Is he REALLY off limits?

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  • Mr_Bad_Example
    Mr_Bad_Example Posts: 2,403 Member
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    Just break up.
  • agratzy
    agratzy Posts: 114 Member
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    It's not worth it over a guy niether of you have met. Side note, he's already super sketch sounding. Maybe you could meet him and bring your friend and throw a drink in his face if you're feeling bored?
    Kidding. Mostly.
    Good luck!
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    joeboland wrote: »
    People aren't property, and are completely capable of thinking for themselves - therefore, frankly, I have no idea why this bizarre "bros before hoes/fries before guys/girl-code" territorial nonsense exists.

    Assuming that you're both grown and (somewhat) sane adults, unless you're deliberately home-wrecking or otherwise sabotaging someone else's chances at what would otherwise be a good thing, I figure that it's fair game.

    If you're trying to hide it from your friend, or otherwise feel guilty about it, I would then think long and hard about exactly why you feel that way.

    Yes! That exactly.

  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    agratzy wrote: »
    It's not worth it over a guy niether of you have met. Side note, he's already super sketch sounding. Maybe you could meet him and bring your friend and throw a drink in his face if you're feeling bored?
    Kidding. Mostly.
    Good luck!

    I know you said you were joking and it was funny, but to go off of that, there was a reason it didn't work out between your friend and the guy - either he was just not that into her or he's sketchy or he likes you, etc.... she might need closure, but he was never hers, as mentioned before - even if she does keep bringing him up - a year later...

  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Joannah700 wrote: »
    Sounds like she doesn't have closure. If it's impacting her self-esteem, then I would go sideways about it.Tell her - I saw Paul's profile the other day...I wonder if I could find out what was up with him? If she says yes, then meet up with him. If she's like - uh, no, I'm over that. Then let it go.

    Very high school...but sometimes we need to indulge in a little high school behavior to help a friend get rid of some niggling doubts.

    That's just weird... Why would you go on a date and mention another girl that he obviously wasn't interested in?
  • jessicaf86
    jessicaf86 Posts: 11 Member
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    TheRoadDog wrote: »
    Ovaries before brovaries.

    I usually never post here, but logged in to say lmao @ this and your other improvised catchphrases :p
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
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    Can kind of see you are a grown up viewpoint, but hard to tell just how the friendship with best friend functions. Only the Op knows the best friend. I wouldnt sacrifice a best friend if there was a reasonable chance it would not go down well. You know her better than anyone else. As with most things would it be worthwile talking to her on a hypothetical basis, just to get her views on it?
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,627 Member
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    if you have to ask you know the answer
  • goldthistime
    goldthistime Posts: 3,214 Member
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    Don't worry about what others think. If YOU think you may feel guilty about it at some point in the future, the answer is no. Self-esteem is not to be squandered.
  • funchords
    funchords Posts: 413 Member
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    Ask your friend before asking him. If she says, "okay," then it's okay. Otherwise, no.
  • missomgitsica
    missomgitsica Posts: 496 Member
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    I don't think he's off limits . . . if they never met, no big deal. And maybe it makes me a bad person, but I think all the "girl code" stuff is complete BS.

    That being said, if he consistently blew off your friend, he may end up doing the same to you, so maybe it's not worth it.
  • ttcbelieve
    ttcbelieve Posts: 181 Member
    edited January 2015
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    fara180 wrote: »
    Should I even bring it up to her, or pretend it never happened?

    YES YES YOU SHOULD TELL HER!!!!!!!!!

    If she is your friend and irrespective or what you decide meet him or don't meet him, you should absolutely bring it up to her. Friends deserve honesty from friends and in my opinion not bringing it up because it may hurt her or nothing may come out of it may be a convenient excuse. The later you keep from telling her, the more it may seem you have something to hide. As soon as you felt that the name may be familiar, you should have said to her ...."Hey, is this name familiar to you....he is chatting me up" then you would have know for sure (1) if it would be an issue for her or (2) if its a non issue.

    Lets assume its a problem for her and you get intouch with the guy and you eventually get together and she finds out and has a problem with it....You cannot claim..."we feel in love" "we could not help it"...sound familiar ;-)

    Lets assume nothing happens with the guy or its a non issue. There is nothing wrong with having said to your friend...hey do you know this name.

    Honesty is overated most times, however in this case, its not exactly clear to me why from the start you did not just say to your friend...hey...do you know this guy. Unless :smiley: yu wanted to wait and see

    Tell her. ITs the friendly thing to do :neutral_face:

  • JeriAnne84
    JeriAnne84 Posts: 543 Member
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    joeboland wrote: »
    People aren't property, and are completely capable of thinking for themselves - therefore, frankly, I have no idea why this bizarre "bros before hoes/fries before guys/girl-code" territorial nonsense exists.

    Assuming that you're both grown and (somewhat) sane adults, unless you're deliberately home-wrecking or otherwise sabotaging someone else's chances at what would otherwise be a good thing, I figure that it's fair game.

    If you're trying to hide it from your friend, or otherwise feel guilty about it, I would then think long and hard about exactly why you feel that way.

    THIS.

    But If it was me I wouldn't go out with him just because if he flaked on her, he will flake on you. A guy that used to work in the same building as me nagged me for a date (I didn't want to because he had some angry @$$ looking gums that looked like they would explode blood just by looking at them. Bro needed to floss. I realize that is shallow but he has other crappy qualities, like his personality). ANYWAY, I finally caved in and decided to go see Zombieland with him. Mostly because, well, Zombieland. He stood me up. Then he wanted to try and go see it again after some lame excuse (he forgot) and I only agreed because of what movie it was. He stood me up AGAIN because he forgot AGAIN. Then I found out he had asked out other girls that he worked with and did the same thing. So if he has a history of flaking on people, he'll probably do it to you. Maybe not, but still why take the chance when you know what he's already like?

    Plus it's been a year and your friend still brings him up and they never met. She needs to deal with her emotions because come on. A YEAR. Geeze.
  • CentralCaliCycling
    CentralCaliCycling Posts: 453 Member
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    All is Fair in Love and War (as long as not married - or otherwise committed).

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