husband
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ladydianna62 wrote: »He days he wants me to be happy but know I don't go put much just stay home I think he thinks I'll want to get run around I'm to old for such stuff I just want to be healthy and not get out breath every time I tie my shoes
It gets better.
You get more connected to the new habits you are establishing for yourself and your husband gets used to seeing you eat differently.
Have some foods you love available in the house so that you do not feel like you are missing out when he brings junk home.
By the way, if it fits into your calorie goal, a home made BLT is a delicious good idea.
( Bacon is good in my opinion and worth the calories. Leave off the mayo for me
)
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Mine isn't about to change his eating habits because I need to lose weight, and I really don't think he should have to.0
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My family loves sweets. Cookies, cakes etc. It doesn't help that my husband bakes all of these wonderful desserts.
What I started doing is waiting 2 days after he makes one and take 1/2 of it and freeze it in slices or 3 cookies per sandwich bag. Then when he "wants something sweet" I will pull out my freezer or put some in my kids lunch. It keeps me from eating all of them and from more desserts being made.
During the weekends we have family night and usually eat ice cream for dessert. While everyone is eating theirs out of a bowl. I eat mine out of a measuring cup. That way everyone is Happy!
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My husband is supportive of my goals. In fact, if it ever came about I had a goal he was not supportive of, it'd be time for a conversation to fully understand why. We both have had the unfortunate experience of being close to people who sabotage one's success, and have learned it's a terrible way to live, so we kinda aren't into hanging out with people who get in the way.
That said, there was a time when he'd offer to get me some treat or other and act all butthurt if I said no. I had to figure out that doing little things to make me happy was important to him, so when I said no, in his mind, he was Doing Husband Wrong and His Wife Would Hate Him.
He has since learned to disconnect that, and I've learned that there is no way in hell I'm ever going to get him to measure every tiny little gram of consumable on a plate, so if I'm that into it, I'm going to have to do all of the cooking.
I don't do more than 80% of it, so I'm good with estimating otherwise.
We've also had to figure out things to go out and do that don't necessarily revolve around restaurants. The weather is crap, so I am really looking forward to being able to take a nice walk in the woods. We both like that.
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ladydianna62 wrote: »That is to mean lol but your right mine loves Sonic. today he brought me home a BLT I got so mad when I wouldn't eat it well I just give it to Grant(My grandson)I won't get you anything else so petty I thought
I don't think your attitude is helping any. If it were me I would have said "Thank you" and maybe eaten a portion of the sandwich and then say I'm not that hungry and I'll eat the rest later. There is no rule that says you can't eat a blt as long as you account for it.
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"He [says] he wants me to be happy" - but what is he doing? I'd challenge him on that.
"I think he thinks I'll want to [go] run around" - so ask him outright. Does he worry every time you leave the house? He better think deep and hard about that, why he's worried.
"I just want to be healthy and not get out breath every time I tie my shoes" - tell him that. You can definitely get there. It can be as simple as walking around the block every day for a few weeks. New habit. Then when that gets boring, add a new challenge.0 -
My husband knows I'm trying hard to loose the weight my meds have added...I don't buy the junk we don't need! He knows to well my downfalls...he will bring home Fritos and cheese dip or 5 different flavors of Ben and Jerry's...and tell me he doesn't care what I weigh..would prefer me on the heavy side...0
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I am going home tonight and giving my husband a big kiss for being no more than an amused observer.
This week he got good news from his family doctor at his annual physical. He's lost weight and the doctor is pleased. How did he do it? By eating my meals, that's how!0 -
ladydianna62 wrote: »That is to mean lol but your right mine loves Sonic. today he brought me home a BLT I got so mad when I wouldn't eat it well I just give it to Grant(My grandson)I won't get you anything else so petty I thought
I don't think your attitude is helping any. If it were me I would have said "Thank you" and maybe eaten a portion of the sandwich and then say I'm not that hungry and I'll eat the rest later. There is no rule that says you can't eat a blt as long as you account for it.
