Proper things to say to coworkers or people you don't know as well...
Replies
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I get what you're talking about. It can feel like you're isolating yourself. There's not an easy way to solve that since the solution would have to affect the different personality types and opinions of a group.
Instead try a change of tact! Earn some "brownie" points by bringing in some treats of your own for your colleagues. Some homemade healthy-version brownies or something? Then you can get chatting about how they're actually surprisingly low cal etc. This will also give you something guilt-free to snack on should you want to join in the snack break.
Hope this helps
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Let's say they are judging. So what? Actually answer that for yourself. Does their judgement matter?
Second, treat it as a compliment on your efforts and respond as such. Even if you feel like it's judgement and very well may be.
Example:
"C'mon, you deserve a treat".
"Awww, thank you. But I'm good with what I'm ordering!"
This is light-hearted, work-appropriate, and doesn't open the door for further meddling on their part.
Good luck.
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Jerseygrrl wrote: »I have a coworker who actually brings the piece of cake, the doughnut, the cookie to my office and puts it on my desk. It doesn't matter how many times I've said no thank you. Now, I just throw it in the trash. It may sound childish, but I'm done "being polite." If others can't respect my boundaries, I don't need to spare their "feelings."
Oh, this guy. At my office he literally puts the treat on his outstretched palm and puts it in front of my nose. Like offering a sugar cube to a horse.
I loudly say "No thank you." And then stare him in the eye until he places it on my desk, at which point I announce to the whole office "If anyone would like some cake, there is extra on my desk."
It's awkward for everyone but me...0 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »I work in corporate America where there are doughnuts, pizza, and crap brought in all day long. There's always lunch dates, where people are constantly scrutinizing what I eat I feel like. I have become great at saying NO. Which is a huge NSV, because I've always been a foodie. But, I just don't find the worth in it because I feel like crap the rest of the day if I do munch down on these.
I thought this would be overcoming the battle, but I've noticed that's not the case. Everytime I order a salad, or so no to the crap in general, I feel like I'm being judged. And it's really starting to bother me. I always get the line "well you need to treat yourself now and again" or "oh come on you've lost a lot already, don't be so concerned about it." Don't get me wrong, I know it's important to "cheat" (I actually hate that word to describe it) but I feel so much better holding on to my healthy habits mentally and physically. How would you think it was appropriate to respond to these people? Because I feel as if I'm coming off snobby or annoyed everytime I hear one of these comments but it is getting so frustrating!
For one thing, perception isn't always reality...I would imagine that some of this is just hypersensitivity on your part which is normal considering that this is fairly new to you I would imagine. In general, I have found that people are overwhelmingly self absorbed and really aren't paying a whole lot of attention to anything else.
In terms of the "treat yourself" stuff...you can you know...but beyond that, you better get used to it...most people eat like *kitten* and don't care..being a health and fitness buff is kind of a lonely gig until you meet the right people.
I always get the, "hey...there's the wolfman...trying to live forever." They're mostly just kidding around these days...I'm going on 3 years into all of this and they can pretty much take one good look at me and...well...let's just say, they know I kick some *kitten*.
You're right, I've always been hypersensitive about people making comments about what I'm eating or not eating. Stems from years of an eating disorder so that's probably where MOST of it stems from. But I swear if I get one more comment about my rabbit food I think I'm going to lose it haha.0 -
Jerseygrrl wrote: »I have a coworker who actually brings the piece of cake, the doughnut, the cookie to my office and puts it on my desk. It doesn't matter how many times I've said no thank you. Now, I just throw it in the trash. It may sound childish, but I'm done "being polite." If others can't respect my boundaries, I don't need to spare their "feelings."
You should take a picture every day before you throw it out, then put together a photo montage of "food you wasted trying to be a *kitten* to me".
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Years ago when I was on a strict meal plan with a co-worker, I had lost 19 pounds when the dinner selections were passed around the office for our annual corporate party which was two weeks away. There was nothing on it that I felt comfortable eating, so I requested a special menu. The banquet hall was happy to oblige,
When the meals were served, my diet buddy and me were eyed funny, and people asked questions. The managing director of the parent company, a hopeless alcoholic who eventually died from a 2-litre-a-day gin habit, stumbled over to us and began to berate us for needing to have "special" dinners. He actually blurted out, "You want to lose weight? Just eat less!"
