boyfriend and summer nearing causing anxiety

I am NOT looking forward to this spring and summer. My boyfriend is very into the pools and the rivers... Not to mention him and his brother are friends with a lot of beautiful, tan and skinny women who look like swim suit models. I'm not even comfortable in SHORTS in public. Much much much less a bathing suit. This is causing a lot of anxiety for me. He loves me for me, yes and at 165 pounds, I am the biggest girl he's ever been with. He's not used to someone who hides in jeans all summer and avoids outdoors because of it.. He has told me I need to really get on it BC he wants to see me in shorts and a swim suit. Soooo much pressure. He's right tho. I'm 22. No need to be hiding. HELP!
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Replies

  • streamgirl
    streamgirl Posts: 207 Member
    How tall are you? I hope he's being supportive rather than pressuring you to lose weight?
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
    edited February 2015
    What do you need help with? Do you just need encouragement and back slapping, or do you have a specific question pertaining to weight loss?
  • Start your search for the perfect swim suit now. Also, if it makes you more comfortable, search for Bermuda style shorts rather than the shorter ones. You don't have to hide your beautiful self away until you reach your ideal weight range. :)
  • loveby30
    loveby30 Posts: 76 Member
    If he's pressuring you to lose weight before the summer so you can "look hot" Get a new boyfriend. You'll dump over 100lbs right there
  • mizzzc
    mizzzc Posts: 346 Member
    Once you stop caring it is so much easier to lose the weight. But all the pressure you put on yourself will thwart your goals. Idk your height so can't say much about your weight but go on Bodybuilding.com find an awesome program and get started. Also tell your bf how hes making you feel. I'm sure he just wants you to feel more comfortable being in shorts and a bikini but he shouldn't push it. Personally Ill walk around in boy shorts (below the knee) and tank tops and make it work! Boy shorts are totally cute ! ;)

    Good luck.
  • Nikki_WantsIt
    Nikki_WantsIt Posts: 204 Member
    Bubblegum, just needed to vent and get that out to someone other than myself. Haha not sure why I said "help".. It just felt necessary. :|
  • I know that feeling, all my boyfriend's female friends are these tiny, toned pixies.
  • Lots of guys like bigger girls, or don't really care about size, so if he says he's attracted to you, I would believe him! :) Definitely wear something that you feel comfortable wearing (I've never liked bikinis either, even when I was a super-tiny 128-pound teenager), but keep in mind that he's with you because he likes you and is attracted to you!
  • I know exactly how you feel! I hide behind my clothes all summer and I wear a t-shirt when I go swimming at the beach, I will even choose not to swim if possible (even though I LOVE it). My current boyfriend is way smaller than me with an amazing body and he's super into water sports and being outside all summer, so I've been having similar feelings! But what I can tell you is that if your boyfriend loves you for you, you have nothing to worry about. Know that no matter what happens you're going to be having an awesome time hanging out with him whether or not you choose to cover up! And tell him how you feel. My boyfriend knows how self-conscious I am and understands my clothing choices, despite how beautiful he tells me I am every day.

    And if that's really not making you feel any better, know that you have time!!! It's only early February. You have lots of time to continue a healthy lifestyle and maybe achieve a body closer to what you want by the time it is the swimming season. But PLEASE do it healthfully. Please don't try to make drastic results happen right away, I don't want you to hurt yourself! Continue eating balanced and being active and as long as you feel good about what you're doing and your progress, the girls around you won't matter.

    Ultimately if you're doing this for YOU and nobody else, just you and your health, that's what will make you feel the best at the end of the day. If you've made progress and you're happy with the way you're living then you've succeeded.

    All the best,
    xoxo
  • Holla4mom
    Holla4mom Posts: 587 Member
    I'm 165 in a swimsuit in my profile pic and my husband thought I was looking hot! I'm 5'7" though. How tall are you? It's hard for me to believe that someone who is 165 pounds has so many fat rolls all over their body and limbs that they would need to have on jeans all summer. Sounds like this may be more of an issue about how you see yourself.

    Not to mention that's months away and at a 1 or .5 pound a week loss, I imagine you'd have to be close to your goal!
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
    Find a suit that makes you feel great as you are. Eat less, move more.

