How Many Fitness Friends Do You Really Need???
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tinascar2015 wrote: »I have enough friends on Facebook. I didn't join MFP for the social aspect of it. I'm not antisocial, but I'm not too keen on amassing a long list of friends here. I think I have three, and yes, I've declined some. I am accountable only to myself, and although I like to encourage the friends who really need a kick up the backside, I also know the only kick that will make a difference is the one they give themselves.
I have declined more than I have accepted. Each one has included a note as why we should be friends. Anything like similar age, amount to lose, etc. will get me to accept. I also have some friends on here that are friends on another unrelated forum I am active on, and some have sent a FR because we have a mutual friend and they have seen me in discussions on that friend's feed.
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Personally none. I'm responsible for me, so whether I have a million or just one, my results will be dependent on my approach and commitment.
Is it great to have support? Sure. Does one need it to succeed? Absolutely not.
Personalities will always be the determining factor for each individual when it comes to support, but in the end no one can workout for you, no one can eat for you, and no one can do the work for you when it comes to your own physical health and body.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Nothing says good friend like an "I'm a good friend and you're not," post.
OP will be giving out trophies at the end of this thread. Good luck to all those that enter!0 -
I accept all requests, I don't know if they could turn out to be someone I have loads in common with so I'm willing to give anyone a chance. I send requests to people I've seen commenting on the forums who seem to have similar views and attitudes to me or same amount to lose. Also add people who's replies make me laugh
I have 23 friends and I love getting their likes and comments if I've had a good day and congratulating them on their little victories also. I ask questions on my news feed too as I don't want to come on the forum and post a new question every time I want to double check something.
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You know, maybe people have different motivations to being on people's FL than needing everyone to be all 'wtg' and 'kick *kitten*', just maybe...maybe they have a different one than you apparently think everyone should. Shocking concept I realize.
Its not my business as to why they want me on my FL - their motivation is theirs and I would not be so judgmental and myopic as to expect it to be the same as mine. Also, being on someones FL does not mean you are accepting them as friends. While many are people I consider actual friends, friends list =/= list of actual friends like you have friends IRL.
What is it to you anyway?0 -
CindyRoseMarie wrote: »The reason I enlist friends is to create a little wind behind my sail. It's sometimes hard, especially when you have a lot of weight to lose, to go it alone. Everyone could use a pat on the back, a job well done, a little advice to make the weight loss journey a little easier.
Unfortunately I find that many collect friends just to add numbers to their already long list of friends or maybe they just don't know how to say No to a request. Really though, how good a friend can you be when you have so many friends that you can't make a real impact on their weight loss journey. Is six enough? Is twelve too many. How many friends do you have and how many do you actually make real comments on and not just click the like tab?
Are you being a force of good for the friends you have? You've agreed to be their friends, are you truly being one?
Hello Cindy,
When you say that you find that many collect friends just to add numbers to their list, why do you believe that? Is it possible that one individual would wish to befriend a great many, to become available to them all, without needing to interact very closely?
It seems that you're taking your perception of a "friend" relationship, applying it to the actions of others, and denouncing them as bad friends.
Is it possible that they simply are being a different sort of friend? Perhaps are comfortable with a less intrusive or constant communication -- and prefer a more casual relationship with many?
Does it need to be a question of forces for good, and 'truly' being a good friend?
This sort of black and white thinking is very unproductive, and you might find relief in knowing that there are as many types of friendship and friend as there are flavors of ice cream. 31 to be exact.
I would list them all but I don't think you would understand. You're Moose Tracks in a mint chocolate chip world. It's the human condition.
With love,
Burt0 -
CindyRoseMarie wrote: »The reason I enlist friends is to create a little wind behind my sail. It's sometimes hard, especially when you have a lot of weight to lose, to go it alone. Everyone could use a pat on the back, a job well done, a little advice to make the weight loss journey a little easier.
Unfortunately I find that many collect friends just to add numbers to their already long list of friends or maybe they just don't know how to say No to a request. Really though, how good a friend can you be when you have so many friends that you can't make a real impact on their weight loss journey. Is six enough? Is twelve too many. How many friends do you have and how many do you actually make real comments on and not just click the like tab?
Are you being a force of good for the friends you have? You've agreed to be their friends, are you truly being one?
Merriam Webster defines friend as:
"FRIEND
1a : one attached to another by affection or esteem
b : acquaintance
2a : one that is not hostile
b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3 : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
4 : a favored companion"
In my case, I have 226 friends. I am not able to interact with many of them regularly, I am barely able to be the type of friend you describe above with more than a handful.
That said...
I AM attached to them with affection and esteem
I AM of the same party / group - as in we have a bond in terms of health and fitness
If given the chance - MANY of them would be a favored companion if we were close in proximity.
