Yes, No, Odd, or can ex lovers be friends?

Options
24

Replies

  • keef1972
    keef1972 Posts: 411 Member
    Options
    @strozman‌ , I agree. Was just playing the "flip side". Any ex of mine, stays in the past. So should hers.
  • strozman
    strozman Posts: 2,622 Member
    Options
    keef1972 wrote: »
    @strozman‌ , I agree. Was just playing the "flip side". Any ex of mine, stays in the past. So should hers.

    I'm really surprised there weren't more dissenting opinions. Personally I just wouldn't go on a 'date' with an ex because it seems disrespectful to the person I'm dating at the time.
  • mamameaof2kiddos
    mamameaof2kiddos Posts: 6,611 Member
    Options
    strozman wrote: »
    keef1972 wrote: »
    @strozman‌ , I agree. Was just playing the "flip side". Any ex of mine, stays in the past. So should hers.

    I'm really surprised there weren't more dissenting opinions. Personally I just wouldn't go on a 'date' with an ex because it seems disrespectful to the person I'm dating at the time.

    Korekto!
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    Options
    i think that people can be friends with their ex's... but if he feels uncomfortable then its an issue.

    has the wife hung out with the ex before? a skiing holiday together seems a little random if they havent kept in touch as friends up till now? is he invited?
  • Sinistrous
    Sinistrous Posts: 5,589 Member
    Options
    I has idea.

    Get a glitter bomb and send it to her, anonymously with a note inside that says "I know what you're up to with your ex and I do not approve" and she cannot pretend that it didn't happen, glitter bombs are hard to get rid of the glitter. Have him ask her why she wants to be sneaky behind his back and have him just ask "why" a bunch of times, see what her response is.
    idk, just an idea. Back to w/e I was doing.
  • devoslosingit
    devoslosingit Posts: 48 Member
    Options
    The actual reality is that if the friend trusts the girlfriend there is absolutely no question. If there is a question then there isn't the trust therefore they should be worried.

    That said there are those people who are a. Possessive b. Controlling or c. Have had exposure with people walking out on them i.e. Parents, family; these people have a low tolerence for such issues and have a hard time seeing an alternative. Therefore even if there is trust they will see it as bad.

    Pretty much, unless you are directly related to the issue stay away from it. Be supportive of your friend whatever he decides, but don't be aggressive about the issue. Just be a listening ear.
  • ChicagOH
    ChicagOH Posts: 75 Member
    Options
    Even if they don't "get it on", it makes him sad which should be reason enough for her not to do it. She wants attention from multiple men, and hey, who doesn't? But we should grow out of thinking it's okay to hurt our partner like that. I declare her too babyish to be in a monogamous relationship.
  • ilfaith
    ilfaith Posts: 16,769 Member
    Options
    I have several exes with whom I've remained friends over the years...in that we comment on each other's Facebook posts and talk maybe once or twice a year on birthdays (most of them live about a thousand miles away). My husband has met a few of them...and, in a couple of cases, their wives and kids.

    I don't think my husband would have a problem with me going out to lunch or dinner with any of them, should they happen to be passing through town. On the other hand, I think going on vacation with an ex would be beyond where the line is drawn.
  • MKEgal
    MKEgal Posts: 3,250 Member
    Options
    From what I remember, and someone please correct me if I'm wrong, snow skiing involves being outdoors, in the cold, with lots of clothes on.
    Other than kissing, I don't see the opportunity to "get it on".
    Could she/they rent a room? Of course. But they don't need to announce that they're going skiing in order to do that.
    Does he trust her? Does she seem hinky about this, evasive, giving conflicting answers? Have there been problems before?
    Since it bothers him, he needs to tell her that. There has to be a happy medium between him being upset because she's going, and her being upset because he won't let her go.
    Maybe the husband can go along.
  • kramrn77
    kramrn77 Posts: 375 Member
    Options
    My husband and his ex wife are friends- they have to be. They have my step daughter to think of, and yes he has gone with them on different family vacations- with and without me. I have never not been invited. So, if it's a previous pattern, there may not be a reason to worry. If it's out of the blue, then yes, that would raise some red flags for me.

    If he's uncomfortable then it's really her he needs to be talking to.
  • sweetteadrinker2
    sweetteadrinker2 Posts: 1,026 Member
    Options
    Alone with a past sexual partner, no, bad, I wouldn't be ok with my boyfriend doing that.
  • beets4us
    beets4us Posts: 57 Member
    Options
    I would argue that if she and her man were in a good place, she wouldn't have put him in that situation. Even if she knows nothing is going to happen, it's not a respectful thing to do. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for your partner and put their emotional needs over having a good time.
  • coretemp
    coretemp Posts: 1,796 Member
    Options
    ^
  • cklbrown
    cklbrown Posts: 4,696 Member
    Options
    beets4us wrote: »
    I would argue that if she and her man were in a good place, she wouldn't have put him in that situation. Even if she knows nothing is going to happen, it's not a respectful thing to do. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for your partner and put their emotional needs over having a good time.


    That's it. Why would she do that to him? Nothing has to happen and yet it could still undermine their relationship. Why take that chance? He's unhappy. It's a recipe for disaster.
  • slider728
    slider728 Posts: 1,494 Member
    edited February 2015
    Options
    Wow....I think if my wife even suggested going on a vacation with an ex by themselves, that would be a deal breaker.

    Even for one that is fiercely loyal to their mate, sitting with an ex reminiscing about old times, a heart to heart talk, a bottle or two of wine, and a beautiful sunset can all be powerful aphrodisiacs. The right set of circumstances will make even the most solid person waver and not say no to advances from their ex.

    I think you're doing your buddy a favor. Not being a prude in my opinion.

  • DsAdvocate
    DsAdvocate Posts: 93 Member
    Options
    If you can't trust your partner then there's a problem in the relationship. End of story.

    I've gotten together with my ex and my partner has been with his. No big deal. We're secure together, he trusts me and I trust him.
  • kmccann357
    kmccann357 Posts: 91 Member
    Options
    I've currently got a best male friend where we crossed the line for a while, he's got a GF now and I'm more then happy for them. On the other hand the last couple of boyfriends I've had, after the break up, I make sure never to talk them again. It seems pointless.
  • Misshodge64
    Misshodge64 Posts: 8,588 Member
    Options
    Ex lovers can be friends, me and my ex was for years however he was in love and I wasn't , depends on the mindset and maturity of the people but we didn't end on bad terms either.
  • Metazoick
    Metazoick Posts: 96 Member
    Options
    It might raise a bit of a red flag, and I understand where his concern is coming from, but ex's can totally be friends. Obviously they got on, and simply decided dating wasn't the right type of relationship for them. Most times this ends all relationships between the two, but there's nothing stopping them from simply considering a platonic friendship deal to be a better fit, and hanging out in a completely above board way.

    How those two feel about eachother depends entirely on those two, and anecdotes from strangers will shed no light on them. It's simply up to your friend to decide if he trusts his wife enough not to cheat on him, which is an important question that he needs to be asking himself. I think your friend and his wife need to have an honest discussion about his concerns.
  • SJunczyk
    SJunczyk Posts: 430 Member
    Options
    Hmmm...this is an interesting thread.

    Now, I am friends with the very first guy I ever got with. We are both married (funny enough he married someone with the same first name-I obviously made a good impression! Lol-just kidding).

    I don't see any problem in being friends or meeting up or going on vacation.

    Regardless of status, you have to have trust and honesty. If you start becoming paranoid then that needs to be addressed. You have to speak to your other half and let them know what you're thinking.

    There definitely is no need to break-up or get the divorce papers rolling.

Categories