For a Fat girl, I'm a fox! (apparently.)???

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KrysKiss87
KrysKiss87 Posts: 124 Member
edited March 2015 in Motivation and Support
I was walking into work this morning and as per the norm, I ended up having to share the elevator with the good looking Lab tech that works on the floor below me. We usually get to work about the same time, so inevitably we end up sharing the elevator. It's almost become part of my morning ritual. Only Today was different.

I shuffle onto the elevator followed shortly by handsome lab guy. The doors slide shut and we start our ascent. Suddenly out of the blue he turns to me and says "Listen, I've been wanting to say something for awhile now but hadn't worked up the nerve. I wanted to know if you would let me take you to coffee sometime. I find you very pretty for a big girl and I think you are really attractive."

Say what?

Though I am flattered that this handsome gentlemen was attracted to my milkshake which does in fact bring all the boys to the yard,(because I'm hella sexy yo) I had to decline.

First things first. I am VERY happily married. I even wear a shiny ring that is an obvious statement of the fact that I am taken, Unavailable, Kitchen is closed. No soup for you.

Secondly, if by some chance I was not married, in what universe would this statement actually make me want to go out with you? Maybe the poor guy didn't know what he was saying, maybe he didn't realize that "pretty for a big girl" is not, in fact, a compliment.

Correct me if I'm wrong, because maybe I'm taking this to heart more than I should, but pointing out the fact that I'm a "big girl" (Which, thanks genius I already knew that) even after a compliment, is a surefire way to make me immediately not find you attractive. "Pretty for a big girl" is like saying "Hey there, I don't think you are sexy in general, but if I have to settle for less than I really want, you aint so bad!"

Why can't I be just pretty? Why can't someone find me attractive in general instead of itemizing me in a list of a particular body type. I am not at all ashamed of how I look, but to try and "Compliment" me by saying I'm not typically pretty, but for a fat girl I'm a fox..... Not really beneficial to my self esteem. Although I appreciate the compliment, pointing out my weight issue right after is kind of lame.

So in conclusion, Handsome Lab guy is kind of a jerk. Or maybe just really socially awkward.

Am I looking at this in completely the wrong way?

I don't really care about the opinion of some random guy because I am married to one who loves me for who I am and I am completely head over heels for him. But for some reason this whole thing just got under my skin.

Comments? questions? Snide remarks?


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Replies

  • kristen6350
    kristen6350 Posts: 1,094 Member
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    Boys are so dumb.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    You got hit on by the handsome lab guy! Score!
    Then he had to open his mouth and ruin it all.
    Kind of like seeing Tom Cruise for the first time loose without his publicist. It ruined his movies for me.
    latest?cb=20050710142417
  • Altagracia220
    Altagracia220 Posts: 876 Member
    edited March 2015
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    I would feel the same way you do. What an idiot. He probably thought you had no confidence or you had self esteem issues and that you'd go out with the first male to look your way. Obviously wrong.
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
    edited March 2015
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    Yeah.

    He COULD have said "You're pretty and I think you're really attractive." But he didn't. He intentionally added the words "...for a big girl."

    So what he actually meant was, "fat girls are ugly, but you're not too bad!"

    I don't understand why guys think negs work on intelligent, well-adjusted women. They don't. They just show us how juvenile and socially stunted you are.

  • KrysKiss87
    KrysKiss87 Posts: 124 Member
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    emdeesea wrote: »
    Yeah.

    He COULD have said "You're pretty and I think you're really attractive." But he didn't. He added the words "...for a big girl."

    So what he actually meant was, "fat girls are ugly, but you're not too bad!"

    I don't understand why guys think negs work on intelligent, well-adjusted women. They don't. They just show us how juvenile and socially stunted you are.

    ^^^Truth^^^ I appreciated the compliment, but the negative connotation right afterwards was like throwing a bucketful of water on a cat right after feeding it a bowl of fresh tuna.
  • Dragn77
    Dragn77 Posts: 810 Member
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    Thats a backhanded compliment if I ever heard one... Reminds me of those "dating coach" guys, the slimey ones, who teach this stuff...to give a compliment and then take it back "That dress looks hot on you... My grandmother has curtains that look like that"

    Yeah, you're not over reacting, hot lab guy would be jerk lab guy after that LoL Maybe hes just clueless yeah, but...thats a bit much.
  • WickedPineapple
    WickedPineapple Posts: 701 Member
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    Yeah, telling someone they're attractive *in spite of something else* is not really a compliment. I'm curious, what did you say to him?
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
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    Dragn77 wrote: »
    Thats a backhanded compliment if I ever heard one... Reminds me of those "dating coach" guys, the slimey ones, who teach this stuff...to give a compliment and then take it back "That dress looks hot on you... My grandmother has curtains that look like that"

    Yeah, you're not over reacting, hot lab guy would be jerk lab guy after that LoL Maybe hes just clueless yeah, but...thats a bit much.