Do I comment on everyone's status. No. I cannot. I have too much external stuff going on.
Do I share my life with them... yes, I do to some extent.
I comment when I can. They do the same.
Do I give out a few hoorahs, and attaboys... YEP
Do they inspire the hell out of me?
HELL YES THEY DO.
And I try to inspire them too.
So... am I best of friends with them all? No. But do I want to see the best for them...
MOST CERTAINLY!
*note: not currently accepting any more friend requests because I suck at being a friend. hehe0 -
I can't help but wonder why it matters. If you're really just here for you, you could delete everyone. You also have the power to say no to whomever you wish just like others will request to be everybody's friend. Different strokes for different blokes.
Thank you for saying what I was thinking, only much more nicely than I was thinking it
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Technically, I don't need any - I would do this fine on my own. The social aspect of this site is just an added bonus and, for that, the more the merrier.0
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You are all so right! Who needs friends? For all of you who thought I was looking for a "True Companion", "Buddy-Buddy", you missed the boat! But that's alright, having you in my boat makes it just a little to hard to row. I know this will get a lot of negative feedback because that is what so many of you are good at doing. So, I will laugh it off and continue on my journey, alone, without any friends. Boo-hoo. Not likely, I will continue to move ahead with those who choose to care about my journey as they have the same struggle. I will try to inspire them to succeed and hopefully they will do the same for me.
For those of you who asked "why do I care?"? I care because I understand the difficulty of trying to lose weight and the feeling that it will never happen or take forever to happen. I care about people in general, how they feel, I want everyone to be successful at what they are trying to achieve.
So, for those who want to go it alone, go ahead, walk by yourself, I'm happy for you.0 -
I need 0, some I have garnered from when I first started and didnt understand what the friends thing was all about. I'm focused, smart enough to teach myself what I need and also commited, so I dont make excuses and insanely analytical so can figure out my own solutions.
I feel I have a duty to help the ones I accepted/requested if I can and they need help and am a sucker at being supportive. The ones on my list who interact with me I will do my best to get them to target. Im not perfect, but I thought thats what friends did? I did stop taking friends though and have been mulling it over what my policy is, as am not very good at saying no to the requests on my list. Im always contemplating a cull, but dont like giving up on people. I'd take more on if they were like minded, interacted, chatty, receptive and commited to nailing it.
I find it bizarre that certain people just collect hundreds, some of them seem to be in a race at collecting them and wonder what real support or interaction they can provide. It seems to be a vanity thing.
Each to their own though , especially if you get the right friends and they help you get you where you need to be. I was thinking a blog and the forums were more my thing.0 -
tincanonastring wrote: »
I was waiting for this. . .0 -
If you're curious about where this thread became negative, start with the OP. Just sayin'.CindyRoseMarie wrote: »You are all so right! Who needs friends? For all of you who thought I was looking for a "True Companion", "Buddy-Buddy", you missed the boat! But that's alright, having you in my boat makes it just a little to hard to row. I know this will get a lot of negative feedback because that is what so many of you are good at doing. So, I will laugh it off and continue on my journey, alone, without any friends. Boo-hoo. Not likely, I will continue to move ahead with those who choose to care about my journey as they have the same struggle. I will try to inspire them to succeed and hopefully they will do the same for me.
For those of you who asked "why do I care?"? I care because I understand the difficulty of trying to lose weight and the feeling that it will never happen or take forever to happen. I care about people in general, how they feel, I want everyone to be successful at what they are trying to achieve.
So, for those who want to go it alone, go ahead, walk by yourself, I'm happy for you.
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I pretty much assume that I have little to no impact on anyone's weight loss...nobody really had an impact on mine...I didn't get where I am because of some rando on the internet.
I have way more "friends" than I could ever communicate with on a daily basis because so long as people shoot me a message I will likely accept a friend request...I'm pretty clear in my profile in RE to I'm not going to give you an adda boy every time you manage to log into the website or something.
I'm also pretty clear that I'm not all that active on my "My Home" page in general...occasionally I will comment on something here and there that someone posts...or I'll ask for some fitness advise and whatnot...but really, it's not like anyone here is my best buddy or anything...just people on the internet. Maybe a handful of people on my list that I actually have much in common with that should we meat in person we would actually be "friends".0 -
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CindyRoseMarie wrote: »You are all so right! Who needs friends? For all of you who thought I was looking for a "True Companion", "Buddy-Buddy", you missed the boat! But that's alright, having you in my boat makes it just a little to hard to row. I know this will get a lot of negative feedback because that is what so many of you are good at doing. So, I will laugh it off and continue on my journey, alone, without any friends. Boo-hoo. Not likely, I will continue to move ahead with those who choose to care about my journey as they have the same struggle. I will try to inspire them to succeed and hopefully they will do the same for me.
