For a Fat girl, I'm a fox! (apparently.)???
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Wiseandcurious wrote: »The biggest back-handed compliment a person can get. Ugghh. The other favorite is "you have such a pretty face, now if you could just lose the weight". My goal is to NEVER hear this ever again!
I have been told many times "you have a beautiful face". My thoughts were, what about the rest of me?!?.
See now, that I consider a nice compliment and I think it sounds like your perception is a bit distorted. If you hear "Your eyes are so deep it makes me dizzy to look into them", would you think "Oh, so my nose must be uggly then?".
Being told your face is beautiful has nothing demeaning or condescending about it, it just means that person was impressed with your features. If there is "but...," at the end of the compliment (like the implied "but" in the case OP described), then that's another kettle of fish.
I'm going to chime in here....when a guy says "you have a beautiful face" that usually means he's picking out a feature he can compliment without having to fake it.
Unless "beautiful face" is followed in short order by "beautiful X and beautiful Y and beautiful Z"....yeah, it's a subtle avoidance of the other parts of you.
Sorry! :drinker:
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He fumbled the ball after making the impossible catch... I'm one of those guys! I probably would have said the exact same thing... only it would have made you feel worse, and it wouldn't even be CLOSE to what I really meant to convey. He was nervous and hadn't rehearsed a GOOD complementary pickup line, and blurted something out that sounded okay to him, but was ultimately an insult. Take his second complement to heart, "He said that was a major bummer and my husband is a lucky guy." I think you should have coffee with him, but make sure it's clear that you're just friends/co-workers.0
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Wiseandcurious wrote: »The biggest back-handed compliment a person can get. Ugghh. The other favorite is "you have such a pretty face, now if you could just lose the weight". My goal is to NEVER hear this ever again!
I have been told many times "you have a beautiful face". My thoughts were, what about the rest of me?!?.
See now, that I consider a nice compliment and I think it sounds like your perception is a bit distorted. If you hear "Your eyes are so deep it makes me dizzy to look into them", would you think "Oh, so my nose must be uggly then?".
Being told your face is beautiful has nothing demeaning or condescending about it, it just means that person was impressed with your features. If there is "but...," at the end of the compliment (like the implied "but" in the case OP described), then that's another kettle of fish.
I'm going to chime in here....when a guy says "you have a beautiful face" that usually means he's picking out a feature he can compliment without having to fake it.
Unless "beautiful face" is followed in short order by "beautiful X and beautiful Y and beautiful Z"....yeah, it's a subtle avoidance of the other parts of you.
Sorry! :drinker:
"A" guy... Which guy?
Seriously, even if he was picking up a feature that he can complement without faking, that's what all humans do, all the time, not just in romantic relationships either. If I compliment you in your running, it doesn't mean your swimming sucks, it just mean that I personally, at this specific moment, sincerely appreciate your running and your swimming might suck or I might be incompetent to appreciate it or whatever. And if you know your running is good/your face is beautiful, it doesn't feel like a forced compliment at all.
Of course assuming it is a compliment and not a pick-up line, and those are so easy to see through it's laughable... But without context, I assumed the lady I quoted was talking about compliments.
Oh and a final thought... In many cultures, including the one I come from, a man may compliment a woman on her face/hair/voice/achievements etc but would only compliment her body if he is already in a very advanced stage of flirtation with her. Not everything revolves around American values. In some places "your face is beautiful" is the expected compliment and "your body is so hot" is not.
Btw sorry if the spelling is atrocious, but too tired to check it.0 -
He fumbled the ball after making the impossible catch... I'm one of those guys! I probably would have said the exact same thing... only it would have made you feel worse, and it wouldn't even be CLOSE to what I really meant to convey. He was nervous and hadn't rehearsed a GOOD complementary pickup line, and blurted something out that sounded okay to him, but was ultimately an insult. Take his second complement to heart, "He said that was a major bummer and my husband is a lucky guy." I think you should have coffee with him, but make sure it's clear that you're just friends/co-workers.
I agree with this except for the last part. Probably best not to try to escalate this work relationship with a guy who possibly made a pass at you despite knowing you were married.0 -
LOL, I'm definitely not trying that with my cat.KrysKiss87 wrote: »
Indeed. I've had similar "compliments" myself and have used a variety of responses. A recent one was "I thought you were quite attractive until you said that" (not one of my more sensitive moments)Yeah.
He COULD have said "You're pretty and I think you're really attractive." But he didn't. He added the words "...for a big girl."
So what he actually meant was, "fat girls are ugly, but you're not too bad!"
I don't understand why guys think negs work on intelligent, well-adjusted women. They don't. They just show us how juvenile and socially stunted you are.
^^^Truth^^^ I appreciated the compliment, but the negative connotation right afterwards was like throwing a bucketful of water on a cat right after feeding it a bowl of fresh tuna.
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One of my friends (he's African-American) went to a job interview. The interviewer (who was Caucasian) told him he 'speaks very well.'
Telling someone "she's pretty for a big girl" sort of reminds me of that. Not exactly a compliment and doesn't say much about the person giving it either.
Without really knowing the context, I don't think there's anything wrong with someone acknowledging another person's manner of speaking. In my experience being well spoken has nothing to do with skin colour. Some people simply make more of an effort to speak clearly, or expand their vocabulary beyond local slang interspersed with swearing.
