Did people calling you fat or negative comments help you lose weight?
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No.
latching on to negative comments too tightly makes comments your focus.
I focus on work.
Not results.
Not other people's results.
Not other people's comments.
Not other people's lack of comments.
Not on progress.
Not on lack of progress.
On work.
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No because the ignorant comments from ignorant people are worth the price I paid for them.0
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MarziPanda95 wrote: »Nope. It made me hate them. Me wanting to do it made me lose weight.
(Deliberate bad grammar there, I promise...literary license and all that...)
True story:
My brother-in-law's girlfriend, who is oddly prematurely aged but very thin (she has a model-shaped body underneath a sharpei exterior), seizure-texted me, text after text, one day this summer. She went on and on about how I could "save" my son (he is autistic) via various Dr. Mercola methods. She was trying to get me to listen to a podcast.
We were on vacation while she was doing this, and were on our way out the door. I had spoken to this woman three times, by the way. Yes, seriously, exactly three times. She didn't even start out her text with "This is M." I had to figure it out myself after the first three or four hyper texts right in a row. I even asked, "Is this M?" She didn't even answer me, just kept bulleting these texts at me about how I could "get my son back" (how weird...I thought he was right here).
I texted her that we were going out, but that I would listen to the podcast the following day. This seemed to anger her, and she freak-out texted me that it had to be THAT DAY, or else the podcast would be $50. I politely answered her that I would therefore be unable to listen, but would Google reviews of it as surely other people were listening to it.
That's when she started the serious abuse. She told me I was poisoning and killing my son and so on. I texted her, "M, we are still friends, but you have crossed a line. Please stop texting me about this issue. I will see you the next time we all meet up."
She answered me that everyone in the family says that the only thing my son will eat is GMO-wheat mac and cheese (um, what?), that she has seen how he eats (I reminded her that I WAS NOT THE ONE bringing "bad" foods to the gatherings and that he typically doesn't get those items), she accused me of never bringing food to gatherings (again, erm, what? This woman had been to THREE of them...all of which I had brought HEALTHY choices to, just as I have for the past 12 years of family gatherings, hello, I'm the one who is actually a part of this family), that if I were telling the truth, "You'd be thin, but you're obviously not," and that "the truth hurts" and I "shouldn't shoot the messenger."
I had to actually call my brother-in-law to ask him to shut her up. I couldn't even clear out my box of her texts (maybe 10-14 of them in a 5-minute period?) because I'd go to delete and I'd be interrupted with a popup announcing another one. She texted me that she was "deleting" me (we had NEVER texted nor called before this, um???), but on my birthday, sent this "apology": "I am sorry that you felt you needed to shoot the messenger, but I wish you a happy birthday."
I have seen her only once since then and didn't say a word to her. She is an absolute freak. I don't need that, and no, her "input" did not encourage me to lose weight...particularly not using her methods, because whatever she's doing, it looks like it involves meth. She is seriously haggard, is more skin-aged than my mother-in-law who is in her 70s, trembly, strange and obviously filled with anxiety and anger. Nope. Don't want what you're selling, lady.
When I was 10, I did let people calling me "fat" (I was 5'1" and 120 lbs.) influence me. Today? Fark that. I decided to lose weight because I DECIDED. Nothing anyone has ever said to me about it has influenced me one way or the other, because I am a grownup.
Crikey! She sounds totally insane! Good on you for not letting such childish and rude behaviour get to you.
Yeah she sounds BAT *kitten* crazy!0 -
An insult is an insult, so no. Someone telling me or indirectly telling me that I am "fat" does not help me. Honestly, there is no "nice" way to tell a person that he or she may be overweight. I think what bothers me more is how people treat me or look at me, or flat out ignore me when I am out in public because my weight bothers them. For instance, when I am out shopping or at a restaurant, I am the least likely to be helped first or I am flat-out avoided. Which often leads me to chasing the server or associate around the store, and waiting longer than I had planned to. Of course, they always say, "Oh, I am sorry that you had to wait so long...blah blah blah". Excuses. Excuses are excuses. You know you damn right you knew I was there and saw me. We all know that this has happened to us. People just treat you differently when you are "fat". They do. There is no denying it. The pretty skinny people are always assisted first and the fat & ugly people have to wait, and wait. This was something I had to adjust to and did NOT adjust easily, because I know what it is like to be skinny & fat. Its not punishment, its just the reality of society.0
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Both negative and positive reinforcement can be useful. But the negative stuff is trickier, because people vary in their sensitivity and if it's too aggressive there can be lots of "side effects". Resulting in a psychological net-loss, so to speak.
