For a Fat girl, I'm a fox! (apparently.)???
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partly I want to say he is an *kitten*, but I kinda feel for him too, I say stupid *kitten* when I am nervous too
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KrysKiss87 wrote: »
Just thought I'd lighten up the mood a little. mmmm bananas.
This made me laugh harder than I think it should have!0 -
from the OP's account.. it sounded to me like ... YOU'RE pretty BUT you're fat... and because YOU are.. you should actually consider my offer because even IF you are married.. an offer like this does NOT come along often.. 'cause.. like.. YOU are fat...
I personally agree with a poster above me who suggested that confidence above all things is a major attraction for men... I personally have dated women from 4-11 and 90 lbs.. to 5-11 and 280+ blonde, brunette, red... their only commonality is they all carried themselves with confidence...0 -
That guy is a douche canoe! You should've kicked him in his nutsack!0
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I would'a said;
Hey beautiful....
I need to confess to you that for me there is only one truth: I´m very interested in dating you. I've seen you in this elevator quite a few times and now I just worked up the nerve to say something. I wanna be happy and able to proclaim to all the world that I´ve got the most gorgeous and polite girl in this office bldg and that she´s my beloved friend, and my hope to, maybe, one day be, my girlfriend.0 -
this is the story of my life.
"omg you're gorgeous for a big girl"
"arent you the cutest chubby thing?"
"Big girls always have the prettiest faces"
no.
bye.
have several seats.
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AbsoluteTara79 wrote: »My guess is that he didn't intend for it to come out the way he did. People say stupid *kitten* sometimes- especially when nervous around a pretty gal.
That's the truth. My husband even finally told me "if I say something to you and there's two ways you can take it - the way that isn't negative is how I meant it." By nature I'm a defensive person (and I have self esteem issues) so I always assume there's a hidden negative meaning to everything.
I remember one time a few years ago I was waiting for the train and a random stranger was sitting next to me striking up a conversation. He looked old enough to be my grandfather and as we're talking he comes out and says "if you lost 10 pounds you would look good in a bathing suit." Seriously?!
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Im happily in a relationship but I never get hit on by guys where I live ( South Jersey / Philly area) But I be killin em in New York and down South. It never fails. my boyfriend is from Brooklyn so.....
Anybody else have similar experiences with geographical location?0 -
I will never understand how people find that offensive. to me, it just means that he isn't usually attracted to big girls, but you are so attractive to him, that now he is. Nothing wrong with that. In fact, I think it's a great thing. I love to hear it.0
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zambodiare wrote: »I'm guessing bad social skills...BUT..this reminds me of an old co-worker of mine. He's an attractive, tall and skinny dude. We became friends and he immediately began hitting on me. The issue...he admittedly only likes, "big girls". I think part of me went, "okay, so you only want to rumble in my jungle because my *kitten* is a landing strip for commercial airways?!". Didn't work for me. Like me because I'm awesome, not because you like more cushion for your pushin'.
You are implying that a person can't have a preference. My husband liked curvy women which is why he thought my body was awesome. I prefer men on the thicker side, built but not The Terminator. I have dated skinny guys despite I don't find skinny to be my ideal. Seriously, it seems ridiculus to say a man can't prefer a bigger girl. Maybe he wants something to grab a hold of. Maybe he likes the way a woman's curves look. maybe he simply finds bigger girls beautiful in general. I would hate it if everyone only wanted slender girls. The women in my family would be single forever, LOL.
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I read this post last night and somehow it stuck with me. I absolutely don't blame you for feeling crappy about his comment. It was a lousy "compliment." But from your original post and your update, I don't think he's a douche. Like many women have said, men put their foot in their mouths a LOT--even nice men.
So, if you can, try to look back at the incident as a cute but way awkward guy hitting on you, if only because it'll make your future elevator rides less uncomfortable, and, cuz you're hella sexy, yo.0 -
JessieLMay wrote: »I will never understand how people find that offensive. to me, it just means that he isn't usually attracted to big girls, but you are so attractive to him, that now he is. Nothing wrong with that. In fact, I think it's a great thing. I love to hear it.
Really?
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The biggest back-handed compliment a person can get. Ugghh. The other favorite is "you have such a pretty face, now if you could just lose the weight". My goal is to NEVER hear this ever again!
I have been told many times "you have a beautiful face". My thoughts were, what about the rest of me?!? Then my other favorite is "maybe we can hookup on the DL". LOL I hope to never hear this again, either.0 -
The biggest back-handed compliment a person can get. Ugghh. The other favorite is "you have such a pretty face, now if you could just lose the weight". My goal is to NEVER hear this ever again!