I had to be restrained from punching him. I was surprised the words I said to him didn't get me fired. I spent some time in the bathroom crying that evening (mostly fron pure anger), and when I came out to join the party, I was treated like royalty and no one bothered me again about my food choices.
Years later when I married a man who was a recovering alcoholic (from Scotland, so a man of few words which always pack a punch), people would ask him why he wasn't drinking when we were at parties. His only response was, "Because it would kill me." End of THAT discussion.0 -
WishesOnTheStar wrote: »WishesOnTheStar wrote: »To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
See, I call B.S. on this. I hate how people automatically assume that every comment is about jealousy and inner turmoil. Sometimes people just talk to talk and it has NOTHING to do with their own fitness goals, diet goals or self esteem. I think it's rude and arrogant to assume such and it sets up a "them v. me" dynamic that may not truly be there.
Sometimes, people just talk to fill up space, to make conversation, to show an interest. It's better to just let it roll off with the attitude that they meant nothing by it, then to get all offended and then, in turn, judge them right back.
But they are literally telling me I should be doing the opposite from what I am, I would NEVER say that to them because they might be making lesser choices than I am. Good for them, they don't need to lose. I don't know why a department of 70 people would be consistently making the same "conversation topic"
Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Don't need to be offended, just to keep focused on #1 so you don't let other people distract you from your fitness goals.
Just as people can support you and motivate you to better yourself, a lot of people will always resent your success and a few will try to undermine your effort.
"You have to remember something: Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn" - Arnold Schwarzenegger
I think it's silly to think that everyone is jealous of me. I don't walk around thinking that way - and I'm glad I don't.
Okay, let me set the record straight. I don't think anyone is jealous of me, and you're not helping by making that assumption. I'm simply trying to get some feedback, because people are constantly making comments about my "rabbit food" and how I don't eat enough. So they ARE scrutinizing it, even if it's not in a negative conotation. Scrutinize means they are analyzing it with crtical attention. It's not that I necessarily mean all these people are trying to thwart my improved lifestyle, and it's not that I think these people are doing it intentionally. And yes, I've overcome an eating disorder so I do have some sort of hypersensitivity to people paying attention to what I eat. But, I also know the number of comments I get are unnecessary from CERTAIN people. Some people are great and are the first ones to let me know that when people bring in doughnuts, they also brought in a variety of fresh fruit. It was simply an idea generator to help me when the people who are being blatant about their assumptions on my lifestyle, and that I do not want to come off rude myself.
OP, I don't think @PRMinx was necessarily referring to you or thinking that anyone was jealous of you. I think she was responding to the post she quoted.
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WishesOnTheStar wrote: »WishesOnTheStar wrote: »To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
See, I call B.S. on this. I hate how people automatically assume that every comment is about jealousy and inner turmoil. Sometimes people just talk to talk and it has NOTHING to do with their own fitness goals, diet goals or self esteem. I think it's rude and arrogant to assume such and it sets up a "them v. me" dynamic that may not truly be there.
Sometimes, people just talk to fill up space, to make conversation, to show an interest. It's better to just let it roll off with the attitude that they meant nothing by it, then to get all offended and then, in turn, judge them right back.
But they are literally telling me I should be doing the opposite from what I am, I would NEVER say that to them because they might be making lesser choices than I am. Good for them, they don't need to lose. I don't know why a department of 70 people would be consistently making the same "conversation topic"
Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Don't need to be offended, just to keep focused on #1 so you don't let other people distract you from your fitness goals.
Just as people can support you and motivate you to better yourself, a lot of people will always resent your success and a few will try to undermine your effort.
"You have to remember something: Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn" - Arnold Schwarzenegger
I think it's silly to think that everyone is jealous of me. I don't walk around thinking that way - and I'm glad I don't.
