11 year old daughter

I can totally relate! I have a 12 year old daughter who is 5'5 and wears a size 11 woman's sneaker. The difference is that my daughter weighs quite a bit more than your daughter and she is obese. I am on this site as much for myself as I am to try and give her some tools to learn how to [somewhat] self manage her weight loss education and goals. She is not on a diet either but rather we are on a long-term behavior modification plan LOL She has her own MFP log-in and while she isn't as dedicated about logging/tracking as I am, I am happy to say she has lost 20 pounds since January.

I have many suggestions - take them or leave them -- you will not offend me .
1.) get her involved and let her make decisions -- My daughter pushes her own grocery cart at the grocery store and selects what she will eat for the following week. I don't forcer her to eat exactly what I like and I do encourage an open dialogue but she will feed herself the foods that suit her tastes and because she is invested in the decision making she is far more willing and able to stay goal oriented.
2.) Know her environments when she is not at home. For example: My daughter has chosen to eat school lunch intead of packing a lunch (to not draw attention to herself) but the average school meal (according to the school menu) is 878 calories per meal. That's a lot of calories for 1 meal. Is it any wonder our kids are growing up with weight issues? That being said, my daughter has to figure those calories into her daily plan and work the rest of her day around that decision.
3.) Find things to do together -- my daughter has zero desire to walk on a treadmill. She has tried playing basketball, country line dancing/karate/ice skating lessons. She plays the drums at school. Last week we tried Zumba Fitness for the Wii for the first time and really loved it. Tonight we are attending a Zumba Fitness fundraising event at our town's community center so she will get a sense of what a real class might be like.
4.) cook/prepare meals together -- One of the big obstacles with my daughter is getting her to eat an adequate amount of fruits and vegetables. She won't pick up an apple or a tomato and eat it but she would drink a V-8 and eat a froze fruit bar. I had the thought that if my daughter cooked with me that she might see what is going into some recipes possibly become more relaxed about trying some new things. We also bought a juicer machine and we make our own vegetable soups/juices and frozen ice bars -- our family favorite is pineapple! I have gotten more fresh produce into this child in 5 months than I have since she was eating baby food from a jar. And the variety of vegetables I can get into her because she can't see the "chunks".... like spinach! bell peppers! onion! sweet potato... I can't tell you what a smart move that was on my part.

I wish you the best of luck. I do hope you will keep me posted and share your progress.

Kids can be very mean to each other, causing them to often over eat or under eat. Is she involved in any sports or activities? Also I would make a healthy lifestyle part of your family. Have a cheat day but over all over haul what you ALL eat. You really have to be careful with that age as to not send them into the over eaters or under eaters groups with comments about their body. Positive body image is important and difficult for them. I also think you should discuss with her Ped. there are BMI standards for kids, my kids school does them. I think that is just wrong for a kids to come home with a report saying they are under or over or perfect weight. It all sends them a message in one way or the other. Good luck!

I think you've been given a lot of great advice here so far, but I'm still a bit confused because at 5'4" and 117-120lbs. that is not nearly obese, not even chunky. I would maybe look into re-measuring and weighing to see if those numbers are accurate.

children have far different muscle and bone density than adults, they have their own scale that's different. I'm not sure whether that is right or not (I didn't look it up) but you can't go by the adult interpretation of obesity.

Sorry. I just wanted to add that taking her shopping with you is a great idea. Learn to read nutrition labels together. Not only for the fat and sugar and sodium content but for foods made mostly out of chemicals and things you can't pronounce. Talk about making better choices. Not necessarily perfect but better. Have her help you cook and meal plan. Get out for walks together. You can both support each other in becoming healthier without putting any emphasis on weight.

I'm all for putting healthy food in the house andencouraging an active and healthy lifestyle for the whole family. I would be wary of any talk of dieting specifically though. I remember constantly being told I needed to lose weight as a child, yet at the same time both my parents were big and we never had healthy food in the house and we did zero physical activity as a family. Talk to the doctor, but to be honest, if you are only supplying healthy food and leading a healthy active lifestyle by example I think you're doing all you should do. At 11 the body is changing all the time, often gaining and losing pounds through developmental spurts.

Make sure that the healthy lifestyle is something that your entire family takes part in. Don't make her feel singled out. Maybe a family meeting to discuss how you can all be healthier.

