How to respond to family members who disagree with weight goal
Replies
-
PammieSuzyQ wrote: »
You should also think about whether or not you are playing a part in the fact that they might think you are unhappy. Do you grouch about your diet or exercise in any way in front of them. Are you irritable, I mean more so than usual? It's not just being on a diet that can make us irritable, there are nutrients you may be missing that can cause you to be irritable. A lack of calcium/magnesium, a lack of omegas. A lack of vitamin D3, some B vitamins. Check your cholesterol levels. Lower cholesterol can make you irritable. You don't get cholesterol by consuming high cholesterol foods, your liver Creates ALL of your own cholesterol, but it does so from the fats you ingest. Fats are necessary to life and should not ever be entirely cut out of any diet. Most people don't know that a lack of cholesterol in their blood can cause a temporary schizophrenia. "People who are deficient in omega-3s may suffer from bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, eating disorders, and ADHD".
If you are on an extremely low calorie diet, I suggest doing some research on adding supplements, or changing the way you eat in order to include what you may be missing.
I am sorry, but the whole bipolar may just be missing something nutrient wise bothers the living daylights out of me. My parents honestly believed when I was a teen that if I got the right nutrients and natural remedy, my symptoms would go away. What to know what really happened? They were SO convinced that vitamins would help that they missed the symptoms leading up to a manic episode. That did not end well for any of us.
I really take issue to people suggesting mental illness can be treated with supplements. It is dangerous. Yes, there are issues with chemical imbalence in the brain. The way to treat that is medication, not supplements.
At no time did I suggest I was on VLCD. I am well above the 1200 "limit" each day.
No, doing research via dr. Google is never a good idea when it comes to your health. There is so much bad information out there. Blood tests are the way to tell if you have a deficiency, not random symptoms you ask google about. I have seen many people do actual harm to their body because they believed they should be taking a certain kind of supplement based on generic symptoms. A really good example: right now I have a flu virus. If I were to ask dr. Google about my symptoms you know what comes up? Ebola. There is absolutely no chance of me having contracted that since I a) have never been to Africa and b) none of my PTs have travelled either.
I did not say at anytime that diet would cure bipolars. It does not of course.
What I am saying is: That if you cut fats out of your diet so drastically that you are left with little to no blood cholesterol levels, that your mental health is in danger.
This does not follow that ALL mental heath issues are caused by diet. Mental health problems are very diverse and complex, some are organic and/or genetic, some caused by environmental factors, some by trauma, and many by more than one factor. I too wish it were just that easy, I have PTSD, I'd give up my right arm if it could be solved by diet.
So if you read that into what I said, I apologize. This is not something that I googled one day, it's common knowledge health community. I first learned about it when my children were babies. They are all adults now.
Your body and your brain needs food to function. It needs fats as part of your diet. If you do not provide your body with what it needs to function, it will not function correctly. It's very simple.
p.s. please read what i said again, i DID say to go and have your cholesterol checked.
i'm going to guess that VLCD means Very Low Cholesterol Diet? I know it's not common knowledge, but a low cholesterol diet means nothing as our bodies do not use the dietary cholesterol we consume in foods. Our livers create all of our own blood serum cholesterol from the fats we ingest. So if you cut fats out of your diet, your liver would have nothing to create cholesterol from.
p.p.s. There is a way to do intelligent online research. If you can tell the difference between *kitten* and truth, it can be done.
0 -
PammieSuzyQ wrote: »PammieSuzyQ wrote: »
You should also think about whether or not you are playing a part in the fact that they might think you are unhappy. Do you grouch about your diet or exercise in any way in front of them. Are you irritable, I mean more so than usual? It's not just being on a diet that can make us irritable, there are nutrients you may be missing that can cause you to be irritable. A lack of calcium/magnesium, a lack of omegas. A lack of vitamin D3, some B vitamins. Check your cholesterol levels. Lower cholesterol can make you irritable. You don't get cholesterol by consuming high cholesterol foods, your liver Creates ALL of your own cholesterol, but it does so from the fats you ingest. Fats are necessary to life and should not ever be entirely cut out of any diet. Most people don't know that a lack of cholesterol in their blood can cause a temporary schizophrenia. "People who are deficient in omega-3s may suffer from bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, eating disorders, and ADHD".
