My Husband!.... NOT ATTRACTED TO ME!
Fat2Fit145
Posts: 385 Member
Well... I never thought I'd be here...ALREADY!. Ive been married for almost 5 months. This weekend I saw my husband talking to another female on his phone about our sex life. He told her he was not physically attracted to me. He also told her he is attracted to her... his exact words TO HER, "i'm attracted to u". I'm devastated and really cant believe i'm experiencing this already. It is the MOST hurtful thing EVER!. I admit I have put on a few more pounds since we got married, HE HAS as well. And I have taken note of it and started exercising. Sadly , on one end I cant blame him for not being attracted to me, I am not even attracted to myself. I HATEEE What I see in the mirror. Im not sure what hurts the most, the fact that I think he is justified in not being attracted to me, or that he is not, and is attracted to another woman. This hurts super bad!
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Replies
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He sounds like a real dweeb. What are his attractive qualities? Does he have any?2
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Sorry but your husband seems like a jerk. He should be supportive to you and give you nice compliments. Love you inside and out.2
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How much weight could have increased in 5 months?3
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I think this has a lot more to do with him, than it does with your weight. If he's talking to other women that way, this is a problem that a gym won't fix. I would address it with him ASAP and figure out what you both need to do to move forward (either together or alone).3
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Elijah_Bates wrote: »Sorry but your husband seems like a jerk. He should be supportive to you and give you nice compliments. Love you inside and out.
Thanks so much. I even tried to get him to exercise with me, as I go longer when I have someone with me. He did it a few times.0 -
yopeeps025 wrote: »How much weight could have increased in 5 months?
I gained about 10 pounds. I was 185 around our wedding. the scale said 196.5 this morning
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Fat2Fit145 wrote: »
She was asking about HIS qualities, not the other woman's.
Talk to him, not a forum full of strangers.
Get a marriage counselor or pastor/rabbi/shaman/etc if needed.
Or a divorce lawyer.6 -
Why did you get married to him? How long had you been together before? You never noticed how shallow he was?1
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10 is nothing. i suspect there are deeper issues your husband of only 5 months has......1
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I think this has a lot more to do with him, than it does with your weight. If he's talking to other women that way, this is a problem that a gym won't fix. I would address it with him ASAP and figure out what you both need to do to move forward (either together or alone).
I agree..... I feel like i made the biggest mistake of my life. Never knew my husband was like this. I'm still in shock a little. In that moment I realized something is definitely wrong with him. But its still hard to not internalize it and feel hurt.
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Your weight doesn't sound like the issue.4
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Sorry your husband is such a jerk. This has nothing to do with the 10lbs you gained since getting married 5 months ago, this is the fact that he is a jerk and honestly you need to talk to him about what you heard him say and figure things out and decide if you want to stay with him, it's honestly better to find out now than years down the road.4
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lishie_rebooted wrote: »Fat2Fit145 wrote: »
She was asking about HIS qualities, not the other woman's.
Talk to him, not a forum full of strangers.
Get a marriage counselor or pastor/rabbi/shaman/etc if needed.
Or a divorce lawyer.
Oh, he is very handsome, women are attracted to him all the time. His is slim and tall. He has gotten a little punch since we got married.
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Fat2Fit145 wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »How much weight could have increased in 5 months?
I gained about 10 pounds. I was 185 around our wedding. the scale said 196.5 this morning
It can be a lot depending on weight distributions. You didn't gain a lot IMO. What does he expect when you get pregnant if that is the plan? This is a very serious issue and I put more blame on him too.2 -
lishie_rebooted wrote: »Fat2Fit145 wrote: »
She was asking about HIS qualities, not the other woman's.
Talk to him, not a forum full of strangers.
Get a marriage counselor or pastor/rabbi/shaman/etc if needed.
Or a divorce lawyer.
and I did speak to him. Talking to stranger is a way to hear others opinions as sometimes during emotional times your judgment can be clouded.2 -
I agree - the issue really isn't your weight. And he shouldn't have married you if he wasn't attracted to you
I'm sorry you're going through this. It's time to have a serious talk. 2 -
jennifershoo wrote: »Why did you get married to him? How long had you been together before? You never noticed how shallow he was?
Actually, I just felt he loved me. Its questionable now. We were together 4 years before marriage. But I think I saw the signs, I just was an idiot an ignored it.2 -
Fat2Fit145 wrote: »I think this has a lot more to do with him, than it does with your weight. If he's talking to other women that way, this is a problem that a gym won't fix. I would address it with him ASAP and figure out what you both need to do to move forward (either together or alone).
I agree..... I feel like i made the biggest mistake of my life. Never knew my husband was like this. I'm still in shock a little. In that moment I realized something is definitely wrong with him. But its still hard to not internalize it and feel hurt.