Okay, let me set the record straight. I don't think anyone is jealous of me, and you're not helping by making that assumption. I'm simply trying to get some feedback, because people are constantly making comments about my "rabbit food" and how I don't eat enough. So they ARE scrutinizing it, even if it's not in a negative conotation. Scrutinize means they are analyzing it with crtical attention. It's not that I necessarily mean all these people are trying to thwart my improved lifestyle, and it's not that I think these people are doing it intentionally. And yes, I've overcome an eating disorder so I do have some sort of hypersensitivity to people paying attention to what I eat. But, I also know the number of comments I get are unnecessary from CERTAIN people. Some people are great and are the first ones to let me know that when people bring in doughnuts, they also brought in a variety of fresh fruit. It was simply an idea generator to help me when the people who are being blatant about their assumptions on my lifestyle, and that I do not want to come off rude myself.
I was addressing the other poster.
My comments to you were simply, don't let it bother you. It's not worth it. Just walk away from the conversation or say, "that's my order."
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WishesOnTheStar wrote: »To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
Great post!0 -
SconnieCat wrote: »WishesOnTheStar wrote: »WishesOnTheStar wrote: »To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
See, I call B.S. on this. I hate how people automatically assume that every comment is about jealousy and inner turmoil. Sometimes people just talk to talk and it has NOTHING to do with their own fitness goals, diet goals or self esteem. I think it's rude and arrogant to assume such and it sets up a "them v. me" dynamic that may not truly be there.
Sometimes, people just talk to fill up space, to make conversation, to show an interest. It's better to just let it roll off with the attitude that they meant nothing by it, then to get all offended and then, in turn, judge them right back.
But they are literally telling me I should be doing the opposite from what I am, I would NEVER say that to them because they might be making lesser choices than I am. Good for them, they don't need to lose. I don't know why a department of 70 people would be consistently making the same "conversation topic"
Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Don't need to be offended, just to keep focused on #1 so you don't let other people distract you from your fitness goals.
Just as people can support you and motivate you to better yourself, a lot of people will always resent your success and a few will try to undermine your effort.
"You have to remember something: Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn" - Arnold Schwarzenegger
I think it's silly to think that everyone is jealous of me. I don't walk around thinking that way - and I'm glad I don't.
Okay, let me set the record straight. I don't think anyone is jealous of me, and you're not helping by making that assumption. I'm simply trying to get some feedback, because people are constantly making comments about my "rabbit food" and how I don't eat enough. So they ARE scrutinizing it, even if it's not in a negative conotation. Scrutinize means they are analyzing it with crtical attention. It's not that I necessarily mean all these people are trying to thwart my improved lifestyle, and it's not that I think these people are doing it intentionally. And yes, I've overcome an eating disorder so I do have some sort of hypersensitivity to people paying attention to what I eat. But, I also know the number of comments I get are unnecessary from CERTAIN people. Some people are great and are the first ones to let me know that when people bring in doughnuts, they also brought in a variety of fresh fruit. It was simply an idea generator to help me when the people who are being blatant about their assumptions on my lifestyle, and that I do not want to come off rude myself.
OP, I don't think @PRMinx was necessarily referring to you or thinking that anyone was jealous of you. I think she was responding to the post she quoted.
Thank you.
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AislingHunter wrote: »Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Have you never had people try to sabotage your diet before? I haven't had it much, but I know someone who gets it a lot.
I've had people say things to me - and I just smile, nod and walk on down the hall. I don't let it bother me and I don't assume people are trying to offend, be mean or that they are jealous. I take it as an attempt at conversation.
Sabotage? I make the choices about what I eat and when I eat. There is no such thing as "sabotage" in my world.
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This is a topic that comes up alot, and I think there are alot of reasons people respond to your healthy choices the way they do.
It is important for you to stand your ground, alot of people are ok with the "no thanks". If they keep nagging then you just have to assert yourself a little bit.
I would lead with honesty "I do not appreciate you pressuring me" that is addressing the problem directly, has nothing to do with the food and everything to do with your rights to make your own decisions about anything.
Other options:
"I appreciate your input but my food choices are none of your business"
"I am an adult, I can decide how to feed myself"
Hopefully it only needs to be said once to one person and it will shut the whole thing down.
Good luck!
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Thankfully the office I'm at now, everyone is pretty fit and health conscious so there is not a lot of crap brought in.
BUT, the last office I worked at had 60 lawyers plus support staff and it was always a parade of food. But, I found that saying (at least in terms of donuts, bagels, various sweets in the break room) "O, I heard that and I looked but my favorites where gone. Maybe next time!!"
In terms of lunches brought in, I used the line "I would love to but I'm just so swamped I don't even have time to go pee let alone get lunch!!"
It made it seem like I was busy (even though I wasn't) and by brushing it off or making stupid excuses I didn't have to hear the diet/lifestyle/food/etc. comments. Yes, I know lying is bad but A. I work for lawyers anyways so insert joke here about lying and B. I don't give a hoot what my co-workers think about anything, ever. (Maybe my bosses but that's it). That being said, I don't feel like explaining to everyone what I'm doing and giving logical and polite reasons. I just throw out a quick brush-off and go back to my own thing.
Besides, you can get away saying a lot of things if you smile!!0 -
AislingHunter wrote: »Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Have you never had people try to sabotage your diet before? I haven't had it much, but I know someone who gets it a lot.
I've had people say things to me - and I just smile, nod and walk on down the hall. I don't let it bother me and I don't assume people are trying to offend, be mean or that they are jealous. I take it as an attempt at conversation.
Sabotage? I make the choices about what I eat and when I eat. There is no such thing as "sabotage" in my world.
I'm going to have to agree with you. At the end of the day, if someone is offering me pizza, burgers, pancakes, donuts, cake, or even a kilo of cocaine, it's my decision to consume any of those items, not theirs. So the only one sabotaging a diet would be me.
Most of the time when people offer, they're trying to be nice or social. If I got upset any time someone brought a pastry into our office at work, or we ordered pizza, I'd have sky-high blood pressure and zero friends. It's not that big of a deal to me. So I eat rabbit food sometimes. Whatever. If my eating a salad is the most atrocious thing they see that day, well then they're having a damn good day and I'm enjoying a damn good salad.
ETA: If it does bother you, OP, be firm and stand your ground with food. Chances are, people are trying to be kind in offering things as sometimes it's easy to bridge a gap or be social with food... it's not meant to be malicious.
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I have a friend who says at our age who cares? I am going to eat what I want. She is 60 like me and weights 300 lbs. She seems to care about her kids and their weight but not hers. I just reply I like to fit in my clothes,0
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Some of our feelings about others judging or thinking harshly about our eating habits comes from our internal feelings about ourselves. Frankly your co workers are likely to be far kinder and more supportive than you might think. I find that when I make better friends with myself, the perception that others are judging me harshly disappears.
That said...if you have a work culture that involves having meals together on a regular basis...it can really make dieting stressful. I don't enjoy these kind of work lunches and potlucks....I try to schedule carefully around not attending them.0 -
WishesOnTheStar wrote: »To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
See, I call B.S. on this. I hate how people automatically assume that every comment is about jealousy and inner turmoil. Sometimes people just talk to talk and it has NOTHING to do with their own fitness goals, diet goals or self esteem. I think it's rude and arrogant to assume such and it sets up a "them v. me" dynamic that may not truly be there.
Sometimes, people just talk to fill up space, to make conversation, to show an interest. It's better to just let it roll off with the attitude that they meant nothing by it, then to get all offended and then, in turn, judge them right back.
T-shirt words!!! Of course you could never read the tiny words... But you get my point. No, get HER point! It's a very constructive point.0 -
I deal with the same thing. I am only 26, so none of my co-workers understand why i'm so worried about what I eat. I am working towards my nutrition goals for health-related reasons, but I don't feel the need to explain myself to every person who doesn't understand why I don't load my plate down with pizza and nachos. It IS hard to be part of the celebration and stay strong. I have two meals next week, and i'm dreading it. Just order what you want, and don't bring attention to yourself. That's what i'm doing.