If you are on an extremely low calorie diet, I suggest doing some research on adding supplements, or changing the way you eat in order to include what you may be missing.
I am sorry, but the whole bipolar may just be missing something nutrient wise bothers the living daylights out of me. My parents honestly believed when I was a teen that if I got the right nutrients and natural remedy, my symptoms would go away. What to know what really happened? They were SO convinced that vitamins would help that they missed the symptoms leading up to a manic episode. That did not end well for any of us.
I really take issue to people suggesting mental illness can be treated with supplements. It is dangerous. Yes, there are issues with chemical imbalence in the brain. The way to treat that is medication, not supplements.
At no time did I suggest I was on VLCD. I am well above the 1200 "limit" each day.
No, doing research via dr. Google is never a good idea when it comes to your health. There is so much bad information out there. Blood tests are the way to tell if you have a deficiency, not random symptoms you ask google about. I have seen many people do actual harm to their body because they believed they should be taking a certain kind of supplement based on generic symptoms. A really good example: right now I have a flu virus. If I were to ask dr. Google about my symptoms you know what comes up? Ebola. There is absolutely no chance of me having contracted that since I a) have never been to Africa and b) none of my PTs have travelled either.
I did not say at anytime that diet would cure bipolars. It does not of course.
What I am saying is: That if you cut fats out of your diet so drastically that you are left with little to no blood cholesterol levels, that your mental health is in danger.
This does not follow that ALL mental heath issues are caused by diet. Mental health problems are very diverse and complex, some are organic and/or genetic, some caused by environmental factors, some by trauma, and many by more than one factor. I too wish it were just that easy, I have PTSD, I'd give up my right arm if it could be solved by diet.
So if you read that into what I said, I apologize. This is not something that I googled one day, it's common knowledge health community. I first learned about it when my children were babies. They are all adults now.
Your body and your brain needs food to function. It needs fats as part of your diet. If you do not provide your body with what it needs to function, it will not function correctly. It's very simple.
p.s. please read what i said again, i DID say to go and have your cholesterol checked.
i'm going to guess that VLCD means Very Low Cholesterol Diet? I know it's not common knowledge, but a low cholesterol diet means nothing as our bodies do not use the dietary cholesterol we consume in foods. Our livers create all of our own blood serum cholesterol from the fats we ingest. So if you cut fats out of your diet, your liver would have nothing to create cholesterol from.
p.p.s. There is a way to do intelligent online research. If you can tell the difference between *kitten* and truth, it can be done.
I am sorry if I read into your reply too much. I had the flu this past week, so it is very plausible I misinterpreted what you said, and I apologize if that was the case.
Vlcd actually stand for very low calorie diet (usually under 800 cals), which I do not supper or reccomend at all. Just giving a definition.
As far as cholesterol, mine is actually high (although coming down as I lose weight). I do not take medication for it since it is not high enough to be an immediate health risk, and I would rather see if it comes to an acceptable level via lifestyle changes.
0 -
Mine is my elder daughter. Her comments are,, "I could NEVER do what you do (referring to weighing food etc), it would drive me crazy and isn't worth it." Really??? I'm 5'2" and was almost 200 lbs! She says she's proud, and then cooks all the things she KNOWS I've reduced significantly in my eating plan. SHE is not overweight, I am. So to keep things pleasant, I've become very vague. I say "I'm not sure, but it's not important right now" and when I eat with her, I put no thank you bites on my plate, nibble at them momentarily, and then push them away saying I had a big, late lunch. As soon as she starts in on my food intake or weight, I change the subject and make it about her and having her answer questions about what's going on in her life. People love to talk about themselves. Good luck, this is a terrible problem to have.0
-
Does anyone else have family members that don't agree with your weight goal? If so, what do you say to them/respond?