I have been told many times "you have a beautiful face". My thoughts were, what about the rest of me?!?.
See now, that I consider a nice compliment and I think it sounds like your perception is a bit distorted. If you hear "Your eyes are so deep it makes me dizzy to look into them", would you think "Oh, so my nose must be uggly then?".
Being told your face is beautiful has nothing demeaning or condescending about it, it just means that person was impressed with your features. If there is "but...," at the end of the compliment (like the implied "but" in the case OP described), then that's another kettle of fish.
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I would'a said;
Hey beautiful....
I need to confess to you that for me there is only one truth: I´m very interested in dating you. I've seen you in this elevator quite a few times and now I just worked up the nerve to say something. I wanna be happy and able to proclaim to all the world that I´ve got the most gorgeous and polite girl in this office bldg and that she´s my beloved friend, and my hope to, maybe, one day be, my girlfriend.
Hopefully she works on at least the 7th floor of the building...
...because you're going to need some time to say all that.0 -
One of my friends (he's African-American) went to a job interview. The interviewer (who was Caucasian) told him he 'speaks very well.'
Telling someone "she's pretty for a big girl" sort of reminds me of that. Not exactly a compliment and doesn't say much about the person giving it either.0 -
Sigh...sounds like he really did mean well, but....for a lab tech he's not very smart. At least not socially. I would have been offended. But oh well...*shrugs* Cute guy is crushing on you, and you're already taken..so I guess no harm done. 0
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Uugh. Whether he meant well or not, it would have pissed me off, too. I've been told I have a nice body "for a mom".0
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Maybe he read that nasty piece of literature "The Game". It's called negging, and apparently it works on some girls....
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This reminded me of the time some dude from high school said "you look great since you lost weight. Too bad your boobs are small now."
..some people are socially awkward. I am, for sure. Some are just jerks..like dude from high school. I wasn't there so I can't tell which you've encountered. But yay..you're pretty!0 -
Wiseandcurious wrote: »The biggest back-handed compliment a person can get. Ugghh. The other favorite is "you have such a pretty face, now if you could just lose the weight". My goal is to NEVER hear this ever again!
I have been told many times "you have a beautiful face". My thoughts were, what about the rest of me?!?.
See now, that I consider a nice compliment and I think it sounds like your perception is a bit distorted. If you hear "Your eyes are so deep it makes me dizzy to look into them", would you think "Oh, so my nose must be uggly then?".
Being told your face is beautiful has nothing demeaning or condescending about it, it just means that person was impressed with your features. If there is "but...," at the end of the compliment (like the implied "but" in the case OP described), then that's another kettle of fish.
I'm going to chime in here....when a guy says "you have a beautiful face" that usually means he's picking out a feature he can compliment without having to fake it.
Unless "beautiful face" is followed in short order by "beautiful X and beautiful Y and beautiful Z"....yeah, it's a subtle avoidance of the other parts of you.
Sorry! :drinker:
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He fumbled the ball after making the impossible catch... I'm one of those guys! I probably would have said the exact same thing... only it would have made you feel worse, and it wouldn't even be CLOSE to what I really meant to convey. He was nervous and hadn't rehearsed a GOOD complementary pickup line, and blurted something out that sounded okay to him, but was ultimately an insult. Take his second complement to heart, "He said that was a major bummer and my husband is a lucky guy." I think you should have coffee with him, but make sure it's clear that you're just friends/co-workers.0
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Wiseandcurious wrote: »The biggest back-handed compliment a person can get. Ugghh. The other favorite is "you have such a pretty face, now if you could just lose the weight". My goal is to NEVER hear this ever again!
I have been told many times "you have a beautiful face". My thoughts were, what about the rest of me?!?.
See now, that I consider a nice compliment and I think it sounds like your perception is a bit distorted. If you hear "Your eyes are so deep it makes me dizzy to look into them", would you think "Oh, so my nose must be uggly then?".
Being told your face is beautiful has nothing demeaning or condescending about it, it just means that person was impressed with your features. If there is "but...," at the end of the compliment (like the implied "but" in the case OP described), then that's another kettle of fish.
I'm going to chime in here....when a guy says "you have a beautiful face" that usually means he's picking out a feature he can compliment without having to fake it.
Unless "beautiful face" is followed in short order by "beautiful X and beautiful Y and beautiful Z"....yeah, it's a subtle avoidance of the other parts of you.
