The not-so-subtle 'fat' comments
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midwesterner85 wrote: »rossinator63 wrote: »Tell them they are rude (they are), and walk away. If you didn't ask their opinion, then you don't have to take their rudeness. It is not intended to motivate you, it is intended to make them feel better about themselves at your expense.
Not so sure about "rude" in the case of misplaced pregnancy questions.
If you look pregnant, people will want to celebrate with you and the questions will come.
People are just trying to be supportive and excited about a baby.
Ew, a stranger's baby???? I will never understand why people think that a woman's body is public property like that. To me, it's supremely invasive to the point of being disgusting.
Yes! I feel like, even though I get called fat occasionally, I'm sure it isn't even close to 1/10th as often as heavy women are called fat. And, as someone else pointed out, if a woman is skinny, they get called out for being skinny instead. I believe you are right... men don't hear this as much, but society in general feels comfortable pointing out women's flaws because society in general feels like women have an obligation to make themselves look perfect for the rest of society.
To look perfect AND breed constantly...at the same time!
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lizzie6580 wrote: »I usually call people out on their comments when they make them. I will say something in sarcastic tone like "gee, thanks, that makes me feel great" or "Wow, that was nice" or "thanks for the nice compliment." Usually the person who just made the comment feels bad and apologizes for what they said. I think people say things without thinking, and I like to make them think. ;-) I probably shouldn't get that upset, but I do. I don't know if it motivates me to lose weight, but it sure does make me feel like crap.
I totally agree with you, i tend to lose it and make the same statements. Its like damn, i have to look at myself everyday, i notice you dumb *kitten*...Sometimes i say "just because your skinny doesn't mean your in shape" or "your brain is light weight because you didn't think at all." I am sarcastic and i try to make them feel the same thing i felt when they made such an obvious statement.
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You are not alone!
I have been called all sorts of names or at least been referred to as someone with "more to love".
One summer I was meeting the wife of my husband's boss and the first thing she says to me is "Wow those are huge! (Referring to my breasts) They must hurt your back!"
Nothing works me up more than having someone I barely know tell me how large I am. The comment that hurt me the most was right before my wedding when a close friend and coworker told me I was crazy to even look for wedding dresses because I was too fat.
I've realized that some people have no filter and others are just cruel. I've also learned to use it to motivate me to stay on track and to leave those types of people out of my life.
What?!?!? Why on earth would anyone, especially a friend, say something like that?! I am so so sorry about that. No one should hear stuff like that.
I used to work in a Bridal shop and it amazed me how people had no filter. There was one consultant (none of us figured out who, we found this on a yelp review) that a bride was saying she wanted a smaller size because she was planning on losing about 15 more pounds. I say good on her, she made a smart move because alterations can be a pain to pay for. Her consultant apparently said to her "No you wont, you know you'll be diving for those hamburgers sooner then later."
...wut.0 -
karen_fitzgibbon wrote: »I used to get referred to as "the short fat one" when I worked as a receptionist.
I've been asked when I was due by a few people. My normal response is, nope not pregnant - just fat. Most people are horrified after that.
- Although I did have one patient suggest that perhaps I should do something about my weight so others don't make the same mistake of thinking in pregnant...
- I suggested she do something about her lack of tactics. Mainly by pulling her head out of her *kitten* and pay for my gym fees and babysitting services so I can lose weight...
- Needless to say that I lost my job that day...
It was worth it
Haha fair play I would react the same way, ever considered filing for unfair dismissal0 -
One of the nice things about working at a large university is that these kind of comments (at least at work) have serious repercussions for the commenter. If anyone was to say anything about my appearance, complimentary or otherwise (be it about my weight, age, reproductive status, hairstyle, clothes, etc) the room will go quiet and everyone will get uneasy. Later I will be approached by the commenter and they will apologise personally. This may seem over the top, but they know that if I refer the issue as a complaint with HR they will have to go to some painful remedial class about appropriate workplace interactions or worse.
For the record, I've never made any complaints.
Also for the record... what sort of idiot asks when you're due?! Unless someone tells you they're pregnant or they are actually GIVING BIRTH... make the assumption that there's nothing to comment on.0 -
xkitxkatxkaix wrote: »I started my weight loss journey a year ago and sometime in June 2014 I found I was losing motivation. Well there was an incident where I had a couple of "friends" who were and still are dating and they got into a huge fight at my house. I sent them to bed because they were a bit tipsy and the male came into my room to try and perform sexual activities with me. I tried kicking him out causing a scene in front of his girlfriend (who had been sleeping through it all) and all he said to her was "She's lying, why would I want to f**k her, she's fat as f**k?!?!?" At that point I grabbed him by his neck and threw him out of my apartment - never spoke to either of them again. That was a *kitten* situation but it pushed me to keeping going hard and I have steadily lost weight since (minus Christmas.)