Also, if there a couple of fast food places he goes frequently and picks up food, give him a list of a few things you can / will eat from each place. It's all about communication and compromise.0 -
I am going home tonight and giving my husband a big kiss for being no more than an amused observer.
This week he got good news from his family doctor at his annual physical. He's lost weight and the doctor is pleased. How did he do it? By eating my meals, that's how!
There ya' go! You can't change other people but you can set an example and let them make their own choices.0 -
You can tell me if its happening again. Last night, hamburgers for dinner meal were 7+ ounces cooked. My eating plan for nearly 5 years has been for 3 ounces of meat or meat substitute for the dinner meal. Ooops or sabotage?0
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Wow. Reading this thead makes me appreciate how supportive and awesome my wife is. She's a yoga teacher and fitness fanatic. In fact I think I was the one trying to "sabotage" her when she decided to learn yoga all those years ago. I'm only a couple of weeks into my weight loss but she's been incredibly supportive.
Ladydiana, my best wishes for you and your journey but IMHO you need to get rid of toxic people in your life.0 -
Actually we had our"talk" last nite so today when he went out he didn't bring back anything but tonight when we ate dinner and I measured my stuff out he said how much of that do I need to eat so maybe he will come around0
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In my house I would have cut the burger in half and set the other half on the side table.shifterbrainz wrote: »You can tell me if its happening again. Last night, hamburgers for dinner meal were 7+ ounces cooked. My eating plan for nearly 5 years has been for 3 ounces of meat or meat substitute for the dinner meal. Ooops or sabotage?
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I hope he becomes more supportive of your healthy lifestyle. It takes some people a lot longer to accept change. You've been doing the same stuff for the past 4 years of your marriage & now you've decided to be healthier, where, obviously he's not ready.
It can be hard, but, hang in there. Don't let others stand in the way of your goals.0 -
Sometimes people are "codependent". I wouldn't know if this applies to you or anyone else who has posted here .. but you know the saying "misery loves company". A partner may also feel a false sense of security with liking their partner to be a little overweight for example. They may feel threatened if one day that person wants to improve their physical health.
That said, part of love is supporting 'your' partner's efforts for self improvement. Insecurity can inhibit that.
I'm not by any means suggesting anything specific to your marriage .. just throwing some thoughts out there on why people can behave in a negative way.
Good for you for using this amazing app and setting healthy goals for yourself. Maybe pulling back a little and discreetly carrying out your eating plan may take the spotlight off it and what is happening and focusing on some fun things to do together will add some sparkle ... and maybe you are! Be confident in yourself
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Way to go ladydianna62. I try and try to talk to my husband not only about my weight program but other things too and it just ends up in an argument. So I joined a weight programs at our VA hospital and at least I have other vets to talk to having the same weight issues. My husband is 70 years old and very set in his ways and very stubborn so I just have to work around him. The VA counselor suggested we use myfitnesspal to diary our food. I found this forum and thought I would try it. Good luck ladydi.0
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joleneee421 wrote: »My other half is overweight and has been told by his doctor repeatedly that he needs to try and lose weight. (Diabetes and heart attacks/strokes run in his family.) He says he knows he needs to and lacks the motivation. Just this week he started walking a mile on the treadmill downstairs. Which I am proud of him for.
However, his eating habits are often very tempting to me. While he is very supportive of me, I realized that I cannot expect him to take on my lifestyle change unless he WANTS to and is ready to. So yes, he orders pizza, takeout, and buys ice cream/junk. He always says " just because you're changing your diet doesn't mean I have to." I realized he's right. Just because all of that is in front of my nose doesn't mean I need to make the decision to cave.
My boyfriend would much rather see me and spend time with me rather than me spend hours at the gym after work. But at the same time, he would also rather me workout than listen to me complain about how horrible I feel about the way I look and that I am actually a lot less stressed out now.
