I cried today...I need all the help I can get!

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Look_at_me
Look_at_me Posts: 8 Member
edited January 2015 in Introduce Yourself
I was attractive once. I felt beautiful and sexy. Not right now. I let myself go and there is nobody else to blame than me. I am only 51 years old and feel like my life is over. I cried when I took the pictures today. People cry on funerals, so I guess it's alright. I buried the old me today.

My husband, who loves me unconditionally, is on a business trip. I went to my doctor first thing in the morning. Got my blood results, went on the scale (243.5 / 5'8) and before he could give me a speech I told him to "zip it". I told him what I am going to do and I have his approval.

Look at me...look at my picture. I did that to myself. You see the dog in the pic. I can't walk her right now. I don't have the energy to carry myself and all that extra weight around. I bought a treadmill today. It is going to be delivered tomorrow. I WILL walk on that thing. I will start slowly, but will walk 1 mile every day...even if it will take hours.

I want to have a healthy weight and I will do everything that I can, to make it happen. Food is not my friend. I used food to cover up my emotions. I feel lonely. We just moved here one year ago and I haven't made any friends yet. So I ate, food became my best friend. Chocolate, carbs, bread, butter. I love to cook, eat during cooking. Then I sit in my chair and read or watch TV. Drink too much wine to numb myself more. It's not that I need it. I don't even know why I do it. Did it make me feel good? Not really. I felt always guilty, but avoided the ugly truth. Wider shirts, elastic pants, bigger jackets...I am a master in disguise.

Not anymore. The old me is gone, the new me was born today.

I had a open bottle of red wine, I poured it down the drain. All chocolate, candy and other things are now in my neighbors house. I emptied the pantry, got rid of everything that won't fit into my diet plan. My husband will come back on the 23rd., that's 10 days that I can just focus on myself.

I will take a weekly picture in the same outfit. I will be brutally honest. I hope to find friends on my way to a new me. I would help others, but right now I need all the help I can get. Look at me?

Please help me!

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Replies

  • MelanieMamaof5
    MelanieMamaof5 Posts: 75 Member
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    Good for you. Remember that it will take time. Keep your motivation going. Favorite quote, "The journey is long but quitting wont get you there any faster."

    You will have to find ways to fill those emotions you have been trying to bury. First step comes in identifying them. When you have a desire to eat (other than at meal or snack time) be sure to identify, out loud, what it is you are really feeling. "I'm angry, not hungry", or "I'm lonely, not hungry." It has helped me.
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    First thing I can say is it's better late than never-you have taken an important first step by deciding to be better to yourself!
    That being said-be careful not to go to the opposite extreme of cutting everything out and going on a crash diet...(you didn't give details of what you plan to do diet/calorie wise, etc so I'm just advising against it)...Feel free to add me if you like!
    Just remember that cutting out everything you like can cause you to get frustrated and go right back to where you were...find changes that are sustainable and find exercise you enjoy doing. If you look forward to it, you're more likely to not only enjoy it, but you'll be less likely to skip it.
    Also, check out skinnytaste.com! Fantastic website with healthy (and DELICIOUS) recipes!
  • FabulousJasper
    FabulousJasper Posts: 5 Member
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    Hi Look

    You can do this!

    I've lost 53lb slowly with the help of friends on MFP and a new way of looking at food.

    Feel free to add me :)
  • patb987
    patb987 Posts: 44 Member
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    Good luck on your journey! Change does not come fast, but by bits and pieces if you want it bad enough!
  • katierrt
    katierrt Posts: 113 Member
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    you can do it!! I did!! but I've not worked out since May and I need to get back to it, I have kept off all but 7 lbs of what I lost, and I'm okay with it, but I still need to stay exercising because it's beneficial for my heart! add me if you like, my diary is open and I'm not a critic! :)
  • 27SweetV
    27SweetV Posts: 1 Member
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    I think it's amazing that you decided to do this for yourself and I think that's the best way to accomplish weight loss goals. I just started watching what I'm eating and slowly working out last week because I am the heaviest I've ever been and am unhappy about it. I know I did it to myself as you said above and I know I'm the only one that can change it. What you're doing is terrific and I hope you get to the point where you're happy with who you are and how you look again, I know that's what I'm trying to do!
  • sussexbythesea
    sussexbythesea Posts: 1,335 Member
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    I hear your pain. You can do this. You have a positive attitude. I started walking one mille a day too though I did not need to lose as much as you I still walked through the pain and you can too
  • hectorjp87
    hectorjp87 Posts: 1
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    You go girl!!

    I was finishing uploading what i eat when i saw your post on the right side of the main page and I wanted to give you a thumbs up and show some support.

    I believe that you can change your body as much as you want. It will be hard but totally worth it. One battle and one day at a time!

    Eat better, do excercise, make healthier choices and soon when it will became a habit, you will enjoy it so much!

    Everyday that you behave, and eat right and do some excercise, GIVE YOURSELF SOME CREDIT AND A GOLD MEDAL.