I totally understand. I wish there was a magic pill we could take to not blame ourselves for other people's stuff. It's not easy. But you can't let him make you feel like you are the one who is wrong, when he is clearly in the wrong. 10lbs gain is not as noticeable as one would think. Certainly not enough for someone to do a 180 on you.
There's a bigger issue here. How old are you? Are there children involved?2 -
Fat2Fit145 wrote: »lishie_rebooted wrote: »Fat2Fit145 wrote: »
She was asking about HIS qualities, not the other woman's.
Talk to him, not a forum full of strangers.
Get a marriage counselor or pastor/rabbi/shaman/etc if needed.
Or a divorce lawyer.
and I did speak to him. Talking to stranger is a way to hear others opinions as sometimes during emotional times your judgment can be clouded.
Believe we can empathize how you feel. It's not clouded in negative way. I say negative because you are the most important priority.
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um, I agree with the people who say weight isn't the issue. Not sure how open your marriage is, but if my husband ever discussed our sex life with another woman and then told that woman he was attracted to her I would throat punch him. Then I'd get a divorce lawyer.
I'm not saying this is what you should do, just what I would do. Then I would get counseling for myself because I would be totally distraught.3 -
Fat2Fit145 wrote: »I think this has a lot more to do with him, than it does with your weight. If he's talking to other women that way, this is a problem that a gym won't fix. I would address it with him ASAP and figure out what you both need to do to move forward (either together or alone).
I agree..... I feel like i made the biggest mistake of my life. Never knew my husband was like this. I'm still in shock a little. In that moment I realized something is definitely wrong with him. But its still hard to not internalize it and feel hurt.
I totally understand. I wish there was a magic pill we could take to not blame ourselves for other people's stuff. It's not easy. But you can't let him make you feel like you are the one who is wrong, when he is clearly in the wrong. 10lbs gain is not as noticeable as one would think. Certainly not enough for someone to do a 180 on you.
There's a bigger issue here. How old are you? Are there children involved?
I will be 30 in a few months. No children. I just cane imagine what the hell was he thinking.... then I put it back on what I did to cause it.3 -
This isn't about you at all, it's about him. And he is probably lying about his attraction to you and telling the other woman what he thinks she wants to hear. You should talk it over with him but don't let anyone make you feel like you are less than you are. Everyone deserves to be loved and valued, especially from their spouse.2
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Sorry to hear you are going through this.
IMO... If I were you, I would leave him and move on with your life as painful as it is. You are so much more deserving of love and respect than what he is giving you. Don't waste your life trying to change someone. Life is too short. It'll be hard for awhile, but you will find yourself and what you are capable of in the end. You are stronger than you know!2 -
You didn't do anything to cause this....this is him 100%, you said you had talked to him, what was his response?1
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Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Fat2Fit145 wrote: »I think this has a lot more to do with him, than it does with your weight. If he's talking to other women that way, this is a problem that a gym won't fix. I would address it with him ASAP and figure out what you both need to do to move forward (either together or alone).
I agree..... I feel like i made the biggest mistake of my life. Never knew my husband was like this. I'm still in shock a little. In that moment I realized something is definitely wrong with him. But its still hard to not internalize it and feel hurt.
I totally understand. I wish there was a magic pill we could take to not blame ourselves for other people's stuff. It's not easy. But you can't let him make you feel like you are the one who is wrong, when he is clearly in the wrong. 10lbs gain is not as noticeable as one would think. Certainly not enough for someone to do a 180 on you.
There's a bigger issue here. How old are you? Are there children involved?
I will be 30 in a few months. No children. I just cane imagine what the hell was he thinking.... then I put it back on what I did to cause it.
You did nothing besides enjoy your marriage. So I think?1 -
You don't want to spend the rest of your life with a partner that you can't trust. It has nothing to do with your weight and you deserve a husband who lives up to the vow he took. What he did isn't acceptable, regardless of your weight.
I'd confront him, let him know you heard him, and find out what is going on. Don't let this go on for years. Get out now rather than later.1 -
I was talking about his inner qualities. Like brains or character. Which sounds like he is seriously deficient in.
If you married a Ken doll because you are attracted to that outer perfection, you got it. You have yourself a Ken doll with a wandering eye.
No worries, Ken dolls are a dime a dozen. Let the little flibertygibbet have him.1 -
I'm a firm believer that if your spouse is doing something wrong or hiding something, it will find you. You don't have to look, the problem will surface.
I'm sorry. I agree with others.
The sad part is that now the trust has been broken. Once it's broken, hard to build it back up.2 -
First offense or has there been other questionable activity on his end? Regardless, no kids...that's an easy out.3
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