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I'm a guy and I'll be he first to agree that we can be idiots! I try to keep my foot out of my mouth, but I will admit that I do know the taste of shoe leather from time-to-time.kristen6350 wrote: »Boys are so dumb.
That being said, some of us have evolved to the point where we realize we're average looking guys and we'd rather hang out with an average looking lady with a great personality than a drop-dead gorgeous Barbie-doll who is a self-centered pain in the you-know-where. What many of us tend to forget is that most of us are not exactly the perfect specimen of masculinity, so physical beauty is a two-way street.0 -
sjadev1108 wrote: »Ahhhh should've been quicker and said "you're really cute too, for a moron"
This was my initial thought, too! haha... but I also would not have said it out loud.
Any time a man has ever complimented me with the "for a big girl" qualifier (or, "I really like big girls" as though I'm some kind of fetish for them), they are immediately written off in my mind. If my weight comes up in a date proposal, it's a guaranteed decline... no matter how cute you are.
I have had this very same thing happen to me several times in my life. From "you have a very pretty face" to "you're gorgeous, for a big girl" to "wow, I've never been attracted to a woman with your body type before... I'm so confused right now", "you don't carry yourself like a big girl"... and on, and on. Story of my life!
I do try to take the compliments as compliments, though. I hear what they are trying to say - which is that I'm beautiful and they are attracted to me. So, my advice?? Be flattered. Feel sexy!! Let yourself hear the compliment.
I know it was backhanded, and you can let yourself hear "for a big girl" ringing over and over... or you can choose to hear what he meant to say: you're beautiful.
Congrats on gettin' some attention - at work no less 0 -
I've never heard the "you're ok for a fat dude" thing. My case is a little different. I have burn scars on my face (left side if you look at this picture carefully). I've gotten everything from "I felt bad about my acne until I met you" to "I never notice it." Uh, yeah.0
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"You're pretty too, for an ahole."0
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He fumbled the ball after making the impossible catch... I'm one of those guys! I probably would have said the exact same thing... only it would have made you feel worse, and it wouldn't even be CLOSE to what I really meant to convey. He was nervous and hadn't rehearsed a GOOD complementary pickup line, and blurted something out that sounded okay to him, but was ultimately an insult. Take his second complement to heart, "He said that was a major bummer and my husband is a lucky guy." I think you should have coffee with him, but make sure it's clear that you're just friends/co-workers.
Rehearsed pickup lines LOL? Very bad mistake. No need for pickup lines to talk to opposite.
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My take is that he probably didn't intend to be offensive. He was probably really nervous and it came out like that.0
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tonyflemings wrote: »My take is that he probably didn't intend to be offensive. He was probably really nervous and it came out like that.
This was my thought, too. He probably meant to compliment you without realizing his comment was a little insenstive. He might have gone home that night, thought over the conversation, and smacked a hand to his face in embarrassment.
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FluffySandwich wrote: »tonyflemings wrote: »My take is that he probably didn't intend to be offensive. He was probably really nervous and it came out like that.
This was my thought, too. He probably meant to compliment you without realizing his comment was a little insenstive. He might have gone home that night, thought over the conversation, and smacked a hand to his face in embarrassment.
We can hope that is what he was feeling. But what I want to know is how did lab guy not see the ring before?
Did he check?
Did he care?
I am at the age now were people can be married and my age so I will look feel do whatever I got to do to see if the ring of block is on the correct finger. People are stupid and fail to put it on the correct finger sometimes.
Also there has been married women who will give out there number or just take it off. I remember a funny quote that a lady told me which was
Me: are you married. ( I was playing with her ring)
her: Oh this little thing. (takes ring off and puts it away)
Did I feel sorry for the guy? Nope. It was an interesting situation.0 -
I know what you mean. I get "you look good for your age". Could do without the "for your age"0
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For a big girl? Really? You should have asked him what exactly he was trying to say. I personally would have said, "You are handsome, for an *kitten*."0
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Sounds like he is trying but doesn't know what to do, wouldn't it be nice if he didn't do that to the next girl he asked out. Sounds like YOU should take HIM for coffee, and responsibly educate him on manners.0
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My ex was stick-thin and really underweight, and I was a 300+ pound woman. When he first introduced me to his sister she said "you two look like Laurel and Hardy" to which he replied "You're just jealous" and we all laughed and proceeded to have a fun evening. It initially took me by surprise because even though my weight was not an issue I wasn't used to hearing such a direct comment, I was more surprised than offended. During that evening I got to know her more, a woman who just blurts whatever passes through her mind. It was entertaining as hell and I loved that about her. Judging someone based on one sentence is almost as unfair as judging someone based on appearance.0
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KrysKiss87 wrote: »"Listen, I've been wanting to say something for awhile now but hadn't worked up the nerve. I wanted to know if you would let me take you to coffee sometime. I find you very pretty for a big girl and I think you are really attractive."
No.
I'm sure he meant it as a compliment, but No.
You need a man who loves you AND your big body.... not despite it!
He has bought into the fact that women are supposed to look like the girls in magazines... instead of what they actually do (SIZE 14 is average everyone!)
You are a beautiful woman. PERIOD.
Not dispite your size, not besides your size. BEAUTIFUL.
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