I started out at 5'2" and 168 lbs to which I recieved a unanimous "That's a perfectly healthy weight!" from all but three of my family members. One of the three went so far as to say "Well, you can try but what's the point? You'll just fail." The other two have thankfully been supportive but I haven't lost much yet. Either way I just calmly reply "My life, my choices. If you don't dislike it then please refrain from commenting. If your comments continue then I will talk with you less." Then, when I know have to be near them I put my headphones in and turn up the music so I can't hear them.
0 -
Mine is my elder daughter. Her comments are,, "I could NEVER do what you do (referring to weighing food etc), it would drive me crazy and isn't worth it." Really??? I'm 5'2" and was almost 200 lbs! She says she's proud, and then cooks all the things she KNOWS I've reduced significantly in my eating plan. SHE is not overweight, I am. So to keep things pleasant, I've become very vague. I say "I'm not sure, but it's not important right now" and when I eat with her, I put no thank you bites on my plate, nibble at them momentarily, and then push them away saying I had a big, late lunch. As soon as she starts in on my food intake or weight, I change the subject and make it about her and having her answer questions about what's going on in her life. People love to talk about themselves.
I love this
0 -
My mum and sister gave me a big lecture not half an hour ago.And i had to promise them till i was blue in the face that i will NOT lose another pound. I've got 4kgs (8lbs) left to lose till i'm at my goal weight.
My husband secretly puts oil in my food or extra sugar on my fruit etc etc I honestly don't know what to think, obviously they're seeing something i'm not!0 -
christinev297 wrote: »My mum and sister gave me a big lecture not half an hour ago.And i had to promise them till i was blue in the face that i will NOT lose another pound. I've got 4kgs (8lbs) left to lose till i'm at my goal weight.
My husband secretly puts oil in my food or extra sugar on my fruit etc etc I honestly don't know what to think, obviously they're seeing something i'm not!
That is some serious sabotage going on! I would go ballistic on all of them. Your husband would learn quickly what it's like to have someone mess with his food. He'd be drinking and eating laxatives every chance I had. F**k with my food and my health...I'll get even in a way that would make the debil proud!0 -
christinev297 wrote: »My mum and sister gave me a big lecture not half an hour ago.And i had to promise them till i was blue in the face that i will NOT lose another pound. I've got 4kgs (8lbs) left to lose till i'm at my goal weight.
My husband secretly puts oil in my food or extra sugar on my fruit etc etc I honestly don't know what to think, obviously they're seeing something i'm not!
That is some serious sabotage going on! I would go ballistic on all of them. Your husband would learn quickly what it's like to have someone mess with his food. He'd be drinking and eating laxatives every chance I had. F**k with my food and my health...I'll get even in a way that would make the debil proud!
LOL it is incredibly annoying.
But like i said there must be something to it if they're continuously hounding me. I'm 5'8 and 140lbs. Very far away from being anorexic!!!!!11
0 -
tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »Not that BMI is the sole indicator of health, but is your weight goal within the healthy BMI range for your height?
Very much so. My goal is weight would have me at 20.6. I would be happy with anything between 20 and 24.9. Going for more of a range then a set number.iwillsucceed0444 wrote: »Who gives a *kitten* what your family members think. They're not the ones stuck in YOUR body 24/7. Just tell them to pound sand...in a nice way. "Thanks, but you're opinion is not needed."
Not that easy. Even when they yell I refuse to yell back. They help me with a lot, so I try my best not to be rude to them.
So sorry guys. I can totally see how my first post can sound like that lol. I'm on mobile, and when I type directly into the "start convo" box, it likes to cover what you are writing so you can see it (like it scrolls). Because of that, I thpically type things out on "notepad" and just c/p. Guess I forgot to hit "select all" lol.