There is a food day next week. The things on the sign up list are cheeseballs, pulled pork, meatballs, buffalo chicken dip, etc... I am bringing a veggie tray. HAHA!0 -
SconnieCat wrote: »AislingHunter wrote: »Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Have you never had people try to sabotage your diet before? I haven't had it much, but I know someone who gets it a lot.
I've had people say things to me - and I just smile, nod and walk on down the hall. I don't let it bother me and I don't assume people are trying to offend, be mean or that they are jealous. I take it as an attempt at conversation.
Sabotage? I make the choices about what I eat and when I eat. There is no such thing as "sabotage" in my world.
I'm going to have to agree with you. At the end of the day, if someone is offering me pizza, burgers, pancakes, donuts, cake, or even a kilo of cocaine, it's my decision to consume any of those items, not theirs. So the only one sabotaging a diet would be me.
Most of the time when people offer, they're trying to be nice or social. If I got upset any time someone brought a pastry into our office at work, or we ordered pizza, I'd have sky-high blood pressure and zero friends. It's not that big of a deal to me. So I eat rabbit food sometimes. Whatever. If my eating a salad is the most atrocious thing they see that day, well then they're having a damn good day and I'm enjoying a damn good salad.
ETA: If it does bother you, OP, be firm and stand your ground with food. Chances are, people are trying to be kind in offering things as sometimes it's easy to bridge a gap or be social with food. I understand standing ones ground is a lot easier for some than it is others. So kudos to sticking to your guns.
To be fair, the post said "try to" sabotage you. Which doesn't suggest that it's not your choice.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »AislingHunter wrote: »Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Have you never had people try to sabotage your diet before? I haven't had it much, but I know someone who gets it a lot.
I've had people say things to me - and I just smile, nod and walk on down the hall. I don't let it bother me and I don't assume people are trying to offend, be mean or that they are jealous. I take it as an attempt at conversation.
Sabotage? I make the choices about what I eat and when I eat. There is no such thing as "sabotage" in my world.
I'm going to have to agree with you. At the end of the day, if someone is offering me pizza, burgers, pancakes, donuts, cake, or even a kilo of cocaine, it's my decision to consume any of those items, not theirs. So the only one sabotaging a diet would be me.
Most of the time when people offer, they're trying to be nice or social. If I got upset any time someone brought a pastry into our office at work, or we ordered pizza, I'd have sky-high blood pressure and zero friends. It's not that big of a deal to me. So I eat rabbit food sometimes. Whatever. If my eating a salad is the most atrocious thing they see that day, well then they're having a damn good day and I'm enjoying a damn good salad.
ETA: If it does bother you, OP, be firm and stand your ground with food. Chances are, people are trying to be kind in offering things as sometimes it's easy to bridge a gap or be social with food. I understand standing ones ground is a lot easier for some than it is others. So kudos to sticking to your guns.
To be fair, the post said "try to" sabotage you. Which doesn't suggest that it's not your choice.
I think going around thinking that people are proactively trying to sabotage you is truly bizarre - and pretty self centered.0 -
I was very assertive with my co-workers when I started this weight-loss journey. I let them know under no circumstances was I going to drift away from the course I have planned. Employee meal is served daily at 10:45am in the kitchen. It's always junk. No veggies, no salads, nothing remotely even close to healthy.
I'm very fortunate. They respect my decision not to partake in Employee meal. I eat breakfast at home, I eat lunch here at work at my desk, and I eat dinner at home with my husband. No changes. Not for anyone. I have been on the journey since the end of July 2014. This is too important to me to let people "talk me into" having bad foods. My husband is notorious for that. But he's slowly understanding no means no when it comes to my lifestyle change. What I eat is my decision, no one else's.
Good luck to you, hang in there, every day gets a little easier!0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »AislingHunter wrote: »Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Have you never had people try to sabotage your diet before? I haven't had it much, but I know someone who gets it a lot.
I've had people say things to me - and I just smile, nod and walk on down the hall. I don't let it bother me and I don't assume people are trying to offend, be mean or that they are jealous. I take it as an attempt at conversation.
Sabotage? I make the choices about what I eat and when I eat. There is no such thing as "sabotage" in my world.
