Help! Decided to go vegetarian but my husband hates veggies!
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You're both entitled to eat what you want and people make this a bigger deal than it has to be. Therefore, cook your own foods. He can get his own, it won't hurt him.
Equal division of the labour. If he was currently doing a task that you weren't but you were doing all the cooking - split both of those in half. That way, the extra work won't hurt him since it's the same amount of work over all.0 -
Start looking on pinterest for ideas. I know I have a whole board dedicated to the days I want to rock a meat-free day.
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LoupGarouTFTs wrote: »FTR, [sic] and it helps not one. single. animal.
lol, the most dumbed down rational to continue to eat animals. doesn't help animals, ha ha.
Why the [sic], since it's an accepted abbreviation for "for the record?" [sic] is used to identify an error that someone else has made, which now appears in a quote.
As to being a "dumbed down" argument . . . well . . . yeah. The "ethical" argument that going vegetarian/vegan helps animals is pretty ridiculous, when you come right down to it. Want to help animals? Make their living conditions better. Ensure quick, safe slaughter that is as painless as possible. For Heaven's sake, raise your own if you're that concerned about the living conditions. However, veganism/vegetarianism is about control over what you eat and what others eat and has nothing to do with making one animal the slightest bit more comfortable.
If the OP wants to eat vegetarian meals, that is fine. She should not expect her husband to follow suit or try to "trick" him into eating vegetarian meals. She should not expect him to cook for himself based on her decision, if she has previously done the cooking for the family. I think the idea of her cooking meals to which meat can be added last is a good idea, though, and having their own halves of a pizza or similar meals is probably fine.
I believe the average omnivore eats 7,000 animals in their life. Those who profit from animal agriculture will not breed animals in excess of what they think they can use -- animal agriculture has the same laws of supply and demand as any other business. If people stop buying animal products, the demand will go down. This is not an important consideration for those who don't object to animal agriculture, but for those of us with concerns, it is a very important consideration.
You're saying that buying products from animals that are quickly slaughtered will create a change, but refusing to give money to animal slaughter at all will not? Why does the first create a change and the second none? Refusing to buy something can also create an impact.
Either our consumption choices have the potential to create change or they don't. You can't have it both ways.
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I am on the boat of "why does he need to be vegetarian, too?"
I am also pretty shocked at the number of people upset that she may choose not to cook his meals. In this day and age, many families have two working adults. I don't see how it's her job to cook for him if it's not something that she will eat herself. It is not "screwed up" or that she "should not expect him to cook for himself." Taking care of yourself is YOUR responsibility. That also means that someone else has the responsibility of taking care of themselves and that his well being cannot be put on her shoulders.
This is different if the agreement is that she cooks and he perhaps cleans the house. In every relationship there are roles that we choose to fill and delegate. However, even these can be flexible, they just need to be discussed and agreed on if one partner wishes them to change.
In my home it works like this: I eat vegetarian and my husband doesn't. However, since I do the cooking at home, he eats mostly vegetarian at home. I do the grocery shopping and he does the laundry. If he puts meat on the grocery list, I will buy it for him, but I don't like to cook it. Because he doesn't love to cook, he almost never puts meat on the list and instead eats it when we go out. I would never force him into my choices, but I also feel that a perk to being vegetarian is not handling raw meat. He seems quite happy with our arrangement and knows that I support his food choices no matter what they may be. We talk about the recipes I've made so I know if it's a hit and I should make it again or if it's a flop and perhaps I'll scratch that one off the list. We usually agree on which ones are great and which ones aren't, which is really convenient!0 -
A VERY sensible answer.PeachyPlum wrote: »Make stuff where the meat goes in last.
Make chili and brown the beef separately. Split the batch, add beef to half.
Make pad Thai. Top his with stir fry chicken.
This isn't all that hard.
OP, forcing someone to into an eating preference isn't cool. If that's what you want to do, then do it, but don't enforce it on him. Should he make his own meals? I believe both should be cooking, but don't be shocked if he starts ordering out to eat.
