing?
Some people suck, other's are AWESOME...like you seem to be. Surround yourself with awesome people and the ignorant fools that come by now and again won't hurt so much because you'll know your self worth isn't in your size. Chin up doll!0 -
MsBrandylove wrote: »True story, In 7th grade I had a male TEACHER ask me why I'd wear a skirt with "legs like that". I don't think I ever wore that ruffled denim skirt again...hmmm...perhaps that's not a bad thing?
Some people suck, other's are AWESOME...like you seem to be. Surround yourself with awesome people and the ignorant fools that come by now and again won't hurt so much because you'll know your self worth isn't in your size. Chin up doll!
Awww, count yourself utterly AWESOME as well!!! ^_^0 -
I wish someone had been more direct with me. People don't want to hurt your feelings, but if they had maybe I would've done something sooner.
My mother lost weight recently, but started to put it back on (16lbs). I asked her...
"do you really want to gain the weight back?"
"is the food worth the weight, the misery?"
My sister said it I nasty and shouldn't have said anything. I replied, "whose really the nasty person here? Me, trying to get her back on the wagon, or you, silently watching her gain another 50lbs?"0 -
ellisboyd1 wrote: »I wish someone had been more direct with me. People don't want to hurt your feelings, but if they had maybe I would've done something sooner.
My mother lost weight recently, but started to put it back on (16lbs). I asked her...
"do you really want to gain the weight back?"
"is the food worth the weight, the misery?"
My sister said it I nasty and shouldn't have said anything. I replied, "whose really the nasty person here? Me, trying to get her back on the wagon, or you, silently watching her gain another 50lbs?"
^^^ this0 -
ellisboyd1 wrote: »I wish someone had been more direct with me. People don't want to hurt your feelings, but if they had maybe I would've done something sooner.
My mother lost weight recently, but started to put it back on (16lbs). I asked her...
"do you really want to gain the weight back?"
"is the food worth the weight, the misery?"
My sister said it I nasty and shouldn't have said anything. I replied, "whose really the nasty person here? Me, trying to get her back on the wagon, or you, silently watching her gain another 50lbs?"
Hmmm, that's a very good point. The lesser of two evils, so to speak.0 -
I had a customer ask me when I was due. And when I told her I wasn't pregnant she was genuinely horrified, and kept apologizing. I waved it off. But my skinny coworker got some sick satisfaction out of it, and was like "omg, if someone said that to me I would die!" and I responded "why? I know what size I am." She shut up b/c she say that it really didn't bother me.
I'm glad I don't work with her (or at that place) anymore. She had jealousy issues with me (and with women in general).0 -
MsBrandylove wrote: »True story, In 7th grade I had a male TEACHER ask me why I'd wear a skirt with "legs like that". I don't think I ever wore that ruffled denim skirt again...hmmm...perhaps that's not a bad thing?
Some people suck, other's are AWESOME...like you seem to be. Surround yourself with awesome people and the ignorant fools that come by now and again won't hurt so much because you'll know your self worth isn't in your size. Chin up doll!
He needs to be glad you didn't report him. That's borderline sexual harassment.
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You are not alone!
I have been called all sorts of names or at least been referred to as someone with "more to love".
One summer I was meeting the wife of my husband's boss and the first thing she says to me is "Wow those are huge! (Referring to my breasts) They must hurt your back!"
Nothing works me up more than having someone I barely know tell me how large I am. The comment that hurt me the most was right before my wedding when a close friend and coworker told me I was crazy to even look for wedding dresses because I was too fat.
I've realized that some people have no filter and others are just cruel. I've also learned to use it to motivate me to stay on track and to leave those types of people out of my life.0 -
xkitxkatxkaix wrote: »This is going to sound kind of weird, but has anyone else felt an odd sense of motivation when you received the "So when are you due?'' (knowing damn well you're not) comment?
Recently I got that, then I got the "Oh the bigger girl helped me last time" whilst talking with a customer, then I got a cheeky "/You/ need to go to a gym" comment (this was with friendly banter but it still got me a bit) and an accidental "chunky". I'm completely fed up with this and instead of mentally throat punching people like I have been I'm just going to start kicking my own *kitten* now. Don't get me wrong, in no way am I okay with any of this and /may/ have had a couple mental breakdowns because I got so down on myself. But I'm just tired of it.
Am I weird in allowing that stuff to light a fire under me or are there others out there?
Nope, I'm totally with you. Read my profile - at Christmas dinner my grandma (who I don't think really had any ill intentions) argued with me about whether or not I was pregnant... Now I'm here!0 -
I used to get referred to as "the short fat one" when I worked as a receptionist.
I've been asked when I was due by a few people. My normal response is, nope not pregnant - just fat. Most people are horrified after that.
- Although I did have one patient suggest that perhaps I should do something about my weight so others don't make the same mistake of thinking in pregnant...
- I suggested she do something about her lack of tactics. Mainly by pulling her head out of her *kitten* and pay for my gym fees and babysitting services so I can lose weight...
- Needless to say that I lost my job that day...
It was worth it0
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