Just felt like this story was worth putting in this thread. It was a *kitten* situation and sucked, but I turned it into a positive outcome
(O_O) ... Oh. My. Gosh. I am so incredibly sorry that you had to go through all of that. That was by far the most intense story I've heard so far today. Truly, I am so sorry.
It was pretty ridiculous and messed up (what did he think he would get away with it?)
But I have lots I think almost 30 pounds since then 0 -
Seriously? Someone can get in trouble for saying, "I like your shirt"?fluffyasacat wrote:One of the nice things about working at a large university is that these kind of comments (at least at work) have serious repercussions for the commenter. If anyone was to say anything about my appearance, complimentary or otherwise (be it about my weight, age, reproductive status, hairstyle, clothes, etc.) the room will go quiet and everyone will get uneasy. Later I will be approached by the commenter and they will apologise personally.
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I will never understand why people think that a woman's body is public property like that.midwesterner85 wrote:society in general feels comfortable pointing out women's flaws because society in general feels like women have an obligation to make themselves look perfect for the rest of society.
QFT
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I was giving a five year old a manicure and she said she liked marshmallows, followed by "you remind me of a marshmallow!" Of course, I asked why and she said "Because marshmallows are fat." I was already starting to use MFP and working out, so it kicked in a bit more as motivation, not depression. She wasn't trying to tell me I was gross, insult me or say that I needed to do something about it. She was just telling me what she saw.0
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Generally I've been collecting positive comments about my weight loss, and generally people were smart enough not to comment when I was heavy. My weight and what I chose to do about it was between me and my doctor. I'm happy to talk about what I've been doing in the past year with good people. From the roll of the eyes the usual office idiots I can tell, likely think I could have lost weight "on my own". But really, isn't experience the better teacher? The best revenge is a life well lived.0
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People are jerks.
That being said, I totally get what you're saying OP. Tell me I can't do something and then get out of my way because I will do anything to prove you wrong I like your attitude! 0 -
Didn't read all the comments but, man, how rude!!! Don't let it get to you. I have learned that sometimes people say things and don't give it a second thought. Meanwhile, the target is devastated for hours, days or even years. One of my young cousins had a friend that used to tell her "Brit, you are cool and all but you know I don't like big girls. I prefer skinny girls like your friend Tiffany". Why in heaven's name would somebody say that to someone?
I think it's best to take the high road and steer clear of people who are so clueless they would say hurtful and ignorant things. I agree you can use it for motivation, though. I know that would drive me like nobody's business, lol!0 -
fluffyasacat wrote: »Also for the record... what sort of idiot asks when you're due?! Unless someone tells you they're pregnant or they are actually GIVING BIRTH... make the assumption that there's nothing to comment on.
A friend of mine (who was not overweight, not that it would matter) was once asked this at the end of an interview, by someone she was interviewing! When my friend said "I'm not pregnant," the interviewee awkwardly said "oh, you must get that all the time, I know I do." Heh.
Kind of her to save my friend's employer from any possibility of what almost certainly would have been a bad hiring decision.0 -
Well no I've never been asked when I was due by a stranger, which is odd seeing as I am 8 months pregnant. People do not say anything about my stomach unless they find a way to ask without directly asking. Like when I'm at the store buying baby things they are like 'Oh who is this for?' It's a little bizarre, even when I am wearing obviously maternity clothing. Only people that have a medical form in hand, or after I volunteered that I am expecting have asked me when I was due. It makes me wonder how I look to others.
For the past 2 months I have had horrible pelvic pain, every time I take a step it feels like I am being punched in the crotch. So by the time I make the walk from the overflow parking lot to the locker room at the gym I feel really slumpy and tired. I walked into the locker room a few days ago to get changed and this old woman was standing there talking to another old woman. I avoid eye contact with her and go into the changing stall to put on my swimsuit. She tells me through the stall that I 'shouldn't be ashamed, everyone has to start somewhere.' (I've been going to that branch 5-6 days a week for nearly a year, and I've never seen her there but whatever.) When I come out of the stall she asked me about my flippers. I decided to respond to her in hopes she would leave me alone, she interrupts me to say "Oh you will be so pretty." I decided to ask her if she did aquarobics so she would talk about herself instead. She informs me that she is a lap swimmer, and faster than some of the guys without using flippers.
