Stop putting responsibility and control onto other people or food.
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ana3067
Posts: 5,623 Member
Seriously, it's not helping you to completely feign a lack of control in your weight loss (or weight gain/management) endeavours.
Your boyfriend isn't sabotaging you for bringing home a box of donuts and making a cheesy lasagna.
Your mother isn't forcing you to eat cake and mini eggs on Easter.
That bag of chips existing didn't make you eat it.
You eat one of those donuts? Okay, that was YOUR choice - your choice to either accept it willingly and fit it within your calories (maintenance if required), or your choice to not say no when you really didn't want to eat it.
You have a slice of cake with some chocolate? Again, you made that choice.
You opened up that bag of chips and ate the whole thing? It was your choice to a) not portion some out before eating or b) to not stop eating after that chosen portion.
Own up to the "mistakes" you make, realize it's just one day, eating at maintenance or a bit above will simply slow down the weight loss, not stop it entirely.
And stop making yourself out to be a blameless victim in all of this. If I felt compelled to eat way more mini eggs tonight than I ever should, that's my choice, I'm aware of what that choice will result in, and it's MY choice to decide whether the consequences are great enough to put the bag away or whether the yumminess of the chocolate outweighs those consequences.
Your boyfriend isn't sabotaging you for bringing home a box of donuts and making a cheesy lasagna.
Your mother isn't forcing you to eat cake and mini eggs on Easter.
That bag of chips existing didn't make you eat it.
You eat one of those donuts? Okay, that was YOUR choice - your choice to either accept it willingly and fit it within your calories (maintenance if required), or your choice to not say no when you really didn't want to eat it.
You have a slice of cake with some chocolate? Again, you made that choice.
You opened up that bag of chips and ate the whole thing? It was your choice to a) not portion some out before eating or b) to not stop eating after that chosen portion.
Own up to the "mistakes" you make, realize it's just one day, eating at maintenance or a bit above will simply slow down the weight loss, not stop it entirely.
And stop making yourself out to be a blameless victim in all of this. If I felt compelled to eat way more mini eggs tonight than I ever should, that's my choice, I'm aware of what that choice will result in, and it's MY choice to decide whether the consequences are great enough to put the bag away or whether the yumminess of the chocolate outweighs those consequences.
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I can agree to some extent, but some people do have legitimate eating disorders where it's not quite as simple as "just stop eating"0
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Team_Hownd wrote: »I can agree to some extent, but some people do have legitimate eating disorders where it's not quite as simple as "just stop eating"
An eating disorder does not mean blaming others or the food for your inability to meet your caloric needs is justified though. The work is all on YOU, not on the food. And I'd venture a guess that there are significantly more people here with anorexia and/or bulimia than with an over-eating ED, so for them it's not "just stop eating."
Plus I didn't say that you need to just stop eating. I said that you are in control of WHATEVER decisions you made, not the food or other people. Meaning you were in control when you ate to your calorie needs, and you were in control when you failed to meet those needs (too little or too much). Having a mental disorder can make it harder to meet your goals, yes, but to blame your coworkers or work schedule or fighting family members etc on not eating nearly enough isn't really helpful. To say "yes, I was afraid to eat tonight, I didn't eat enough and that is on me" is more constructive, imo.0 -
Well done on having such strong will power.
I am pretty sure most of the population do not have it in abundance. If they did the supermarkets would suffer - no more impulse buying.
Every wonder why supermarkets charge more to suppliers to have their products displayed at eye level.
We as a species are very suggestible.
Ultimately we are responsible for all of our own actions and reactions, but we do sometimes require the support, understanding and sensitivity of others.
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tennisdude2004 wrote: »Well done on having such strong will power.
I am pretty sure most of the population do not have it in abundance. If they did the supermarkets would suffer - no more impulse buying.
Every wonder why supermarkets charge more to suppliers to have their products displayed at eye level.
We as a species are very suggestible.
Ultimately we are responsible for all of our own actions and reactions, but we do sometimes require the support, understanding and sensitivity of others.
