supporting your mfp friends....or not.

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jenncornelsen
jenncornelsen Posts: 969 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
hey there. i've been here for about a month. i try and keep my friends list manageable since i like to interact with them all.
I also read the diaries of those that have open diaries. this is my issue. some- not many - have diaries that mostly feature 400-700 calorie days. i have trouble supporting this kind of dieting. i don't like to congratulate a loss when i know they are pretty much starving themselves. should i just remove them? would it be better to tell them? i have a feeling they don't want to hear it. people sometimes think that the bigger number then better. i totally understand that. but i want to support healthy losses. i limit my friends because how they're doing matters to me. i'm frustrated because i know this is not sustainable or healthy , but also not my place to say my way is better, after all my losses are much slower. any input would be appreciated
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  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    I would delete them. You can tell them why if you want, but as you say, they probably don't want to hear it.
  • Dnarules
    Dnarules Posts: 2,081 Member
    edited March 2015
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    I can only speak for myself, but I used to remove anyone who consistently ate that low. I'm not talking about a day here or there, because people get sick, and some practice intermittent fasting, etc. I'm talking about eating at this low level pretty much every day. It just makes me too sad. If some of them are friends you have had for a while and have really gotten to know them, you may want to reach out.
  • ana3067
    ana3067 Posts: 5,623 Member
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    TavistockToad wrote: »
    I would delete them. You can tell them why if you want, but as you say, they probably don't want to hear it.

    This. I have some friends who eat lower calorie but I've yet to see if some eat VLCD... if htey do I will likely delete them as well, because ain't got time for that.

    You don't owe anything to the people you choose to associate with on MFP. If you want to delete them, that's your business.
  • jenncornelsen
    jenncornelsen Posts: 969 Member
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    thanks. there's a little bit of guilt deleting people but i really want people on the same path as me. which is health and long term weight loss not quick fixes.
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
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    Are they IF?
  • hollyrayburn
    hollyrayburn Posts: 905 Member
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    Check in with em. Maybe they forgot to log a meal or some snacks? If this is consistently intentional though, get Rid of the negativity!
  • jenncornelsen
    jenncornelsen Posts: 969 Member
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    are they IF? whats that? also this would be more the case where days-weeks on end are all within the extremely low range. i understand the odd day or two......i was sick the last 3 days therefore mine is around 700... but some people a regular 1300 calorie day is an exception and that just makes me feel ill thinking how they're eating so poorly
  • hollyrayburn
    hollyrayburn Posts: 905 Member
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    IF is intermittent fasting
  • jenncornelsen
    jenncornelsen Posts: 969 Member
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    if intermittent fasting lasts for weeks then its still not something i believe is healthy
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    If they are very low consistantly then I would delete them from my friend list. Their goals and methods would not align with mine.
    If you have been interacting a lot for awhile then I suppose you can ask them why they go so low or explain why you can't support them.
  • scottacular
    scottacular Posts: 597 Member
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    I wouldn't bother trying to give others advice unless they specifically ask for it. You have to let these people make their own mistakes. If you delete them and they send you a message asking why, you can explain your reasoning then about how you disagree with their methods and how you want like minded friends. Or you can just say "You're not eating enough you idiot!".
  • shifterbrainz
    shifterbrainz Posts: 245 Member
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    Maybe ASK them what their goals are and how you can help them. If you agree, now you know. If you don't agree, either try to help them understand the problems you see or since you now you can't support and encourage something you don't agree with, then delete them. But then again, that's involves caring about others and just slamming the delete button feels so much more powerful and self-satisfying. :grumble:
  • Dragn77
    Dragn77 Posts: 810 Member
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    If its any consolation... I deleted quite a few people from my list this week (not due to calories... they never responded when I reached out, nor had they make any effort to reach out to me) and not a single one of them noticed or said anything to me about being removed. So...don't feel bad.

    But yeah, Im a diary stalker (I just like food and seeing what people eat LoL not to make comments on their intake) and none of my friends with open diaries eat this low...yeah, there are good and bad days, and forgotten to log days, or those who dont log weekends etc...but none who eat say..celery for breakfast lunch and dinner types...lol so not sure what Id do.

    All the same, dont think Id say anythign unless they asked for advice. If what someone was doing was really bothering me to the point Id feel like I should give em a talking to about it...Id remove them from my list before I do that.
  • jenncornelsen
    jenncornelsen Posts: 969 Member
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    lol i posted something on my board simply saying i can't support super low calorie diets and i wish them the best. my board is open to anyone so if they care to see why they will know.
  • hollyrayburn
    hollyrayburn Posts: 905 Member
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    scottacular wrote: »
    I wouldn't bother trying to give others advice unless they specifically ask for it. You have to let these people make their own mistakes. If you delete them and they send you a message asking why, you can explain your reasoning then about how you disagree with their methods and how you want like minded friends. Or you can just say "You're not eating enough you idiot!".

    We should support our friends in here though, no? That includes being concerned about their overall health. If I saw one of my buds eating 600-900 a day, consistently, I'd express my concern
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    edited March 2015
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    jenncornelsen wrote: »
    i'm frustrated because i know this is not sustainable or healthy , but also not my place to say my way is better, after all my losses are much slower. any input would be appreciated

    There's no reason for you to be frustrated - those aren't your diaries. If it's that much bother to you, just de-friend.

    But this thread....in public like this....this is just passive-aggressively pushing people away from you, and really, kinda not cool. If you have a problem with what someone is doing, back away from the situation or tell them directly.

    IMO, etc.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
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    jenncornelsen wrote: »
    if intermittent fasting lasts for weeks then its still not something i believe is healthy

    That's too bad, because IF is healthy, and is about as close as you can get to traditional human eating patterns. The human body specifically evolved for feast/famine cycles.
  • jenncornelsen
    jenncornelsen Posts: 969 Member
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    Mr_Knight wrote: »
    jenncornelsen wrote: »
    if intermittent fasting lasts for weeks then its still not something i believe is healthy

    That's too bad, because IF is healthy, and is about as close as you can get to traditional human eating patterns. The human body specifically evolved for feast/famine cycles.

    oh i understand that. but i would then also be following paleo or primal if how we traditionally ate was important to me. and believe me i have tried both. they were not sustainable. (to me)
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
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    jenncornelsen wrote: »
    Mr_Knight wrote: »
    jenncornelsen wrote: »
    if intermittent fasting lasts for weeks then its still not something i believe is healthy

    That's too bad, because IF is healthy, and is about as close as you can get to traditional human eating patterns. The human body specifically evolved for feast/famine cycles.

    oh i understand that. but i would then also be following paleo or primal if how we traditionally ate was important to me. and believe me i have tried both. they were not sustainable. (to me)

    What is generally labelled as "paleo" has very little connection to what was actually eaten then. Paleo people ate lots of grains and zero bacon - it's little more than a marketing term.

    And "primal" is literally nothing more than a marketing term that changes month to month based on what one guy thinks will sell.

    But we digress...
  • Ellaskat
    Ellaskat Posts: 386 Member
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    Just a thought- some people do intermittent fasting, or high days and low days. Totally reasonable way to go about this weight loss thing. Though I'm not an IFer, I do have days that show as maybe 700-800 calories - 2 reasons- I usually don't eat more than 1/2 of exercise calories back, I also have days that are 200-400 over my cal range. My weekly numbers even out to where I'm supposed to be though. Maybe others are the same way.

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