When I was a fat kid for a while in my early teens, I got some pretty harsh comments from some kids in school. That stuff stung a bit, but it did wake me up to what I'd been ignoring (stuffing my face with ice cream & cookies every day after school).0 -
My father and his friends used to call me "whale woman" when I was a kid. Seriously. It didn't help. And I'm sure it's totally contributed to my weight issues and yo-yo dieting throughout life.0
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No, it was not helpful. It made me want to punch them in the face. Who the hell are they to judge me?0
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No, negative comments have not spurred me on to lose weight.
I decided to lose weight without anyone being mean to me. I was tired of not being able to do things I wanted to do. I did not want a future where I was unable to walk a few blocks, stuck in a chair or sick because of my weight. I want to live a full, healthy, active life. I deserve to live such a life.0 -
No, it doesn't motivate me at all. I'm stubborn, so it is more likely to make me want to stay fat just to prove that I don't have to conform to someone else's idea of what I should look like. On the other side of the coin, I also have no use for compliments or empty platitudes. It doesn't make me mad when someone compliments me, but it doesn't motivate me either. I guess I'm a realist -- I know what I look like and I know what the health effects are. I will change for myself for my own reasons and I don't have any use for input from others either way.
That said, I do think that negative comments did affect me when I was young and less sure of myself. They made me afraid to exercise or change my eating habits because I was afraid of being made fun of for "trying to be skinny." At one point in grade school I was afraid to be seen walking because both kids and adults had made fun of me for walking to school one day. It did have an ugly impact on my self esteem until I got to college and sort of "found myself" and came to the realization that I don't need to organize my life to please others and that there is no reason on this earth that I should care what random strangers think of me since I don't even know them. Why would their opinions deserve respect if they can't even be bothered to get to know me before passing judgment? It opened up a whole new world to me -- mainly one of stubbornness.
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One of my colleagues at work keeps doing sly fat jokes at me.. daily. Normally I don't mind them and they make me want to go to the gym to prove to myself I'm not unhealthy.
Last week I said I was doing C25K and she said she didn't realise people like me could run. Then she started saying about how she can't stand the gym because fat people go to sweat and thin people go to look at them selves in the mirrors. Then went on to say she doesn't like when people wear gym attire and put headphones in.
I've worked with her for 18 months and I'm used to all the comments, but sometimes they do motivate me more, but they're not why I've changed my lifestyle, I'm doing that for myself spite what everyone else thinks of it.0 -
I just read this article yesterday and it looks like studies show that positivity is more beneficial in the long run when it comes to weight loss. There are certainly those that are motivated by the negative comments or tough love but, unless you know that about a person, err on the side of being positive
"By the end of the study, those who were initially concerned about their weight but had received mainly positive messages -- like, "You look great just as you are" -- generally maintained or even lost weight. Those who had the same initial concerns but were told by their loved ones to try to reach their fitness goals and lose weight actually gained an average of four pounds during those months."
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/12/telling-people-lose-weight_n_6430994.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg000000630 -
Then she started saying about how she can't stand the gym because fat people go to sweat and thin people go to look at them selves in the mirrors. Then went on to say she doesn't like when people wear gym attire and put headphones in.
Okay, so in other words, she doesn't like anybody.
I think this explains a lot, don't you?
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Lourdesong wrote: »Nobody has ever bullied or been mean to me about my weight in my life, really. Closest thing was my dad expressing somewhat stern concern several times about my escalating weight in high school.
I don't know what kind of environment people live in where they find themselves tormented by random strangers, peers, and acquaintances for their weight. I'd probably be mortified and stunned.
Yes, I have been thinking this very thing as I read these comments.
Similarly, my dad said something to me about my bulk in the 7th grade. I'll never forget it. He took a picture of me at a swim meet without my knowledge and later showed it to me (in private, thankfully) and said it was time for me to look and act "like a young lady." Mortifying. Also, that same year the school football coach (also the swim team coach) commented (publicly, damn him) that he wished I were allowed to try out for his football team.