For those of you who asked "why do I care?"? I care because I understand the difficulty of trying to lose weight and the feeling that it will never happen or take forever to happen. I care about people in general, how they feel, I want everyone to be successful at what they are trying to achieve.
So, for those who want to go it alone, go ahead, walk by yourself, I'm happy for you.
Calm.
It's ok. If you step back, you'll see a common thread... and that is... people do what works for them.
That's what you're doing, that's what they're doing. You asked "how many friends do you really need??" and you got an answer. The answer is really... it depends.
So, scan through and find the ones that fit your answer, and connect with them. Leave the others do their thing.
But no need to get worked up about it. We're not all here for the same reason.
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CindyRoseMarie wrote: »You are all so right! Who needs friends? For all of you who thought I was looking for a "True Companion", "Buddy-Buddy", you missed the boat! But that's alright, having you in my boat makes it just a little to hard to row. I know this will get a lot of negative feedback because that is what so many of you are good at doing. So, I will laugh it off and continue on my journey, alone, without any friends. Boo-hoo. Not likely, I will continue to move ahead with those who choose to care about my journey as they have the same struggle. I will try to inspire them to succeed and hopefully they will do the same for me.
For those of you who asked "why do I care?"? I care because I understand the difficulty of trying to lose weight and the feeling that it will never happen or take forever to happen. I care about people in general, how they feel, I want everyone to be successful at what they are trying to achieve.
So, for those who want to go it alone, go ahead, walk by yourself, I'm happy for you.
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CindyRoseMarie wrote: »You are all so right! Who needs friends? For all of you who thought I was looking for a "True Companion", "Buddy-Buddy", you missed the boat! But that's alright, having you in my boat makes it just a little to hard to row. I know this will get a lot of negative feedback because that is what so many of you are good at doing. So, I will laugh it off and continue on my journey, alone, without any friends. Boo-hoo. Not likely, I will continue to move ahead with those who choose to care about my journey as they have the same struggle. I will try to inspire them to succeed and hopefully they will do the same for me.
For those of you who asked "why do I care?"? I care because I understand the difficulty of trying to lose weight and the feeling that it will never happen or take forever to happen. I care about people in general, how they feel, I want everyone to be successful at what they are trying to achieve.
So, for those who want to go it alone, go ahead, walk by yourself, I'm happy for you.
I get far more out of my real world friends than I do randos on the internet...I simply do not understand how some rando people you've never actually met can have any influence on you or your journey whatsoever...I just don't get that at all.
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I think we all have different ways of using friends lists. I don't think it is my job to keep my friends motivated, but I try to be helpful as I can, but mostly just share some positive vibes. I find for myself just knowing others are out there following along in some small way and posting support really makes a big difference. And then I learn a lot and find a lot of inspiration in other peoples' journeys.
There are a few people on my list who really are great and have even messaged me when I've been less active, which really means a lot. My friends list is probably a bit too large right now for me to keep up quite as well with some people as I would like to, so I've been thinking about culling a bit. I tend to accept requests if there is a note included.0 -
I need zero friends here. I have some and it is nice to see little snippets of their life. My motivation comes from within and I sure hope my friends are not counting on me to provide motivation and wind beneath their sails. I guess I am a bad friend according to you. Maybe you should search the forum for all of the other "bad friend" topics and you can all become buddies and pat each other on the back.0
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sgthaggard wrote: »
If you're curious about where this thread became negative, start with the OP. Just sayin'.CindyRoseMarie wrote: »You are all so right! Who needs friends? For all of you who thought I was looking for a "True Companion", "Buddy-Buddy", you missed the boat! But that's alright, having you in my boat makes it just a little to hard to row. I know this will get a lot of negative feedback because that is what so many of you are good at doing. So, I will laugh it off and continue on my journey, alone, without any friends. Boo-hoo. Not likely, I will continue to move ahead with those who choose to care about my journey as they have the same struggle. I will try to inspire them to succeed and hopefully they will do the same for me.
For those of you who asked "why do I care?"? I care because I understand the difficulty of trying to lose weight and the feeling that it will never happen or take forever to happen. I care about people in general, how they feel, I want everyone to be successful at what they are trying to achieve.
So, for those who want to go it alone, go ahead, walk by yourself, I'm happy for you.
Yup.