It took me a good 20 minutes of swimming before I could shrug off her little 'pep talk' I lap swim to keep my blood pressure down, so I was mostly annoyed at her for making me waste some of the precious little energy I have these days. I've been having trouble sleeping and I really feel too exhausted to be swimming most days but I try to do it anyway.
Sorry old lady, you don't know me and you don't know how far I've come or how I feel about myself. I'm so sore and swollen that I just want to spend the remaining weeks in bed, it's harder each day for me to go back and swim. I don't need to be told it will get easier (if I stick with it, I've stuck with it for 3 years already), it's not going to get easier for me until I have this baby.
I am totally afraid that people will start asking me when I'm due after I have the baby though. It's still pretty insulting that people assume I'm this 'fat' and out of shape. I'm glad it's almost over, I have never had so many backhanded 'Oh the weight will come off' comments from people. I know the weight will come off, I just don't want it to while I'm pregnant.0 -
I started my weight loss journey a year ago and sometime in June 2014 I found I was losing motivation. Well there was an incident where I had a couple of "friends" who were and still are dating and they got into a huge fight at my house. I sent them to bed because they were a bit tipsy and the male came into my room to try and perform sexual activities with me. I tried kicking him out causing a scene in front of his girlfriend (who had been sleeping through it all) and all he said to her was "She's lying, why would I want to f**k her, she's fat as f**k?!?!?" At that point I grabbed him by his neck and threw him out of my apartment - never spoke to either of them again. That was a *kitten* situation but it pushed me to keeping going hard and I have steadily lost weight since (minus Christmas.)
Just felt like this story was worth putting in this thread. It was a *kitten* situation and sucked, but I turned it into a positive outcome
I am so glad you got rid of those people! No one deserves to be treated that way EVER, no matter what size they are.
One of the hardest things is to try and make a horrible situation positive, I'd say you've done well Keep standing up for yourself too!
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I think my problem is exactly the opposite. People are always saying really obnoxious things like, "you look healthy" or "you're not fat, you're just curvy" or "you're just tall". It really pisses me off. I feel like everybody just wants me to be overweight forever. >:o
Oh my gosh YES to this.
20+ years of "Nooooo not you, you do NOT need to lose weight...you are tall! And you are perfectly proportioned!!!!!"
Honestly I think that kind of worked on me for a very long time, though - LOL. I believed that for years, until I started really *seeing* my own candid photos. There are probably some gorgeous women who can look great in size 22 and are very "well proportioned", but I definitely was NOT one of them...
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ChapinaGrande wrote: »Nobody has ever asked me if I was pregnant, but when they do, I'm prepared. Here is how it will go.
S/He will say, "Are you pregnant? When are you due?" Then I'll say, "Nine months from tonight!" And then I'll thrust my hips forward while giving a double fist pump. I'll probably bite my lower lip, too.
Can't wait.
As I was reading your post, specifically the "Nice months from tonight!" I totally bit my lower lip and imagined doing this to someone rude enough to comment on my weight. And laughed out loud in the office when I read that you'd probably bite your lower lip.0 -
Seriously? Someone can get in trouble for saying, "I like your shirt"?fluffyasacat wrote:One of the nice things about working at a large university is that these kind of comments (at least at work) have serious repercussions for the commenter. If anyone was to say anything about my appearance, complimentary or otherwise (be it about my weight, age, reproductive status, hairstyle, clothes, etc.) the room will go quiet and everyone will get uneasy. Later I will be approached by the commenter and they will apologise personally.
Yeah them's the rules. Obviously.0 -
rossinator63 wrote: »Tell them they are rude (they are), and walk away. If you didn't ask their opinion, then you don't have to take their rudeness. It is not intended to motivate you, it is intended to make them feel better about themselves at your expense.
THIS.
The last time I got the "When are you due?" I replied "Actually, my water just broke. When did you get the hairpiece?" It made one of my co-workers laugh so hard she snorted.
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It could be worse. My fiance received comments from a couple of friends, and his Dad over Christmas that were SO blunt: "God! You've got fat, haven't you?!".
Poor guy. He tried not to show his hurt feelings, but I could see it in his face
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