    And if i may i want to tell you that steady changes are the way to go. The thing is that to change a body it takes a lot of time, but once you do it its not that easy to lose it.
    You wont get fit by training one day the same way that you wont get fat by eating unhealthy one day. Its about change all the small things one at a time. What I am trying to say is that i wish you dont get discouraged by the slow changes. When that happen I would like you to think: SMALL PROGRESS IT IS PROGRESS.

    All the good luck and positive energy in this quest!
  • kozinskey
    kozinskey Posts: 176 Member
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    I love that you're taking some time that you'll have to yourself to really kick off a health plan. Know that there are a lot of supportive people in this community and we all have your back! Feel free to add me if you need a buddy.
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
    edited January 2015
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    I just want to give you a big hug. It's a huge step you're taking. My only advice is to be careful not to cut everything you love out. I understand not being able to keep some things in the house--I honestly can't keep some food around. But for the most part I let myself have everything, just in more controlled portions. If you are too extreme, it might not stick. But I do think everyone figures out for themselves what works in terms of what they want to eat. Keep flexible and an open mind.

    I eat my emotions like crazy, and I'm a recovered alcoholic, so I completely understand how you feel. Something that has helped me deal with my emotions more effectively (and so I don't hurt myself in the process) is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. That's a fancy name for techniques that help people with distress tolerance and effective management of emotions. There are workbooks like this one that are great: amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook-ebook/dp/B0041D8UWM/ref=dp_kinw_strp_exp_1_1

    All good thoughts to you. You can do it!
  • roady29
    roady29 Posts: 86 Member
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    I agree completely with MSeel, you can't cut it all out as you will get frustrated and go back to the same way. You can still have all those things just in moderation and not every day. Hearing you poured the wine down the drain made me cry!
    Feel free to add me!
  • paulawatkins1974
    paulawatkins1974 Posts: 720 Member
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    Congrats on the beginning of your new life. I started with 122 lbs to lose & am almost half way there. It's going rather slowly for me, I plan to be at exactly half way by my 1 year anniversary mid February. Feel free to add me.
  • Linda_OD
    Linda_OD Posts: 1 Member
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    Been there, done that. Just take it one day at a time! Tomorrow will be better!
  • CariJean64
    CariJean64 Posts: 297 Member
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    I was where you are now just a year ago. (See profile pic) I started out with a lot more to lose, and it is daunting, but the key is to NOT GIVE UP. Bad days... bad WEEKS... don't let them derail you.

    Best wishes to you! Friend me if you'd like.

  • GSL51
    GSL51 Posts: 4 Member
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    It will come off fast. Just do the math, set a caloric goal and enter you data faithfully and honestly. Watch the the Net Calories, once your in the grove its gets easier. You will have bad days but you will have good ones to, see that they average out. find low cal food you like and stock them
  • liketobike2
    liketobike2 Posts: 25 Member
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    You can do this! But please remember that the weight didn't get added overnight and it won't come off overnight either. Make this a marathon and not a sprint. You will have setbacks and you will have successes. Don't let either change your course!
  • dallshouse0363
    dallshouse0363 Posts: 12
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    I feel exactly the same way. Moved to a new state about a year ago and I don't have a lot of friends and find it hard to meet new people. My husband is an amazing man and loves me unconditionally, I just wish I did. One thing I have found out is that you will need the positive energy to move forward. You have faced the hard truth, you have a plan, you know what you need to do so now it is the long road to getting where you want to be. Take this energy and use to stay focused, not to beat yourself up anymore. You need to love the new person you are becoming that way of it doesn't happen as fast as you want you know you are on the right path. It took a while to get there and it will take a while to emerge as the new you. I think there is a way to idnetify what state you are in and if so maybe you can pick up some MFP friends to work out with, even if it is a slow stroll around the neighborhood. It might be a good way to find some friends and give you the motivation to stay on your new path. Good luck and feel free to add me.
  • Angie1212mfp
    Angie1212mfp Posts: 30
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    Good for you!!! Just remember today is the first day of the best of your life. I t is best to start slow and gradually build up your endurance. And just want to add, slow and steady wins the race.Oh yeah, while walking a mile on your treadmill is a worthy goal... in my experience,it's not the distance walked or run, it's the duration of time that leads to long lasting results. oh yeah!! Don't forget to Hydrate1 HYDRATE!!Hydrate!!! :p you got this!!!

    Angie
  • johanna306
    johanna306 Posts: 20 Member
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    I agree with the other posters -- it's never too late to start your journey! I will accept friend requests from anyone who wants some additional motivation. I am usually on here every day.
  • cautiouslyoptimistic2015
    cautiouslyoptimistic2015 Posts: 3
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    I would like to echo the other users about it's never too late. Try to be positive about yourself, focus on what you deserve and what you are away from the negative and make slow changes! You can do it! Be strong and know you're worth it! (*)

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