No sugar - My son is 12 and 234 pounds!
scsteen
Posts: 2 Member
My son is 12, 234 pounds as of today and having knee pain. Doc said to cut out sugar, period. Any advice? My son is genetically predisposed to be "a barrel with legs". He is very tender hearted, very much ashamed/aware of his weight and as likely to fight me as make changes. I keep it dietetically between the beacons at home - mostly. That's going to change to all but always, starting with sugar. A bigger problem is my son's dad, who refuses to acknowledge the weight issue. My son sees his dad daily (court ordered), and their time together almost always includes food - usually cheeseburgers or fritters with half and half for a beverage.
- Anyone else been here? What do I need to know first and worst? Thanks for reading.
- Anyone else been here? What do I need to know first and worst? Thanks for reading.
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Replies
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First of all, I think you and your son's dad need to have a meeting with your son's doctor so that the doctor can fully explain the situation to your son's dad. This really needs to be a lifestyle change for him, and that can only happen if everyone is on board.
It would probably also be good for you to sit down with your son and discuss how his diet impacts his weight which is resulting in his knee pain. If he wants the knee pain to go away (and who wouldn't?) he needs to work on losing weight in a healthy way. Your son is old enough at 12 to tell his dad that he doesn't want a burger or fritters.0 -
I'm not sure you have any control over what he eats at his dad's, but you definitely have control over what happens in YOUR house. I would consult with a dietician who specializes in working with children. Your pediatrician should be able to refer you to one (or may even have one on staff, i know ours does!). Consult with them and get advice on meal planning and options and don't forget to start to make exercise a part of your life (you too! don't just make him do it or it may feel like a punishment!) A walk after dinner together is good to start with!0
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Sorry can't help other than his need dad needs a serious talking to!!! He's killing his son with kindness
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I apologize as my comment isn't really productive, but your son's father gives him half-and-half for a drink? As in the dairy creamer?0
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I know this not on point with your question, but we signed our 10 year old up for football when we were given a stern talking to by the ped about his weight. He was really hesitant because he never liked sports, but he got more and more into it. Weirdly, he started to WANT to make better food choices because he wanted to be a better athlete haha. He asked me for protein bars awhile ago, which was a no, but he has started to really like peanut butter and celery over ranch because peanut butter is "protein packed" - his words. He's goofy, but he has slimmed down and is making better choices for himself. Maybe something like that could help.
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For comfort and encouragement, both for you and your son:
http://www.chicagomag.com/Chicago-Magazine/June-2001/Heavy/
Twelve years old? How about you and your son negotiating how you will best accommodate the doctor's orders? The more in control he feels, the more likely he is going to comply. You know to watch for food hoarding, right?
Twelve year olds don't care about next year, not to mention end-of-life. They are in to immediate rewards and concerns as in, will they have any friends in school? I think if the boy had any hope that he could get mobility back by dieting he'd give it a go. But he has a legitimate fear that no matter what he does, he's going to lose his knees and his dignity.
Advise the dad of the doctor's orders, and the doctor of potential parental sabotage.0 -
I apologize as my comment isn't really productive, but your son's father gives him half-and-half for a drink? As in the dairy creamer?
That's my thought too.
However, there are drinks called "half and half" that ate half iced tea, half lemonade. Snapple, Arnold Palmer, etc.
Sugar isn't to blame here. And don't demonize it.
It's overeating. Period.
He's a kid, there are going to be birthdays, holidays, events and there will be cake. And if you try and ban sugar, it very well could end up with him having disordered eating patterns and no one wants that.
Talk to a registered dietitian that specializes with kids, bring the kid's dad, bring the kid.
Talk about balancing. Cake is fine, in moderation. Burgers are fine, in moderation. "Half and half" (really hope not the creamer) is fine in moderation.
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Do not demonize sugar (which by the way all fruits and veggies contain sugar). I would take him to a pediatric nutritionist.0
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OP: the courts can address diet. File a motion asking to have the terms of visitation reviewed. Half and half isn't a beverage. Good luck!0
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Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »OP: the courts can address diet. File a motion asking to have the terms of visitation reviewed. Half and half isn't a beverage. Good luck!
I have a feeling they were talking about half iced tea/half lemonade (which the diet snapple version is awesome btw), not half and half the creamer.0 -
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I get that.christinev297 wrote: »
Still not demonizing.
Perhaps the poster is suggesting the OP might be doing that in conversations with her child. I don't see any evidence of that.
Nor are we demonizing half and half.
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Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »OP: the courts can address diet. File a motion asking to have the terms of visitation reviewed. Half and half isn't a beverage. Good luck!
I have a feeling they were talking about half iced tea/half lemonade (which the diet snapple version is awesome btw), not half and half the creamer.
ahhh. an arnold palmer? could be! I've never heard it called half and half before.