Sorry! :drinker:
"A" guy... Which guy? Seriously, even if he was picking up a feature that he can complement without faking, that's what all humans do, all the time, not just in romantic relationships either. If I compliment you in your running, it doesn't mean your swimming sucks, it just mean that I personally, at this specific moment, sincerely appreciate your running and your swimming might suck or I might be incompetent to appreciate it or whatever. And if you know your running is good/your face is beautiful, it doesn't feel like a forced compliment at all.
Of course assuming it is a compliment and not a pick-up line, and those are so easy to see through it's laughable... But without context, I assumed the lady I quoted was talking about compliments.
Oh and a final thought... In many cultures, including the one I come from, a man may compliment a woman on her face/hair/voice/achievements etc but would only compliment her body if he is already in a very advanced stage of flirtation with her. Not everything revolves around American values. In some places "your face is beautiful" is the expected compliment and "your body is so hot" is not.
Btw sorry if the spelling is atrocious, but too tired to check it.0 -
He fumbled the ball after making the impossible catch... I'm one of those guys! I probably would have said the exact same thing... only it would have made you feel worse, and it wouldn't even be CLOSE to what I really meant to convey. He was nervous and hadn't rehearsed a GOOD complementary pickup line, and blurted something out that sounded okay to him, but was ultimately an insult. Take his second complement to heart, "He said that was a major bummer and my husband is a lucky guy." I think you should have coffee with him, but make sure it's clear that you're just friends/co-workers.
I agree with this except for the last part. Probably best not to try to escalate this work relationship with a guy who possibly made a pass at you despite knowing you were married.0 -
LOL, I'm definitely not trying that with my cat.KrysKiss87 wrote: »
Indeed. I've had similar "compliments" myself and have used a variety of responses. A recent one was "I thought you were quite attractive until you said that" (not one of my more sensitive moments)Yeah.
He COULD have said "You're pretty and I think you're really attractive." But he didn't. He added the words "...for a big girl."
So what he actually meant was, "fat girls are ugly, but you're not too bad!"
I don't understand why guys think negs work on intelligent, well-adjusted women. They don't. They just show us how juvenile and socially stunted you are.
^^^Truth^^^ I appreciated the compliment, but the negative connotation right afterwards was like throwing a bucketful of water on a cat right after feeding it a bowl of fresh tuna.
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One of my friends (he's African-American) went to a job interview. The interviewer (who was Caucasian) told him he 'speaks very well.'
Telling someone "she's pretty for a big girl" sort of reminds me of that. Not exactly a compliment and doesn't say much about the person giving it either.
Without really knowing the context, I don't think there's anything wrong with someone acknowledging another person's manner of speaking. In my experience being well spoken has nothing to do with skin colour. Some people simply make more of an effort to speak clearly, or expand their vocabulary beyond local slang interspersed with swearing.
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I'm a guy and I'll be he first to agree that we can be idiots! I try to keep my foot out of my mouth, but I will admit that I do know the taste of shoe leather from time-to-time.kristen6350 wrote: »Boys are so dumb.
That being said, some of us have evolved to the point where we realize we're average looking guys and we'd rather hang out with an average looking lady with a great personality than a drop-dead gorgeous Barbie-doll who is a self-centered pain in the you-know-where. What many of us tend to forget is that most of us are not exactly the perfect specimen of masculinity, so physical beauty is a two-way street.0 -
sjadev1108 wrote: »Ahhhh should've been quicker and said "you're really cute too, for a moron"
This was my initial thought, too! haha... but I also would not have said it out loud.
Any time a man has ever complimented me with the "for a big girl" qualifier (or, "I really like big girls" as though I'm some kind of fetish for them), they are immediately written off in my mind. If my weight comes up in a date proposal, it's a guaranteed decline... no matter how cute you are.
I have had this very same thing happen to me several times in my life. From "you have a very pretty face" to "you're gorgeous, for a big girl" to "wow, I've never been attracted to a woman with your body type before... I'm so confused right now", "you don't carry yourself like a big girl"... and on, and on. Story of my life!
I do try to take the compliments as compliments, though. I hear what they are trying to say - which is that I'm beautiful and they are attracted to me. So, my advice?? Be flattered. Feel sexy!! Let yourself hear the compliment.
I know it was backhanded, and you can let yourself hear "for a big girl" ringing over and over... or you can choose to hear what he meant to say: you're beautiful.
Congrats on gettin' some attention - at work no less 0 -
I've never heard the "you're ok for a fat dude" thing. My case is a little different. I have burn scars on my face (left side if you look at this picture carefully). I've gotten everything from "I felt bad about my acne until I met you" to "I never notice it." Uh, yeah.0
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"You're pretty too, for an ahole."0
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