Kudos and Ditto. She needs to learn healthy habits now, so that she can carry the with her all of her life.. She's growing now and using the calories like gangbusters, but we all know how that's going to slow down and begin to pack on. Maybe if she learns the healthy habits now, she can avoid a life long struggle with her weight.

I haven't read all the responses but wanted to say quickly, my 10 year old is on the "healthy" side and I'm working on the same thing you are. I am thinking about doing an account here for her and helping her learn about good foods and help her take control of her eating habits and her exercise habits and so forth. I never learned all that as a kid and I figure it's the best thing I can do for her is educate her for real. I have 3 girls and none of us can just eat whatever we want and I don't want them to end up obese and fighting it.
Good luck and you are doing the RIGHT thing. :flowerforyou:

lots of other good ideas in the thread also...

I agree with pp she's 11 and it seems to me like she's Probably just got a diffrent body build...my 10 year old is still 68 lbs and she's 4'9 ish but her best friend who's the same age is probably close to 5'1 100-110 lbs...but she's in no way fat! I hate the thought that your daughter now thinks she fat it's sad and I hole you work it out...gl mama!

I am all for teaching kids about healthy lifestyle and such...Think it is a great idea. However young girls are already very self conscious about their bodies... face it, things are changing all over at 11 that can be embarassing for a preteen. To have the school tell her she is obese? OMG! That is so completely insensitive I am shocked.

Educate kids about healthy lifestyles and active living. Don't teach them to fixate on weight. It crushes an already shaky self esteem.

When my daughter was 11, she had to worry about enough things... let alone an authority figure pointing things out.

Just my 2 cents... but yeesh. Someone is dropping the ball here...and for what its worth 5'4" and 120 pounds is a decent height/weight. My 15 year old is 5'4" and 125 and has the boys chasing her all over town... and let me tell ya... she ain't obese either. (problem is she knows it too... :sigh: but that's another story.)

both bone and muscle mass does not reach their peak until somewhere in a person's 20's. So BMI that would be accurate for adults is not the same as bmi for children, and consequently, children who weigh less can actually have higher body fat percentages than adults of the same height, weight, sex, and activity level.

You can't go by what YOU were at the same height and/or weight if you were an adult, that's completely different from a 11 year old girl who still has 7 to 10 years of growing and changing to do.

My daughter's school is doing these 'fitness tests' too (she will be 12 next month, is 5' 6", size 11 shoes and is overweight ... but consciously working on making healthy choices and exercising - she plays softball, is doing a 1 mile run in two weeks with me, etc) and among them is a BMI, % of body fat test. They used a machine ... which does not record data accurately if they have eaten anything (she has PE after lunch), drank anything, or done any sort of activity. She came home happy that in the follow up test she could now do 5 push ups (only 1 in the beginning), went up two full levels in some running test ... and VERY stressed out that her body fat % went UP a percent, when she has done so much better and lost 6 lbs since the tests they did as a 'starting' point.

I pointed out to her that the machine was not accurate (fortunately, she has accompanied me to my gym a few times and she and I together talked with a trainer who also told her that the machine should only be used first thing in the morning when no food/drinks have been consumed and very little physical activity had taken place yet ... so she knew I wasn't just saying it to make her happy). Still frustrating ...

You might also mention to the PE teacher that BMI is not accurate for anyone really! It is over 200 years old and the inventor never meant for it to used for individuals! It is meant for populations. If it bothers her have her read this info:

http://www.freefitguy.com/2011/04/18/measuring-health-why-you-should-throw-out-your-scale-and-ignore-bmi/

Seriously? i dont know what tests they did are but that is not obese! you can model healthy eating and provide nutritious foods. She will eventuallly learn from your example. make fruits and veggies appetizing make healthy things that taste good, and open her mind to tasting new kinds of foods. you said she is active so encourage that. but at 120 lbs she should not look anywhere near obese. maybe there was a mixup in the test results. and whatever u do- dont tell her shes obese... criticize her looks or make fun of "baby fat". i know someone who struggles with an eating disorder due to this kind of thing... just a though though maybe the just checked her weight without factoring the height? because it sounds like she is tall for her age. the avrege 11 year old weighs abt 85-95 lbs. so according to that she would appear obese on the age chart