My Husband!.... NOT ATTRACTED TO ME!
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If a man is sneaking around talking to other women and telling them that he is not attracted to you but he IS attracted to them, its time to GTFO while you still can. No kids involved? Perfect! Clean break! And since you're already making a healthy lifestyle change, when he tries to come crawling back because you've "gotten hot" in his eyes, you'll get the satisfaction of saying "Um. No." And you can move on to find someone that appreciates you for YOU and not whether you look like a top model for the rest of your life. It wont be easy. But hear me when I say, "IT WILL BE WORTH IT!"1
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When two people get married, each person is obligated to put their best foot forward and do their utmost to sexually satisfy their partner as best as they can. This is a two-way street. He says he "wants you to do more." Okay, well what is HE doing? What do YOU like in bed? What kind of things really get you going? What makes your heart race? Have you talked about it? There are LOTS of activities you can do together in a sexual sense, and they can be as cliche or as crazy-sounding as you want, what's important is that you talk about it SUPER DUPER OPENLY. Do either of you have any fantasies? What kind of sexy things do each of you look at on the internet? What kind of themes are there on these websites? Maybe share those websites with each other. YES it's embarrassing and scary to share these things that are usually private, but when you got married, part of the deal is that you were going to do this for each other as best as you can.
Sexual satisfaction is a big part of marriage, in my opinion. That's why I ended up not marrying first-boyfriend like I thought I would... Our sexual tastes just did not click at all. We weren't sexually compatible, and it was never going to work out. If that's the case for you, then I doubt your marriage is in a good place. But better to find this out now before you have kids then later.
Try your best to think about YOUR well-being and YOUR happiness and not blame yourself too much. Make an effort, do what you can, but try to know when you've just done everything you could and it's a lost cause.
Good luck.0 -
So bc you may have gained a few, he goes talking to other females? Um yeah, not ok! But especially so when you are married.
I'd probably kick him to the curb since you are just 5 months in. I cannot even imagine his actions for years to come.
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slideaway1 wrote: »enterdanger wrote: »um, I agree with the people who say weight isn't the issue. Not sure how open your marriage is, but if my husband ever discussed our sex life with another woman and then told that woman he was attracted to her I would throat punch him. Then I'd get a divorce lawyer.
I'm not saying this is what you should do, just what I would do. Then I would get counseling for myself because I would be totally distraught.
That sounds a bit like hypothetical domestic violence. I know that you were not suggesting that is what she should do, but if a man wrote that people would rightly be all over him.
It would TOTALLY be domestic violence. I would still do it. Seriously, I have 2 young children with my husband and we have been married for 6 years and together for 8 years. It would be violence out of hurt and I've never hit anyone before, but this would be what breaks me.
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For sickness and in health. A lot of people forget this part of their vows. After only 5 months, he is wanting to bail on you for gaining some weight is crazy! Imagine if it was a SERIOUS health issue!1
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Fat2Fit145 wrote: »lishie_rebooted wrote: »These responses make me sad, no wonder people don't stay married anymore. If you thought you loved this man enough to spend the rest of your life with him, get off the internet and work on your marriage.
See a marriage counselor or talk to a pastor or talk to each other. Talk to an older couple who has been married for a long time. Talk to anyone but a bunch of strangers on the internet lol.
Does he know you are airing your problems on here? Is that much different than him discussing your private life with a close friend?
I pointed this out on the first page
Well at this point I could care less.... At the end of it all I am NOT building an emtional attachment to scores of strangers., which he was doing with ONE FEMALE. There is BIG difference.
One female that you know of...1 -
Sounds like he has a problem, not you. You can fix yours, but can he fix his? It would be sad to find out 30 years later that he did not! Call him out and tell him how you feel or kick him out! Women are not bathroom tissue...You don't use them and discard at once.
If he truly loved you 10 pounds ago, he is just a jerk!
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Why would this be your fault?! Please take a moment to love yourself. So NOT your fault. He sounds like an unsupportive and unfaithful creep.
If you really think that the weight was the issue (I doubt) then maybe you should try a couples' weight loss plan like multiple destination hikes, cooking healthy together stay-in date nights, weekly dancing nights, or take the change in season to join a kayak club or something. Something to reconnect and rebuild interest (and trust- the jerk).0 -
ok, so all the folks saying this is bad, and that this is the lowest of the low...
how many ya'll cheated in the past? #gauntlet #barbarianneedsfoodbadly
NEVER. EVEN. CONSIDERED. IT.
Unless you count that one bizarro dream where Pierce Brosnan (as he was in the 80s) tells me he's in love with me and wants me to leave my husband and family to be with him. Oh, and even though I struggled in the dream I did say no, I couldn't do that.
Then I woke up feeling guilty for having such a dream!
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ok, so all the folks saying this is bad, and that this is the lowest of the low...
how many ya'll cheated in the past? #gauntlet #barbarianneedsfoodbadly
hahaha. Not me, sunshine. I caught my ex (at the time he was my fiance) cheating on me the night before a wedding we had both gone to. Thankfully it wasn't our wedding.
Anyway, after the wedding rehearsal festivities died down, a group of us were hanging out. I went to go to bed when the group started breaking up since I was exhausted and ended up passing out for a few hours. I woke up, realized he wasn't next to me and went to find him. We were at an outdoor wedding a bit in the boonies so I wanted from the camping tent we were sleeping in to the renovated barn (very redneck meets hipster) we had been hanging out in before.
As I approached the barn, I saw the lights on but the doors were shut. I looked through one of the slats in the barn door, ready to open the door when I realized that he was standing and she was *ahem* driving downtown to get some ice cream so-to-speak. I tried to open the door, found it was locked, and started beating on it.
She escaped out of a side door with her dog. No one was around except the three of us and, not thinking clearly, I took off after her to absolutely beat the snot out of her. She was much faster than I was so I never got to throw any punches; however, when my ex caught up to me, he started spewing apologies left and right. I remember taking off the ring, handing it to him, telling him to go eff himself, and then walking three feet and throwing all up.
Thankfully I saw what he was before I vowed to spend the rest of my life with him.1 -
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I don't buy the excuse "he not attracted to you". Men use that as an excuse to make the other woman feel special. Like she can give him something he can't get from his wife. Sad that women by into that crap. Please don't put yourself down or blame yourself. He is the one in the wrong. I understand you are not happy with your own body. I feel that way too. But that does not make what he is doing ok. If he hasn't done anything else but just talk to this woman maybe you both can work things out. Hope all works out for the best. Try to stay positive.1
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Gosh these threads always make me so uncomfortable. People saying terrible things about someone they know nothing about. It's gross.
OP, I suggest you take some time to really think about what you want out of yourself and your marriage, and seek counseling both alone and with your husband.
Good luck.0 -
and this is why we spin. lol.
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Honestly if this is the first time or the fifth time it's too dang many. Communication is key though & I'd confront him. See if you both can work past this & grown stronger together. If he isn't willing to right his wrongs then I suggest moving on & keep working towards your goals.0
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This isn't about you at all, it's about him. And he is probably lying about his attraction to you and telling the other woman what he thinks she wants to hear. You should talk it over with him but don't let anyone make you feel like you are less than you are. Everyone deserves to be loved and valued, especially from their spouse.
I think this might be onto something. 10 lbs in 5 months is nothing... and you've been together for four years... I agree that the issue is NOTHING to do with how you look but something that's wrong with him. Perhaps he's looking for some self-validation to feel that someone else finds him attractive? Or is just a sleezeball? Do you think he could or ever would have cheated on you?
And take a big step back too - any mental illness/big life events? There may be something happening under the surface and he wants attention, but is looking for the wrong kind of attention...
Ahhh, stupid men!
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YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM!!!! some men do this stuff, shame on him. If you aren't happy with yourself then fix you for you!!!! not for him! good luck honey.0
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5 months, 10 pounds weight gain, no mention of any redeeming qualities other than looks for either of you....
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Divorce him and sue for all he's got.
He's young and could recover monetarily but, won't soon forget a woman scorned.0 -
ShellyBell999 wrote: »Divorce him and sue for all he's got.
He's young and could recover monetarily but, won't soon forget a woman scorned.kmccann357 wrote: »
This is a point. Time means different things for men and women. Don't waste time on the wrong person if you already know they're wrong for you.
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Ewww, what a coward0
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Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...
What he said....
I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and inappropriate...
...some of the things he said:-
- He just got caught up
- Its not that he is really attracted to her
- Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
- He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
- we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.
I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.
So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
Other notes:-
We were both virgins before we got married
Yes there were other offences before
I was questioning getting married to him
Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
In other words, he's done nothing but watch a lot of porn prior to marrying you, and he's since discovered real sex isn't like the movies.
He's a child. You need to move on. It's not your job to raise him.0 -
I don't know, maybe spinning is one of my irritating habits, they are legion. My weird food hobbies bug my husband as well. He can't figure out why I grow my own sprouts, ferment my own kraut, and spin my own yarn...and secretly wishes I'd ask for some bauble for mother's day rather than constantly begging for a good smoker so I can make my own bacon.
I'm also a crappy housekeeper. But, at least I don't fool around! And, you know, he's 9 years older than I, so he gets to go to bed with a younger woman every night. Winning.0 -
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Ya...nevermind.0
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Some couples can get through cheating. I know a couple who has been happily married for over 10 years and have 2 children and appear to be very very happy and he not only cheated, it was WAY up there on the scale of "most horrific cheating ever". They got counselling and worked through it. (BTW, they got married AFTER these events).
BUT.... I really think they're the exception rather than the rule. In your case, you've only been married 5 months. You had doubts. This isn't the only blot on his copy book. And the fact that he's making you feel that it could be your fault because you gainedf 10lbs means he isn't taking responsibility.
Only you can know whether it's right to call it quits. But if you're going to stay, make it for the right reasons, not because you feel obligated, or down on yourself, or like you somehow deserved it. He's only worth staying for if he makes himself worth staying for.
Personally, what he's done would be - to me - enough for me to call it. Cheating isn't just sleeping with someone else, the betrayal of complaining about you to another woman, who he's hitting on, is betrayal enough. But only you know whether the relationship can, or should be salvaged.0 -
Leave him.0
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