Again, not about will power. It's about realizing that you are the one in control of your decisions, meaning you are in control of the good AND the bad. Just like no one forced me to eat 3000 calories for dinner, no one forced me to meet my caloric goals with lots of variety in food intake.
Control goes for both the good AND the bad, and it's ridiculous to put blame onto other people when you fail to meet your goals, but not to praise others when you DO meet your goals. If you're going to basically say that everyone else and all food is in charge of your poor decisions, then you should also say that these things are in charge of your good decisions, but we don't say that.
Doesn't that seem like an odd thing?
So, yeah, I'm in control on the days I go OVER on calories too. Because it's my choice to be over, for me in that situation being over outweighs being at my target. I had one day where i went to bed only eating like 1300 calories, and for me that was my choice to be under as it outweighed the idea of being at target.. I just made up for it the next day.
All my own choices, the good and the bad. Not someone else's choices, no one is sabotaging me or you, etc.
My parents buying bags of chips for themselves when I was "eating clean" years ago, for instance, was not sabotage. I legitimately HATED both them and the bags of chips when this would happen... but why? My parents buying something they wanted doesn't mean they were sabotaging me, they just lived their lives. It'd be like me blaming all the strangers in the world eating 4 bars of chocolate for lunch on my eating behaviour. Support from others doesn't mean that they have to a) eat the way I do, or b) stop eating things that they enjoy eating.0 -
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Team_Hownd wrote: »I can agree to some extent, but some people do have legitimate eating disorders where it's not quite as simple as "just stop eating"
Overrated. For most people their disorder appears their willingness to say no....0 -
Well nothing makes me feel empowered and ready to gain control of my physiological need to eat high fat high sugar foods than being told i need to "stop eating it".
Not sure what compelled you to have a pop at people who struggle with overeating and why they do it but its not helpful.0 -
Team_Hownd wrote: »I can agree to some extent, but some people do have legitimate eating disorders where it's not quite as simple as "just stop eating"
Exactly. It's like telling an alcoholic "just don't drink". Sure, that is obviously the answer, but it doesn't mean the spouse bringing liquor into the house is not a problem.0 -
MrCoolGrim wrote: »
Yeah I'm sure it will be a poopnado in here, but IDC. I regularly see these "omg so and so is sabotaging me" or related i-have-no-say-or-control-in-what-i-eat threads and it's like... come on! Grow some balls and stop blaming external factors on your inability to do things. If you fail to meet your goals or you succeed in meeting your goals, it's always on YOU. Even if the choices you make don't seem explicit, you are still making them. I don't have an internal debate with myself every time I eat things, it's a far more implicit process, but it's still a decision that I am making - good OR bad.0 -
Read twice, post once fail. Carry on.
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Oh, well, I tend to forget, I'm not perfect like the majority of people that post here. I don't know why I keep forgetting that.0
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Team_Hownd wrote: »I can agree to some extent, but some people do have legitimate eating disorders where it's not quite as simple as "just stop eating"
An eating disorder does not mean blaming others or the food for your inability to meet your caloric needs is justified though. The work is all on YOU, not on the food. And I'd venture a guess that there are significantly more people here with anorexia and/or bulimia than with an over-eating ED, so for them it's not "just stop eating."
Plus I didn't say that you need to just stop eating. I said that you are in control of WHATEVER decisions you made, not the food or other people. Meaning you were in control when you ate to your calorie needs, and you were in control when you failed to meet those needs (too little or too much). Having a mental disorder can make it harder to meet your goals, yes, but to blame your coworkers or work schedule or fighting family members etc on not eating nearly enough isn't really helpful. To say "yes, I was afraid to eat tonight, I didn't eat enough and that is on me" is more constructive, imo.
http://www.anad.org/get-information/about-eating-disorders/binge-eating-disorder/
"About 30% of the participants in weight loss programs meet criteria for BED. The prevalence of BED in the general population is 2%"
http://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/information/statistics-studies
.9% of women will struggle with anorexia in their lifetime
1.5% of women will struggle with bulimia in their lifetime
3.5% of women will struggle with binge eating
.3% of men will struggle with anorexia
.5% of men will struggle with bulimia
2% of men will struggle with binge eating disorder [13]
Answer? prevalence is BED > Anorexia + bulimia and especially so when adjusting for weight loss environment setting.
