My Husband!.... NOT ATTRACTED TO ME!
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um, I agree with the people who say weight isn't the issue. Not sure how open your marriage is, but if my husband ever discussed our sex life with another woman and then told that woman he was attracted to her I would throat punch him. Then I'd get a divorce lawyer.
I'm not saying this is what you should do, just what I would do. Then I would get counseling for myself because I would be totally distraught.3 -
Fat2Fit145 wrote: »I think this has a lot more to do with him, than it does with your weight. If he's talking to other women that way, this is a problem that a gym won't fix. I would address it with him ASAP and figure out what you both need to do to move forward (either together or alone).
I agree..... I feel like i made the biggest mistake of my life. Never knew my husband was like this. I'm still in shock a little. In that moment I realized something is definitely wrong with him. But its still hard to not internalize it and feel hurt.
I totally understand. I wish there was a magic pill we could take to not blame ourselves for other people's stuff. It's not easy. But you can't let him make you feel like you are the one who is wrong, when he is clearly in the wrong. 10lbs gain is not as noticeable as one would think. Certainly not enough for someone to do a 180 on you.
There's a bigger issue here. How old are you? Are there children involved?
I will be 30 in a few months. No children. I just cane imagine what the hell was he thinking.... then I put it back on what I did to cause it.3 -
This isn't about you at all, it's about him. And he is probably lying about his attraction to you and telling the other woman what he thinks she wants to hear. You should talk it over with him but don't let anyone make you feel like you are less than you are. Everyone deserves to be loved and valued, especially from their spouse.2
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Sorry to hear you are going through this.
IMO... If I were you, I would leave him and move on with your life as painful as it is. You are so much more deserving of love and respect than what he is giving you. Don't waste your life trying to change someone. Life is too short. It'll be hard for awhile, but you will find yourself and what you are capable of in the end. You are stronger than you know!2 -
You didn't do anything to cause this....this is him 100%, you said you had talked to him, what was his response?1
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Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Fat2Fit145 wrote: »I think this has a lot more to do with him, than it does with your weight. If he's talking to other women that way, this is a problem that a gym won't fix. I would address it with him ASAP and figure out what you both need to do to move forward (either together or alone).
I agree..... I feel like i made the biggest mistake of my life. Never knew my husband was like this. I'm still in shock a little. In that moment I realized something is definitely wrong with him. But its still hard to not internalize it and feel hurt.
I totally understand. I wish there was a magic pill we could take to not blame ourselves for other people's stuff. It's not easy. But you can't let him make you feel like you are the one who is wrong, when he is clearly in the wrong. 10lbs gain is not as noticeable as one would think. Certainly not enough for someone to do a 180 on you.
There's a bigger issue here. How old are you? Are there children involved?
I will be 30 in a few months. No children. I just cane imagine what the hell was he thinking.... then I put it back on what I did to cause it.
You did nothing besides enjoy your marriage. So I think?1 -
You don't want to spend the rest of your life with a partner that you can't trust. It has nothing to do with your weight and you deserve a husband who lives up to the vow he took. What he did isn't acceptable, regardless of your weight.
I'd confront him, let him know you heard him, and find out what is going on. Don't let this go on for years. Get out now rather than later.1 -
I was talking about his inner qualities. Like brains or character. Which sounds like he is seriously deficient in.
If you married a Ken doll because you are attracted to that outer perfection, you got it. You have yourself a Ken doll with a wandering eye.
No worries, Ken dolls are a dime a dozen. Let the little flibertygibbet have him.1 -
I'm a firm believer that if your spouse is doing something wrong or hiding something, it will find you. You don't have to look, the problem will surface.
I'm sorry. I agree with others.
The sad part is that now the trust has been broken. Once it's broken, hard to build it back up.2 -
First offense or has there been other questionable activity on his end? Regardless, no kids...that's an easy out.3
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Cut loose. First, bed one of his friends, and then leave him. Done.
Ain't nobody got time for that.
Also, does he really use "u" for "you" when texting? That's... sad.2 -
Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Fat2Fit145 wrote: »I think this has a lot more to do with him, than it does with your weight. If he's talking to other women that way, this is a problem that a gym won't fix. I would address it with him ASAP and figure out what you both need to do to move forward (either together or alone).
I agree..... I feel like i made the biggest mistake of my life. Never knew my husband was like this. I'm still in shock a little. In that moment I realized something is definitely wrong with him. But its still hard to not internalize it and feel hurt.
