husband

No...my husband is very supportive. I fully admit that, not necessarily intentionally, I sabotage him. I love to bake and I know the things he loves as treats...he had to ask me over the holidays to scale back because he didn't want the temptation of all the sweets in the house.

Sometimes it's not on purpose. I know he loves those things-I express love through food...but I haven't been understanding when he tells me that having that stuff is too much temptation. It almost hurts my feelings because I know he loves those things and I'm trying to show him I love him. It's something I'm working on myself-not using food as much and finding other little ways to show him how much I love him.

sherbear702 wrote: »

Sometimes partners (male or female) will act this way because they're insecure about the relationship. If you lose weight, you might start feeling pretty and confident. They think if that happens you might start questioning how happy you are in your relationship and start looking for something better.

If he's overweight and you start losing a bunch of weight it might make him feel bad about himself. So he tries to keep you fat to feel better about himself.

People may find this kind of reaction with co-workers, friends, family, or spouses. The saying misery loves company can loosely translate to an unhealthy lifestyle. For example, my co-worker who I would sometimes partake in afternoon coffee/pastry breaks with seems butthurt now that I am not willing to stuff my face with coffee cake or choose fresh fruit instead. I feel like my personal change is making her process her afternoon indulgence has a negative, so she's insecure about it.

My husband is supportive at times and other times he doesn't get it or seems annoyed. That's ok, he hasn't committed to a change of lifestyle like I have, so I am not looking for him to be my full support on this. First of all, I need to rely on myself and motivate myself. Second, that's part of why I joined MFP - lots of people on the same journey.

At times the situation with my husband can be frustrating, but that can be anything in a marriage, you work through it. He has expressed wanting to lose weight numerous times, but won't put forth the effort, but I've been there, he'll reach his breaking point with it eventually.

He used to bust my chops about not being active, now I am more active than him and I know he is proud of my accomplishments, he tells me so, but I think he gets annoyed when my workout schedule conflicts with activities he may want to do together. And as above, I used to be the couch potato, but now he's sitting on the couch more than me, so maybe he is processing it eternally and feeling insecure - like he's feeling bad about not being the active one.

I cook everything (I love to cook) and he will eat anything I make, but now I have extra veggies and log all my calories. I know he thinks counting calories is a ton of stupid work (which it is not). Also, I'm not so thrilled to go out and drink, so that can seem like I'm a party pooper. It is a challenge when we go out to eat because I have to exercise my personal willpower. He will order a delicious dark beer that I love and a meal with a million calories I could devour in one sitting, but I won't, it's not easy. Sometimes impossible, but willpower is a great "muscle" to build up. I used to eat more than him, way more, so, if I look at it from his point of view I can see how it's something to adjust to.

Overall, he's proud of my hardwork and is happy I am feeling good. That's enough for me even if at times I want to throw laser beams from my eyes at him for scoffing at my calorie input.

(Sorry for the novel!)

My boyfriend will tease me about weighing vegetables while I make a salad, or will suggest take-out chicken wings or fish and chips for dinner when I just want to make a healthy dinner, but I don't really consider this anything beyond testing my resolve. Not everyone counts calories, so most people you interact with won't be conscious of the fact that you are. He's very supportive of me working out though, I think he just can't wrap his head around the monotony of calorie counting because he has a very physically demanding job so he can afford to eat a lot more than me. Your husband will likely come around more as your resolve becomes stronger and you say no to him when he offers you something you don't want to eat. My boyfriend has... in little ways, like ordering toppings I hate on pizza just so I won't be tempted to eat it, or not making extra when he cooks certain foods for himself. Your husband will adapt to the change, just give him a little time.

My hubby was negative about the whole thing for a long time. First it was trying to get me to eat things I refuse to eat. Then it was trying to lure me out of gym sessions. Then he quit trying those bc they wouldn't work, but he would make a point of eating junk in front of me and all that. Still didn't work. I still ate healthy at my calorie level, still went to the gym. Gripes like "will we ever have pizza again" were met with "who cares?" lol so when it turned out that I was NOT to be moved, and I started gaining muscle definition he finally turned a corner and decided he would like to have muscle definition as well and started working out for real, not just moseying on the treadmill, and quit eating crap. Now, that said, it has taken a little work for me to provide him with healthy foods that fit into his calorie count. I took him to see the nutritionist. She told him, eat 1800-2000 and work out at least every other day. So that means I am preparing work lunches for both of us. His are twice the food of mine, sigh... but I make sure it's all high nutrition food with good flavor as well. If the flavor isn't good, u know it will end up in the trash. It really sux ur husband is being such an obstacle. It's very angrymaking. The best thing u can do is refuse to be moved. Follow ur plan. If he doesn't like it he can sit and spin basically.