    And the BF sounds like a winner. You need to "get on it"...You cannot see but I am rolling my eyes. I think I would get over him and get under someone with more respect for women.
  • Holla4mom
    Holla4mom Posts: 587 Member
    edited February 2015
    BTW, is that you in your profile pic? You're gorgeous! You better own it!

    Is your boyfriend saying you better "get on it" with losing weight, or with being comfortable enough to do the fun outdoor stuff he likes to do like going to the pool, etc.
  • SconnieCat
    SconnieCat Posts: 770 Member
    The problem I've found is that no matter what your size is, you're always going to find a flaw or imperfection and fixate on that.

    The summer is a long ways away, OP! At least by my standards here in the midwest, I've got at least 4 months to tone up, myself. Take this time to work on yourself. If you're interested in losing weight, start now. Start small as so it's not overwhelming and be consistent. It won't be an overnight thing, but if you start with baby steps what might seem like a mountain will just be a lil' ole hill.

    Also, and I think the deeper issue here is self-acceptance. I'd hope your boyfriend is attracted to you for other reasons besides looks and if he's not? Honestly, he's an *kitten* and you can do better.

    The way I see it, there will always be someone thinner than me. And probably I won't be the most gorgeous gal in the room. But confidence is amazingly sexy and I'd rather be a confident slightly pudgy girl in a bathing suit, than a fit woman who is so ashamed of her body that I can't even go in public in shorts. Because both types exist.
  • itstimeRK
    itstimeRK Posts: 112 Member
    loveby30 wrote: »
    Get a new boyfriend. You'll dump over 100lbs right there

    @loveby30‌
    This is the best comment I have read all day!
  • jennifershoo
    jennifershoo Posts: 3,198 Member
    Um, you need to lose weight for yourself, not because you feel pressured by a boyfriend.
  • AlayshaJ
    AlayshaJ Posts: 703 Member
    I just want to point out to you all saying her boyfriend is a jerk. There is a difference between telling her she is fat and needs to lose weight before the summer and wanting her to lose weight in order feel confident in herself and do fun things with her in the future. I don't think his problem is her weight, its that she is self conscious about it to an extent to where they can't do certain things together because of it.

    Also, I think your problem is more mental than physical. Try looking at yourself in the mirror and telling yourself that you love yourself and your body. Saying it out loud to yourself on a regular basis should help actually make it happen. Think about what your body can do for you, what you have seen it do, and tell yourself that you are doing a good job. Even though you aren't where you want to be, doesn't mean you can't learn to love yourself right now. I would also say try to eliminate any bad thoughts about your body. If you catch yourself saying something bad, tell yourself out loud, that that is *kitten* and you are good and your body is good.
  • af_wife2004
    af_wife2004 Posts: 149 Member
    The only man to ever pressure me about my weight was my father, and because of him, I vowed I would never allow a man to comment about my weight. I married a man whose preference runs towards a curvy woman but whether I'm small or obese (and I've been both in the past 10 years) he has never once made me feel bad about my weight. So if he just wants you to "get on it" so you'll be happy with yourself and be able to enjoy some of his favorite activities with him that is one thing. If he wants you to drop weight so you compare to the other women that hang around, I'm with loveby30...drop a 100lbs of him! You need to find out what makes you happy and healthy.
  • af_wife2004
    af_wife2004 Posts: 149 Member
    Another thing, I once saw on an episode of What Not to Wear with a woman who had extreme image issues. Have a friend help...get a large sheet of paper (bigger than you) and tape it to the wall. Draw your body, the size you THINK you are. Then stand again the paper and have your friend trace you so you can see the difference between what you visualize and reality.
  • Nikki_WantsIt
    Nikki_WantsIt Posts: 204 Member
    Wow, didn't expect this much feed back. Thank you all soooooo so so much. I am 5'4 with a big booty and thighs. Also a very pudgy gut. :\
  • yhealthy2000
    yhealthy2000 Posts: 111 Member
    Are you happy with this person? Is your lifestyle compatible with his? This pressure is only okay if you have been also wanting the change. At 22, I'm sure you are healthy, and if you are 165 lbs and healthy and this is where you want to be then heck with that pressure. But if you want the change then what change are you looking for?