I'm going to have to agree with you. At the end of the day, if someone is offering me pizza, burgers, pancakes, donuts, cake, or even a kilo of cocaine, it's my decision to consume any of those items, not theirs. So the only one sabotaging a diet would be me.
Most of the time when people offer, they're trying to be nice or social. If I got upset any time someone brought a pastry into our office at work, or we ordered pizza, I'd have sky-high blood pressure and zero friends. It's not that big of a deal to me. So I eat rabbit food sometimes. Whatever. If my eating a salad is the most atrocious thing they see that day, well then they're having a damn good day and I'm enjoying a damn good salad.
ETA: If it does bother you, OP, be firm and stand your ground with food. Chances are, people are trying to be kind in offering things as sometimes it's easy to bridge a gap or be social with food. I understand standing ones ground is a lot easier for some than it is others. So kudos to sticking to your guns.
To be fair, the post said "try to" sabotage you. Which doesn't suggest that it's not your choice.
I think going around thinking that people are proactively trying to sabotage you is truly bizarre - and pretty self centered.
Perhaps. But it does happen. Sometimes the person isn't even doing it knowingly.0 -
I get this all the time! From family and friends the most! I let it be known that I'm trying to start a healthier lifestyle and if they don't like it SO WHAT! I'm starting to decline dinners and even going to my parents house. I don't care what people think because when I have to work harder in the gym and make up for days because I decided to be nice and eat junk with people. Nope not happening anymore!! I'm so over it! People need to respect what i'm trying to do.....PERIOD! If I want to go out and eat bad it'll be my choice not theirs! Ok sorry but this hit a soft spot and I had to vent lol. This has been my issue this week so I feel your pain!!0
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"No thanks, I'm good" with a smile. If the other person continues, say it again, with a slightly puzzled tone and expression. This has worked wonders for me--got me out of the habit of justifying or making excuses for what I choose to eat. Also it leaves what the other person says just hanging there, and they might reflect on why they are teasing, criticizing or pushing food on someone who simply does not want it.0
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WishesOnTheStar wrote: »To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
^^^^^ yes this and all of it. My boyfriend started a new job at a factory where alot of his co-workers are over weight and unhealthy. They also bring in sweets and have stuff brought in from local restaurants weekly and he ran into the same issues.
Keep your head up, rely on those who are positive and forget those who make reaching your goals harder!
Good luck!0 -
I work in corporate America as well. It's interesting, because I get the opposite impression from the people I work with. Many of them are fit and healthy eaters. If I order an unhealthy meal, I feel out of sync with my peers.
My suggestion to you is don't respond at all to their comments and don't let anyone influence your thinking over what you eat or don't eat. Do what is right for you. They will respect you for this more than anything else.0 -
WishesOnTheStar wrote: »To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
Wow bravo my friend because that is an awesome answer. This is so true. Don't worry about them take care of yourself.0 -
I deal with the same thing. I am only 26, so none of my co-workers understand why i'm so worried about what I eat. I am working towards my nutrition goals for health-related reasons, but I don't feel the need to explain myself to every person who doesn't understand why I don't load my plate down with pizza and nachos. It IS hard to be part of the celebration and stay strong. I have two meals next week, and i'm dreading it. Just order what you want, and don't bring attention to yourself. That's what i'm doing.
There is a food day next week. The things on the sign up list are cheeseballs, pulled pork, meatballs, buffalo chicken dip, etc... I am bringing a veggie tray. HAHA!
Awesome! I get that about being young. I'm only 22, and yeah I get the same thing. Or they don't understand why I'm not the first one to hop up for happy hour.0 -
I get this all the time! From family and friends the most! I let it be known that I'm trying to start a healthier lifestyle and if they don't like it SO WHAT! I'm starting to decline dinners and even going to my parents house. I don't care what people think because when I have to work harder in the gym and make up for days because I decided to be nice and eat junk with people. Nope not happening anymore!! I'm so over it! People need to respect what i'm trying to do.....PERIOD! If I want to go out and eat bad it'll be my choice not theirs! Ok sorry but this hit a soft spot and I had to vent lol. This has been my issue this week so I feel your pain!!
Love it! Can relate in every aspect on your response!0
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