Why is it the people that most often complain of negativity are the ones that most often begin the negativity to start with? Despite how many times I see it, I'm still fascinated by the blindness to the irony.0 -
I think I have 4 friends on here, two are my family members (mum and sister) but only my sister regularly uses it but it's nice to see her losing weight and running since I finally got her to use the app last year! The other two are both Type 1 diabetics like myself, one is inactive but I regularly comment on the other's feed when it is topics surrounding diabetes since our bodies are so stupid and annoying but together we can work out a good way to manage ourselves. Since I don't have anyone I know irl very well that has the condition it is nice to find people online who understand how much of a ballache it can be living with it and trying to lose weight.0
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This! Purely for the social aspect!None
We are all making our own journeys - mine is not successful because of my 'friends' and I'm pretty sure they aren't successful because I like or comment on a post in a private window
I don't get this "motivate me", I need friends
I think people need commitment
And I think if people interest, amuse or entertain you and you want them as friends in a private space to have private conversations then you should
But I do not need Whoops and PomPoms .. I just need my own commitment
I usually decline most of my invites, too. OR delete people if they're super annoying.
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cwolfman13 wrote: »CindyRoseMarie wrote: »You are all so right! Who needs friends? For all of you who thought I was looking for a "True Companion", "Buddy-Buddy", you missed the boat! But that's alright, having you in my boat makes it just a little to hard to row. I know this will get a lot of negative feedback because that is what so many of you are good at doing. So, I will laugh it off and continue on my journey, alone, without any friends. Boo-hoo. Not likely, I will continue to move ahead with those who choose to care about my journey as they have the same struggle. I will try to inspire them to succeed and hopefully they will do the same for me.
For those of you who asked "why do I care?"? I care because I understand the difficulty of trying to lose weight and the feeling that it will never happen or take forever to happen. I care about people in general, how they feel, I want everyone to be successful at what they are trying to achieve.
So, for those who want to go it alone, go ahead, walk by yourself, I'm happy for you.
I get far more out of my real world friends than I do randos on the internet...I simply do not understand how some rando people you've never actually met can have any influence on you or your journey whatsoever...I just don't get that at all.
actually, I have a handful of people I've met here over the past three years that I would consider closer to me than some of my family. Some of those I've met, some I will be meeting soon, and some I am determined to meet. But I care about them, and am thankful to have them in my life.
I'm thrilled that I somehow managed to stumble across them, and have them become part of my life.
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Are you the friend police?0
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Facebook has utterly destroyed the value in the word "friend" so now it is pretty meaningless. I like participating in the forums here and occasionally will send someone a message for encouragement, but have no desire for MFP "friends." Like someone else sort of said, I am not the least bit interested in the minutiae of your life or your juice cleanses.0
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I like friends! I want my newsfeed to be new every time I log on, and for that, you need a lot of friends. I don't actually post very much. I have eliminated all of the automatic posts from my own feed except for the workouts and the "she's logged on for x number of days." I don't need people patting me on the back so much, but I like to see what other people are up to, and encourage, and be encouraged when the mood strikes me.0
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MireyGal76 wrote: »cwolfman13 wrote: »CindyRoseMarie wrote: »You are all so right! Who needs friends? For all of you who thought I was looking for a "True Companion", "Buddy-Buddy", you missed the boat! But that's alright, having you in my boat makes it just a little to hard to row. I know this will get a lot of negative feedback because that is what so many of you are good at doing. So, I will laugh it off and continue on my journey, alone, without any friends. Boo-hoo. Not likely, I will continue to move ahead with those who choose to care about my journey as they have the same struggle. I will try to inspire them to succeed and hopefully they will do the same for me.
For those of you who asked "why do I care?"? I care because I understand the difficulty of trying to lose weight and the feeling that it will never happen or take forever to happen. I care about people in general, how they feel, I want everyone to be successful at what they are trying to achieve.
So, for those who want to go it alone, go ahead, walk by yourself, I'm happy for you.
I get far more out of my real world friends than I do randos on the internet...I simply do not understand how some rando people you've never actually met can have any influence on you or your journey whatsoever...I just don't get that at all.
actually, I have a handful of people I've met here over the past three years that I would consider closer to me than some of my family. Some of those I've met, some I will be meeting soon, and some I am determined to meet. But I care about them, and am thankful to have them in my life.
I'm thrilled that I somehow managed to stumble across them, and have them become part of my life.
I am certainly thankful for a handful of people on my list who are knowledgeable and I can bounce stuff off of and whatnot...but I've yet to ever actually connect on any deep personal level with anyone in cyber space...I have to be physically connected to someone...and even then, it can be a slow process.
Hell, it took me over a year of flirting with my now wife before I ever asked her out...and we dated another 6 years before I popped the question. I just don't connect and get emotionally engaged very easily...certainly can't imagine having an actual emotional attachment to a stranger on-line.
Cool that you can though...0
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