BFDeal wrote: »

My wife has cut my brake line a few times and I think she's been slowly poisoning me but she's pretty good about not bringing home pizza or ice cream. So I guess I'm good.

I kind of know what you mean. Mine is out of town now, but before he left, he locked me in the bedroom with 36 bags of Doritos, a large pepperoni pizza, a peanut butter cake with chocolate frosting, three tubs of ice cream in a cooler (with a note telling me to eat it before it melts), and a head of kale. He gets back on Sunday.

Like a friend of mine once said, you are not a supply train in World War Two. No one is trying to sabotage you. You are in complete control of your exercise and diet.

BFDeal wrote: »

My wife has cut my brake line a few times and I think she's been slowly poisoning me but she's pretty good about not bringing home pizza or ice cream. So I guess I'm good.

How is she poisoning you? I had a relative whose wife tried to slowly poison him by putting WD-40 in his food. It didn't kill him before he discovered it, but he did have permanent brain damage and spent the rest of his life in a nursing home. Personally, I would prefer the wife bringing home pizza and ice cream over that. You really should be careful about that.

And as far as the brake lines, did you actually crash? I have only had that happen once to me... years ago. Fortunately, I thought quickly and used a combination of my transmission and parking brake to stop safely.

Or... maybe you are being sarcastic?

ladydianna62 wrote: »

My mind is set I what ever I cook he eats except veggies I buy his treats I don't bother them but don't ask me if I want it if you know I'm trying hard I know eventually he will give up because he know my mind is made up I'm gonna do this I hope eventually he get on board with me it's like I told him when a doctor says do this or your gonna be in big trouble I tend to believe them I want to be healthy I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Maybe I am reading wrong signals I hope I am

Definitely talk to him directly about this. Don't try to "read signals". That may be causing you undue stress. Plus, if you've only been married for 4 years he may be afraid of you "changing" on him. Reassure him that you are changing your health and subsequently your physical appearance, but YOU are not changing as a person.

ladydianna62 wrote: »

No it's not in my mind,yesterday we went out to eat it was a catfish buffet ok I ate mine grilled ,salad and mixed veggies then eat this unhappily it's really good and one ain't gonna hurt me also they got coconut pie over its your favorite and when I walk it's it took you a long time today I brought my stationary bike inside ,no matter where I put it it's in his way

How long have you been trying to lose weight? This doesn't sound like lack of support; it sounds like the lifestyle he's used to having with you.

My husband was never supportive at first, whenever I went to exericise he would say I was obsessed. Then it was we can never do anything because I always exercise after work, so I started working out in the morning. After about a year he decided to join me, he does his exercise at home and I do mine at the gym, and we stopped buying all the junk food. It is much easier when you're both working towards the same goal.

Just for the other side of things: my pregnant wife is shameless about eating ice cream and cookies and chips around me after I've consumed my calories for the day and can't eat anything else. I fire back by taking shots and drinking beer around her whenever I'm doing that.

What was your relationship like before you started your new lifestyle? Was his sense of humor sarcastic? Maybe he's still being himself and you are extra sensitive to this stuff because you don't find it funny?

My husband is thankfully pretty neutral. He's seen me go through so many phases, juicing, green smoothies, 10,000 steps, Walk away the Pounds, Weight Watchers (2 or 3 times), and now most recently spending almost $600 on a bike and $300 on a kayak and then joining the gym and doing this - he usually says nothing. One time - one time - way back when I was on WW the first time and I had saved points to eat a bag of skittles (small bag) he said something like "SKITTLES? You aren't going to lose weight that way!" and I got mad. LOL. He has not said one negative thing since then. Not even to joke. And he does bring home his own snacks and junk occasionally - he will once in a while offer me some but usually doesn't (because I think he knows that if I want some, I'll just stick my hand in his bag and take it, lol)

Anyway - maybe you're extra sensitive because this is important to you - and he is just still being himself? Is that a possibility?

My husband doesn't support me either. It's hard to explain his behavior, but it's just the way he is. Its little things that he will say like, "Do you have to look everything up on the phone?" He doesn't understand counting calories because he just won't do it. He is overweight also and has diabetes. I tried about a year ago to get his doctor to refer him to a nutrition program. He got mad and basically said he was 70 years old and had lived longer than he ever expected to and longer than any other man in his family so he wasn't going to change his way of eating. I just told him that was a sad outlook. Now I try talking to my daughter and I just found this forum.