My partner's sweet tooth problem - he is making me eat more than I should!

Options
Yoyo_Fitness
Yoyo_Fitness Posts: 84 Member
in Food and Nutrition
I'm sure this happens to all of us. My partner, who have a sweet tooth, always expect me to join him whenever he has cravings for sweets. Eat half of this muffin, share this with me, order this with me, etc. I do eat a bit to be polite, but at the same time it really makes me angry because I don't want to!!! Of course you could say NO but I know that he won't like it. He is already much healthier than before but he is trying to put his guilt on me, too.....How do you deal with this??? Has anyone had a similar experience?
«134

Replies

  • lauracups
    lauracups Posts: 533 Member
    Options
    I have a VERY hard time passing up the sweets, and admittedly I still indulge more than I should. That being said, I am responsible for my eating, no one is force feeding me. I started to respond to the food pushers in my life by saying "would you walk into an AA meeting with a fifth and push that too???". Yeah, it's off putting, but it works.
  • asdowe13
    asdowe13 Posts: 1,951 Member
    Options
    You can't blame your partner for what you put in your mouth.

  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Options
    adowe wrote: »
    You can't blame your partner for what you put in your mouth.

    Giggity... and this.
  • mzjenn2u
    mzjenn2u Posts: 78 Member
    Options
    my partner is similar he eats unhealthy and does NOT gain weight if anything gains muscle and lots of it....we have issues here and there BUT he knows now how serious i am and how much it sucks to see him eating those things especially when he offers...WILL POWER is your best friend....JUST SAY NO
  • scottacular
    scottacular Posts: 597 Member
    Options
    Sorry, but it sounds like you are making an excuse to indulge a little here. If you choosing what you do and do not eat makes him angry, then he has serious problems that need addressing. Because that's actually quite a disturbing way to behave.
  • drajbirbal
    drajbirbal Posts: 12 Member
    Options
    adowe wrote: »
    You can't blame your partner for what you put in your mouth.

    Agreed. Take some responsibility and hold yourself accountable for your actions.

    Your partner should also support you and not make you feel guilty about refusing to eat something that you don't feel like eating.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    edited March 2015
    Options
    First, he isn't making you. That's not me nitpicking your wording, it's an important mindset to get rid of right now. Take ownership of your actions and learn to say no.

    Second, he's your partner. You have to communicate with him. I do a lot of things just to be polite with other people, and of course I do whatever I can to make my husband happy, but there's got to be a point where you just sit him down and say "hey, this is making things harder for me. Please cut it out." If he's a good partner he'll try.

    That said, there's no reason you can't work a few sweets in here and there. Maybe you could arrange something with him, like once per week the two of you go out for dessert or whatever. Don't assume that he's "putting his guilt on you" unless that's what he's told you. Personally I eat sweets all the time. I usually have ice cream every night. I have no guilt. I always offer some to my husband, because that's how I was raised. But if he ever said "I wish you'd stop offering" I'd do it in a heartbeat.
  • booksandchocolate12
    booksandchocolate12 Posts: 1,741 Member
    Options
    You won't be able to change your behavior until you acknowledge that YOU are responsible for it. Stop blaming your partner for "making you" eat sweets and be accountable for what you do.

    Have you talked to him about this, or are you just assuming that he won't like it if you pass up the sweets? I don't understand how someone who cares for you would be upset if you wanted to get healthier. You say that he is "healthier than before". Why wouldn't he want that for you?
  • Graceious1
    Graceious1 Posts: 716 Member
    Options
    I think we worry too much about upsetting others and don't consider how much they upset us. You are your own person and he is his. Nobody "makes" us do anything. If want it have it. If you really don't want it don't have it. When you start letting other people become the master of your life you have lost control. Be careful with that one!
  • Showtime1978
    Showtime1978 Posts: 109 Member
    Options
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics wrote: »
    First, he isn't making you. That's not me nitpicking your wording, it's an important mindset to get rid of right now. Take ownership of your actions and learn to say no.

    Second, he's your partner. You have to communicate with him. I do a lot of things just to be polite with other people, and of course I do whatever I can to make my husband happy, but there's got to be a point where you just sit him down and say "hey, this is making things harder for me. Please cut it out." If he's a good partner he'll try.

    That said, there's no reason you can't work a few sweets in here and there. Maybe you could arrange something with him, like once per week the two of you go out for dessert or whatever. Don't assume that he's "putting his guilt on you" unless that's what he's told you. Personally I eat sweets all the time. I usually have ice cream every night. I have no guilt. I always offer some to my husband, because that's how I was raised. But if he ever said "I wish you'd stop offering" I'd do it in a heartbeat.