I totally understand. I wish there was a magic pill we could take to not blame ourselves for other people's stuff. It's not easy. But you can't let him make you feel like you are the one who is wrong, when he is clearly in the wrong. 10lbs gain is not as noticeable as one would think. Certainly not enough for someone to do a 180 on you.
There's a bigger issue here. How old are you? Are there children involved?
I will be 30 in a few months. No children. I just cane imagine what the hell was he thinking.... then I put it back on what I did to cause it.
So I'm not usually one to join the just break up crowd....but....eh...if everything you are saying is true (I'm not saying I don't believe you - it's just that none of us were there)....then I would think long and hard about what you want for yourself and what you want in a spouse.
When there is smoke, there is fire.
What did he say when you confronted him? Did he own it?
You're young and free (no children). This does not have to be it for you.
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enterdanger wrote: »um, I agree with the people who say weight isn't the issue. Not sure how open your marriage is, but if my husband ever discussed our sex life with another woman and then told that woman he was attracted to her I would throat punch him. Then I'd get a divorce lawyer.
I'm not saying this is what you should do, just what I would do. Then I would get counseling for myself because I would be totally distraught.
Throat punching to distract him from the serious junk kick he'd be about to receive. That crap would not fly with me either.
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Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Fat2Fit145 wrote: »I think this has a lot more to do with him, than it does with your weight. If he's talking to other women that way, this is a problem that a gym won't fix. I would address it with him ASAP and figure out what you both need to do to move forward (either together or alone).
I agree..... I feel like i made the biggest mistake of my life. Never knew my husband was like this. I'm still in shock a little. In that moment I realized something is definitely wrong with him. But its still hard to not internalize it and feel hurt.
I totally understand. I wish there was a magic pill we could take to not blame ourselves for other people's stuff. It's not easy. But you can't let him make you feel like you are the one who is wrong, when he is clearly in the wrong. 10lbs gain is not as noticeable as one would think. Certainly not enough for someone to do a 180 on you.
There's a bigger issue here. How old are you? Are there children involved?
I will be 30 in a few months. No children. I just cane imagine what the hell was he thinking.... then I put it back on what I did to cause it.
So I'm not usually one to join the just break up crowd....but....eh...if everything you are saying is true (I'm not saying I don't believe you - it's just that none of us were there)....then I would think long and hard about what you want for yourself and what you want in a spouse.
When there is smoke, there is fire.
What did he say when you confronted him? Did he own it?
You're young and free (no children). This does not have to be it for you.
That is what I want to know. What he exactly said after phone conversation with the other woman?
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As hurtful as it was, you're lucky you heard him telling the other woman that, because you were able to find out how MUCH of a dweeb he is. Good luck with everything, God bless -- know you can do better, go to a marriage counselor (or lawyer
). 0 -
err why did you marry him? You obviously barely know him. Whether you lose 10,20,30lbs, then you have a problem. Lose the weight for yourself, but he will still be a jerk and for some reason you hadnt sussed this out.
Why did he marry you if his eye was going to wander so quickly? How long were you dating for or was it an arranged marriage?
Sorry to day it, but you might find it gets worse and in that situation id give him a chance to set things right or cut my losses. He loves himself not you, sorry to say that.2 -
Sorry about what you are going through
Focus on your health and your happiness. 5 months and 10lbs is nothing! I am sure I gain and lose 10lbs once a year during holidays! Your man shouldn't be discussing sex life with another woman unless it's a doctor or you IMO. I hope you can work things out because this is totally unacceptable how he is treating you right now! Trust your instincts. Be strong. 2 -
enterdanger wrote: »um, I agree with the people who say weight isn't the issue. Not sure how open your marriage is, but if my husband ever discussed our sex life with another woman and then told that woman he was attracted to her I would throat punch him. Then I'd get a divorce lawyer.
I'm not saying this is what you should do, just what I would do. Then I would get counseling for myself because I would be totally distraught.
That sounds a bit like hypothetical domestic violence. I know that you were not suggesting that is what she should do, but if a man wrote that people would rightly be all over him.1 -
Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...
What he said....
I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and inappropriate...
...some of the things he said:-
- He just got caught up
- Its not that he is really attracted to her
- Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
- He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
- we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.
I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.
So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
Other notes:-
We were both virgins before we got married
Yes there were other offences before
I was questioning getting married to him
Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
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