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Well, I have to say I've seen lots of posts where people were ranting angrily that their coworkers brought in donuts when they KNOW that the OP was on a diet.
I mean seriously, the world doesn't revolve around you. Donuts will always be there. People aren't going to change their own behaviors for you.....0 -
Can't we talk about the struggle and not try to one up each other by saying you can avoid cravings when another person cannot? Everyone is weak at some point. Maybe you're not at that point today, but you were. Give the other person a break.0
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I get what you are saying OP. In short my line is,"we are a product of our choices".
It is not an easy place to get to for some people and that is just reality.
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annaskiski wrote: »Well, I have to say I've seen lots of posts where people were ranting angrily that their coworkers brought in donuts when they KNOW that the OP was on a diet.
I mean seriously, the world doesn't revolve around you. Donuts will always be there. People aren't going to change their own behaviors for you.....
I think this is more what the OP is talking about
I have a lot more compassion and sympathy for someone who says "ugh, I just couldn't resist that donut. I wish I hadn't eaten it. ". vs the person who says "Ugh! My coworker brought in donuts! Why are they trying to sabotage me?"
See the difference?0 -
That's a fairly simplistic description of how people work, which ignores 100+ years of psychology, and doesn't explain, at all, why food scientists and marketers are able to show results for their efforts. There are many factors that tip us towards or away from behaviours, some internal, some external.
I think it's helpful to understand what your vulnerabilities might be and plan around them, goal being that "willpower" doesn't even have to come up. That effort - to achieve insight into your own particular pattern and tweak your environment to make it work for you - is still an empowering activity. That's what people on MFP are doing when they plan their meals, or anticipate and work around challenging scenarios.0 -
Knowing that we are in control of what we eat is one thing. Reaching that point at which we make the decision to take control is something completely different. I've spent the past few years knowing I was overweight and knowing what I needed to do to get rid of the extra weight, but unwilling to take the action required. I was willing to get on a bicycle and pedal for ten hours a week, but not willing to reduce my calorie intake. I wish I had been, but I can't think of anything I or anyone else could've done to change my attitude. Now, I've lost 40 pounds and have every expectation that I will lose 20 more. Looking back, I don't know that I could've done this while I was working 60+ hours per week or when I was traveling every week. Could I continue it if I went back to that? Yes, but I don't think I would be able to get started while doing that.0
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i didn't say that you have to just stop eating. When I said "stop eating" it was as part of a choice. And yes, I've made the choice to NOT stop eating in the past. Meaning that I chose to continue eating my 4th chocolate bar instead of stopping (and yes, in those situations I actually DID have an internal dialogue). AlthougH I didn't count calories at the time, clearly the chocolate bar outweighed health and weight management at the time.Charliecatesq wrote: »Well nothing makes me feel empowered and ready to gain control of my physiological need to eat high fat high sugar foods than being told i need to "stop eating it".
Not sure what compelled you to have a pop at people who struggle with overeating and why they do it but its not helpful.
Any decision you make is your responsibility, not the food's or someone else's. That means that both the good and the bad choices are your responsibility.
I eat high fat high sugar food all the time, so this is not a jab at "bad food." This is simply telling people to stop shirking responsibility of thier intake onto other things/people, whether the choices they make are positive or negative for their desired results.0 -
That's a fairly simplistic description of how people work, which ignores 100+ years of psychology, and doesn't explain, at all, why food scientists and marketers are able to show results for their efforts. There are many factors that tip us towards or against behaviours, some internal, some external.
I think it's helpful to understand what your vulnerabilities might be and plan around them, goal being that "willpower" doesn't even have to come up. That effort - to achieve insight into your own particular pattern and tweak your environment to make it work for you - is still an empowering activity. That's what people on MFP are doing when they plan their meals, or anticipate and work around challenging scenarios.
But the problem is, you can't force your behavior on other people.
Just because YOU are on a diet, doesn't mean your husband (child, coworker) is.
Don't freak out because they bring the chips home.0
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