Why tell them if its going to cause such stress. Just say I plan to stop when I'm at a healthy weight and leave it there. Why cause yourself extra stress?0 -
Jennikitten wrote: »I have had this also, I think that this problem is that a lot of people who have little experience of weight loss have trouble conceptualizing what that amount of weight would look like when it comes off and to them it sounds like a very high number.
I have found that the easiest way to avoid the drama is just to say, 'I am not sure I am willing to stop whenever I get to a shape that looks and feels healthy on my body'
^^^^^^^^
This is so perfect!
0 -
I have experienced this too, losing 42 pounds only put me in the overweight category. I learn to not speak numbers to love ones I just focus on health and size.
Stats: 34 yrs, small frame, 5 foot 1.5
SW: 207 size 18 - 43% body fat
CW: 142 size 8 - 28% body fat
GW: 125-130? Size 6 body fat 22-25%
0 -
christinev297 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My mum and sister gave me a big lecture not half an hour ago.And i had to promise them till i was blue in the face that i will NOT lose another pound. I've got 4kgs (8lbs) left to lose till i'm at my goal weight.
My husband secretly puts oil in my food or extra sugar on my fruit etc etc I honestly don't know what to think, obviously they're seeing something i'm not!
That is some serious sabotage going on! I would go ballistic on all of them. Your husband would learn quickly what it's like to have someone mess with his food. He'd be drinking and eating laxatives every chance I had. F**k with my food and my health...I'll get even in a way that would make the debil proud!
LOL it is incredibly annoying.
But like i said there must be something to it if they're continuously hounding me. I'm 5'8 and 140lbs. Very far away from being anorexic!!!!!11
They're being so rude. And frankly, your husband is being especially bold
0 -
christinev297 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My mum and sister gave me a big lecture not half an hour ago.And i had to promise them till i was blue in the face that i will NOT lose another pound. I've got 4kgs (8lbs) left to lose till i'm at my goal weight.
My husband secretly puts oil in my food or extra sugar on my fruit etc etc I honestly don't know what to think, obviously they're seeing something i'm not!
That is some serious sabotage going on! I would go ballistic on all of them. Your husband would learn quickly what it's like to have someone mess with his food. He'd be drinking and eating laxatives every chance I had. F**k with my food and my health...I'll get even in a way that would make the debil proud!
LOL it is incredibly annoying.
But like i said there must be something to it if they're continuously hounding me. I'm 5'8 and 140lbs. Very far away from being anorexic!!!!!11
They're being so rude. And frankly, your husband is being especially bold
Yeah my husband would be running for the hills if he tried that!!
0 -
-
sameIt depends if this is a one-off, or is it indicative of a long-term pattern of controlling and possibly abusive behaviour? If it's one-off, it's probably just parental concern and a bit of shame expressed badly, if it's a pattern...then that is another, rather complex ball game.
What? How is anything I write an insi action of abuse? You're going to have to spell that one out for me because I don't see it that way at all.
Was it a one time comment? Nope, and I'll likely hear it again the next time I'm with them. It's funny though because when I was overweight the nagged and said I should lose weight; I lose weight and suddenly it's too much.They're probably mostly worried about the visual aspect. To them 50-60 pounds (gotta convert to kilos for a sec..aah ok) is like a small child. You could explain that it's not all going to be that literal and that it's impossible to visualise 50 pounds like that, it doesn't work that way in losing weight.
My parents are supportive, but also gawked when my mum asked me if I was nearly finished and I said I still had 40 or so pounds to go. People carry weight differently. It was clear I was overweight, but nobody would have guessed it was actually morbidly obese. I've seen pictures of people with my height and weight who looked way bigger than I did. So they'll just have to wait and see the end result and trust in your doctor!
That sound so similar to me. While obvious I'm overweight, I guess my body just distributes it fairly well so that no one body part is out of proportion.