    Great response! Couldn't have said it better myself.

  • PeachyCarol
    PeachyCarol Posts: 8,029 Member
    Options
    adowe wrote: »
    You can't blame your partner for what you put in your mouth.

    ^This. OP, you said it yourself. You can say no. It is a complete sentence. If he won't like it, tough. He'll learn to deal. You need to learn to deal with issues you might have about people pleasing.

    On the surface, and I'm saying this kindly, it sounds like you're making excuses.

  • mzbek24
    mzbek24 Posts: 436 Member
    edited March 2015
    Options
    The reality of life is, that other people have got their own, different goals, and temptation will be around you, always. My partner is trying to gain weight, I know the feeling, but I make sure that I choose for MYSELF, bring my own healthy snacks and we'll eat out at places where we both can choose something according to our own individual goals. If you perhaps pre-plan and log your food it might help you to stay focused, or workout more or even joint exercise, so there's a little less pressure on you. Just let him know that you're trying to stick to your goals, and hopefully he will not offer or in any way try to influence you. Utlimately, though, It's going to be up yo your own willpower to still enjoy the same foods, but know when to stop.
  • MeanderingMammal
    MeanderingMammal Posts: 7,866 Member
    Options
    adowe wrote: »
    You can't blame your partner for what you put in your mouth.

    This
  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,179 Member
    Options
    You can say No. And if he cannot accept No for something that simple, thne you have much bigger problems in this relationship than who gets to eat what.
  • Showtime1978
    Showtime1978 Posts: 109 Member
    Options
    I don't think you need to cut out sweets entirely to be successful in reaching whatever your particular goal is (I eat chocolate every day - usually in the form of semi-sweet chocolate chips, lol). I choose to do this and make it fit into my daily allowances. However, placing the blame on your spouse for this behavior is not acceptable. You are your own person and are solely responsible for what goes in your mouth.
    I have had trouble with peer pressure as well so I can understand...but just stand firm and if you have a good man then he will be understanding and not put you in those positions.
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,627 Member
    Options
    is he holding you down and shoving it in your mouth?

    no?

    then hes not making you eat it, is he?

    My husband eats tons of crap i dont, and always asks if i want some (cause you know, its polite!). 9/10 times I decline.

    You control what goes in your mouth. Not him.
  • ActuarialChef
    ActuarialChef Posts: 1,413 Member
    Options
    I agree with all of the comments here. I just have one thing to add:

    If you feel bad or guilty for not eating the half of whatever he's offering you because it's wasteful (not sure if you do, but I just wanted to address it since no one else did) - thank him for the offer and wrap it up and put it in the fridge/freezer/wherever. HE can eat it the next time he has a craving for half a muffin or whatever else. You do NOT have to eat it just because it's there.
  • Lois_1989
    Lois_1989 Posts: 6,409 Member
    Options
    I get what your saying. My dear MIL weekly buys us chocolate. We asked her to stop, but it seems she has selective hearing. So we put them all in a box and if we have the calories spare, we may indulge. Sometime people either can't take the hint and don't want to take the hint. At the same time I get your partners view that he wants enough to satisfy his craving but not have the whole thing. Maybe you should let him know its ok to throw the other half away or keep it for another day and not pester you with it?
  • WinoGelato
    WinoGelato Posts: 13,454 Member
    Options
    randomtai wrote: »
    adowe wrote: »
    You can't blame your partner for what you put in your mouth.

    Giggity... and this.

    Glad I'm not the only one who had this reaction.... Both of them actually.
  • ActuarialChef
    ActuarialChef Posts: 1,413 Member
    Options
    Lois_1989 wrote: »
    I get what your saying. My dear MIL weekly buys us chocolate. We asked her to stop, but it seems she has selective hearing. So we put them all in a box and if we have the calories spare, we may indulge. Sometime people either can't take the hint and don't want to take the hint. At the same time I get your partners view that he wants enough to satisfy his craving but not have the whole thing. Maybe you should let him know its ok to throw the other half away or keep it for another day and not pester you with it?

    My fiance's grandmother does this, but with fresh donuts from a bakery by her house. A full dozen gourmet delicious donuts, delivered to us EVERY time she visits.

    We usually keep two and split one for dessert for the next two nights, and I take the rest to work. Plenty of people there appreciate them and most importantly, they're out of my house and totally gone from the kitchen at work within hours!! :)

Categories