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janejellyroll wrote: »LoupGarouTFTs wrote: »FTR, [sic] and it helps not one. single. animal.
lol, the most dumbed down rational to continue to eat animals. doesn't help animals, ha ha.
Why the [sic], since it's an accepted abbreviation for "for the record?" [sic] is used to identify an error that someone else has made, which now appears in a quote.
As to being a "dumbed down" argument . . . well . . . yeah. The "ethical" argument that going vegetarian/vegan helps animals is pretty ridiculous, when you come right down to it. Want to help animals? Make their living conditions better. Ensure quick, safe slaughter that is as painless as possible. For Heaven's sake, raise your own if you're that concerned about the living conditions. However, veganism/vegetarianism is about control over what you eat and what others eat and has nothing to do with making one animal the slightest bit more comfortable.
If the OP wants to eat vegetarian meals, that is fine. She should not expect her husband to follow suit or try to "trick" him into eating vegetarian meals. She should not expect him to cook for himself based on her decision, if she has previously done the cooking for the family. I think the idea of her cooking meals to which meat can be added last is a good idea, though, and having their own halves of a pizza or similar meals is probably fine.
I believe the average omnivore eats 7,000 animals in their life. Those who profit from animal agriculture will not breed animals in excess of what they think they can use -- animal agriculture has the same laws of supply and demand as any other business. If people stop buying animal products, the demand will go down. This is not an important consideration for those who don't object to animal agriculture, but for those of us with concerns, it is a very important consideration.
You're saying that buying products from animals that are quickly slaughtered will create a change, but refusing to give money to animal slaughter at all will not? Why does the first create a change and the second none? Refusing to buy something can also create an impact.
Either our consumption choices have the potential to create change or they don't. You can't have it both ways.
This thread is not about veganism. However, it's interesting to see that your argument is that you "help" animals by not allowing them to be born in the first place. I'm trying to wrap my head around the "I love animals so I don't want them born" concept. Veganism and, to a lesser extent, vegetarianism is about control over what you eat. It's obvious, in this thread, that it's an accepted thing because a lot of people seem to think that the primary cook should have a "my way or the highway" approach to cooking.
To respond to the person that was surprised at the responses being received saying that he should not have to cook: she is, apparently, the primary cook. Apparently, she has been doing that voluntarily and plans to continue in that capacity. MY perspective is that, regardless of her being the primary cook, he should not have to adapt to a lifestyle decision that *she* made and that she apparently expects to carry over into his life. He didn't "sign on" with a vegetarian wife and he should not have to "support" her need to control her food by giving in to her demands to control his food choices, too. Her decisions, her changes. Not his.0 -
LoupGarouTFTs wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »LoupGarouTFTs wrote: »FTR, [sic] and it helps not one. single. animal.
lol, the most dumbed down rational to continue to eat animals. doesn't help animals, ha ha.
Why the [sic], since it's an accepted abbreviation for "for the record?" [sic] is used to identify an error that someone else has made, which now appears in a quote.
As to being a "dumbed down" argument . . . well . . . yeah. The "ethical" argument that going vegetarian/vegan helps animals is pretty ridiculous, when you come right down to it. Want to help animals? Make their living conditions better. Ensure quick, safe slaughter that is as painless as possible. For Heaven's sake, raise your own if you're that concerned about the living conditions. However, veganism/vegetarianism is about control over what you eat and what others eat and has nothing to do with making one animal the slightest bit more comfortable.
If the OP wants to eat vegetarian meals, that is fine. She should not expect her husband to follow suit or try to "trick" him into eating vegetarian meals. She should not expect him to cook for himself based on her decision, if she has previously done the cooking for the family. I think the idea of her cooking meals to which meat can be added last is a good idea, though, and having their own halves of a pizza or similar meals is probably fine.
I believe the average omnivore eats 7,000 animals in their life. Those who profit from animal agriculture will not breed animals in excess of what they think they can use -- animal agriculture has the same laws of supply and demand as any other business. If people stop buying animal products, the demand will go down. This is not an important consideration for those who don't object to animal agriculture, but for those of us with concerns, it is a very important consideration.