    Definitely Pick Up Artists tactics. They're for guys who lack personality.

    And if it's because he's just stupid, well, that's his problem. At some point he should learn how to speak to other people without being an *kitten*.

  • KrysKiss87
    KrysKiss87 Posts: 124 Member
    edited March 2015
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    WickedPineapple wrote: »
    Yeah, telling someone they're attractive *in spite of something else* is not really a compliment. I'm curious, what did you say to him?

    I flashed him my rings and politely told him that I am married and though I appreciated that he "got the nerve" to say something I would have to pass. He said that was a major bummer and my husband is a lucky guy. Which was kinda nice... i guess....
  • AbsoluteTara79
    AbsoluteTara79 Posts: 266 Member
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    My guess is that he didn't intend for it to come out the way he did. People say stupid *kitten* sometimes- especially when nervous around a pretty gal.
  • techgal128
    techgal128 Posts: 719 Member
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    He honestly sounds socially awkward to me. Especially if he's been holding back saying something to you for awhile. I'd take the (partial) compliment and go with it.
  • girlviernes
    girlviernes Posts: 2,402 Member
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    Probably really finds you attractive and then on top of that either a) socially inept b) not yet totally comfortable with seeing himself as someone who can like bigger girls since that is not socially rewarded c) trying pickup artist tactics or some combo of all of the above. Definitely does not have game!!
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    From a single guy, the ring on some women mean absolutely nothing.
    "I find you very pretty for a big girl and I think you are really attractive."

    This should never be said together. Now why some men say this crap is mind boggling to me?

    Why can't she be pretty for a Girl?

  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
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    techgal128 wrote: »
    He honestly sounds socially awkward to me. Especially if he's been holding back saying something to you for awhile. I'd take the (partial) compliment and go with it.

    This +1. You can choose what you want to make of it and id just be taking the positives from it. In any event I wouldnt dwell or waste any energy on it.
  • Pupslice
    Pupslice Posts: 213 Member
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    Sounds like he was negging you, tbh.
  • peachyfuzzle
    peachyfuzzle Posts: 1,122 Member
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    I don't think most females understand exactly how scary it can be to ask someone out (because our society deems that it is nearly always the male who has to take the lead in courtship), and how that fear will nearly always force you to put your foot in your mouth when you finally work up the courage to do so. This is exponentially more true relative to one's own social awkwardness.

    It sounds to me like he meant to say something completely different, and it came out extraordinarily wrong.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    peachyfuzzle wrote: »
    I don't think most females understand exactly how scary it can be to ask someone out (because our society deems that it is nearly always the male who has to take the lead in courtship), and how that fear will nearly always force you to put your foot in your mouth when you finally work up the courage to do so. This is exponentially more true relative to one's own social awkwardness.

    It sounds to me like he meant to say something completely different, and it came out extraordinarily wrong.

    Yeah it was hard asking out women when I was 14. Not since I turned 18 LOL.
  • DayByDayGetStronger
    DayByDayGetStronger Posts: 108 Member
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    The biggest back-handed compliment a person can get. Ugghh. The other favorite is "you have such a pretty face, now if you could just lose the weight". My goal is to NEVER hear this ever again!
  • peachyfuzzle
    peachyfuzzle Posts: 1,122 Member
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    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    peachyfuzzle wrote: »
    I don't think most females understand exactly how scary it can be to ask someone out (because our society deems that it is nearly always the male who has to take the lead in courtship), and how that fear will nearly always force you to put your foot in your mouth when you finally work up the courage to do so. This is exponentially more true relative to one's own social awkwardness.

    It sounds to me like he meant to say something completely different, and it came out extraordinarily wrong.

    Yeah it was hard asking out women when I was 14. Not since I turned 18 LOL.

    I'm 32, have been through dozens of relationships since the age of 18, and still have issues courting women. You might not have any social hindrances, but a lot of people do.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    peachyfuzzle wrote: »
    I don't think most females understand exactly how scary it can be to ask someone out (because our society deems that it is nearly always the male who has to take the lead in courtship), and how that fear will nearly always force you to put your foot in your mouth when you finally work up the courage to do so. This is exponentially more true relative to one's own social awkwardness.

    It sounds to me like he meant to say something completely different, and it came out extraordinarily wrong.

    having walked into a shop- grabbed a a sharpie and straight up wrote my number on the I liked guys hand- yeah- I know "how scary" it can be.- it's not.

    it's not that scary. worst she says is no- okay- worst she says is no you're ugly go away... so what- we are judged constantly as fkable pieces of meat- EVERY DAY. Our value is based on how good we might be at having sex.


    Get over yourselves- we aren't that intimidating- we are just people- stop putting us on some dias and just strike up a damn conversation.

    OP- guy is a douche- even if a socially awkward- unknowing douche. Should have told him way to shoot himself in the foot on that one.

    You're beautiful just the way you are.

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