"You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?
arahn777
Posts: 2 Member
I haven't ever posted before, but appreciate the support that this forum offers and want to get in on it! Lately, I've been in need of support from those who understand the struggles of weight loss and maintenance.
Since the fall of 2013, I went from 180lbs to 125lbs (female, 5'6") and have been maintaining at 125 (+/- 2lbs) for the past 6 months. As time goes on, I have gotten more and more serious about exercise and specifically running. I really enjoy seeing where my body can take me and it's motivating to break my personal records and times while running.
In the process, my body fat percentage has dropped to around 18% and while I am happy with the way I look, a lot of people around me keep making comments like "you're too skinny" or "you had better not lose any more weight". It's not just 1 or 2 people either -- it's many of those I am close to and even family members. It really makes me second guess myself and question whether I have some kind of body dysmorphia or eating disorder even though I am within the healthy range for BMI and I eat between 1800-2300 calories/day (depending on how much I work out).
Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you respond to comments like this?
Since the fall of 2013, I went from 180lbs to 125lbs (female, 5'6") and have been maintaining at 125 (+/- 2lbs) for the past 6 months. As time goes on, I have gotten more and more serious about exercise and specifically running. I really enjoy seeing where my body can take me and it's motivating to break my personal records and times while running.
In the process, my body fat percentage has dropped to around 18% and while I am happy with the way I look, a lot of people around me keep making comments like "you're too skinny" or "you had better not lose any more weight". It's not just 1 or 2 people either -- it's many of those I am close to and even family members. It really makes me second guess myself and question whether I have some kind of body dysmorphia or eating disorder even though I am within the healthy range for BMI and I eat between 1800-2300 calories/day (depending on how much I work out).
Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you respond to comments like this?
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Replies
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It is embarassing when people say that because I never know how to respond. It's just because they are not used to seeing you as "thin" yet. If you were always 125 no one would say anything. I think you look great and your calorie range shows you have a healthy perspective. I think the best response is something like "No, I am fine and I feel great!"15
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I have dealt with this as well. Unfortunately, I don't have a snappy comeback. I usually just give a vague "I'm within a healthy weight range" or "my doctor is very happy with my current weight". I find it so interesting that the same person who is saying it would never dream of telling another "you're too fat", but I really think it's the same thing.
All I can tell you is that is gets better with time. I hit my goal weight around 7 months ago, and the comments are on the decline.
If you are in the normal range for BMI and at 18% BF, I doubt you have body dysmorphia or an eating disorder. However, you could have a chat with your doctor, just to confirm this.9 -
farfromthetree wrote: »It is embarassing when people say that because I never know how to respond. It's just because they are not used to seeing you as "thin" yet. If you were always 125 no one would say anything. I think you look great and your calorie range shows you have a healthy perspective. I think the best response is something like "No, I am fine and I feel great!"
That's a good point; it's not necessarily my current weight, but rather the deviation from my previous weight in comparison to how I look now.I have dealt with this as well. Unfortunately, I don't have a snappy comeback. I usually just give a vague "I'm within a healthy weight range" or "my doctor is very happy with my current weight". I find it so interesting that the same person who is saying it would never dream of telling another "you're too fat", but I really think it's the same thing.
All I can tell you is that is gets better with time. I hit my goal weight around 7 months ago, and the comments are on the decline.
If you are in the normal range for BMI and at 18% BF, I doubt you have body dysmorphia or an eating disorder. However, you could have a chat with your doctor, just to confirm this.
I could not agree more about the "too skinny" comments being the same as "too fat", yet no one would dare tell anyone they were looking too fat (well, not in a civilized conversation anyway!).
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Used to get that all the time. NOt so much anymore since I have been within 10lbs of my goal for over a year. Standard answer was "thanks...I have worked real hard but to be honest I am not 'dieting', I just found some new habits and educated myself a little. I have some goals in mind, and my body is still adjusting"8
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I'm the same height and weight as you are and I get these comments too.
I have to laugh at the fact people think it's OK to give their verdict on other's (perfectly healthy) bodies in this context. If you're at a healthy BMI, eating enough for your activity, your doctor is satisfied, and you're HAPPY, I'd just smile "I'm absolutely fine, thanks for your concern" and change the subject.4 -
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farfromthetree wrote: »It is embarassing when people say that because I never know how to respond. It's just because they are not used to seeing you as "thin" yet. If you were always 125 no one would say anything. I think you look great and your calorie range shows you have a healthy perspective. I think the best response is something like "No, I am fine and I feel great!"
Yes, this. I have people tell me this often - and I'm 160 pounds. I'm not skinny. It's just that I've been 230 pounds for years - so comparatively speaking, I probably DO look skinny to them.
I don't say anything, because it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. The first time I heard it, it did sort of make me second guess myself. But you've got this
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I get that at 135 and 5'4". I'm definitely not "too skinny" and I still plan on getting smaller. I'm tired of hearing it. One of my friends who is the same height and 10 pounds less was giving me crap and I finally said, "So...You're the same height and weigh 10 pounds less, am I not allowed to be as thin as you?"20
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I've gotten comments from friends about specific things - "your legs used to be so nice," "your hip bones show too much," etc. People have different tastes, and my preferred aesthetic may not be theirs. I can appreciate concern for my health, as unnecessary as it is. Since these comments were from friends, I had a talk with them to make it clear their unsolicited opinion was rude and to assure them that I'm happy and healthy the way I am. When I've gotten the "You're too skinny" from coworkers or acquaintances, I've just said "No, I'm not" and moved on. Not their business.4
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It's been my experience overall that people's comments like that are a reflection of what they think of themselves. Maybe some people are feeling inadequate about themselves because you've done something they haven't, or in the case of the friend who's 10 lbs. lighter, maybe she's losing a secret sense of superiority.10
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"So the anorexic look is in this year huh?" said my sister when she saw me a few months ago. That hurt...I am not gonna lie. I now know that her statement said more about her than me. She is not happy with herself so she attacked me. I still get rude comments and I have been told that since I lost weight I have become too sensitive. My come back now is "have I done something to upset you?" This catches everyone off guard and all of sudden everyone wants to make nice. LOL23
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Ugh. I've got a family gathering coming up in a few months, and I feel like I need to wear a sign that says "Please don't comment on my body". My family loves to comment that I'm too skinny even though I'm not. I'm 5' 4" and 125 pounds, which is actually about an ideal weight. They think I'm trying to lose weight because I watch what I eat and I work out, they don't understand that is what I do to maintain and be fit.6
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I've heard this alot over the past four years since I lost the weight I wanted to, and I just laugh it off. Yes, I am at the lower end of the healthy weight range for my height. That doesn't make me unhealthy. Yes, I want to look this way and I love being active and challenging my body physically. Tracking calories and being fit and lean is not the same as being too skinny. Anyone who feels the need to comment about someone else's body is likely doing it for reasons completely unrelated to YOU.4
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When people say they are concerned about my health, I want to ask them why they weren't concerned about me when I was obese.31
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I'm close to your size, and I hear it sometimes, too. It doesn't make me question my perception of myself, though. I like what I see when I look in the mirror, as does my boyfriend.
Most of the people who say those things to me are overweight or trying to lose weight themselves, so that could have something to do with it.5 -
I've received comments from some people, they say things like oh she can't eat this or that she's on a diet. My response to the comments are this is a lifestlye change for me(I don't do diets. Some people feel insecure about themeselves and feel like they have to say something bad to you to make themeselves feel good . What others think or say about me don't affect me I feel much healther and have lot's more energy. Keep up the great work you look great.
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Yeah, I get that too. It's odd cause people never said I was too skinny when I maintained at 3 kg lighter for most of my adult life...
Just ignore "the concern" and say you feel fine and healthy. Sometimes people say stupid stuff not out of malice, but ignorance. Getting worked up over it... is it worth it ?0 -
People in my life are always very happy to hear I'm bulking so I'll no longer weird them out with my chest striations and vascular arms, yes, seriously. We fit freaks are pretty much the minority nowadays. When you look different than others or have different goals, sometimes people (even those that are close and love you) will not understand your aims.
I love running races. I love being lean and light and having good times and hitting PR's!! It's hard and lonely sometimes not having people who understand our addictions. They worry that we'll get injured or whatnot. They will make comments, but they will also learn to accept that this is who you are now. Show them runners magazines and teach them about how people who run/lift to compete, look different than those who are only hobby joggers.
It feels good to not be a lemming of society. No having to care about fitting in anymore, you realize you never will now, LOL, so why bother. Constantly working towards something, higher mileage, heavier lifts, better race times, which can't be bought/paid for through anything but hard work and dedication is a great way to live! Let them talk, enjoy yourself, be happy doing what you do, but be responsible about your training/health. Watch for red flags and meditate. It helps. 8 -
I get it a lot. Could care less, usually just laugh at them . Most of the time I eat almost double than they do lol.5
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When someone said that to me (no for a long time), I smiled. I loved it. I am also 5'4" and weighed 125 lbs. I knew I wasn't underweight. It was a huge compliment.
I can't hardly wait for day to come again.4 -
I had this happen about 15 years ago... when I was busy raising little kids..
I truly did not know " I looked to thin" till I was told this... so when I got home I weighted myself (back in the days I did not have to think about a scale/weight). I was underweight, went to doctor and had thyroid trouble. removed it.
Now I am trying to lose the extra pound put ON from the ordeal.
But you obviously are aware of "what you weigh". Maybe just a kind... " I am in the normal range".0 -
Actually, some people are too skinny and should stop losing weight...a lot depends on build and body structure. Unfortunately, people don't really understand BMI to well and a lot of people just look at the range and say, "but hey...that's healthy...I'm at the low end of the range." When in reality, that weight is inappropriate for their actual structure.
I for one would look like skeletor at the low end of a "healthy" BMI...and I would have to torch quite a bit of muscle to get there as well.
I take comments like, "hey...you look great, you don't need to lose anymore." as the compliments they are...people don't need to know that I'm only trying to lose a bit of fat to make a couple abs pop.
If someone actually was like, "dude...you're getting too "skinny"...that would definitely give me some pause and I'd probably want to at least do an assessment of things. A lot of people have body dysphoria and may be "too skinny", but they don't know it because they don't see their body's correctly.6 -
Taking progress photos also helps, so you can see the changes for yourself. I've still got some old photos (this is from before smart phones being invented) from when I was only running all the time and way too thin, I wasn't being real with myself. I looked worse at a lower weight in those photos than now at a heavier healthier weight. So just be real to yourself, make sure you don't go off the deep end. The deep end sucks. I've been there and decided to start living a balanced life again.2
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When people say they are concerned about my health, I want to ask them why they weren't concerned about me when I was obese.
Exactly! People are starting to notice the difference in me after having lost 20 pounds (10 since joining MFP) and say that there is no way I could lose another 40 pounds (yes, I can, and will be curvy, not skinny!). I love your line, and will steal it from now on when people make comments on my weight loss!6 -
Pay more attention to the people who don't say a word. You know, the hot guy or gal in the coffee shop or market who sneaks a peek and smiles.5
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I'm no where near maintaining,I'm in fact still losing, but comments like the "you're too fat" or "I don't date fat girls" when I was 125lbs are why my self esteem was and part of why it still is so low. I think one of the best comments I've heard in retort to those people is "Thank you for your concern, but I am happy the way I am" or "Thank you for your concern, but I live my life in a healthy way for myself and I'm fine with how I look"2
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As someone who was significantly underweight from birth to age 18, I heard "You're too skinny!" and "Eat a cheeseburger!" a lot. My favorite was when people tried to say I was anorexic. My reply was usually something along the lines of, "Anorexics eat over 2500 calories?"
I was naturally thin and petite. I was a competitive gymnast and cheerleader for over 10 years. That was just how I was built.
When someone comments on your weight, simply tell them "thank you for your concern but my doctor assures me I'm healthy as can be." That will usually shut them up.
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You should reply "...since you brought it up, you're definitely too fat for your height and you really don't look that healthy. Maybe you should lay off the donuts and move your fat *kitten* once in a while and you could lose a few pounds too."
Yeah, I know you wouldn't actually say that out loud, but it's probably what you're thinking to yourself.
Just respond that your weight for your height is about what it should be and you like the way you look now better than when you were overweight. That effectively says the same thing you're thinking, but in a polite way.6 -
I get similar comments quite often, and I do in fact believe it's hard for people to adjust to change when they have become accustomed to a certain look. I just get tickled every time someone says something about me being too thin because I'm not even at my goal weight yet. Technically, I'm still overweight. Surprisingly to me, I think I hear the comments more from men, which is really strange to me. For example, my male colleague, who I rarely talk to, told me just this morning that I didn't need to lose anymore weight. He told me that men (He apparently knows what every man in the world wants.) like to have something to hold on to, and I was going to be all bones pretty soon. I laughed it off because HE is not my husband, and I know for a fact that my husband is not complaining one bit about my transforming body.
Those comments only motivate me more to reach my goal.2 -
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