I'm astonished that so many people have had strangers comment to them about their appearance. I must lead a sheltered life. The only way I can imagine a friend or family member lying by saying I'm not that fat, or something, is if I asked them, which seems like an unfair question.
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But that's what I am saying. I lost weight because I wanted to. Negative comments didn't change that, but it did help initially spur me on. I am now in a professional sports team and I am the fittest I have ever been. And I am happier with myself, but from the straw poll here, it seems that not everyone turns the neg into a positive in this sense.0
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Last week I said I was doing C25K and she said she didn't realise people like me could run. Then she started saying about how she can't stand the gym because fat people go to sweat and thin people go to look at them selves in the mirrors. Then went on to say she doesn't like when people wear gym attire and put headphones in.
Unbelievable! And what does she propose people wear or do at the gym? Ball gown and bring their own orchestra?
You're a saint for dealing with them with such equanimity.
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No, it doesn't help. I am doing this because I have chosen to, because I want to.
I would never give other people that much power.0 -
Then she started saying about how she can't stand the gym because fat people go to sweat and thin people go to look at them selves in the mirrors. Then went on to say she doesn't like when people wear gym attire and put headphones in.
Okay, so in other words, she doesn't like anybody.
I think this explains a lot, don't you?
Thats pretty much how I've learnt to ignore the comments. At first they were a shock. Now I'm just used to them. Which is wrong, I've told her several times they ca be hurtful to some people.oedipa_maas wrote: »Last week I said I was doing C25K and she said she didn't realise people like me could run. Then she started saying about how she can't stand the gym because fat people go to sweat and thin people go to look at them selves in the mirrors. Then went on to say she doesn't like when people wear gym attire and put headphones in.
Unbelievable! And what does she propose people wear or do at the gym? Ball gown and bring their own orchestra?
You're a saint for dealing with them with such equanimity.
You just wrote exactly what I said. Along with "I must be one of them then"0 -
I hadn't heard about the celeb's who had said things. Any more, I pretty much ignore the people who have obviously never had to struggle with their weight. It's more a thing of: they have absolutely no idea how obese people got that way, or what it takes to lose the weight or go through that sort of struggle.
Now my parents and family were another matter. They said stuff to me all the time that really damaged my self-esteem. None of my friends ever said anything, and my family wondered why I was nicer to my friends than I was to them (my family).
Yes, obesity seems to be at epidemic proportions. Yes, "something" needs to be done about it, but not by anybody who is a "size one civilian". Whatever "something" needs to be done is when the person who is overweight decides it's time for him/her to do something about it and go forth from there.
People who think that obesity can be helped by banning a certain size of soda drink are just plain incompetent and ignorant. I think it is unbelievable that people can sue the tobacco industry for making products that cause cancer, and likewise that it's insane to put stipulations/taxes on those who make/sell food.
It's not the food preparers/sellers that make people fat/overweight/obese. More often than not, there are a lot of factors (and usually a combination of those factors) involved that lead to someone becoming overweight.
Instead of looking at the food industry and declaring some sort of taxation or prohibition, it would be nice to see programs developed for people who are overweight. Just like when you find out your diabetic, you see someone who knows about diabetes, and they send you to a nutritionist, you get a glucometer, you check in with the doctor on a periodic basis regarding your blood sugars, yadda yadda yadda.
If someone is interested in losing weight, set them up with a bariatric doctor, get set up to check in once a month with a bariatric dietician, decide if some form of surgery would help and which one would be most helpful based on the circumstances, get set up to go see a therapist, log your food intake, find a support group, yadda yadda yadda.
Sorry for the novel....just my "5 cents worth"...0 -
Lourdesong wrote: »Nobody has ever bullied or been mean to me about my weight in my life, really. Closest thing was my dad expressing somewhat stern concern several times about my escalating weight in high school.
I don't know what kind of environment people live in where they find themselves tormented by random strangers, peers, and acquaintances for their weight. I'd probably be mortified and stunned.
Dunno...(shrug) Los Angeles suburbs, primarily white-collar middle to upper tier environment here; I'm not sure the "environment" has had anything to do with the comments I personally mentioned, but perhaps others will chime in with their regional particulars.
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