0 -
Smile and nod because sometimes agreement will never be reached. My dad and step-mother think plump and sedentary is attractive. Their diet heavy on butter and whipping cream makes me gag. If your doctor thinks your goal is healthy and realistic, and you're not getting their via unhealthy means, ignore the NaySayers... Sometimes seeing positive changes in others xan be uncomfortable. If you stay the same, it makes them feel better and doesn't disrupt the status quo.
Congrats on you loss to date!0 -
If they can't be happy and supportive then don't include them in discussions about your weight and goals. I know that's not as easy as it sounds, but find someone who will be happy for you. Some people will complain and argue about anything.0
-
Amanda4change wrote: »Honestly with some people it's just not worth the argument. Most people don't have the ability to look at someone who is a healthy weight (especially if they are overweight themselves) and say they weight this amount. Rather than argue with them smile, nod and don't correct their assumptions about how much you've lost, or how much more you plan to. Let your mom believe that 20 more pounds is your end goal, then just keep doing what your doing. If she comments, say those last 10 pounds are hard to get rid of.
^^ this! My grandma is always giving me a hard time and even went to the extreme of contacting my sister and asking her if I was eating and told her she didn't think I was getting enough protein (which is funny since my boyfriend, with whom I live, tells me I eat more protein than any girl he's ever met). Just smile and let the argument diffuse and then keep on doing what works for you.
0 -
tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »Not that BMI is the sole indicator of health, but is your weight goal within the healthy BMI range for your height?
Very much so. My goal is weight would have me at 20.6. I would be happy with anything between 20 and 24.9. Going for more of a range then a set number.iwillsucceed0444 wrote: »Who gives a *kitten* what your family members think. They're not the ones stuck in YOUR body 24/7. Just tell them to pound sand...in a nice way. "Thanks, but you're opinion is not needed."
Not that easy. Even when they yell I refuse to yell back. They help me with a lot, so I try my best not to be rude to them.
So sorry guys. I can totally see how my first post can sound like that lol. I'm on mobile, and when I type directly into the "start convo" box, it likes to cover what you are writing so you can see it (like it scrolls). Because of that, I thpically type things out on "notepad" and just c/p. Guess I forgot to hit "select all" lol.
Ok, clearly I'm still on page 1 but this comment stuck out for me. Lots of times whether consciously or subconsciously, if we help someone out (in whatever form: physical, monetary, emotionally, etc.) it's human nature to both expect something in return and expect to have some sort of say over the person to whom you are providing help. Does that make sense? I see it a lot with parents who provide some sort of monetary support for their adult children. The children are adults, yet the parents, due to providing assistance, feel that they can still "parent" the child. This may have already been addressed.
It has not really been addressed but you bring up a good point. Yes, they help me out a lot and if I ever needed anything, I know I could ask them (although don't abuse that privledge at all).
When I say help out, I don't mean financially. They technically own the apt I live in, but I pay the "monthly dues" they are charged, electricity, cable, Internet and telephone bill (so basically everything). They do however, come over fairly often and if I have yet to do something (like dishes haven't been put away yet or something) they take it upon themselves to do it. They also insist on taking and doing my laundry since they have a washer and dryer (so it's free) and I have to pay to use the ones in the basement.
They really don't expect much in return. I was raised LDS (left a LONG time ago) so they believe an unwed daughter is still their responsibility. I had to convince them to let me move out after college and pay my own bills lol.
I'd say they're helping you financially since mortgage/rent is typically most people's biggest bill. Plus all the other stuff, your post is actually throwing me off a little; wish I had someone doing all this stuff for me for free!
How are they helping me if I am paying the rent? Yes, it is in their name, but they check that pays it comes from me, in the full amount.
I misread your "monthly dues" quote as though they owned the apartment outright and you just paid the utilities.
Oh no lol. It's technically a "co-op" so the bill literally says "monthly dues".
Coop dues are not the same as rent. They own the property. You need to compare your monthly dues to a comparable apartment rental in your area. If the monthly dues are less than a comparable apartment from a stranger - they are helping you financially.
0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 431 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions