My Husband!.... NOT ATTRACTED TO ME!
Replies
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Cut loose. First, bed one of his friends, and then leave him. Done.
Ain't nobody got time for that.
Also, does he really use "u" for "you" when texting? That's... sad.2 -
Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Fat2Fit145 wrote: »I think this has a lot more to do with him, than it does with your weight. If he's talking to other women that way, this is a problem that a gym won't fix. I would address it with him ASAP and figure out what you both need to do to move forward (either together or alone).
I agree..... I feel like i made the biggest mistake of my life. Never knew my husband was like this. I'm still in shock a little. In that moment I realized something is definitely wrong with him. But its still hard to not internalize it and feel hurt.
I totally understand. I wish there was a magic pill we could take to not blame ourselves for other people's stuff. It's not easy. But you can't let him make you feel like you are the one who is wrong, when he is clearly in the wrong. 10lbs gain is not as noticeable as one would think. Certainly not enough for someone to do a 180 on you.
There's a bigger issue here. How old are you? Are there children involved?
I will be 30 in a few months. No children. I just cane imagine what the hell was he thinking.... then I put it back on what I did to cause it.
So I'm not usually one to join the just break up crowd....but....eh...if everything you are saying is true (I'm not saying I don't believe you - it's just that none of us were there)....then I would think long and hard about what you want for yourself and what you want in a spouse.
When there is smoke, there is fire.
What did he say when you confronted him? Did he own it?
You're young and free (no children). This does not have to be it for you.
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enterdanger wrote: »um, I agree with the people who say weight isn't the issue. Not sure how open your marriage is, but if my husband ever discussed our sex life with another woman and then told that woman he was attracted to her I would throat punch him. Then I'd get a divorce lawyer.
I'm not saying this is what you should do, just what I would do. Then I would get counseling for myself because I would be totally distraught.
Throat punching to distract him from the serious junk kick he'd be about to receive. That crap would not fly with me either.
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Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Fat2Fit145 wrote: »I think this has a lot more to do with him, than it does with your weight. If he's talking to other women that way, this is a problem that a gym won't fix. I would address it with him ASAP and figure out what you both need to do to move forward (either together or alone).
I agree..... I feel like i made the biggest mistake of my life. Never knew my husband was like this. I'm still in shock a little. In that moment I realized something is definitely wrong with him. But its still hard to not internalize it and feel hurt.
I totally understand. I wish there was a magic pill we could take to not blame ourselves for other people's stuff. It's not easy. But you can't let him make you feel like you are the one who is wrong, when he is clearly in the wrong. 10lbs gain is not as noticeable as one would think. Certainly not enough for someone to do a 180 on you.
There's a bigger issue here. How old are you? Are there children involved?
I will be 30 in a few months. No children. I just cane imagine what the hell was he thinking.... then I put it back on what I did to cause it.
So I'm not usually one to join the just break up crowd....but....eh...if everything you are saying is true (I'm not saying I don't believe you - it's just that none of us were there)....then I would think long and hard about what you want for yourself and what you want in a spouse.
When there is smoke, there is fire.
What did he say when you confronted him? Did he own it?
You're young and free (no children). This does not have to be it for you.
That is what I want to know. What he exactly said after phone conversation with the other woman?
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As hurtful as it was, you're lucky you heard him telling the other woman that, because you were able to find out how MUCH of a dweeb he is. Good luck with everything, God bless -- know you can do better, go to a marriage counselor (or lawyer
). 0 -
err why did you marry him? You obviously barely know him. Whether you lose 10,20,30lbs, then you have a problem. Lose the weight for yourself, but he will still be a jerk and for some reason you hadnt sussed this out.
Why did he marry you if his eye was going to wander so quickly? How long were you dating for or was it an arranged marriage?
Sorry to day it, but you might find it gets worse and in that situation id give him a chance to set things right or cut my losses. He loves himself not you, sorry to say that.2 -
Sorry about what you are going through
Focus on your health and your happiness. 5 months and 10lbs is nothing! I am sure I gain and lose 10lbs once a year during holidays! Your man shouldn't be discussing sex life with another woman unless it's a doctor or you IMO. I hope you can work things out because this is totally unacceptable how he is treating you right now! Trust your instincts. Be strong. 2 -
enterdanger wrote: »um, I agree with the people who say weight isn't the issue. Not sure how open your marriage is, but if my husband ever discussed our sex life with another woman and then told that woman he was attracted to her I would throat punch him. Then I'd get a divorce lawyer.
I'm not saying this is what you should do, just what I would do. Then I would get counseling for myself because I would be totally distraught.
That sounds a bit like hypothetical domestic violence. I know that you were not suggesting that is what she should do, but if a man wrote that people would rightly be all over him.1 -
Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...
What he said....
I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and inappropriate...
...some of the things he said:-
- He just got caught up
- Its not that he is really attracted to her
- Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
- He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
- we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.
I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.
So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
Other notes:-
We were both virgins before we got married
Yes there were other offences before
I was questioning getting married to him
Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
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Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...
What he said....
I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and appropriate...
...some of the things he said:-
- He just got caught up
- Its not that he is really attracted to her
- Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
- He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
- we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.
I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.
So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
Other notes:-
We were both virgins before we got married
Yes there were other offences before
I was questioning getting married to him
Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
1. He hasn't sown his oats.
2. He doesn't know what to expect from sex, because he never had it before. So, now he's curious. That kind of curiosity doesn't just go away.
3. He did not address the most hurtful part, which is that he said he isn't attracted to you.
4. There have been other offenses.
5. You were questioning this from the start.
Honestly, I would get out before you're stuck.
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Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...
What he said....
I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and appropriate...
...some of the things he said:-
- He just got caught up
- Its not that he is really attracted to her
- Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
- He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
- we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.
I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.
So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
Other notes:-
We were both virgins before we got married
Yes there were other offences before
I was questioning getting married to him
Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
He got caught up in saying that His wife( for now) is not attractive and some other lady is? Men do that?2 -
Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...
What he said....
I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and appropriate...
...some of the things he said:-
- He just got caught up
- Its not that he is really attracted to her
- Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
- He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
- we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.
I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.
So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
Other notes:-
We were both virgins before we got married
Yes there were other offences before
I was questioning getting married to him
Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
1. He hasn't sown his oats.
2. He doesn't know what to expect from sex, because he never had it before. So, now he's curious. That kind of curiosity doesn't just go away.
3. He did not address the most hurtful part, which is that he said he isn't attracted to you.
4. There have been other offenses.
5. You were questioning this from the start.
Honestly, I would get out before you're stuck.
Is it too late for an annulment?2 -
yopeeps025 wrote: »Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...
What he said....
I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and appropriate...
...some of the things he said:-
- He just got caught up
- Its not that he is really attracted to her
- Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
- He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
- we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.
I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.
So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
Other notes:-
We were both virgins before we got married
Yes there were other offences before
I was questioning getting married to him
Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
1. He hasn't sown his oats.
2. He doesn't know what to expect from sex, because he never had it before. So, now he's curious. That kind of curiosity doesn't just go away.
3. He did not address the most hurtful part, which is that he said he isn't attracted to you.
4. There have been other offenses.
5. You were questioning this from the start.
Honestly, I would get out before you're stuck.
Is it too late for an annulment?
Probably.0 -
Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...
What he said....
I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and inappropriate...
...some of the things he said:-
- He just got caught up
- Its not that he is really attracted to her
- Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
- He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
- we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.
I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.
So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
Other notes:-
We were both virgins before we got married
Yes there were other offences before
I was questioning getting married to him
Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
Get. Out. Now. Before there are kids in the mix.
Sure, you'll have a bruised ego and you'll be out some cash, but really, you are saving yourself YEARS of heartache.3 -
herrspoons wrote: »A virgin at 30? I doubt he was.
Get out while you can.
Exactly what I was thinking...she might have been...doubtful that he was.1 -
you should have been more concerned 5 months agoFat2Fit145 wrote: »
So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
doubt itOther notes:-
We were both virgins before we got married
red flags muchYes there were other offences before
and yet you still did?I was questioning getting married to him
I can't even.Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
Get a lawyer- and get out- otherwise you both deserve each other for your incompetence.
1 -
MeganMoroz89 wrote: »Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Well... I never thought I'd be here...ALREADY!. Ive been married for almost 5 months. This weekend I saw my husband talking to another female on his phone about our sex life. He told her he was not physically attracted to me. He also told her he is attracted to her... his exact words TO HER, "i'm attracted to u". I'm devastated and really cant believe i'm experiencing this already. It is the MOST hurtful thing EVER!. I admit I have put on a few more pounds since we got married, HE HAS as well. And I have taken note of it and started exercising. Sadly , on one end I cant blame him for not being attracted to me, I am not even attracted to myself. I HATEEE What I see in the mirror. Im not sure what hurts the most, the fact that I think he is justified in not being attracted to me, or that he is not, and is attracted to another woman. This hurts super bad!
Have you spoken to him about this? Because if you haven't you definitely need to.
I obviously don't know about your situation any more than this paragraph, but my bf and I (we'll be celebrating out 8 yr anniversary later this year), went through our own rough patch similar to yours and we came out of it and honestly, now our relationship is better than it was about 4 years ago when this happened. So sometimes, depending on the situation, relationships can be mended, worked on, and improved. But you have to talk to him about it and you both need to decide if that is something that you're willing to do.
Either way, there is no shame in whatever the outcome for you.
Very helpful. Thanks!1 -
you should have been more concerned 5 months agoFat2Fit145 wrote: »
So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
doubt itOther notes:-
We were both virgins before we got married
red flags muchYes there were other offences before
and yet you still did?I was questioning getting married to him
I can't even.Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
Get a lawyer- and get out- otherwise you both deserve each other for your incompetence.
Damn Straight.1 -
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Cut loose. First, bed one of his friends, and then leave him. Done.
Ain't nobody got time for that.
Also, does he really use "u" for "you" when texting? That's... sad.
I'm gonna go ahead and second this^^^ Also props for using the word "bed" for have sex, It's classy and you don't see people use it a lot anymore. Very regency historical and I like it.
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in....because dis gonna be good....0
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To late to annul the marriage? Get the eff out of there.0
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Maybe one of these is in order! Some guys are just ignorant ***holes.
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you have all been trolled.....LOL0
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Where can I find DB?0
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yopeeps025 wrote: »Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...
What he said....
I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and appropriate...
...some of the things he said:-
- He just got caught up
- Its not that he is really attracted to her
- Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
- He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
- we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.
I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.
So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
Other notes:-
We were both virgins before we got married
Yes there were other offences before
I was questioning getting married to him
Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
1. He hasn't sown his oats.
2. He doesn't know what to expect from sex, because he never had it before. So, now he's curious. That kind of curiosity doesn't just go away.
3. He did not address the most hurtful part, which is that he said he isn't attracted to you.
4. There have been other offenses.
5. You were questioning this from the start.
Honestly, I would get out before you're stuck.
Is it too late for an annulment?
Him being a douche doesn't fall under being able to get an annulment.Generally, for a marriage to be declared invalid, one of the following grounds for annulment must be met:
One or both parties were not old enough to enter the marriage contract;
There exists a close blood relationship between the parties;
One party was still legally married when the current marriage occurred;
One party was impotent and unable to consummate the marriage;
One of the spouse's didn't have the mental capacity to enter into a marriage contract. (i.e. due to drunkenness or mental disability)
One of the spouses entered into the marriage under duress, threat, or force.
The marriage was entered into fraudulently. This may be due to the concealment of impotence, criminal history, sexually transmitted diseases, etc.
Copied from WomansDivorce.com. Read more at: http://www.womansdivorce.com/marriage-annulment.html#ixzz3UZknvyBP
So this would be divorce territory, not an annulment.1 -
Oh hun - oh, my dear dear woman - GET A LAWYER. I'm not saying you have to leave him, but if he would sneak around about this, he could sneak around about other things too - and if it gets worse and you do end up having to leave him, I don't want you to be in trouble financially because of any nonsense he might pull.0
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OP - call judge judy, she should be able to assist..0
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