Are you sure he's really unsupportive and trying to hurt your goals or are you struggling with fighting temptation?
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Sometimes the best place to start is to just stop eating out ... I know this from experience. What you put together at home .. even treat-wise, is likely more healthy .. AND YOU SAVE MONEY (which there is always another use for). And I'm just sharing perspective from experience, not judging or preaching. I found when I went back to basics at home and made cooking interesting with flavour and spices and more vegetables ... I truly appreciated what I would eat at home. I went from 6 restaurant meals a week to less than that many in one year. I found that focusing on the meal without distractions of tv etc, satiates the mind. It's part of mindfulness 0
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I really appreciate all these replies you don't know how helpful they are to me I'm gonna keep on moving forward because this is a no turning back for me only positive thinking and moving forward hopefully I can get him on the right track also who knows0
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CaffeinatedConfectionist wrote: »Does the lack of support/sabotage take the form of him simply continuing to practice the same behaviors that he always has, e.g., eating the same foods and continuing to maintain the same activity level?
As others have said, just because we change, that doesn't mean others around us automatically do, nor should they have to. If he always ate chips, sweets, etc, it's no more fair to expect him to suddenly adopt your new habits than it would be fair for him to actually sabotage you (although I'm having a hard time thinking of examples of actual sabotage, aside from force feeding or something extreme).
I see a lot of posts with people requesting their significant others to not buy certain foods, to leave them in the car or at work, etc, because their SO continuing to purchase and eat these foods (the way they typically always have, it had just never been an issue until the other person made it one) constitutes sabotage or a lack of support. To me it's just someone continuing to live their life the way they always have, and has absolutely nothing to do with the other person's decision to change their habits. I never understood this; it seems like a really surefire way to build resentment in a relationship.
Of course, without any details in the OP, it's really hard to tell if this is the case or if I'm way off base.
For me, being married means being willing to make changes/sacrifices to help my spouse, because I love him. That doesn't mean my spouse has to change his eating with me, but I disagree that it's too much to ask your spouse to not bring it home, etc.
I have a sugar problem- I just can't have it in the house, or I'll go on a binge and eat it all if I get a craving. I've eaten 24 jumbo cupcakes in one sitting because they were there.
My husband gets that. Shoukd I have better self control? Probably, but I've tried for years- if it's in the house, I will eat it. My husband supports me, so he only brings home what he plans to eat that day, or over a weekend. Any more and I'll eat whatever is left.
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I don't expect him to change and I wouldn't want him to just because I did but if he goes out to get a milkshake don't bring in another and say "I got this one for you" to me that is sabatoge especially if he knows I trying really hard to change if he don't want to that's fine I get that but don't try to pushing me in to failing because I'm not going to0
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ladydianna62 wrote: »I really appreciate all these replies you don't know how helpful they are to me I'm gonna keep on moving forward because this is a no turning back for me only positive thinking and moving forward hopefully I can get him on the right track also who knows
You can do it! You are in control of you. 0 -
Well I was once the butt hurt spouse....I had found out I was pregnant and my hubby kicked off his diet routine the same month...I was upset because I had always been the fit one and here I was getting bigger everyday while he dropped weight and looked like Adonis. Eventually I realized that I was afraid he was judging me for getting bigger and that this was my problem not his. In the end I got over myself when I realized he didn't care what I ate or judged me for getting bigger. Give him time...once he realizes you aren't leaving/judging him he will come around. 0
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In my house I would have cut the burger in half and set the other half on the side table.shifterbrainz wrote: »You can tell me if its happening again. Last night, hamburgers for dinner meal were 7+ ounces cooked. My eating plan for nearly 5 years has been for 3 ounces of meat or meat substitute for the dinner meal. Ooops or sabotage?
Yup, that's what I usually do. It just puzzling and an unnecessary challenge to self control. I suppose it's said "practice makes perfect" but by now, this is a bit ridiculous 0
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