Regardless. The courts can address dietary concerns (just like religious concerns are addressed etc...)0 -
My son is 12, 234 pounds as of today and having knee pain. Doc said to cut out sugar, period. Any advice? My son is genetically predisposed to be "a barrel with legs". He is very tender hearted, very much ashamed/aware of his weight and as likely to fight me as make changes. I keep it dietetically between the beacons at home - mostly. That's going to change to all but always, starting with sugar. A bigger problem is my son's dad, who refuses to acknowledge the weight issue. My son sees his dad daily (court ordered), and their time together almost always includes food - usually cheeseburgers or fritters with half and half for a beverage.
- Anyone else been here? What do I need to know first and worst? Thanks for reading.
Your son's doctor is an imbecile. The bolded text above is what's the problem, not sugar. If you can't see that, then I don't know how else to help you. If he is eating that kind of stuff daily, there's your answer right there. You never even mentioned sugar.
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Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »
I get that.christinev297 wrote: »
Still not demonizing. Perhaps the poster is suggesting the OP might be doing that in conversations with her child. I don't see any evidence of that.
Nor are we demonizing half and half.
The doctor telling them no sugar, is demonizing sugar (and should know better). If you tell a kid they can't eat XY and z, chances are when they are at a friends house or school, guess what they are going to eat?0 -
Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »
I get that.christinev297 wrote: »
Still not demonizing. Perhaps the poster is suggesting the OP might be doing that in conversations with her child. I don't see any evidence of that.
Nor are we demonizing half and half.
The OP's post says " Doc said to cut out sugar, period." That's not necessarily "demonizing", but it's sure as heck restrictive. Especially with a 12-year-old.
I would seek out another pediatrician or a registered dietitian for more help. And the father has to be on board. Not sure what to say about that, sorry.
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christinev297 wrote: »Sorry can't help other than his need dad needs a serious talking to!!! He's killing his son with kindness
Nothing about what that man is feeding his son is "kind". It's borderline abuse to continually overfeed a child who has no say and doesn't know any better. Children trust their parents, it's the parents' job to not abuse that trust by allowing them things that are detrimental to their health.
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The problem I see with totally taking out sugar is that he will begin secret eating, hiding sugary foods, binge on anything he can find when no one is around. How about adding more fruits and veggies and limiting his snacks/treats to reasonable amounts. I agree with seeing a nutrition. If you stop completely on the sugar, it will not end well.0
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Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »
I get that.christinev297 wrote: »
Still not demonizing. Perhaps the poster is suggesting the OP might be doing that in conversations with her child. I don't see any evidence of that.
Nor are we demonizing half and half.
The doctor telling them no sugar, is demonizing sugar (and should know better). If you tell a kid they can't eat XY and z, chances are when they are at a friends house or school, guess what they are going to eat?
No. Its not. He'll still get plenty (at his friend's house etc). If mom removes the sugary snacks from home, he'll still get plenty. If mom goes on and on about the evils of sugar, then yes, that *could* turn into a problem. Removing something from the home does not defacto equate to demonizing.0 -
Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »OP: the courts can address diet. File a motion asking to have the terms of visitation reviewed. Half and half isn't a beverage. Good luck!
I don't know a lot, about a lot of things, but I've become somewhat of an expert in family law. Unfortunately, this is not how family court works; though I appreciate reading something like this because it signals you've never had the misfortune of going through the family court system.
If she takes him to court to alter visitation based on the fact that she doesn't like what the child is being fed, even with loads of evidence from the doctor, father's lawyer will claim she is bitter and controlling and trying to alienate him from his son. Based on custody trends in the US, not so much here in Canada, thankfully, father actually has a case for custody because of this.0 -
He is 12, not 6. A 12 year old is fully capable of understanding dietary needs and telling his father he doesn't want a cheeseburger.
While his dad obviously isn't helping, the problem is that your son doesn't have any motivation to change. Why not get him a trainer? Take him to a nutritionist? Give him the right tools and the motivation to get to healthier lifestyle?
At the gym I work out at, I see plenty of kids ages 12-14 with trainers getting into better shape. They have goals like, I want to be stronger to play football in high school, or losing fat to be more confident. I think it's easier to lose weight for anyone when you have a solid goal and someone there helping you achieve it! Just an idea 0 -
I can't really offer much help but I can share a similar situation with you in my life. I have a 10 yr old granddaughter who went to the doctor and was in the slightly obese category (not as much as your son). Her mother is separated from the father and my granddaughter has visitation with him. Immediately my daughter started discussing with her daughter about making healthier choices with food. She also explained this to the father. My granddaughter is old enough to understand healthy choices and has to relate this to her father when he makes bad choices for her. She has come home crying to her mom when the father makes her eat McDonalds. He purposely gives her bad food to do the opposite her mom wants (I know, what a deadbeat). Point is, if you teach your son good eating habits he will understand what a healthy food choice is and may choose wisely when with his dad if he is able to.0
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Since your son in 12, he should be involved in changing his own lifestyle. That means he needs to muster up the courage to talk to his dad about changing his eating habits when they are together. Is his dad a large person too? Personally, I would join my child in becoming a healthier person, eating the same things and doing outside activites together like hiking and kicking around a ball. I was not as big as he was, but I was in a size 12 womens when I was 12 myself. Changing eating habits is more successful when you have a partner.0
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Not in my experience in the U.S., in family courts. I've worked with SEVERAL families where diet (nutrition or religious) has been made a matter of the court and it worked out as expected.BuddhaMom74 wrote: »Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »OP: the courts can address diet. File a motion asking to have the terms of visitation reviewed. Half and half isn't a beverage. Good luck!
