No sugar - My son is 12 and 234 pounds!
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Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »OP: the courts can address diet. File a motion asking to have the terms of visitation reviewed. Half and half isn't a beverage. Good luck!
I don't know a lot, about a lot of things, but I've become somewhat of an expert in family law. Unfortunately, this is not how family court works; though I appreciate reading something like this because it signals you've never had the misfortune of going through the family court system.
If she takes him to court to alter visitation based on the fact that she doesn't like what the child is being fed, even with loads of evidence from the doctor, father's lawyer will claim she is bitter and controlling and trying to alienate him from his son. Based on custody trends in the US, not so much here in Canada, thankfully, father actually has a case for custody because of this.0 -
He is 12, not 6. A 12 year old is fully capable of understanding dietary needs and telling his father he doesn't want a cheeseburger.
While his dad obviously isn't helping, the problem is that your son doesn't have any motivation to change. Why not get him a trainer? Take him to a nutritionist? Give him the right tools and the motivation to get to healthier lifestyle?
At the gym I work out at, I see plenty of kids ages 12-14 with trainers getting into better shape. They have goals like, I want to be stronger to play football in high school, or losing fat to be more confident. I think it's easier to lose weight for anyone when you have a solid goal and someone there helping you achieve it! Just an idea
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I can't really offer much help but I can share a similar situation with you in my life. I have a 10 yr old granddaughter who went to the doctor and was in the slightly obese category (not as much as your son). Her mother is separated from the father and my granddaughter has visitation with him. Immediately my daughter started discussing with her daughter about making healthier choices with food. She also explained this to the father. My granddaughter is old enough to understand healthy choices and has to relate this to her father when he makes bad choices for her. She has come home crying to her mom when the father makes her eat McDonalds. He purposely gives her bad food to do the opposite her mom wants (I know, what a deadbeat). Point is, if you teach your son good eating habits he will understand what a healthy food choice is and may choose wisely when with his dad if he is able to.0
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Since your son in 12, he should be involved in changing his own lifestyle. That means he needs to muster up the courage to talk to his dad about changing his eating habits when they are together. Is his dad a large person too? Personally, I would join my child in becoming a healthier person, eating the same things and doing outside activites together like hiking and kicking around a ball. I was not as big as he was, but I was in a size 12 womens when I was 12 myself. Changing eating habits is more successful when you have a partner.0
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Not in my experience in the U.S., in family courts. I've worked with SEVERAL families where diet (nutrition or religious) has been made a matter of the court and it worked out as expected.BuddhaMom74 wrote: »Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »OP: the courts can address diet. File a motion asking to have the terms of visitation reviewed. Half and half isn't a beverage. Good luck!
I don't know a lot, about a lot of things, but I've become somewhat of an expert in family law. Unfortunately, this is not how family court works; though I appreciate reading something like this because it signals you've never had the misfortune of going through the family court system.
If she takes him to court to alter visitation based on the fact that she doesn't like what the child is being fed, even with loads of evidence from the doctor, father's lawyer will claim she is bitter and controlling and trying to alienate him from his son. Based on custody trends in the US, not so much here in Canada, thankfully, father actually has a case for custody because of this.
A 234 pound 12 year old's weight can be a matter for the courts if the parents can't agree.
That said: mom, you're getting lots of advice. Follow your mom instincts. You seem to know what to do.0 -
AllOutof_Bubblegum wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »Sorry can't help other than his need dad needs a serious talking to!!! He's killing his son with kindness
Nothing about what that man is feeding his son is "kind". It's borderline abuse to continually overfeed a child who has no say and doesn't know any better. Children trust their parents, it's the parents' job to not abuse that trust by allowing them things that are detrimental to their health.
You are aware many people think of food as "rewards" or to show love. My mom did that with us. So, going out to eat things that are super delicious and "special" to show your affection.0 -
bonnieh1638 wrote: »I can't really offer much help but I can share a similar situation with you in my life. I have a 10 yr old granddaughter who went to the doctor and was in the slightly obese category (not as much as your son). Her mother is separated from the father and my granddaughter has visitation with him. Immediately my daughter started discussing with her daughter about making healthier choices with food. She also explained this to the father. My granddaughter is old enough to understand healthy choices and has to relate this to her father when he makes bad choices for her. She has come home crying to her mom when the father makes her eat McDonalds. He purposely gives her bad food to do the opposite her mom wants (I know, what a deadbeat). Point is, if you teach your son good eating habits he will understand what a healthy food choice is and may choose wisely when with his dad if he is able to.
I am sorry but I have a really hard time believing this (not you, but rather your grand daughter). It is very possible he brings her to McDonald's (and perhaps that is all he can afford), buy forces her to eat it? Just no. McDonalds does have healthy options for kids that she could choose. There is also the option of just not eating it if she doesn't want it. No one is forcing her to eat it. This sounds a lot like- I am going to eat it and then will just blame it on dad, and since they are already mad at each other, no one will question it.0 -
It's hard that he is off with his dad each day and you have no control over that. If my ex was taking my child for unhealthy fast food every time I would probably make something healthy and easy for them to take with them. If that sounds unreasonable I understand; however, make healthy choices for your home. Make sure he brings a healthy lunch to school like slices of turkey, a piece of fruit, and those snake size bags of rice cakes only 80 cals. No one has to make it about his size but let him know that you and him are going to eat healthier. Allow him to pick some of the healthy foods. That way you are spending time together, getting the grocery shopping done, and teaching him responsibility. This time of year can be hard depending on where you live to get outside, but try to get out and be active. Even though he is 12 does not mean you can't go for a family walk or bike ride a few times a week. Make sure there are healthy foods in the house and find some way to be more active as a family or find a activity that will get him active. I wouldn't make a huge deal about his weight as this could give him a complex. Best of luck0
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My son is 12, 234 pounds as of today and having knee pain. Doc said to cut out sugar, period. Any advice? My son is genetically predisposed to be "a barrel with legs". He is very tender hearted, very much ashamed/aware of his weight and as likely to fight me as make changes. I keep it dietetically between the beacons at home - mostly. That's going to change to all but always, starting with sugar. A bigger problem is my son's dad, who refuses to acknowledge the weight issue. My son sees his dad daily (court ordered), and their time together almost always includes food - usually cheeseburgers or fritters with half and half for a beverage.