You're saying that buying products from animals that are quickly slaughtered will create a change, but refusing to give money to animal slaughter at all will not? Why does the first create a change and the second none? Refusing to buy something can also create an impact.
Either our consumption choices have the potential to create change or they don't. You can't have it both ways.
This thread is not about veganism. However, it's interesting to see that your argument is that you "help" animals by not allowing them to be born in the first place. I'm trying to wrap my head around the "I love animals so I don't want them born" concept. Veganism and, to a lesser extent, vegetarianism is about control over what you eat. It's obvious, in this thread, that it's an accepted thing because a lot of people seem to think that the primary cook should have a "my way or the highway" approach to cooking.
To respond to the person that was surprised at the responses being received saying that he should not have to cook: she is, apparently, the primary cook. Apparently, she has been doing that voluntarily and plans to continue in that capacity. MY perspective is that, regardless of her being the primary cook, he should not have to adapt to a lifestyle decision that *she* made and that she apparently expects to carry over into his life. He didn't "sign on" with a vegetarian wife and he should not have to "support" her need to control her food by giving in to her demands to control his food choices, too. Her decisions, her changes. Not his.
Not all vegans base their decision on a "love" for animals, by the way. This may be why you are having trouble understanding the motivation for it. Veganism is not about control over food, it's an ethical position on animal exploitation. Since food is a major source of animal exploitation, it can often come across that way to those less familiar with veganism, however. If you'd like to discuss it more, we certainly can -- I understand that it can be difficult to wrap your head around when you first consider it, acceptance of animal exploitation is certainly deeply rooted in our thought patterns.
I don't think she is trying to control his food choices. There's no indication in the OP that she is trying to do that. I think she is trying to figure out how to navigate this change while disrupting their current food routine as little as possible. If she does feel a need to control him, that would be a whole different issue.0 -
xmusicloverr wrote: »Lol guess he's gonna have to learn how to cook.
I wonder how you would feel if you were in that situation, you come how from work and find your husband ready to eat dinner but he made himself dinner and nothing for you because you're now a vegetarian. Everyone gets to sit down and eat but you have to go make yourself dinner. Would you be okay with that?
Amen!0 -
I'd be fully willing to give up being the primary cook. I enjoy cooking and would be happy to cook just for myself. I cook for my husband and myself because I know he doesn't love to cook and it's just as easy for me to make more. If he wanted to cook for himself or for the both of us, that would be totally cool.0
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xmusicloverr wrote: »Lol guess he's gonna have to learn how to cook.
I wonder how you would feel if you were in that situation, you come how from work and find your husband ready to eat dinner but he made himself dinner and nothing for you because you're now a vegetarian. Everyone gets to sit down and eat but you have to go make yourself dinner. Would you be okay with that?
^^^This.
I wonder how many people of the "guess he'll just have to learn how to cook" and "If he doesn't eat what you cook, it's on him" understand this whole marriage thing is supposed to be based on teamwork and communication.0 -
tell him to make his own damn food then0
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xmusicloverr wrote: »Lol guess he's gonna have to learn how to cook.
I wonder how you would feel if you were in that situation, you come how from work and find your husband ready to eat dinner but he made himself dinner and nothing for you because you're now a vegetarian. Everyone gets to sit down and eat but you have to go make yourself dinner. Would you be okay with that?
^^^This.
I wonder how many people of the "guess he'll just have to learn how to cook" and "If he doesn't eat what you cook, it's on him" understand this whole marriage thing is supposed to be based on teamwork and communication.
In fact, the Hubster does most (like at least 95%) of the cooking in our house. When I told him I wanted to be a vegetarian, he was cool with it. At the time, we were pretty broke, so on top of my reasons, we had some monetary motivation to cut back as well (chicken is cheap but he doesn't feel like he's good at it). My food choices are on me and he is choosing to mostly follow suit. He does usually have some sort of meat when we go out to eat and it's really no big deal.
The point being we discussed it and no one is making choices that they feel like they have to; we're supporting and communicating. It's a weird concept.
To the OP: I would recommend the Thug Kitchen cookbook or website. The recipes are vegan, but the cookbook organizes recipes by ingredient in the back and it's pretty clear where you could easily swap meat and meatless options (tempeh and ground beef, for example). The reason I mention the index by ingredients is that it could make it easier for you and/or your husband to pick recipes that has things he enjoys. It does a lot of swearing, so if that makes you uncomfortable, ignore this.
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I don't think OP, or any of us who have said "he's on his own" are proposing to not feed the husband at all, nor am I suggesting to go ahead and make a change in the household without discussion. However, if after said discussion I refused to eat what was being cooked, that's my issue because:xmusicloverr wrote: »Lol guess he's gonna have to learn how to cook.
I wonder how you would feel if you were in that situation, you come how from work and find your husband ready to eat dinner but he made himself dinner and nothing for you because you're now a vegetarian. Everyone gets to sit down and eat but you have to go make yourself dinner. Would you be okay with that?
a) someone is cooking me a home made meal for which I should be grateful; and
b) it's vegetarian, not something weird and exotic or disgusting.
If OP has chosen to go veg for whatever reason and hubby still wants to eat meat, can he not throw a chicken breast on the BBQ for himself and add it to whatever veg meal has been prepared? Call me crazy, but can't a grown man learn to work around this quite easily and everyone in the family get what they need?
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I'm on the "if you cook the meals, you need to be accommodating" side. If I just stopped cooking for my BF because I changed my food preferences, I feel like that would be disrespectful. I wouldn't want him to do that to me. I did the gluten free/paleo thing for a long time. The only time he got a too-bad so sad type answer from me was when I'd make gluten free pasta. He doesn't like it as much as regular pasta, but I wasn't going to cook two pots of it (especially because he only mentioned that it wasn't as good - not that he disliked it so much that he didn't want to eat it). All other meals, I made sure that he had a good starch to go with our meal. I still made my kids sandwiches because it kept them full and healthy.
I think finding a good compromise is the key. You could (once a week or so) cook up a big portion of chicken, ground beef, etc. that you keep in the fridge. Then you can heat it up and add it to the rest of your meal. When I know I'm going to have a crazy week, I precook almost all of our meat, so I can just toss it in a pan and eat.
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When I did this with my husband - I was vegetarian for 2 years due to severe stomach issues that needed to be worked out. We would plan ahead for the week and he would pick out stuff that he wanted and I would pick out meals and he would say, I'll eat this, I'll eat that, and then on the days he didn't want to eat what I planned I would usually put the meat in the oven so that it would be ready for him.
However, he also would make his own meals if he didn't like what was prepared. He'd cook a ton of chicken up on the weekend and then just heat it up when he needed to for dinner. I wasn't going to be making two dinners just because he didn't like what was cooked because I physically couldn't eat meat. Thankfully he was supportive of this and we managed to figure out a way where he would still eat some of what I made even as a side to his 'chicken' or pasta dish.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »Not all vegans base their decision on a "love" for animals, by the way. This may be why you are having trouble understanding the motivation for it. Veganism is not about control over food, it's an ethical position on animal exploitation. Since food is a major source of animal exploitation, it can often come across that way to those less familiar with veganism, however. If you'd like to discuss it more, we certainly can -- I understand that it can be difficult to wrap your head around when you first consider it, acceptance of animal exploitation is certainly deeply rooted in our thought patterns.
I don't think she is trying to control his food choices. There's no indication in the OP that she is trying to do that. I think she is trying to figure out how to navigate this change while disrupting their current food routine as little as possible. If she does feel a need to control him, that would be a whole different issue.
Thank you for confirming that animal rights has nothing to do with a love of animals. But no, trot out the "exploitation" word and you've lost me. I don't have time for animal rights twaddle.
If I were the husband, after all these suggestions of letting him cook for himself, letting him cook his own meat, cooking a portion of meat that is supposed to feed him for a week or whatever, I'd be looking for someone else who shared my values and my lifestyle. Meals are a social thing in families. I don't feel sociable with someone who is making a value judgment on what I decide to eat. It's another matter when, as another person posted, there was a real medical issue that prevented her from eating meat.0 -
It's disheartening that you two are passing up on so many amazing foods. Meat and veggies are where it's at.0
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