I don't know a lot, about a lot of things, but I've become somewhat of an expert in family law. Unfortunately, this is not how family court works; though I appreciate reading something like this because it signals you've never had the misfortune of going through the family court system.
If she takes him to court to alter visitation based on the fact that she doesn't like what the child is being fed, even with loads of evidence from the doctor, father's lawyer will claim she is bitter and controlling and trying to alienate him from his son. Based on custody trends in the US, not so much here in Canada, thankfully, father actually has a case for custody because of this.
A 234 pound 12 year old's weight can be a matter for the courts if the parents can't agree.
That said: mom, you're getting lots of advice. Follow your mom instincts. You seem to know what to do.0 -
AllOutof_Bubblegum wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »Sorry can't help other than his need dad needs a serious talking to!!! He's killing his son with kindness
Nothing about what that man is feeding his son is "kind". It's borderline abuse to continually overfeed a child who has no say and doesn't know any better. Children trust their parents, it's the parents' job to not abuse that trust by allowing them things that are detrimental to their health.
You are aware many people think of food as "rewards" or to show love. My mom did that with us. So, going out to eat things that are super delicious and "special" to show your affection.0 -
bonnieh1638 wrote: »I can't really offer much help but I can share a similar situation with you in my life. I have a 10 yr old granddaughter who went to the doctor and was in the slightly obese category (not as much as your son). Her mother is separated from the father and my granddaughter has visitation with him. Immediately my daughter started discussing with her daughter about making healthier choices with food. She also explained this to the father. My granddaughter is old enough to understand healthy choices and has to relate this to her father when he makes bad choices for her. She has come home crying to her mom when the father makes her eat McDonalds. He purposely gives her bad food to do the opposite her mom wants (I know, what a deadbeat). Point is, if you teach your son good eating habits he will understand what a healthy food choice is and may choose wisely when with his dad if he is able to.
I am sorry but I have a really hard time believing this (not you, but rather your grand daughter). It is very possible he brings her to McDonald's (and perhaps that is all he can afford), buy forces her to eat it? Just no. McDonalds does have healthy options for kids that she could choose. There is also the option of just not eating it if she doesn't want it. No one is forcing her to eat it. This sounds a lot like- I am going to eat it and then will just blame it on dad, and since they are already mad at each other, no one will question it.0 -
It's hard that he is off with his dad each day and you have no control over that. If my ex was taking my child for unhealthy fast food every time I would probably make something healthy and easy for them to take with them. If that sounds unreasonable I understand; however, make healthy choices for your home. Make sure he brings a healthy lunch to school like slices of turkey, a piece of fruit, and those snake size bags of rice cakes only 80 cals. No one has to make it about his size but let him know that you and him are going to eat healthier. Allow him to pick some of the healthy foods. That way you are spending time together, getting the grocery shopping done, and teaching him responsibility. This time of year can be hard depending on where you live to get outside, but try to get out and be active. Even though he is 12 does not mean you can't go for a family walk or bike ride a few times a week. Make sure there are healthy foods in the house and find some way to be more active as a family or find a activity that will get him active. I wouldn't make a huge deal about his weight as this could give him a complex. Best of luck0
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My son is 12, 234 pounds as of today and having knee pain. Doc said to cut out sugar, period. Any advice? My son is genetically predisposed to be "a barrel with legs". He is very tender hearted, very much ashamed/aware of his weight and as likely to fight me as make changes. I keep it dietetically between the beacons at home - mostly. That's going to change to all but always, starting with sugar. A bigger problem is my son's dad, who refuses to acknowledge the weight issue. My son sees his dad daily (court ordered), and their time together almost always includes food - usually cheeseburgers or fritters with half and half for a beverage.
- Anyone else been here? What do I need to know first and worst? Thanks for reading.
This is simply not the case. I think you may need to learn a bit about nutrition and adjust YOUR attitude to food.
Obviously I don't know you and could be totally wrong but his dad's refusal to acknowledge it sounds better to me than what you have said above and also highlighting it, by banning sugar, making him feel ashamed.
Educate yourself about food and it will filter down (as I'm sure, at 12, most of his meals will be prepared by you) and do some fun activities with him that he will not equate with exercising (because you think he's a barrel on legs!) like, swimming, going to the park, playing ball etc
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herrspoons wrote: »I have to ask... Is this for real?
A pre prepubescent kid who weighs 234?
It's possible. You should see some of the kids in my daughter's class. She's nine.0
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