- Anyone else been here? What do I need to know first and worst? Thanks for reading.
This is simply not the case. I think you may need to learn a bit about nutrition and adjust YOUR attitude to food.
Obviously I don't know you and could be totally wrong but his dad's refusal to acknowledge it sounds better to me than what you have said above and also highlighting it, by banning sugar, making him feel ashamed.
Educate yourself about food and it will filter down (as I'm sure, at 12, most of his meals will be prepared by you) and do some fun activities with him that he will not equate with exercising (because you think he's a barrel on legs!) like, swimming, going to the park, playing ball etc
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herrspoons wrote: »I have to ask... Is this for real?
A pre prepubescent kid who weighs 234?
It's possible. You should see some of the kids in my daughter's class. She's nine.0 -
herrspoons wrote: »I have to ask... Is this for real?
A pre prepubescent kid who weighs 234?
I was hoping troll actually, rather than everyone being nicey nicey to someone who has fed a 12 yr old to the tune of nearly 17 stone!
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Highest I was at 12 was 140lbs - mind you I was only 4' 11" tall. There were a couple of larger guys in school, but they were also taller. I did find that oganosed sports helped me slim down in the summer - perhaps find some sporting activity he enjoys? Doesn't have to be team related if body image is an issue - just has to be strenuous enough to burn calories. And obviously diet education is a necessary portion also.
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AllOutof_Bubblegum wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »Sorry can't help other than his need dad needs a serious talking to!!! He's killing his son with kindness
Nothing about what that man is feeding his son is "kind". It's borderline abuse to continually overfeed a child who has no say and doesn't know any better. Children trust their parents, it's the parents' job to not abuse that trust by allowing them things that are detrimental to their health.
yes but alot of parents reward their kids with food. Junk food is a special treat. The father thinks he's being kind/nice by giving his kid yummy food that he enjoys.
I had a chubby dog because I was giving her too many treats. I thought I was being a good doggy mum, when in fact I was the opposite.herrspoons wrote: »I have to ask... Is this for real?
A pre prepubescent kid who weighs 234?
There are plenty of these kids around unfortunately. I'm not pointing fingers here, but they usually have equally as overweight parents.
You see them at the grocery store with their trollies filled to the brim with junk food
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This kid needs help NOW or else he will face a lifetime of misery, health problems and obesity0
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I am sorry but I have a really hard time believing this..
http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/pas/DVP.html
An interesting article on Domestic Violence by Proxy.0 -
I'll agree with the comment about the courts. "Best interest of the child" and all that.
Aside from dad and the mysterious "half and half," maybe try swimming? Should be easy on his joints, it can be a solo activity if he doesn't want to be in a large group, and it is a great work out.
(If half and half is cream and not tea, the dad would get a long with my grandma. The woman puts half and half creamer in coffee, over cereal and over ice-cream. She, however, doesn't gain weight. At all. Ever.)0 -
Your issue is pretty severe.
I would tell you to get a new doctor, get a full physical with complete blood panel, and see a pediatric dietitian.
In the blood panel make sure they include liver function and cholesterol. Also very important to test for diabetes.
You need to come at this from a medical stance.
Just "cutting out sugar" at your home is a good idea in theory however your problem is more than just cutting out sugar.
You need a balanced diet in calories and activity. For that, your son needs you to be a leader and not someone who is just withholding treats from him. You can have sugar and treats you just need to balance it in his diet.0 -
Ok this is how I see it. Both parents have overfed this child and we now have the situation of a 12 yr old who is in extreme danger.
Rather than play the blame game, what can be done? First, accept your share of the blame and accept that you can't at this stage alter what the father does. But you can change things your end and, with the help of a good professional trained in child obesity cases, it is vital that you enlist the co operation of your son. He needs to want to change. At 12 years of age, he has to take control of what he eats and you as his parent have to guide him by example.
Totally change things your end and do it together with your son but I believe you need professional help to do this.0 -
BuddhaMom74 wrote: »I am sorry but I have a really hard time believing this..
http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/pas/DVP.html
An interesting article on Domestic Violence by Proxy.
Very interesting article. Bottom line - It needs to be about the child, not the conflicts between the parents. It saddens me because in the long run it's the child that suffers
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This is what comes from doing away with gym class in schools, eliminating competitive sports from children's' lives, and allowing them to spend every waking hour holed up in their rooms playing video games. When I was a kid, me, my brother, and our friends could eat whatever we wanted, even hamburgers and French fries every day, and still be rail thin. Why? Because we were outside playing from morning until night. The idea of having to put a 12 year old boy on a diet saddens me to no end, especially when I think about how easily the situation could have been avoided.0
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